


Top of the World

by Homeo (Wherefore_art_thou_Homeo)



Series: Top of the World + Extras [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asexual Character, Bisexual Character, Chronic Pain, College AU, Domestic Violence - one very brief scene, Explicit Language, Injury, M/M, Negative Thoughts, No Sex, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Sports Photographer Noya, Suicidal Thoughts - literally like 3 sentences
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-14
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-04-09 07:45:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 119,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4339919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wherefore_art_thou_Homeo/pseuds/Homeo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Noya is a sports photographer who can't stand watching volleyball. So far, he's managed to avoid attending volleyball games at the local college, but one day the only other member of his department is out sick, so he has to take on the job. He does so reluctantly, and drags himself to the game without the intention of paying any sort of attention at all - he'll just snap a few pictures, get a quote from the team captain, and then get out and never come back.</p>
<p>Once he's at the game, though, he lays eyes on a perfectly good reason to stick around in the form of Asahi Azumane, the team's star player. He's immediately fascinated by Asahi; he wants to meet the guy, get to know him a little, and then... well, to be completely honest, Noya kind of just wants to bang him. A lot. </p>
<p>But of course, stuff like this rarely goes Noya's way, and this time is no exception.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Happy Idiot

“Hey – Noya, sorry to push this one on you,” Ennoshita said.

Noya looked up at his supervisor and shrugged, and then turned his attention back to his camera. He was fiddling uselessly with the dials, really just trying to distract himself more than anything else.

“Look – if you really, really don't want to, I can get somebody else to –”

“No,” Noya sighed. “Nah, I can do it. Don't bug the other departments about this. I'll do it.”

“I just…” Ennoshita said. “I know you don't like volleyball.”

It sounded so stupid when he put it like that.

Noya shook his head and set the camera down. “Really. It's fine. It's no big deal,” he said. “It just one game, right?”

“Narita will be back to work by the next one, yes,” Ennoshita replied.

“All right. I'll take it.”

Ennoshita smiled. “Thanks, Noya,” he said. “The game starts at six. Better get there early, watch the teams warming up and everything. You know. Anyway – if you see Suga there, tell him I said hey.”

“Yep,” Noya answered as Ennoshita turned to leave the room. Once he was gone, Noya slouched down in his chair and groaned.

He should have known this would happen.

He spun his chair around in a circle, glowering at the walls, and then sat up, pulled out his phone, and started tapping out a text.

 

> Ryu, bud – got a game to go to tonight. @ the college, 6pm. Volleyball. Tell Saeko not to wait up with dinner, I'll get some on the way home.

 

He didn't have to wait long for a reply.

 

>> Volleyball?? wow. Ok. Any way you can steal an extra press badge for me?

> …You want to go?

>> Yeah! I miss volleyball, man.

> Ok. I'll get you Narita's.

>> Nice. I'll meet you there.

> K.

 

Noya put his phone back in his pocket and looked up at the clock. He had half an hour to kill before he had to start walking to the college.

He sighed again, blowing his bangs up out of his eyes.

Whatever. Just one game. Snap some photos, get a couple of quotes from the players, come back to the office, hand it off to Ennoshita, see it one more time in the morning paper, end of story.

He could deal.

\- - -

Noya arrived at the college half an hour before the game was due to start. Already, people were filing in.

He found Ryu standing in the courtyard, about halfway across the campus. He waved as Noya approached, and smiled.

“Volleyball game, huh?” Ryu asked, catching the press badge Noya tossed to him. “Haven't been to one of those in a while.”

“Yeah, well.” Noya said, leading the way towards the gym. “It's pretty boring, so I usually make Narita take them. But he's sick right now, so.”

“Boring, huh,” Ryu laughed. “Okay.”

Noya changed the subject quickly. “You got here early,” he observed.

“Saeko drives like a maniac. You know.”

“Let's get in and sit down. My feet are bugging me.”

They pushed their way through the crowd in front of the gym doors, showing press badges to the people taking money, who nodded and let them through.

“Nice – sideline seats,” Ryu muttered once they found their seats in the press section, picking up a program and flipping through it. “Steal badges for me more often.”

Noya sank down onto a chair and grimaced a little as he straightened out his legs. Once he was settled, he turned his attention to the players, dressed in blue and black, darting around the side of the court closest to them.

The team looked pretty good this year. There were some freshmen on the team, too, which was a little surprising. There was a tiny kid with bright orange hair who had the highest jump Noya had ever seen. A tall, black-haired kid stuck close beside him; they cooperated like clockwork.

“Numbers nine and ten,” Noya said. “Did you see that spike?”

“Yeah. Shit, that's ridiculous. How the hell do they do that?”

The rest of the team seemed to be mostly made up of sophomores. They were all well-built, and synchronized well. Noya wasn't really looking at the players, though. Really, he was looking anywhere but at the players.

This hadn't been a good idea.

“…Nishinoya?” called a familiar voice. “ _You're_ here?”

Noya looked around and found a gray-haired young man sliding into the seat on his right.

“Suga,” he said. “Uh. Yeah, yeah, I'm taking over for Narita.”

“I thought you didn't like volleyball,” Suga said.

“I don't,” Noya replied. “Really. Nobody else could do this today.”

Suga smiled at him. “I'm glad you made it out,” he said. “It's good to see you.”

“You too. Hey, this is my friend Ryu. I don't know if you've met him.”

Ryu leaned around Noya to shake hands with Suga. Noya introduced them, and almost immediately they struck up a conversation about the team and its prospects. Noya regretted sitting in the middle. Suga knew a lot about the subject, seeing as he was dating the team captain and was himself the captain of the school's volleyball club. Ryu had an endless amount of excitement about it as well. Noya could see they were going to get along great.

The captain – Daichi – broke away from the group just before the game was due to start and jogged over to where they sat. He leaned over to kiss Suga on the forehead, and then looked over at Noya and Ryu.

“Noya,” he said, surprised. “Nice to see you.”

“You too,” Noya replied tiredly. “Good luck today. I'll grab one of your players for a comment after the game, if that's cool.”

“I actually have to run, like, right after the game,” he said. “But if you want you can talk to the vice captain. He's number two, over there. His name's Maeda.”

“Thanks, yeah,” Noya said as the whistle blew.

“Get out there,” Suga smiled, kissing Daichi's cheek quickly before pushing him towards the court.

The players lined up. Not surprisingly, Daichi was a starter, along with nine and ten. Along with them, numbers five, six, and three stepped onto the court.

Three caught his eye. Noya didn't really mean to stare, but he did anyway.

He was _tall_ , and looked strong. He had long brown hair, which he kept tied back in a loose bun, and a short, stubbly beard.

Noya looked away from him quickly and looked over the rest of the team's members. _Jesus Christ, Noya,_ he grumbled at himself.

Noya stood up and turned his camera on as the two teams turned to face the press section. He snapped a quick picture – trying his hardest not to put number three in the center – and then sat back down.

The game began about a minute later. Noya watched the game – or, rather, he watched number three. He tried not to make this obvious, but he sometimes missed critical plays this way – plays that Suga and Ryu, on either side of him, got really, _really_ excited about, and tried to talk to Noya about, and demanded to know if he'd gotten a picture. And he had to say no. Eventually, he tore his eyes away from three and took a couple of actually relevant pictures, if only so they'd stop bothering him.

He couldn't help but watch the way three moved. He had a lot of control over himself, and a lot of power; not a motion was wasted. He put so much energy into spiking the ball that Noya was pretty sure it would pop every time it hit the floor.

_No, dammit. You're supposed to take pictures of the game, not him._

At half-time, the players switched sides and Noya couldn't see three as easily. Which was a good thing, actually. Three matched almost all of Noya's criteria for _Really Fucking Attractive_ , so it was best that he stay a little bit farther away. Even as it was, most of the fifty or so pictures he'd already taken were of three.

Noya leaned back in his seat and put his hands behind his head. Suga had gotten up to talk to Daichi, so Noya and Ryu were alone.

“So, Ryu,” he murmured. “What can you tell me about number three over there?”

Ryu snorted. “Is _that_ what you've been staring at all this time?” he demanded.

“Shut up. You understand.”

“I do understand, you completely useless bisexual. But sweet Jesus, focus on your job.”

“You have a program. Tell me about him.”

Ryu sighed and shook his head, resigned, as he opened his program to the lineup. He squinted at it for a second, and then found the name.

“He's… Asahi Azumane, junior, twenty-one years old – _six foot fucking four,_ damn, Yuu, you can pick 'em.”

“He's _twenty-one?_ ” Noya demanded, looking Azumane over once more. “He looks about six years older than that, at least.”

“I'll agree with that,” Ryu replied. “You're – what are you, five five?”

“Five _six_ ,” Noya snapped.

“So he's almost a foot taller than you. You'd come up to about his shoulder. How the hell would that even work.”

“Ssh, don't try to make sense with me,” Noya said, taking out his camera again and snapping a picture that was – mostly – of the rest of the team, through the net.

Ryu shook his head slowly. “You are truly out of control,” he said.

“I'm aware. Also I'm getting that guy's number tonight.”

“Knock yourself out.”

\- - -

Azumane's team won. Of course they did.

It was an early game in the season, so the celebration in the crowd was short-lived, and people started filing out quickly. This made it far easier for Noya to squeeze through to the court. He made it to the players before they had a chance to leave.

Azumane was standing near the back corner, talking to the orange-haired kid, who was enthusiastically bouncing around and screeching unintelligibly.

Noya made his way past the other players without so much as a glance, focused on him completely.

“Hey – Noya,” Daichi called, taking hold of his arm and pulling him to a stop.

Quite irritated, Noya looked over at him. Number two – Maeda – stood behind him.

“Oh,” Noya said. “There you are.”

“Blew right past us,” Daichi laughed. “Anyway – Maeda, this is Nishinoya. He works for the paper. I guess he wants to ask you a few questions about the team, or…?”

“Yeah,” Noya said. “Yeah – it won't take long.”

He asked all the standard questions and got all the standard answers: the team was doing great, they practiced at least three times a week, the new players were all strong and had a lot of potential, etc., etc. Noya had probably done a hundred college games in the last couple of years. He knew the drill. He could probably even write a column about this game without even talking to Maeda.

“And – your number three, Azumane,” Noya said, pulling the conversation in a direction he found more interesting, nodding over at him. “He scored a lot tonight.”

“He did. He did a really good job,” Maeda replied. “I think he probably scored half our points.”

“Twenty out of fifty-two,” Noya said. “Solid.”

“Twenty? Shit.”

“Yep. Hey, you mind if I go talk to him?”

“Go right ahead. Um. I'll come with you, and introduce you.”

Noya raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Yeah, okay.”

He followed Maeda over. Azumane turned around as they approached. He glanced at Noya only briefly before looking to Maeda.

“Asahi, this is – uh –”

“Nishinoya,” Noya said, sticking out a hand for him to shake. “I work with the paper.”

“Oh,” Azumane said, and his voice was way, _way_ softer than Noya had thought possible. He took Noya's hand and shook it a few times. His hand was sweaty. “Good to meet you.”

The orange-haired kid poked his head out from behind Azumane.

“Oh – and that's Hinata,” Maeda said, gesturing to him. “One of our freshmen. Great player.”

Noya shook hands with Hinata as well. Hinata pumped his arm energetically and then bounded away, after the black-haired number nine, as he entered the locker room.

“Anyway,” Noya smiled, turning back to Azumane. “I was wondering if you had anything to say about the game tonight?”

“Oh, uh,” Azumane said, looking at the floor. “I. Uh. I think we did really well.”

“Well, yeah. But you scored almost half your team's points. That's ridiculous.”

“Did I?” he mumbled.

“Yeah! That's incredible. You're a great player.”

Azumane smiled. “Thank you,” he said. It was hard to tell, because he was still pink in the face from playing, but Noya could have sworn he blushed a little.

Noya couldn't believe this. He was _shy_ , too.

They stood there in silence for a moment. Maeda had walked away at some point, leaving them alone. Noya thought quickly for something to keep the conversation going. After a second or two, he found it.

“Oh, hey, you know,” he interjected, just as Asahi was looking like he was about to say he had to go.

“Hm?”

“The paper – we do these local player features sometimes, you know? We do an interview, write a column about the player, and it goes in the sports section. You've probably seen those?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Yeah – Daichi got one of those a year ago.”

“Yeah! So – hey, you haven't gotten one yet, have you?”

“No.”

“Would you want to do an interview?”

Azumane's eyebrows jumped up his forehead. “You… want me to do one?” he asked. “Really?”

“Yes, definitely,” Noya grinned. “You're a really strong player, and you've been with the team a while. I'd like to meet up with you and talk about – well, volleyball. 'N shit. You know.”

Azumane laughed a little. “Yeah,” he said. “Well – yeah! Yeah, I could do that. Um… Should we come up with a time now, or…?”

“I'll give you my number and you can call me with a time that works?” Noya asked.

“Sure,” Azumane smiled. “Yeah. Thank you!”

Noya reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card, handing it to him. Azumane looked at it – he bit his lip while he did so – and then nodded, smiling at Noya again.

“All right,” he said. “Thanks again.”

“See you soon,” Noya said brightly.

The two of them parted, and Noya hurried back over to the sidelines, where Ryu was waiting with a knowing expression on his face.

Noya's face broke into a full grin as he reached his best friend.

“How'd it go?” Ryu asked.

“I've got him signed up for an interview,” Noya replied.

“Is that what they're calling it now?”

“No, literally, an interview. I'm gonna talk to him and then write an article about how great he is.”

“Taking it slow on this one, huh?”

“Only because I have to,” Noya said. “Like – _god_ , he's attractive. I'd like to get with that immediately, thank you very much.”

“Keep it in your damn pants, we're in public,” Ryu groaned.

“I'll do my best,” Noya said.

They left the gym, stepping out into the warm August air. They made their way out to the parking lot, where Saeko was already waiting, the car idling.

“SHOTGUN,” Ryu bellowed as soon as the car was in sight.

“How old are you?” Noya demanded, but didn't put up a fight.

He climbed into the backseat. Saeko put the car in gear and turned out of the parking lot.

“How'd the game go?” she asked them.

“Well, we won,” Ryu said, getting straight to the point. “And Yuu found the next guy he's gonna bang.”

“Oh my god,” Noya said.

“I'm not wrong.”

“True.”

Saeko laughed. “Just wait until me and Ryu aren't at home, okay, bud?” she said. “So – the game went pretty well for _you_ , huh?”

“I think I like volleyball again,” he replied.

“But – seriously, Yuu, are there any pictures on your camera right now that _aren't_ of Azumane?” Ryu asked.

“Uh. Probably. Maybe.”

“Maybe.”

“I got at least one group shot. We don't need much more than that.”

Saeko shook her head. “Have fun explaining that to your boss,” she said.

“You know what, I think he'll understand. Even a straight guy can appreciate this one.”

She laughed a little more. “I'm glad you had a good time, Yuu,” she said. “You really seemed bored during the last couple of weeks. See, what are you talking about – you don't hate volleyball.”

“Yeah,” Noya said. “Yeah, it's not so bad.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANYWAY yeah that's that. 
> 
> So, this work - I've outlined it, so I have a general idea of where it's going. Still, I'm going to get more of it written out before I post more, because I want to be able to post it regularly, at around a chapter a week. I'll talk more about that on my blog - tagged i-homeostasis/tagged/totw-updates.
> 
> For those of you who read my last long fic - first of all god bless your indestructible souls - did you notice the little cameo here? Probably not. You'd have to have read the last chapter really... really... carefully.
> 
> So there'll be a break here, between this chapter and the next. From then on, I hope to be able to post them pretty close together.
> 
> See you! :D


	2. Pumpin Blood

Asahi showered quickly and changed into a t-shirt and sweats. The high from having won the game was wearing off. He wanted to clear out of here as fast as possible.

Asahi made his way towards his locker with a towel draped over his shoulders. The other team members were busy with their bags, getting dressed and chatting about the game and their plans for the evening.

Asahi just wanted to get home and sleep. He was tired, and he was starting to remember all the little things he'd screwed up in the game. This always happened, right after every game, win or lose. It was stupid, and they'd won anyway – by a long shot – but he couldn't really help it.

Daichi clapped Asahi on the shoulder as he approached and grinned up at him.

“Great job out there tonight, bud,” he said. “Made us all proud.”

“Thanks,” Asahi said, shaking his hair back and rubbing the towel on his head. “Yeah, we did really well today.”

“Keep that up and we'll definitely make it to nationals this year.”

Asahi made a noncommittal noise.

Daichi leaned against the lockers as Asahi opened his own. After a moment, Daichi asked, “So… what did Nishinoya want with you?”

“Nishi –?”

Asahi remembered the business card. He picked up off the bench – where he'd set it down absently – and looked at it. “Oh. Uh, he wanted to do an interview.”

“Interview, huh,” Daichi laughed.

Asahi looked over at him, puzzled. “Yeah, he, uh – he said he wanted to feature me. Is there something wrong with –”

“No, no, definitely – you deserve that feature, you do. And I know Noya will go through with it.” Daichi laughed again, shaking his head a little this time. “I just can't help but wonder if that's _all_ he's after.”

“…What do you mean?”

“I wonder if he's changed at all since high school,” Daichi mused, more to himself than to Asahi. “Haven't really heard much from him in a while.”

Asahi frowned at him, expecting an explanation, but none came. Instead, Daichi merely grinned and slapped him on the back.

“Welp, you have a good time at that interview,” Daichi said. “And if Noya gets out of line at all, just tell me and I'll smack him around for you.”

“What –?”

Before Asahi could finish speaking, however, Hinata bounced over and completely derailed all hope of conversation.

Once Hinata ran out of steam – which took a very long time – Daichi had moved on to somebody else, and Asahi had completely forgotten about what he'd said.

The locker room door opened again and Suga poked his head in. “Asahi, Daichi,” he called out. “You ready to head home?”

“Yep,” Daichi said back. “Asahi?”

Asahi nodded and picked up his bag, making sure that Noya's business card was still in it. Once he'd done so, he followed Daichi and Suga out of the locker room. They started towards the parking lot, talking as they went.

“You guys want to go for dinner or something?” Suga asked. “You deserve it.”

“All I really want to do right now is _sleep_ ,” Daichi said.

“Me too,” Asahi said. “Let's just get home.”

The three of them got into the car and Suga started it up. Daichi leaned back in his seat and sighed.

“You were sitting with Noya, right, Kou?” he asked.

“Yep,” Suga replied.

“How's he doing?”

“Pretty good, it looked like."

"And he had Tanaka with him. Man, wish he'd stuck around. I would have liked to say hi to him; I haven't really talked to him in about a year."

“Hey, Asahi,” Suga said over his shoulder. “What'd Noya want with you after the game? I saw you talking to him.”

“Oh. Uh,” Asahi began, but Daichi interrupted him.

“Hitting on him, probably,” Daichi said.

“Ohhh,” Suga laughed. “I thought so.”

“He wanted to interview me for the paper,” Asahi protested. “He gave me his number so we could schedule one.”

“Okay, Asahi,” Daichi laughed. “Just let us know if there's ever a second interview.”

\- - -

The first thing Asahi did when they got home was stagger up the stairs to his room and collapse on his bed. He wasn't even hungry. He was just tired, and he needed to sleep soon; there was practice at eight the next morning. They'd probably take it pretty easy, given that they'd just played a game, but still, he needed to rest.

He couldn't seem to do it right away, though. He was too busy thinking over the game.

He'd made some pretty silly mistakes. Dumb little footwork errors, which, looking back, he wasn't even sure if he'd had any control over; he'd underestimated the speed of the blockers a few times, and forced Maeda to dive a couple of times to save the point when the ball bounced back; he had neglected to go after the ball a couple of times, even when it was coming closer to him than anybody else, because he'd assumed somebody else would take care of it… He'd almost run over Hinata. Height was an advantage in volleyball, but most of the time Asahi wished he hadn't had that final growth spurt a couple of years ago. Six feet was tall enough. He'd been awkward enough then.

Asahi took the business card out of his bag and stared at it. He squinted at the name of the local newspaper, as though he were trying to detect a forgery.

He didn't really think he'd done well enough during this game – or any game prior – to deserve a feature in the paper. He felt like that reporter must have made a mistake. Or maybe he was joking.

But he'd never spoken to Noya before. He'd never even seen him, and Noya had never seen him play before tonight.

And one of the first things Noya had said was that he was a great player.

Asahi rolled off his bed and set the card down on his desk. He stared at it again.

Should he even bother calling and arranging the interview? Putting aside the fact that he didn't even like talking on the phone in the first place…

Noya must not have seen many good players, if he thought Asahi was among them.

Asahi took a deep breath and closed his eyes, flicking his head back and forth a few times. He knew he shouldn't think like that. He knew it was bad for him. He knew he was a perfectly… okay volleyball player, and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.

But he couldn't help it, especially not when he was this tired and by himself.

He just needed to sleep. He'd feel better in the morning.

He put his hair back in a ponytail so it wouldn't be a tangled mess when he woke up, and flopped back onto his bed.

\- - -

Noya woke up bright and early the next day – six a.m., the earliest he'd woken up in years – and immediately went downstairs for breakfast.

Saeko and Ryu were still asleep. This wasn't exactly unusual. Noya was the only employed person in the house, and his hours varied, so sometimes he was the first one up, and sometimes even left before either of the other two got up.

Noya usually liked to sleep in on days off. Today, though, he had other plans.

He moved around the kitchen, whistling to himself, gathering the materials for a bowl of cereal. He sat down to eat, checking his phone again as he did so.

He heard a shuffling noise as he started reading the news, and looked up. Saeko stood in the doorway to the kitchen, still in her pajamas, rubbing her eyes with one hand.

“Yuu?” she croaked. “You're up already?”

“Yep,” he said.

“You don't have work today, do you?” she asked. “Why… why are you even wearing pants? Why are you up? It's six in the morning on a Saturday? What have you done with Yuu?”

“Why are _you_ up?” Noya retorted. “You're never up before ten.”

“I have a _job interview,_ ” she groaned, sitting down across from him and resting her head on the table, “at the _grocery store._ ”

“Job interview, huh? Is that gonna be… you know…”

“It'll be fine,” she mumbled. “I'm right down the street. Anyway, what are you doing today that requires you to be up so goddamn early?”

“I'm meeting up with Azumane,” Noya replied.

“For that interview?”

“Well, no. I'm gonna go to the school and bug him about that.”

She scowled at him. “Did you at least have the decency to make some coffee, little mister sunshine?”

“Nope,” he replied brightly.

Saeko groaned loudly and shambled over to the cupboard. “You're not gonna make me drive you to the school, are you?” she asked.

“Nah, I was going to walk. Besides, I think it's even less safe than usual to be in a car with you right now,” he teased. “All your hectic driving tendencies aside, you look like you want me dead.”

“Anybody who can be _this_ perky _this_ early in the morning on a _Saturday_ deserves this kind of treatment.”

“I better get going, then,” Noya said.

“You better start running.”

\- - -

Asahi was one of the first ones to get to the gym that morning. He'd taken the keys from Daichi, who'd sleepily told him not to break anything, and walked over there from their house early.

He liked to be alone in the gym for a while before people started showing up. He didn't really like warming up with everyone else around. It was silly, but he didn't care. He liked having the place to himself.

He changed quickly and started stretching. After a few minutes, he dropped to the floor and began doing pushups.

“Hey! Hey, Azumane!”

Asahi started and almost fell over. He quickly sat up on his knees and looked off to his right.

The grate was still pulled down over the gym's archway, and someone was sticking their arm through. Asahi didn't immediately realize who it was – he was about to ask when they spoke again.

“Azumane!” Noya called, waving at him. “Lemme in.”

Asahi stood up and walked over to him. The reporter from last night.

“What, uh – what brings you here?” Asahi asked.

“You,” Noya replied, pulling his arm back to his side of the grate and grinning.

“Uh.”

“Warming up for practice, right? You have really good form.”

“Uh,” Asahi repeated, rubbing the back of his neck. He felt his face getting a little warm. “Thanks?”

“Yep. So, hey, thought any more about that interview?” Noya asked. “Just about any time's good for me. I guess you have school and stuff, though, yeah?”

“Um… Well,” Asahi scratched his head again, glancing down at his shoes. “I'm. I guess I'm free after practice today. I don't really have anything going on.”

“Great!” Noya smiled. “When does your practice get done?”

“Ten,” Asahi replied.

“Would you want to meet up at that coffee place down the street, at around eleven?”

“Oh – sure, yeah. How long do you think it'll take?”

“I don't know. How interesting are you planning on making your answers?”

Asahi shrugged. He was still having trouble looking this guy in the eye. He was just so… alert, and observant. Asahi kind of felt like Noya could see what he was thinking.

“I'm not _that_ interesting,” Asahi said. “I mean. It's volleyball. I play volleyball. I don't have any sort of story to tell. I'm just like all the other players; I go to practice four days a week, I work out most days, I –”'

“Shhh!” Noya said, waving his arms. “Hey, no spoilers.”

“…There's really nothing to spoil,” Asahi frowned, confused. “Really.”

“Oh, come on,” Noya replied. “You're more interesting than that.”

Asahi didn't really have anything to say to that, so he didn't even try. He could see there was no use arguing with him. And in any case, he kind of liked hearing that he seemed interesting.

“So,” Noya prompted, breaking the brief silence. “Eleven. Coffee. We talk about how great you are. Sound good?”

“Sounds good,” Asahi replied, nodding and smiling a little.

Noya grinned back and took a step away from the grate. “I will see you then, Azumane,” he said. “I'm glad we're doing this.”

“Y-yeah,” Asahi said. “Thanks, Nishinoya.”

With that, Noya hurried off. Asahi noticed that his gait was unusual; he seemed to favor his left leg.

He felt a little more at ease with Noya gone. He seemed like an okay guy, but he was just so… energetic, so in-your-face. Asahi wasn't used to people like that. He mostly spent his time around his teammates when at school, and Suga and Daichi otherwise; they were all people he knew pretty well, and who respected his boundaries. Not that Noya was exactly _dis_ respecting his boundaries, but…

Noya was a lot smaller than Asahi, but somehow Asahi had felt very small while around him. To be fair, this happened with most people, but Noya had an especially huge presence.

This was all just so new to him. He'd never been approached by a reporter before. He was still reeling from that.

And, now that he'd slept on the matter, he realized he wasn't even sure if he _wanted_ any sort of recognition. He wasn't sure if he wanted to be pointed out like that. He felt a little queasy whenever he thought about the potentiality of someone he only vaguely knew coming up to him and congratulating him on being in the paper.

Oh well. Hopefully the interview would get done quickly. Hopefully nobody would even notice it.

_You're a great player._

Asahi shook his head and turned back to face the gym.

Mediocre, really. He'd quit for a while in high school. He didn't originally intend to come back, either. The captain had asked him to, several times, and it wasn't until he realized how bored he was without the team that he'd come back.

The captain had said that they needed him, but their win/lose record didn't change at all after he'd returned. He was touted as their best player, but really the only advantage he had was his height. His completely excessive height.

The gym door swung open and Daichi walked in.

“Asahi,” he called out. “You been here long?”

“About fifteen minutes,” Asahi replied.

Daichi squinted at him. “You okay?” he asked. “You look tired.”

Asahi shrugged. “I'm okay. Noya came by just now.”

“Noya was here?” Daichi raised an eyebrow. “What'd he want?”

“Scheduling that interview,” Asahi replied.

Daichi snorted and shook his head. “Eager, isn't he,” he said.

“I guess.”

“When did you decide on?”

“Today. Eleven. After practice.”

“He _is_ eager. Whatever; come on and help me set up the net. The others should be getting here soon.”

Asahi nodded and helped him set up, still wondering what on earth Noya thought he would get out of this interview.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah that one was a little slow. It's also the shortest chapter I've written so far. By a margin of 27 words but whatever. At least I didn't make you wait for it.
> 
> Remember what I said about there being gaps? I've actually written five chapters in the last five days. Which means I'm currently five weeks ahead of you guys. Which gives me a LOT of work time. I can apparently write a chapter of this story in two hours. You might think that it would break down the quality but quite honestly if I took longer you would still get basically the same thing. I'm not rushing; I'm just focusing harder than normal, and it's amounting to a lot more productivity. Honestly it might be lower-quality if I took more time.
> 
> ANYWAY, yeah, it should be Tuesday updates from here on out! I'll try and keep up this crazy productivity streak.
> 
> Shameless plug time. For updates on my progress (and fandom trash blogging), follow my tumblr: i-homeostasis. 
> 
> If you want to use my blog only for fic updates (and my obligatory unfunny commentary), you'll find them in /tagged/totw-updates. There's also a neato little link at the top of my blog labeled 'My writing links' where you can find both that tag and many other links related to my writing. Neat. Don't be afraid to drop me a line. My inbox is always open. :D
> 
> I'mma let you go. See you next Tuesday!


	3. Little Bit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The (not-so-long-awaited) coffee da - interview. Interview. Definitely an interview. Nothing else going on there. Nope. Nothing.

Noya had been waiting in the coffee shop for quite a while when Azumane finally got there. He'd worked his way through three coffees and several scones, and the workers were beginning to seem annoyed with him. There were plenty of other tables open, though, so Noya didn't worry about it too much.

When Azumane got there, it was a few minutes past eleven. Noya looked up when the door opened – not too many people had been coming and going, and he'd pretty much been looking up whenever somebody did – and waved him over, smiling.

Azumane nodded and made his way over. His hair was down, and still a little damp from showering. Hot damn.

“Hey there,” Noya chirped as he sat down across the table. He was tapping his foot uncontrollably. The three coffees had been a mistake. “How are you today?”

Azumane shrugged. “Pretty good, I guess,” he said.

“Great. How was practice today?”

Another shrug. “Pretty good.”

He didn't elaborate. They sat there in silence for a moment, Noya staring at Azumane, Azumane staring at the tabletop, hands clasped together.

Well, if there was one thing this guy wasn't good at, it was holding a conversation.

Noya slapped his palms on the table. Azumane started a little, glanced up at him, and then around the room.

“Coffee,” Noya declared. “Can't do an interview without coffee. C'mon, what would you like? I'm buying.”

“Oh,” Azumane said, glancing up at the menu board on the wall behind the counter. “Uh. I've never really been here before. Um…”

Noya watched him as he examined the menu. He couldn't get over how attractive this guy was. How the hell was he even doing this. It didn't seem possible.

“…I'm actually more of a tea person,” he said after a while. “I'll just have a plain black tea, I guess.”

“All righty then,” Noya chirped, and stood up to go place the order. He was really jittery. He had three coffees in his system. They'd been absolutely filled to the brim with sugar. His weakness. He ordered another one along with Azumane's tea. Might as well make the problem even worse.

He came back a few minutes later with the drinks, and set them down on the table. “Drink up,” he said, taking a huge swig of his own sick-sweet beverage.

Azumane took a sip, recoiled a little, took the lid off his tea and set it aside, watching the steam curl out of it.

“Too hot?” Noya asked.

“Yeah,” Azumane replied. “Burned my tongue.”

Noya's tongue was already burned. He'd burned it on the first cup of coffee. It was too far gone now. He could hardly feel it. Mistakes had been made.

“So,” he said after a moment, taking another long drink of his coffee. “Interview. That's why we're here.”

Azumane nodded. “Though, really… I don't know if you'll be able to make a full article out of an interview with me,” he said, smiling a little.

Noya waved his hand dismissively. “It's just a little quick piece. Like maybe a hundred words or so. Goes in the bottom right corner of the front sports page. You've seen 'em.”

“Even that much might be a stretch,” Azumane elaborated. “Really, like I said – there's nothing unique about the way I play.”

“Psh!” Noya shook his head. “You're a really good player. I've only seen you play once and I know that.”

“You must not have seen many games, then.”

“Aw, c'mon, don't talk yourself down like that. I actually used to play myself,” Noya told him. “So really, I have seen many games. And trust me, you play better than anybody I've seen.”

“You used to play?” Azumane asked, for the first time looking Noya in the eye and maintaining that contact. “What position?”

Noya rolled his eyes and spread his arms wide. “I'll give you one guess,” he said.

Azumane squinted one eye shut and smiled. “…Libero?” he guessed.

Noya clapped his hands together. “We have a winner,” he replied. “And I used to be even smaller than this. You know – when I stopped playing, I was only like five foot flat. Thank god for those growth spurts I had.”

“Why, what are you now?”

“Five _six_ ,” he said proudly, sitting up straight. “And a _quarter_ ,” he added, firmly. That last part was important.

“You're shorter than Hinata,” Azumane said.

“That orange kid, right? How tall's he?”

“Five six,” Azumane grinned. “And a _half._ ”

Noya smacked his palm to his forehead. “I can't win,” he groaned.

“And still growing, as he likes to say all the time,” Azumane said.

“I used to spike my hair up,” Noya said, running his fingers through his hair and standing it up to demonstrate. “To look taller. Maybe I should start doing that again.”

“You – like, all of it? Just straight up?”

“I had to compensate for being under five feet tall, Azumane,” he retorted. “Some of us aren't ever going to hit six feet, and _especially_ most of us didn't do it in fifth grade.”

“Do you mind if I ask –” Azumane tapped the center of his own forehead. “That little blond patch there, do you bleach that?”

“Would you believe me if I told you it was natural?”

“Not at all.”

“Well – believe it or not, it is. It's always been like that.”

“I guess it would make less sense if you bleached it,” Azumane said.

“What's that supposed to mean?” Noya huffed, curling the off-color lock around his finger.

Azumane laughed. Actually laughed out loud, ducked his head, closed his eyes, and showed a small, cautious smile. Watching him do it was close to a religious experience for Noya, who smiled too, marveling at him.

“You used to play volleyball?” Azumane asked, once he'd stopped laughing. “In high school, right? So you would have been on the same team as Daichi?”

“Yeah,” Noya said. “Great guy. Great team. You're friends with him and Suga, right?”

“They're my roommates, actually – and I went to high school with Suga,” Azumane said. “We rent a tiny little house together, a few blocks from the school.”

“Aren't they a _thing_ , though?” Noya asked. “That has to be… fun.”

“It's really not bad,” Azumane shrugged.

“Suga's the one who got me this job, actually,” Noya said. “He's friends with my supervisor. They had an opening, and Suga put in a good word. I owe him.”

They went back and forth like this for a while, discussing high school, volleyball, and what they did all day. Noya learned that Azumane didn't have a job, but that he was looking for one, and he wanted to work at a place like this one, if possible. He said that Suga and Daichi both had jobs, and they needed to work hard to be able to pay rent. He didn't like the feeling that he was freeloading, even thought they were both pretty okay with it. He was the one who cooked at home, and he thought it was pretty good at it.

With the level of confidence this guy had in himself, his cooking had to be absolutely amazing, Noya thought.

Azumane's hair dried, the tea cooled off enough for him to drink it, and then, before they knew it, the drinks were empty, most of the people in the shop had left and been replaced by new ones, and the hands on the clock were creeping towards one 'o clock.

Noya was the first one to notice this, but he didn't say anything about it. He liked talking to Azumane. He got him to laugh a couple more times, and grinned to himself whenever it happened.

But finally, Azumane noticed the time. His big brown eyes practically popped out of his skull.

“Crap, is that the time?” he demanded. “Is that really what time it is?”

“Looks like it,” Noya said, making a big show of checking the time on his phone. “Time flies.”

“I gotta go,” Azumane said distractedly, standing up. “Jeez. Uh – thanks for the tea, Nishinoya, I –”

“Hold on,” Noya smiled, calmly.

Azumane looked down at him, and raised an eyebrow. “Huh?”

“We didn't even do the interview,” he grinned, leaning back in his chair.

Azumane's mouth dropped open. His cheeks went slightly pink.

“We didn't, did we,” he breathed.

“Nope.” Noya popped the letter 'p'.

“Yikes. I. Uh – I'm sorry for wasting your time today, but I really have to go…” Asahi bit his lip. “I don't have anymore time to sit around, so, uh…”

“Would you want to reschedule?” Noya asked.

“Sure, uh –” Azumane ran his fingers through his hair. “Uh –”

“Same deal?” Noya asked. “You call me with a time that works? You didn't lose that number, did you?”

“I didn't.”

“Okay. So just call me.”

“If I don't do that today, are you going to show up at practice again tomorrow?”

“I might,” Noya grinned.

To his delight, this got another smile out of him. He shook his head.

“Well then – see you,” Azumane said, gathering up his things.

“Soon,” Noya tacked on.

Azumane nodded. “Soon,” he agreed.

Noya watched him leave the coffee shop with a smile on his face.

That had gone even better than he'd anticipated.

\- - -

“So,” Saeko asked, over a quart of strawberry ice cream, “how did your date go?”

She and Noya were sitting in the kitchen of their house, talking and working their way through the last of the ice cream in the freezer, to make room for more. It was evening now, and the sun was setting, turning everything a lazy shade of orange.

Noya rolled his eyes. “It wasn't a date,” he said. “But it did go well. We talked for like, two hours.”

“Two hours?” she asked, closing one eye. “That seems like an awful long time for a hundred-word interview.”

“What interview,” Noya said dismissively, spooning up an enormous scoop of ice cream and stuffing all of it in his mouth at once.

“Ohh, I get it.” She nodded in understanding, eyes closed. “You stretched this 'meeting' out long enough that you didn't actually get to what you'd 'intended' to go there for, and so you can easily meet up once again without it seeming too strange.”

“Mm-hm,” Noya grunted around the enormous lump of ice cream.

“And it's not a date.”

“ _Mm-_ m,” he replied.

“You're a crafty kid, I'll give you that,” she said. “And does he know you're hitting on him? Because that's what's really important here.”

She had to wait for a response while he worked his way through the ice cream. Then she had to wait while he complained silently about the brain freeze it had given him. Then she finally got her answer.

“Damn, I'd hope so,” he said. “I'm throwing compliments in there like, every other word – I hope some of them are sticking.”

“You still haven't shown me any of the ten million pictures you apparently took of him yesterday,” Saeko said. “Go get your camera; I wanna see.”

Noya stood up and hurried up to his room, grabbed the camera, and came back down, flipping through for some of the better pictures he'd taken. Saeko leaned forward in earnest as he walked over to her and zoomed in on Azumane's face.

Saeko whistled. “How old is he, twenty-eight?” she asked.

“Twenty- _one_ ,” Noya replied. “Like. He turns twenty-two in January.”

“No way,” she scoffed. “He's older than I am. He's not twenty-one.”

“Twenty-one years old,” Noya repeated. “Almost six and a half feet tall. _And would you look at his hair, Saeko, would you just look at that._ ”

“I'm looking, lil bro, I'm looking,” Saeko said. She shook her head. “This is too much. How on earth…”

“What are you guys squealing about in here?” Ryu called out, emerging from the doorway to the living room, eyes squinting in the bright light of the kitchen; clearly, he'd been napping on the couch all day. He hadn't even bothered to put pants on over his boxers.

“Azumane,” Noya replied, grinning when Ryu rolled his eyes in exasperation.

“He is pretty damn attractive, Ryu,” Saeko put in.

“Not you too,” Ryu groaned.

“Yuu's got a second date with him soon enough,” Saeko said. “Don't you.”

“Not a date,” Noya shot back. “Strictly business.”

“Okay,” Ryu said. “Yeah, right, okay. Yuu, stop being so gay; I just woke up.”

Ryu crossed the kitchen and picked up the tub of ice cream. He grabbed a spoon out of the drawer and dug in.

“That's your lunch?” Saeko asked, irritated.

“Yes,” Ryu grumbled back.

“It's dairy and fruit,” Noya replied. “Two of the major food groups needed for a healthy lifestyle.”

“Just like all those chips you ate were vegetables,” Saeko said.

“Just like that,” Ryu nodded. “I'm unbelievably healthy.”

Saeko rolled her eyes and grabbed the ice cream back. “Don't eat _all_ of it,” she snapped, taking another spoonful herself.

“Oh, yeah – Saeko, how did _your_ interview today go?” Noya asked.

“It went really well, I think,” she said. “They seemed to think I was a good fit for their entry-level salesperson job.”

“Hey, anything's better than nothing, right?” Noya said.

“Yeah, anything helps, I guess. Kinda wish I could do more, but _eh_ , it's all okay,” she said brightly, smiling at the both of them. “We've made it all work so far, right? Nothing's keeping us down.”

“Right,” the other two said in unison.

And they were suddenly quiet.

Saeko took a huge bite of ice cream. The other two quickly followed suit.

The silence went on for a little while, and then it was suddenly interrupted when Noya's phone went off in his pocket.

“Who's that?” Saeko asked around the mouthful of ice cream.

“I dunno,” Noya shrugged. It wasn't a number he recognized. “I'll go outside real quick.”

He stood up and walked out onto the front porch before sliding the 'talk' button.

“Hello?” he asked.

“Hello – uh – Nishinoya?”

It was Azumane's voice. Noya's heart skipped a little.

“Azumane!” he said. “Hey there. How's it going?”

“Uh. It's going pretty good, I guess,” he said, laughing nervously. “I'm just – I'm calling about the interview.”

“Yeah, of course,” Noya replied. “When can you do it?”

“Well – I pretty much have classes until three, but if you wanted to meet after that – tomorrow, I mean, uh – unless you can't do tomorrow, then it'd have to be Wednesday, at the earliest –”

“Tomorrow's great,” Noya said. “Don't worry about it. I only have to work when there's a game, pretty much. My schedule's really open. It's no problem.”

“Okay, so… three-thirty tomorrow, at that same coffee place?”

“Sounds good to me,” Noya agreed, smiling widely. “I'll see you then.”

“Okay. Um. See you.”

“Bye!”

“Goodbye.”

Noya hung up the phone and triumphantly walked back into the house.

\- - -

Asahi hadn't noticed that Daichi was standing behind him until he hung up the phone and turned around. He jumped a little when he noticed him there.

“Hey there, Daichi,” he said. “Uh – what's up?”

“Who were you talking to?” Daichi said, smiling slightly. He looked amused.

“Uh – Nishinoya, again,” Asahi replied. He scratched the back of his neck. “Calling about another interview.”

“Another one?” Daichi asked. “You were gone for two hours today. What went wrong with this one?”

“…We didn't really get around to actually doing the interview,” Asahi shrugged. “I don't know. We started talking about other stuff, and soon enough it was like one 'o clock and I figured I should get back to my homework.”

“Talking about other stuff?” Daichi was fully smiling now. “And your second interview, I thought I heard you say that was tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

Daichi laughed and shook his head, hands on hips.

“What?” Asahi demanded.

“Asahi,” Daichi said, “I know you've never been particularly observant of stuff like this, but has it occurred to you yet that Nishinoya might be trying to seduce you?”

Asahi immediately turned bright pink. “What are you talking about?” he demanded. “No he's not. He's just interviewing me for a thing in the paper. He did that with you, right? And he wasn't… _seducing_ you, was he?”

Daichi snorted. “Okay, buddy,” he said, turning to leave the room. “Whatever you say.”

“He's not,” Asahi called after him.

“ _Oka-a-a-ay_ ,” Daichi repeated, waving his hand dismissively.

With that, he closed the door behind him. Asahi glared at the door and turned to walk into the kitchen.

Daichi didn't know what he was talking about.

\- - -

Noya's phone rang again that evening. This time, it was Daichi on the other end of the line.

“Hey, Noya,” he said, when Noya picked up. He sounded stern.

“Hey there, Daichi,” Noya replied, confused. “What's up? Kind of late for you, isn't it?”

“Yeah, well.” Daichi replied, “I just wanted to talk to you real quick here.”

“Oh. Uh. Okay,” Noya raised his eyebrows. “What did you wanna talk about?”

“Asahi,” Daichi said simply. “I want to know what you're doing.”

“I'm interviewing him for a feature in the paper,” Noya said slowly. “What do you think I'm doing?”

Daichi let out an irritated breath. “Okay. I'm just going to skip this part.

“Just tell me you've shaped up since high school, or I'm going to have to ask you to step off from him.”

Noya blinked.

He should have known Daichi would have caught on right away.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Yeah, I've chilled out since high school. Really. Ask Ryu.”

“Bad enough that you did what you did to those people in high school,” Daichi said, and Noya could hear the frown in his voice. “But Asahi is one of Suga's – and my – closest friends. And if you're going to treat him the way you've treated your dates in the past, I might have to break your teeth.”

Noya felt a little sick to his stomach.

“If I ever step out of line,” he said, deadly serious, his face set, “You can feel free to do that. I swear. Come to my house and beat the shit out of me, absolutely.”

Daichi sighed. “I'm going to hold you to that.”

They were both quiet for a moment, and then Daichi spoke again.

“You're a good guy, Noya,” he said, his voice only a little softer than before, and just as serious. “I know you are.”

“Thanks,” Noya replied.

“But… yeah, watch yourself with Asahi.”

With that, he said goodnight and hung up. Noya put his phone away, jaw locked tight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do with that last part what you will. Lol.
> 
> I'm having a lot of fun writing this one, and it's going really quickly! I just finished writing chapter 8 today. You guys won't see that one until September but lol whatever I'm getting shit done.
> 
> Shameless Tumblr plug: I'm i-homeostasis. Follow for progress updates on this here (and other) fics. I'm also primarily a Haikyuu blog, if that's your jam. If you just want the updates, they're under /tagged/totw-updates.
> 
> I'mma be off writing more. And drawing shit for my own fic. Because that's how I be.
> 
> See you next Tuesday!


	4. Overload

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Definitely-Not-A-Coffee-Date 2.0. Noya being a suave motherfucker as usual. One of the shortest chapters, sorry. Have fun!

Noya ended up completely falling through on waiting until three-thirty. He got out of bed around nine, which he knew was a good hour before Azumane's practice ended, and got ready as slowly as he could bear. Once he'd done that, he realized he was at a complete loss as to what to do for the rest of the time. So he decided not to wait any longer.

He walked to the school slowly because he knew he had time. His leg was bugging him today, as well, so slow was fine. He probably should have taken some painkillers after he'd woken up. Oh well – he could handle it.

He whistled while he walked. No song in particular, but it sounded cheerful enough.

He couldn't stop thinking about Azumane, really. That was the way it usually was, even back in high school; once he clapped eyes one somebody he found really, really attractive – once he met them and talked to them a bit – the thoughts easily and quickly went to a full-blown obsession.

Brown eyes, long hair – not too many guys he'd run into had been able to pull off that particular hairdo – and he'd seen guys try – but Azumane made it look absolutely incredible. He was amazingly muscled. That level of muscle was probably completely unnecessary in a volleyball player, but Noya wasn't going to complain.

Six foot four inches of _hot damn._

Azumane was so _shy_ , though, and so reserved, that Noya had wondered to himself if he was moving this a little too fast for him. Azumane hadn't seemed put off by it, though – and in fact, he seemed to have enjoyed himself quite a lot the previous day.

Noya would probably have to do the actual, legitimate newspaper interview today, though. If only for the sake of his continued employment; Ennoshita hadn't been exactly psyched when Noya had come back to work yesterday empty-handed.

Oh well – Noya would get the interview out of the way quickly, and then get to the more interesting details of Azumane. And of course he'd have to slip in the idea that they should meet up again. The sooner the better.

He arrived at the college's gym and opened the door to look inside. It was about ten now, and the team was beginning to file out of the place. Azumane, Daichi, and Suga stood in a group near the locker room doors. Azumane's hair was wet again.

Daichi, who was facing his way, looked up from the conversation when the door shut behind Noya. He blinked at him in surprise.

“Nishinoya,” he called. “Hi there.”

The other two turned around. Azumane looked the most confused of the group.

Noya raised a hand and waved. “Hey,” he said, walking over and joining them. “How's it going?”

He stopped between Azumane and Suga and stuck his hands in his pockets.

“Here to steal Asahi for that interview?” Suga asked.

“Nah, that's not till this afternoon,” Noya replied. “Just thought I'd come over, say hi. You know. I was in town.”

“I see,” Suga nodded. “We were actually just about to go and get some food – before classes start up. We all have them in about an hour. If you wanted to come with us, you could.”

“Sounds good!” Noya said. “Where?”

“Nowhere special,” Daichi shrugged. “Little bakery down the street. They have really good stuff there, and Asahi's never been.”

“Really?” Noya asked, looking up at him. “You've never been to that place? It's pretty damn good.”

“So I've heard,” Azumane said.

“So,” Daichi declared, swinging his arms wide. “Looks like it's a double date, then. Let's head out.”

With that, he turned on his heel. Noya swore he saw Suga snickering quietly to himself as he followed.

He glanced up at Azumane. He saw that he was all pink in the face, and determinedly looking straight ahead. Noya snorted. Azumane either didn't hear, or ignored him.

\- - -

“I can't believe you've seriously never eaten here,” Noya said, standing next to Azumane as he examined the bakery's display shelf. Daichi and Suga were already seated at a table near the front of the shop, eating. Noya could tell they were only pretending to be interested in their food – he caught them glancing over at him and Azumane, and then quickly away, and talking to each other in low voices.

Noya himself already knew what he was going to order. He ordered the same thing every time he came in here. But he pretended he was being very selective.

“I don't usually eat a lot of sugary stuff,” Azumane shrugged.

“Big, muscly guy like you could probably burn it all off like right away, though, right?” Noya said, glancing sideways at him.

Azumane half-smiled again. “That's not it, really,” he said quietly. “Hm. You say you've been here before – what do you usually get?”

“I get a lot of stuff,” Noya said. “But I've had this crepe thing here a few times, and it's always really good.”

He pointed it out behind the glass. “Though they've also got muffins and biscuits,” he added, “If you don't want all the sugar.”

“I might go for that,” he replied.

In the end, Azumane decided on a simple blueberry muffin, and Noya ordered his usual sugar-coated monstrosity of a strawberry crepe. Once they'd gotten their food, they walked over and joined Suga and Daichi.

\- - -

Once they left the bakery, Daichi and Suga suddenly remembered that they had to go to the store for something quickly, and that the other two should go on without them. Asahi felt a little… weird, he guessed, about being alone with just Noya. He didn't really know why. He'd had a good time at their not-interview he previous day… No, no, that was it – the _not_ -interview itself. He'd literally managed to get Noya so off-topic that they'd talked for two hours without even touching on the subject of the interview. Noya had seemed okay with it, but Asahi couldn't help but feel a little stupid whenever he thought about it.

Noya asked if he could walk with Asahi to his class. Asahi said yes without really thinking about it, and they started walking.

The silence set in as soon as they started out. That was when the prospect of having to hold a conversation with Noya hit him. He always had this problem when he was left alone with new people. With people like Daichi and Suga, people he'd known for years, it wasn't an issue; they knew by now that he sometimes didn't talk all that much, and that it wasn't a big deal if he didn't participate in the conversation. But new people sometimes thought he was being rude, and he wanted to avoid that here.

But what was he supposed to talk about? What did people even talk about? The weather? No, that was stupid. Classes? Noya didn't go to school. Volleyball? No, they'd done that already…

Noya walked along beside him in silence, looking around at the campus. He didn't _seem_ irritated by the lack of conversation, but…

_Fine. Fine, resort to talking about the weather._

Asahi had just opened his mouth to start what was sure to have been an absolutely incredible, in-depth discussion, when Noya interrupted his train of thought.

“This is a really nice campus,” he said, looking around. “Really pretty.”

“Oh,” Asahi said, slightly taken aback. “Yeah. It is.”

“Nice garden over there.” He nodded at the little rock-circled garden in the middle of the field they were walking through.

“I help maintain that sometimes,” Asahi said. “I'm pretty much the only one on campus who can reach the top of that tree.”

“You like gardening?” Noya asked, looking up at him – Asahi looked away. He couldn't quite handle those eyes.

“Yeah,” he said. “It's a nice stress-reliever.”

“See,” Noya said. Asahi could hear a smile in his voice. “That right there. You were saying you're not interesting. You're a liar.”

“What's so interesting about gardening?” Asahi asked, incredulous. “Everyone gardens. There's nothing special about that.”

“Does every six-foot-tall muscular volleyball player garden, though?” Noya replied. “Nope.”

Asahi decided to drop the subject. He shrugged and rubbed at the back of his neck.

“What else do you do for fun?” Noya asked. “Aside from volleyball, and gardening.”

“Uh… Not much, really,” Asahi said. “Most of the time I'm studying.”

“What do you study?”

“I'm – actually, I'm a history major,” he replied.

“Yeah? You like history?”

“Well – I like history most of anything I'm studying right now,” he explained. “I had to choose a major, so I just went with that. I don't know if I'll do anything with that degree, but, well…”

“History's pretty cool. I kind of sucked at history when I was in school. Well – I sucked at everything when I was in school, but history really knocked me down. The classes I had were always so boring. I'm sure the subject is really interesting, though,” he finished quickly. “I'm just pretty terrible at remembering dates.”

“It's pretty cool, yeah,” Asahi said. “I like it.”

“See, that's two things already that I can put in your feature,” Noya said. “We won't have much more space to fill this afternoon.”

They'd reached the building by now, and Asahi stopped outside the door to his class. He didn't walk in right away. He wasn't entirely sure why.

“So,” he said, dumbly.

“So,” Noya repeated, grinning.

“Um… I'll see you at three-thirty, then,” Asahi said, returning a much smaller, more reserved smile.

“Three-thirty indeed,” Noya said. “Black tea again?”

“Sure.”

With that, Noya turned around and started to walk off. Asahi watched him go for a little while, hand on the doorknob.

He was just having a little bit of trouble comprehending why on earth Noya found him even remotely interesting.

He shook his head to clear it and opened the door to go to class.

\- - -

Noya got to the coffee place at three. He hadn't meant to get there so early, but it didn't matter that much. It wasn't as early as it had been the day before, though, so that was good. It didn't give him as much time to fill himself up with coffee before Azumane even got there.

He ordered both their drinks about a minute before Azumane was due to arrive, and the barista called them off just as he walked in.

“Hey there,” Noya said as he approached him with the drinks. He handed off the tea and led him to their table.

He sat down across from Azumane, and looked him over quickly. He was just wearing jeans and a t-shirt, but he'd never seen anyone work jeans and a t-shirt as well as he did. He also seemed tired – his eyes drooped a little, like he was about to fall asleep – but he still smiled at Noya when he noticed he was looking at him.

“Sorry,” he said. “I'm just a little worn out. Two classes today, and a lot of homework for both of them.

“Don't worry about it,” Noya said. “You ready?”

“Yeah.” Azumane took the lid off his tea and leaned back in his seat. “What do you want to know?”

Noya took out a notebook and started off with all the usual questions, the first of which was “how long have you been playing volleyball?”

“Oh – uh, I guess… well, since middle school,” Azumane began.

“Wow.”

“Haha – yeah, it's been a while. Probably… nine or ten years, I'd guess.”

“What started you playing?”

“It was just something to do,” Azumane shrugged. “I didn't really have a lot of fun with it until high school. Then Suga was the one who really motivated me to keep going. That's kind of why we became friends.”

Noya couldn't resist going a little off-topic here.

“You're really well-built. How often do you work out?” he asked.

“Uh… Whenever I can, I guess,” Azumane said.

“What's the heaviest you can lift?”

“I… about two-fifty, I guess,” he mumbled.

“Christ. That's like two of me,” Noya marveled. He hoped his face wasn't as pink as he thought it was.

The interview progressed with slightly more relevant topics, though Noya managed to squeeze in a question or two of his own interest every now and then. Eventually, though, they found themselves talking about stuff more along the lines of the previous day's non-interview. Noya put away his notebook about halfway through this. He had everything he needed and more for a decent feature. It got later and later. They both ordered second drinks. Noya powered his way through that one and got a third. Through all this, Noya learned one specific fact that stuck out from the rest.

Azumane was single.

Eventually, Noya realized he should probably be getting home. He'd be late for dinner at this rate, and Saeko hated it when he did that.

“Well, I should get going now,” he said. “I, uh. This was a good time, though, huh?”

“Yeah,” Azumane said. He was looking Noya in the eye again, and smiling like he'd genuinely had a good time. “Yeah, this… this was nice.”

They both stood up to leave. As Azumane was turning around, though, Noya suddenly spoke.

“Hey, Azumane?”

Azumane looked over his shoulder at him.

“Do you want to meet up again sometime?” he asked.

Azumane blinked at him, surprised. He half-turned back around to face him.

“You… you don't mean another interview, do you?” he asked.

Noya laughed. “No, Azumane – we're done with interviews. If we hung out again, it would be purely social.”

“Oh. Uh.” Azumane still looked a little surprised. “You want to hang out?”

Noya nodded. “Yeah! I've gotten to know you a little bit with these meet-ups we've had, and I'd like to know you better. What about you?”

After a second – during which Noya started to wonder if maybe he'd say no – Azumane smiled.

“Sure,” he said, nodding. “I'd like that.”

“Excellent!” Noya grinned. “So… you got any ideas about a time and place, or do you want to call me, or…”

“How about you text me?” Azumane asked. “I think that might be easier…”

“Would that be the number that you called me from earlier?”

“Yep.”

“Nice. Hold on, lemme add a contact.”

He pulled out his phone and opened his call history, selecting Azumane's number and saving a new contact.

“A-zu-ma-ne,” he said as he typed it in. “Great.”

“Oh, uh –” Azumane rubbed the back of his neck. “You can – you can just call me Asahi, if that's easier.”

Noya had a small mental celebration as he erased the last name and replaced it with the first. “Asahi,” he said, trying it out loud. “I like that much better.”

Asahi smiled and nodded in silence. “So.”

“So,” Noya repeated. “I'll text you sometime – soon – and we'll figure out a time to hang out. Cool?”

“Yeah,” Asahi said. “I'd like that.”

They said goodbye and Asahi led the way out of the coffee shop. Noya walked down the street towards home, but subtly watched him out of the corner of his eye as he got into his car and started it up. He waited until he was out of sight before letting out an explosive laugh and spinning on the spot.

Day two, and he had Azumane's – _Asahi's_ – number.

This was going very well.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Enjoying so far? Everything seems like it's going pretty okay, right? Right? I hope you guys like later chapters as well. I hope you like pain. Lol. This thing is going to be a monster of a fic. At least 20 chapters. Hang on tight. I'm sorry not much happened in this one; I promise it's not slow for much longer. Soon enough there will be so many things happening that you'll want them to stop lol
> 
> Noya is way too fun for me to write. Which is pretty funny seeing as Noya is about as opposite my personality as a person can get. I'm far more Asahi than Noya, personality-wise.
> 
> Please take the time to leave a kudo or a comment if you enjoyed and haven't done so already - they really make my day. Like I'm not kidding. I'm on summer break right now and I have no friends to go out with and one of my main hobbies is refreshing my works page to see if any more comments rolled in. And if they have, then consider my day made.
> 
> Thanks for all your interest so far. It means a lot to me. :D
> 
> Update tag: i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/tagged/totw-updates
> 
> See you all next Tuesday! :D


	5. Walking In The Sun

The two of them met up for the first time about a week later. Noya had been the one to suggest it. After leaving a few days for Asahi to have the chance to do it, he decided he didn't want to wait anymore. He woke up that morning at around ten 'o clock and almost immediately rolled over and tapped out a text inviting him out. Asahi replied fairly quickly and enthusiastically, and they soon decided that they would meet up at the college in a couple of hours and figure out where else to go from there.

Noya grinned sleepily and rolled over onto his face, and wound up accidentally falling asleep again.

\- - -

Asahi started getting ready to go about twenty minutes before he had to leave. It didn't take long for him to get ready, but he liked being able to move slowly and take his time.

His hair actually took a couple of tries. He couldn't get it to do what he wanted it to do. He tried out a couple of different styles before finally settling on his usual loose bun. It looked okay. He liked it. No use messing with something that he knew worked just fine.

Daichi happened to pass by the open bathroom door while he was doing this, and paused for a moment to talk.

“Going somewhere, Asahi?” he asked.

“How'd you know?”

“Well, normally, this time of day, you're all holed up in your room studying,” Daichi shrugged. Then he grinned. “You got a date or something?”

“No,” Asahi replied. “I'm meeting up with Noya.”

“Oh, are you,” Daichi nodded. “And it's not a date.”

Asahi paused, and glanced over at him, frowning a little. “No,” he replied. “Why would it be?”

Daichi shrugged. “Are you sure, though?” he teased. “It seems like you've already gone on two.”

Asahi rolled his eyes and finished putting his hair up. “It's not a date,” he repeated. “We're just going to hang out and get lunch or something.”

“Oh-kay,” Daichi said, shaking his head and moving on down the hallway. “You have fun today, bud.”

\- - -

Asahi couldn't help but feel a little nervous as he walked out the door. He didn't usually hang out with new people one-on-one right away. Usually, when faced with a new situation, he'd drag Daichi or Suga or both of them along with him. But here he was, hardly having known Noya for a week, going out to meet him alone.

Of course, the idea of it was stressing him out a little. The closer he got to the school, the more he felt like this was a bad idea.

Something that had surprised him, though, was the fact that when he'd gotten Noya's text that morning, his first impulse had _not_ been to immediately say that he was busy and couldn't show up. He'd actually _wanted_ to meet up. This didn't really happen that often. Though it may just have had something to do with how worried he'd been that Noya had just been feigning interest in him those first two times they met up. Enough time had gone by without any word from him that he'd gotten the sick feeling that Noya was just being polite back then. The idea that Noya _did_ actually want to hang out was reassuring.

Of course, he figured, this could still just be politeness, right?

He tried not to focus on that, but he found it hard. Once he'd thought of the possibility, he had trouble forgetting it.

It didn't take long to get to the school's courtyard. He looked at the time – it was two, the agreed-upon time, but hardly anybody was around. A lot of people had classes right now, so even though it was a very nice day, the yard was pretty empty.

His heart sank as he looked around some more and realized that there really _wasn't_ anybody else here. Noya was nowhere to be found. He hadn't even considered the possibility that Noya might stand him up…

…He'd give it a few minutes before he jumped to conclusions, he told himself, shaking his head to clear it. He was probably just running late… but he'd been right on time, no, _early_ , the first two times they'd met…

“Asahi! Hey!”

He turned around and there was Noya, quickly walking across the yard towards him, waving. Asahi waved back, and smiled, and some of the tension he'd worked himself into fell away.

“Hey,” Noya said as he got closer. He looked like he'd just woken up. He was pale, his eyes were a little bleary, and the degree of dishevelment his hair had achieved made Asahi sure that he was getting a glimpse of what his hair had looked like in high school, back when he used to gel it straight up. “Sorry I'm late.”

“Did you…” Asahi began. “Uh. Did you just wake up?”

Noya dug his fists into his eyes. “What makes you think that?” he mumbled. “I'm always like this.”

Asahi stared at him. Noya uncovered his eyes, leaving only one of them open to look up at him.

“That was a joke,” he said. “I woke up fifteen minutes ago.”

“It's two PM,” Asahi pointed out.

“First things first, Asahi,” Noya said, sinking down into the grass and rubbing at his right calf, “I do _not_ have a healthy sleeping schedule.”

Asahi looked down at him more so than usual, feeling awkward. Noya glanced up at him and motioned at the grass next to him, indicating that he should sit down.

“You could have just sent me a text saying you'd be late,” Asahi said. “Then you could have taken your time.”

Noya blinked at him, nonplussed. “I guess I could have, couldn't I,” he breathed.

Asahi smiled. “Yeah,” he said. “You could have.”

They were quiet for a bit. Asahi hoped Noya had an idea of what to talk about, because he certainly didn't.

“Oh well,” Noya sighed. “So. Um. Anyway. I'm starving. What about you? Wanna go somewhere and get something to eat?”

“I am pretty hungry,” Asahi admitted. “Where do you want to go?”

“I'll literally eat anything,” Noya replied, “So, uh, what do you like?”

Asahi shrugged. “Anything that isn't fast food,” he said. “That's about it.”

“Pasta?”

“I'll eat pasta.”

“You wanna go to that Italian place? We can get it to go if you want.”

“That sounds good,” Asahi agreed. “So, um, do you want to go now, or do you want to nap for a few more minutes?”

Noya was rubbing his eyes again. He laughed.

“I'm fine, Asahi,” he replied. “I'll get some caffeine in me and I'll be just fine.”

\- - -

They went and got pasta in big to-go boxes – which Noya insisted on paying for himself – and walked to the park by the river to eat at the picnic tables. Noya also bought a huge soda, which was about half-gone by the time they sat down. He already seemed significantly more awake by then, which was good. Asahi was a terrible conversationalist when he didn't have any help. They'd been pretty quiet on the way over here. It hadn't looked good for the rest of their outing.

Asahi ate slowly, as he always did. He wouldn't be able to finish his food, he knew. He had no idea that the serving sizes would be so huge. It was pretty good, though. Though, really, it had to be pretty hard for an Italian restaurant to screw up spaghetti.

Noya, on the other hand, shoveled his food into his mouth with hardly enough time for breathing in between. He'd gotten fettuccine alfredo, which Asahi hadn't had before, but he could see that it was basically noodles with cream and butter. Definitely not Asahi's ideal food, but Noya seemed pretty happy with it.

Noya devoured the entire box of pasta before Asahi could make a noticeable dent in his, though this was partially because Asahi stopped eating to watch Noya in awe.

Noya leaned back in his chair and sighed deeply, closing his eyes. “Okay,” he said. “I could go to sleep again now.”

“…How on earth did you eat all of that?” Asahi demanded. “The box is as big as you are.”

“I have literally eaten an entire pizza by myself before,” Noya replied. “I take food as a challenge more than anything.”

Asahi laughed. “I see that,” he said. “So, I take it we won't be walking around very much after this, huh?”

“Uh-uh,” Noya replied, shaking his head. “Nah, I'm done.”

“All right,” Asahi said, amused.

“If you want us to go somewhere, you'll have to carry me,” Noya said, “Because I'm not moving. You can handle that, right? Yeah, yeah, you can… you can carry one of me on each arm.”

He returned his attention to his soda, drinking the rest of it very quickly as well. Then he leaned forward in his chair and smiled over at Asahi.

“So,” he said. “You read the paper lately?”

“Oh. Uh, no, not really. Why?”

Noya sighed. “Your feature,” he said, grinning. “It runs tomorrow.”

“Oh!” Asahi said. “Oh – right. I'll make sure to read it, then, yeah.”

“Fair enough,” Noya said, sitting back again. “Text me, tell me how you like it.”

“I will.”

“Honestly I think it's my best work as a reporter,” Noya said. “Truly it's a work of art.”

“Okay,” Asahi laughed.

“Though, of course, I have you to thank for that.”

“What did I do?”

“Well, it'd be hard to write such a magnificent piece about somebody who was boring,” Noya said. “Believe me. You'll see when you read it.”

“If you say so,” Asahi replied, shaking his head and laughing.

There was a pause before Noya spoke again.

“So,” he said, “What sort of stuff do you do for fun?”

“For fun?” Asahi asked. “Oh. Uh.”

He shrugged and turned his eyes to the table. “Uh. Not much, really. I spend a lot of time studying. Apart from volleyball, I don't do much other than study.”

“Where do you hang out?”

“Uh. Home.” Asahi was positive that Noya would soon start to see that his first impression hadn't been correct. “Or the library. Anywhere quiet.”

“Huh.”

“See, I'm really not that exciting,” Asahi shrugged. “I don't do a whole lot.”

“No, trust me, you're pretty exciting,” Noya muttered. Asahi didn't quite catch it.

“What?”

“Nothing. You wanna go down to the river and bother the geese?”

“Why would I want to bother the geese? I like having all my fingers attached to my body,” Asahi said, amused.

“Well, do you want to just go on a walk, then? That seems like something more your speed.”

“I'd like that much better, yes,” Asahi replied. “As long as I don't have to carry you.”

Noya jumped to his feet and smiled brightly. “No promises,” he chirped, leading the way down the stone path to the riverbank.

Asahi shook his head, smiling too, and followed him closely.

\- - -

Noya hadn't really appreciated the idea of simply _talking_ with another person for quite some time. Certainly, he'd never appreciated it fully. Growing up with Ryu, and living with him and Saeko for the past several years, everything had always been very rough-and-tumble, very loud and disorderly. Noya liked that, of course; it suited him well. He was a loud, disorderly person. He didn't usually like quiet, calm situations. They gave him entirely too much time to think.

But here with Asahi, he realized that there really was something to be said for relaxed conversation. They learned a lot about each other, and quickly. They'd only known each other for about a week, but already Noya could tell they'd get close fast. They got along really well, especially for how opposite their personalities were. _Opposites attract_ , Noya thought to himself, decisively. Already, Asahi was much less guarded around him than he had been at the start. This was going very well.

Though he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying this conversation for the eye candy, as well. Asahi was, quite simply, extremely fucking attractive – even more so when he laughed, so Noya made an effort to make him do so as often as possible. This served the dual purpose of making Noya happy and getting Asahi more comfortable with him. Win-win, really.

The more Asahi opened up to him, the more Noya wanted to know more about him. He snuck blatant flattery in, as well, of course, but Asahi took it in stride. A guy like him had to get stuff like that a lot. No wonder he was used to it. Asahi was far more interesting than he seemed to think he was. Noya wanted to learn him as well as possible.

They walked back and forth along the river, talking, joking around, for longer than either of them had intended. Noya's leg really started to bug him about halfway through, but it wasn't any worse than he'd dealt with before. It was past six when they realized what time it was.

“Crap,” Asahi said, putting his phone away hurriedly. “I've gotta get home pretty quick.”

“What, can't Daichi and Suga cook?” Noya said, amused.

“They tried once. I don't let them anymore.”

“Why, what happened?”

“The entire house smelled like burnt ramen for a week and a half.”

“They burnt _ramen_?”

“Don't ask me how.”

“Even _I_ can cook ramen.”

They started back the way they'd come. It didn't take long to reach the road again. Asahi glanced around and sighed.

“It'll take me ten minutes to get home,” he said. “When I get home, they might eat _me_.”

“Which way are you going?” Noya asked. He pointed down the street to their left. “My place is that way. About twenty minutes walk. For me, anyway.”

“I'm headed the same way,” Asahi replied.

“I guess we'll walk together then.”

“Sounds good.”

\- - -

It turned out that the only thing their routes home really had in common was that first left turn; the rest of the turns they'd made had only taken him farther from Noya's house, but that didn't really matter.

Noya was tired by the time they got to Asahi's place. His leg was really hurting him now, and hiding that was a really good way to drain his energy. He'd only been conscious for about five and a half hours today, but already he was ready to sleep for another fourteen. Oh well. He could deal. It'd be fine. Even so, when he and Asahi paused outside, he stood with as much of his weight on his left foot as he could without it being obvious what he was doing.

“So,” Noya said. “That was pretty fun, huh?”

“Yeah,” Asahi agreed, with a small smile. “Yeah. I had a good time.”

They stood there for a few seconds in silence. Noya couldn't help but notice that this was very much like the scene that follows a first date in a movie. He had the momentary urge to continue with that script and pull him down and kiss him. He didn't, though. Even for him, that was a little abrupt.

“Wanna meet up again?” Noya asked.

“Sure,” Asahi agreed. “When?”

“Hm,” Noya shrugged. “When are you free?”

Asahi thought for a moment, lips pressed together.

“I've got class tomorrow,” he began, “and Saturday I'll need for homework and practice… Sunday is okay. You want to meet up Sunday?”

“Sunday, sure,” Noya smiled up at him. “Same place we met up today?”

“Sure.”

“Same time?”

“All right.”

Asahi's smile was small, but Noya could tell he was very happy. Noya took a step away and waved.

“All right, then,” he said, “I will see you then, Asahi.”

“See you.”

With that, Asahi turned around and climbed the steps onto the porch. Noya watched him go inside, and then started walking again.

He was smiling like an idiot again. He'd had a really good time today, even if they hadn't done much at all. He realized now that not doing much sometimes was okay, especially of it was with somebody like Asahi.

The walk home didn't seem so long that day.

\- - -

The feature mentioned as many of the things that Asahi had mentioned to Noya on their two interviews as possible, almost none of which were at all relevant. It had gotten Noya a massive eyeroll from Ennoshita when he'd handed it over to him.

“You want me to publish this,” Ennoshita had said, letting the piece of paper slide out of his hands onto his desktop.

“Yes,” Noya had replied, confidently.

“This is not how these things are supposed to read at all, you know,” Ennoshita had sighed. “Look – I can clearly see that you're obsessed with this guy, but –”

“Nobody reads those anyway,” Noya had said, waving a hand dismissively. “I can guarantee you won't get any sort of complaint. You won't hear about this article at all after you print it.”

Ennoshita was apparently too tired to argue with him, because the feature ran completely unaltered in the Friday paper. Noya waited, phone close by, for Asahi's text saying he'd read it. It hadn't come by the time he'd gotten out of bed and eaten breakfast, but that was fine.

About midday, he got a call. Saeko and Ryu were out, and he was sitting by himself in the kitchen, eating lunch. He picked up the phone and looked at the screen. It wasn't Asahi – it was Daichi.

He braced for impact, and held his breath for a moment. Then he answered the call. “Hello?”

“Noya, dammit,” Daichi said – but the tone of his voice immediately destroyed all tension. He was laughing. “Noya – _fuck,_ could you be any more obvious?”

“Probably not,” Noya grinned. “Has he seen it yet?”

“Nah. He'll see it when he gets home. _Christ_ , Noya, you're out of control.”

“Every word of that is true,” Noya replied dismissively.

“'Attractive' is subjective.”

“You've seen him. You _live_ with him. You _know._ ”

Daichi sighed. Noya could almost hear him shaking his head.

“Dammit. This is the gayest thing I've ever read.”

“Thank you,” Noya replied brightly.

“I have to go. Talk to you later, you gay piece of shit.”

“Bye, Daichi.”

They both hung up. Noya felt himself relax a little. He hadn't heard much from Daichi since the last time he'd called. He knew Daichi hadn't been angry about or disapproving of his pursuing Asahi, but the way he'd just acted was reassuring. They'd been friends for a long time. Noya knew his moods; Daichi knew he'd stay in line. This last call had been the all-clear.

Noya wouldn't screw around with Asahi, anyway, warning or not. He didn't deserve that at all.

Not that anybody else had, but…

Noya shook his head and distracted himself with a dumb game on his phone.

Everything was going well now. He didn't have time to worry about old problems.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is almost 2,000 words longer than this one. I promise more happens. I promise we're getting to stuff happening soon. I'm sorry this one was boring. And short. Damn storytelling conventions, requiring you to fill space in order to maintain coherence. Dammit.
> 
> Actually this is much better than the original Ch. 5. That one actually skipped an entire month, right at the very beginning. That jump still exists, but I ease into it much more gracefully at the beginning of Ch. 7. So that's good.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! I hope you've enjoyed so far. Updates on progress / unfunny little bits of my mental process while writing can be found at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/tagged/totw-updates. Don't be afraid to drop me a line either here or there if you feel the need to do so. Comments make my day. :D
> 
> Also, I'm headed off to college on the 21st! This MAY delay the posting of Chapter 7 - I'm not sure yet. If it turns out this will cause a delay, I'll be sure to let you guys know as soon as I can. I'll be really busy for my first week or so on campus. I apologize for that in advance.
> 
> As of right now, this fic has 50 kudos! It also has 30 subscribers, which is already more than my last multichapter fic got in its entire run. Thank you so much! I'm glad you guys enjoy this story so far. It means a lot. :D
> 
> See you next week with more of these dorks being so sweet it gives ya cavities


	6. Faster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gaY SHIT

_This month's featured_ _local_ _player is Asahi Azumane,_ _an attractive wing spiker on the college's volleyball team. This third-year student stands at six feet, four inches tall, and can bench press a maximum of 250 pounds – and, from his very muscular build, this is plainly obvious. Azumane is a very polite and courteous person, as well as very hard-working. He manages to balance volleyball and his studies very well, and works out whenever he finds the time. He is also a wonderful conversationalist._

_Azumane has been playing volleyball for the past ten years and is_ _the greatest asset_ _our school's team has._

– _Nishinoya Yuu._

To the side of the blurb, there was a small photo of Asahi serving the ball during a game.

 

Asahi blinked at the small column in the bottom-right side of the day's newspaper while Daichi and Suga snickered behind him.

“So,” Suga said. “What do you think of that?”

“It's nice,” Asahi replied, setting it down.

The two of them stopped laughing. Asahi turned around in his seat just in time to see them exchange a baffled glance.

“What?” he asked.

“…Asahi,” Suga said, “Did… did you read it?”

“Yes,” Asahi replied. “Why?”

Daichi squinted at him.

“I mean,” Asahi added, “I guess it's not completely accurate, but it's nice.”

“Asahi, the only part of that that's relevant to volleyball is the last sentence,” Daichi said. “And even _that_ reads a little funny.”

Asahi shrugged. “I don't mind.”

“Oh, this is going to be fun,” Suga muttered as Daichi made an incredulous noise and threw his arms wide.

“What is it?” Asahi demanded, confused.

“Asahi, you know what,” Daichi said, grinning, “if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you.”

Asahi rolled his eyes and set the paper down. “You guys are dumb,” he said. “Is this all you called me home for? I have to go to class.”

“Fine, fine, you go to class,” Daichi sighed, waving one hand dismissively. “You're free to go.”

\- - -

Asahi didn't waste much time getting to class. He got there early, got his notes out, and read over them a little before the professor came in to start lecturing again.

He got so lost in his work that he forgot all about the feature Noya had written until about halfway through class, when the professor took a break. He remembered he was supposed to tell Noya what he'd thought of it.

He took out his phone.

 

> I read the thing you wrote.

>> So… what did you think? :O

> It was good. Thank you for doing that.

>> Just 'good'? >:O it was my best work!! rude

> Okay, it was really really good. You did a good job.

>> That's more like it.

> Suga and Daichi were making fun of it.

>> Of course they were. But remember – I speak only the truth ;)

> You exaggerated a lot.

>> No I didn't. How dare you accuse me, a newspaper reporter, of exaggeration? Also it's not possible for me to exaggerate, in your case.

 

Asahi rolled his eyes, but smiled too.

 

> Anyway – thanks again for that. I'm glad you think I'm a good player.

>> I don't think, I know. ;p You're welcome.

> I gotta go – I'm in class. Talk to you later.

>> Bye, Asahi :D see you Sunday.

 

He put his phone away and promptly forgot all about it.

\- - -

Sunday rolled around pretty quickly for Noya, all things considered. He hadn't had a lot to do at work on Friday, so he'd pretty much hung out at home, with Ryu and Saeko. Saeko had cuffed him on the ear after she'd read the feature he put in the paper, shaking her head and sarcastically commending him for his subtlety. Ryu had just laughed out loud, so much so that he almost fell over.

“Just – the _tone_ of it is about right,” Ryu said. “But the content is just… _so, so_ gay, Yuu, I can't.”

“Ennoshita said it read like a personal ad written in the third person,” Noya said.

“Ennoshita was dead-on,” Ryu sighed, getting a hold of himself again and shaking his head. “Am I getting a brother-in-law, here, Yuu? Because for real.”

The two of them had been flopped over on the living room couch, half-watching TV, making their way through a bag of chips. Saeko was out, at work; she'd gotten the job at the grocery store, and now worked about five hours every weekday and Saturday. The house was a lot quieter without her around all the time, but at least she sometimes brought back free food.

Noya shrugged. “We'll probably get married within a month or so,” he said. “Though at the rate we're taking things, maybe two.”

“Taking it slow, huh?” Ryu said.

“Yeah. He's definitely the type to take it slow.”

Ryu laughed and turned his attention back to the TV. Noya thought for a moment, and then spoke again.

“Yeah, I don't know, a longer-term deal could be okay,” he said. “It's early yet. We'll see.”

“I think settling a little could be good for you, you know?” Ryu said. “You seem to really like this guy, and I like to see that. Saeko does too.”

“I do really like him. I mean, I know we haven't known each other long, but Asahi's great. And we get along really well. And – I know you're not gay, Ryu, but _damn,_ man, his _body._ ”

“I don't have to be gay to appreciate the guy's appearance. And yes. Yes, I agree. Damn indeed.

“What'd he say about the thing you wrote?”

“He was pretty shy about it. But he liked it. He thanked me and everything. I think I struck gold.”

\- - -

Now, two days later, Noya was getting ready to meet up with Asahi. He was thinking that if Asahi was up for it, they could go downtown and check out some of the shops there. There were a couple of cool places around there, some he'd been meaning to check out ever since he'd heard they'd opened, but that he'd just never gotten around to visiting. He decided he should probably text and ask ahead of time, so he did, and Asahi agreed. He also suggested they get dinner while they were out, too, and Noya enthusiastically assented, and insisted on paying. After a bit of Asahi being too polite to accept that, Noya made sure he knew that whenever Asahi ate with him, he would never pay a cent.

He realized that wasn't sustainable. He made a fair amount of money from his job at the paper, but a lot of it went towards house payments and bills. His spare money was going to dwindle fast if he kept buying food for Asahi. He'd take it, though. He'd figure it out.

He checked his hair one more time, looked his clothes over briefly to make sure there wasn't any hair stuck to them or anything, and then headed downstairs, passing through the living room on his way to the door, finding Ryu lying on the couch with his feet up, reading a book.

“Heading out, bud,” Noya said. “Call me if you need anything. Actually, call Saeko – she's closer.”

“She'll be home in an hour anyway,” Ryu said. “I'll be fine. Have fun. Seduce the ace.”

“I'll do that,” Noya replied cheerfully, opening the door and stepping outside.

It was almost October, and the air was beginning to feel like it, too. The sun seemed to shine colder than usual, even though the clouds were scarce. Soon enough, the leaves would start to turn colors and fall off the trees, and Saeko would be bugging him to rake their tiny yard again.

Noya didn't like this time of year all that much. Sure, it included his birthday, but even that wasn't a big plus. He didn't make a big deal out of his birthday anymore.

It didn't take too long to get to the school. He'd made the walk enough times by now – sometimes he walked by there even on days when he wasn't meeting up with Asahi, on his way into town – that it was almost a habit. He knew the way without having to think about it.

He got there before Asahi this time, and sat down on a bench in the middle of the courtyard to rest. He'd had the presence of mind to take some painkillers before heading out this time, because he knew he'd be on his feet for most of the day, but it still wouldn't be good to strain it too much.

Asahi showed up almost exactly at two, and waved at Noya from across the yard. Noya stood up and walked over to meet him.

“Hey there,” he said brightly, once he was close enough. “How've you been?”

“I've been good,” Asahi replied. “You?”

“Great,” Noya replied. “Been an easy couple of days. Ready to get on a bus?”

Asahi wrinkled his nose. “Yup,” he said.

“There should be one coming around in about ten minutes. Let's head over.”

They made their way to a bus shelter by the road and sat down.

“So,” Asahi said. “What's downtown that you wanted to check out?”

“Well, there's just a bunch of weird little places, and there's this camera shop I've been meaning to look at,” Noya said, “And there's a pretty nice selection of places to eat. Nothing fancy, of course, but still.”

“You like photography?” Asahi asked.

Noya squinted at him. “I'm literally a photographer.”

“I mean, as a hobby. It's not just work.”

“Is that surprising?”

Asahi shrugged. “I mean… I don't know, photography just seems too… calm, I guess, for somebody like you. You're really energetic.”

“There's something to be said for being able to get sports to hold still for a second. And it gets me a chance to actually watch sports, now that I can't play them.”

“…Do you mind if I ask why you can't?” Asahi asked, cautiously.

Noya laughed and leaned back in his seat. His leg twinged a little. “I was an idiot,” he said. “Messed up my right leg in high school. It healed up fine, but I couldn't play volleyball anymore, because I could damage it again. Now it's all back to normal. Still hurts, though, which is why I walk kinda funny, if you were wondering.”

“Oh,” Asahi said. “I see.”

“Yeah. No big deal, though, no big deal,” he said, waving his hand. “It was a long time ago. I don't really miss volleyball that much.”

“Oh.”

“But, on to more interesting topics, how do you think your team's doing? You've got a couple more games coming up, right?”

“Yeah,” Asahi said. “We've got one next Saturday.”

“How do you think your chances are?”

“Well, the other team's pretty good…”

“But so are you.”

“…I guess. I guess we could do okay.”

“You'll win,” Noya said easily. “Trust me.”

The bus pulled into view then, and they stood up and got ready to board. Noya stood aside to let Asahi on first, and got on behind him, dropping their fare into the driver's palm and following him to a seat towards the back of the bus. Asahi slid into the window seat, and Noya sat down beside him.

“I haven't actually been downtown in a while,” Asahi said.

“Me either,” Noya admitted. “I hope we don't get lost.”

“You think we'll get lost?”

“Nah, I've got an incredible sense of direction. Believe me.”

The bus doors closed and they were off.

\- - -

They didn't have a first stop in mind when they got into town, and Noya couldn't precisely remember the location of any of the places he'd meant to visit, so they started out wandering. They stopped and poked their heads into every weird little shop they came across.

The first of these was a tiny candle shop that was cluttered up with all sorts of smells, sugar-sweet to musk. It was a very weird little place; for a while, Asahi thought it was unoccupied, and he had the sinking feeling that they shouldn't be in there, until the shopkeeper suddenly appeared between them and the door when they were on their way out. She startled him, making him actually jump back behind Noya, which Noya absolutely refused to let go later on. They left quickly after admitting to her that they weren't going to buy anything.

“She looked like she could hypnotize us into buying something,” Noya said under his breath as they hurried away from the shop. “Those eyes. Those glasses.”

“I think she's an alien,” Asahi said.

“Probably,” Noya agreed. “I swear some of those candles were glowing.”

“Well,” Asahi pointed out. “A few of them _were_ lit.”

“You know what I mean. Candles do not glow green.”

Their next unintended stop was a candy store, which Noya ducked into so fast and so quietly that Asahi didn't immediately notice he'd left his side. Asahi followed him in and picked his way through the crowd to find that he was already chewing on a free sample of some sort of strawberry candy. His eyes were wide.

“Here,” he said as Asahi approached him. He raised a hand up to the level of Asahi's mouth. He was holding a red piece of candy between his thumb and forefinger. “Try this.”

Without thinking, Asahi leaned forward a little bit and took the candy with his teeth.

Asahi realized, after a moment, what he'd just done.

He glance down to saw that Noya was staring up at him with a surprised smile on his face.

Asahi's face went as red as the candy.

“What,” he mumbled, turning his face away.

“Nothing,” Noya replied, laughing, shaking his head. “I just didn't expect you to eat the thing out of my hand.”

“Shut up,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. Why had he done that. Why hadn't he just reached up and taken it out of his hand. Though, the way Noya had been offering it…

“So,” Noya prompted him. “Thoughts?”

“On what?”

“On the candy, dummy. The one I just fed you.”

“Oh,” Asahi said, looking anywhere but at Noya, turning the candy over on his tongue. “It's. It's okay.”

“'Okay', he says,” Noya scoffed. “It's the best thing I've ever eaten.”

“It's really sweet,” Asahi admitted. “I don't usually eat really sweet food.”

“Ohh, are you more of a dark chocolate guy?” Noya asked, making his way toward the counter and inspecting the confections in the display case. Asahi followed him.

It was loud in there. People were densely packed around them. Asahi stuck as close to Noya as he could; he didn't like crowds that much.

“So,” Noya said, gesturing at the selection of chocolate inside the case. “What do you like?”

Asahi soon decided on some dark chocolate with almonds in it, and Noya got the attention of the frazzled cashier and bought a sizable brick of it, which he handed to Asahi. When Asahi tried to hand him money for it, he fended him off and insisted that he didn't need to worry about it. Then he bought a bag of the chemically-sweet strawberry candies, and they were ready to go.

Asahi didn't start eating his chocolate right away, but Noya stuffed another candy into his mouth as soon as they left the store.

They continued moving along the streets, poking their heads into any place that looked remotely interesting. Asahi asked to stop at a little bookstore along the way, but didn't actually buy anything, because he didn't know of any books that he wanted to get. He spent a little too long in front of the journals and sketchbooks at the front of the room, though. He _did_ write and draw a little, and he liked doing it, but he knew from experience that if he bought one of these, he'd think it too nice to use and never end up using it.

“You draw?” Noya asked when he noticed him staring at the display. “Or write?”

“Both. A little,” Asahi shrugged. “I don't know. I'm not very good at it.”

“Of course you are,” Noya said dismissively, and moved on.

The places they found included a place that sold nothing but soap made into various shapes, a shop that was mainly stocked with masks from around the world, a rock and gem shop, and a number of stores that didn't seem to know what they wanted to be.

“Okay,” Noya said, looking around after they'd been exploring for over an hour. “Where to next?”

“Oh.” Asahi looked around as well, but he didn't see anything that caught his attention right away. “Um. I don't know. I haven't been down here in a while, so…”

“Oh – oh, hey, wait, that's it right there!” Noya said, pointing off to their left. Before Asahi could look and see the store he was indicating, Noya had already taken off down the street towards a crosswalk. Asahi followed him. It was hard to keep sight of him in the dense crowd; he was shorter than almost everyone they passed. Asahi caught up with him on the street corner, while he was waiting for the light to change at the crosswalk. He seemed to be jumping a little on the spot.

“…Are you okay?” Asahi asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I'm fine,” Noya replied, waving one hand dismissively. “This is just the longest damn red light I've ever seen.”

“Where are we going?”

“That store over there,” Noya said, pointing it out. Asahi squinted down the road and found that he was indicating a small, brick-fronted shop with a dim interior. The sign over the door had a picture of a camera on it.

The light turned green and once again Asahi had to hurry to keep up with Noya as he sped across the street.

\- - -

The second they entered the camera shop, Noya became very quiet. The shopkeeper looked up when they walked in, and smiled and said hello. Asahi nodded at her and smiled, but Noya was already too absorbed in looking at the cameras. Apart from the shopkeeper, the two of them were the only ones in there.

“Asahi,” Noya whispered, waving him over to the shelf. “Look at this thing.”

Asahi looked, but all he saw was a camera. He didn't see anything remarkable about it. He tried, for Noya's sake, to seem interested, but he didn't really understand at all.

Noya caught on to this immediately. He shook his head slowly and pointed at the camera again.

“Do you see this thing?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Tell me what you see.”

“…I see a five-hundred-dollar camera.”

“You're killing me, Asahi. This is a good fucking camera.”

“If you say so.”

Noya moved along the line, shaking his head in disappointment. Asahi watched him, amused.

“Looking to buy today?” the shopkeeper asked as Noya got steadily closer to her desk.

He looked up like he'd completely forgotten she was there. “Oh,” he said. “Oh, uh, no. Sorry, just looking today.”

“That's fine. Take your time. I don't get too many people in here. If you have any questions, feel free to ask.”

Noya did indeed take his time. For almost an hour, he inspected the cameras and the prints on the walls. He was so calm and rapt the entire time that Asahi was sure he wouldn't have been able to tear him away even if he'd wanted to. It was actually quite fascinating, seeing him so interested in something like this. Noya was loud and loved to move; it was so odd to see how captivated he was by something so unlike him, so still and silent. His eyes were lit up as he admired the store's wares, and Asahi could hear the interest in his voice when he asked the shopkeeper questions.

Asahi couldn't make any sense of the questions he was asking and nor could he understand the appeal, but because Noya was so interested, he found himself taking an interest too. He watched Noya pick up some of the cameras, and noticed how carefully he handled them. He saw how still he could be as he held the camera up to his eye and focused the lens.

When Noya finally managed to pull himself away from the cameras, it was because it was nearly time for dinner. He set down one final camera, sighed a little wistfully, and nodded.

“Well, if we don't get out of here soon I'm going to just buy everything,” he said, turning and leading the way to the door.

The shopkeeper thanked them for stopping by, both of them waved goodbye, and then they stepped back out onto the city streets.

“Sorry that took so long,” Noya said, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets. “I lost track of time. I like that place.”

“No, it's fine,” Asahi replied. “Really. You looked like you were having a really good time.”

“I was,” Noya said, smiling. “God, what I wouldn't give to get into film photography. I'd buy a camera for it, but I already bought the one I use for work. It's digital, though. Not nearly as fun, but honestly a lot cheaper in the long run for the stuff I do. Waste a ton of shots on a digital camera, you just delete them. Or you don't delete them, because the memory card has five hundred gigs and your computer has two thousand. Waste a ton of shots on film and suddenly you're paying a hundred extra dollars every month.”

“Yikes,” Asahi intoned. Noya laughed at this contribution.

“But enough about that,” Noya said, stopping and looking up at him. “Where do you want to go for dinner?”

\- - -

They decided on a nearby restaurant. It was pretty full, but not unbearably so; nothing flashy, but that was just fine. They didn't have to wait too long to place an order. Asahi ordered a sandwich and some soup, and Noya ordered a bacon cheeseburger roughly the size of his head. They took their time eating, because the next bus home didn't roll in until eight. They talked lazily throughout the meal, joking about the stuff they'd found in the shops, talking about what they were going to do next week. They made plans to hang out for a little while again on Wednesday, after Asahi's evening practice. Noya had originally asked that they do it sooner, but Asahi said that he really should be studying instead of going out all the time. So it was Wednesday, and then they'd figure out more later.

Noya paid for the meal and they walked out of the restaurant. It was cool outside. September was almost over, and Asahi could feel autumn in the air. There was almost enough of a chill to make him shiver in his thin jacket, but not quite.

They were quiet as they waited for the bus. Noya seemed really tired. Asahi kept finding himself looking over at him, wondering if he should ask if he was okay. He kept rubbing his right leg. It really seemed to be bothering him.

Finally, the bus got there. It was starting to get dark out when they boarded it. Noya led the way to the back again, hobbling more than usual, and sank down in a bench seat, sighing deeply.

“That was fun,” he mumbled once Asahi had joined him.

“Yeah,” Asahi agreed. “We should do that again sometime.”

The bus began to move. Noya pulled his feet up onto the seat with him, zipped up his hoodie, tucked his legs beneath it, and pulled his arms into the sleeves.

“It cool if I lean on you?” he asked, eyes drooping.

“Go ahead,” Asahi replied, but Noya's head was already resting on his shoulder before he could finish.

Within a few minutes, Noya fell asleep. Asahi looked down at him, a little amazed at how quickly he'd done so. He was such a high-energy person, normally. He must have really worn himself out today. That and he was full of food. He had mentioned before that he fell asleep very easily after eating a whole lot.

Asahi found himself smiling down at the top of Noya's head. It didn't seem possible for a person to be as tiny as Noya was, all bundled up beneath his hoodie.

His head was warm against Asahi's shoulder. The bus was air-conditioned, despite the relative coolness of the night, so the warmth was welcome.

Asahi felt really, really good, just then, sitting in the back of that too-cold bus, watching the twilit city pass by, occasionally looking down at Noya, asleep on his shoulder. The light inside the bus was weird and artificial and white, but outside was growing dark, and the contrast was intense. Asahi loved riding the bus at night, on the few occasions when he'd done so. There was something peaceful about it that he couldn't quite place.

He noticed that they were getting close to home, and that Noya was still asleep. They were only a few blocks away from the college.

“Noya,” he said quietly, shaking Noya's shoulder. “Wake up. We're almost there.”

Noya didn't budge. In fact, he only wiggled his way closer to Asahi's side. Asahi frowned and shook him again. They were within a block of their stop now, and Noya just wouldn't wake up.

“Noya!” he hissed, slightly louder than before, shaking him harder. The bus was stopping now. The doors would open in a minute. What would he do if Noya didn't wake up in time? Would he have to carry him? Would the bus leave without dropping them off?

But Noya jerked awake and almost fell off the seat as soon as the bus came to a stop. He seemed very confused about being all tangled up in his jacket, and only managed to get his legs free by the time Asahi stood up. Noya made his way down the aisle clumsily with his arms still inside his hoodie. Asahi walked behind him in case he stumbled, and couldn't help but laugh at how uncoordinated he looked.

They managed to get off the bus without Noya harming himself in any way, and soon began to make their way home.

“I could call Suga or Daichi,” Asahi suggested, “and have one of them come pick us up, if you don't want to walk home.”

“I'm fine,” Noya said, yawning. “Time is it?”

“It's like eight-thirty,” Asahi replied.

“Night's young. I can make it home fine. I'm not tired.”

“You fell asleep on my shoulder.”

“Oh. Huh. I thought the trip was really fast…”

Asahi laughed and shook his head. “Well, let's get going,” he said. “Because I, unlike you, have to get up at six-thirty tomorrow morning and play volleyball.”

Noya made a disgruntled noise. “Six thirty,” he grumbled. “Why would you do that to yourself. Six-thirty AM is not an hour that should be seen by human eyes.”

“I'd say that about three AM, which is apparently when you go to sleep.”

“On a good day, yeah.”

Noya perked up a little more as they walked, and by the time they got near Asahi's house he was talking just as animatedly as he had been before they'd gone out. By now, Asahi was pretty tired, so he didn't spend long talking before he went inside. He went to bed soon after, only stopping briefly to say goodnight to Daichi and Suga, and fell asleep quickly.

\- - -

They met up quite frequently over the next month or so. Admittedly,Noya had originally intended for their situation to get a whole lot gayer a whole lot faster, but he found that this way was okay too.Noya was content to hang out with Asahi in a casual setting, alone _or_ with people around, so the slower pace worked out just fine for him. Asahi seemed to be enjoying himself a lot as well.

Summer started to fade and autumn started to roll in. Noya turned twenty without a lot of fanfare. He didn't mention it to anybody. Ryu and Saeko insisted on making him a big dinner, but that was all the celebration he allowed.

Noya kept up his routine of just showing up after volleyball practices, sometimes sending a text in advance, sometimes not. Either way, Asahi was glad to see him. Daichi and Suga were obnoxious about it, always exchanging knowing glances and nodding, but Noya didn't mind. He even liked it a bit. Towards the beginning, they often hung out with those two, but as time went on, more and more frequently they would make excuses and leave Noya and Asahi alone, which Noya appreciated.

It was a slow process, but Noya liked watching Asahi gradually getting more and more comfortable around him. He was still guarded, of course, but definitely less so than he had been at the start, and Noya soon learned that he really was like that with everybody, not just him.

Noya felt good about every second he spent around Asahi, and watched carefully every time he made him laugh, so he'd be able to remember it. He learned that Asahi's favorite places to go were basically just anywhere quiet, so he took him to parks and libraries and that coffee shop where they'd had the interview. He told Asahi that his favorite places to go mainly involved junk food, and so they walked around town, looking for the places with the absolute greasiest, most disgusting food they could find. Asahi never took part in the actual eating parts of these ventures, but seemed content to just hang around Noya nonetheless.

When he talked about it with Ryu and Saeko, he wasn't afraid to say it had been one of the best months he'd had in a while. They were almost as happy about this as he was.

Noya and Asahi met up at least once a week, but gradually more and more. Noya felt like a kid with a crush for much of the time they spent together. He felt like things were pretty okay right now, and would be for a while.

Asahi kind of had a way of making him feel like that.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! :D How's it going. How'd you enjoy 5K of cute. Yeah? Pretty okay? Nice. 
> 
> WELP HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT BECAUSE THESE DAYS ARE NUMBERED
> 
> Okay, couple of quick things here - 
> 
> I'm starting college on Friday! Which is great for me. Unfortunately for this fic, though, my school has a three-day off-campus orientation deal, so I'll be offline from next Monday until Thursday, probably late. Thus, the next update will probably get pushed to Thursday night, or even Friday morning, depending on my energy levels.
> 
> I'll try to post it early, on Sunday night, if I'm able, but I'll probably be too tired and/or busy to do so. I'll do my best to keep updates consistently on Tuesdays from here on out.
> 
> Though, of course, my writing will probably have to slow down significantly once I start classes. I'm just going to warn you in advance that I might have to go on hiatus at some point. Don't worry too much, though; the chapters I already have written will get you guys through another month, by which time I should (hopefully) have figured out a way to fit writing into my schedule. I should be able to knock out another chapter before I leave, as well.
> 
> And if I do have to go on hiatus, I have a month-long winter break, which is right after finals and will therefore be completely free of homework. That should give me some decent catch-up time, should I need it.
> 
> I'll always post updates about this fic at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/tagged/totw-updates. Check it out if you'd like. I'll try not to leave you in too much suspense about when the next chapter will be. :p
> 
> I hope you liked this chapter! Don't be afraid to leave a comment if you did. They really do make my day. :D Thanks for reading!


	7. Over & Over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ohohoho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm at college now, and more or less settled in. I've got to schedule for classes today, but not until later, and then my day's pretty free. :D So far college is great. Note that classes haven't started yet but still I've already had a great experience.
> 
> Probably gonna rant about college n shit on my tumblr at some point soon. For now, I'll let you get back to your gay volleyball nerds.
> 
> Because this is the part where things start to move.

“So,” Suga said one evening in the middle of October, while he, Daichi, and Asahi were sitting around the living room, watching a movie. “Asahi. Question.”

“Hm?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the screen. He was sitting in an armchair next to the sofa, where Suga lay with his head in Daichi's lap. Suga poked Asahi's arm with his foot.

“You and Noya,” he said. “When's the wedding?”

Asahi rolled his eyes as Daichi laughed quietly. He had come to expect these comments by now – they were a near-daily occurrence – but that didn't stop them being annoying.

“I find one person I like to hang out with besides you two and you immediately assume I'm dating him,” he said. “Are you going to give this up? Like, ever?”

“Probably not,” Suga said. “Daichi, how long, do you think?”

“Till what?”

“Till those two are a thing.”

Daichi looked over at Asahi and squinted at him, appraising. “How many times have you met up with Noya in the last week, again, Asahi?” he asked.

“…Three,” Asahi said. “So what?”

“I give it another week,” Daichi said.

“I say five days,” Suga said.

“I got ten bucks that says a week.”

“I'll put ten on five.”

“You're on.”

“ _You guys_ ,” Asahi grumbled, closing his eyes. “How many times do I have to say that we're friends? There's nothing like that going on.”

“Are you sure?” Daichi said. “Are you really really sure?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Asahi said. “We just like hanging out. He's a friend.”

“Okay,” Suga said. “So – to test that – you know the barbecue this weekend for all the sports teams? At the park?”

“…Yes,” Asahi replied, pausing the movie. He hadn't seen it before, and he'd been wanting to for a while. He wasn't going to let this dumb discussion ruin it for him.

“How about you ask Noya to go with you to it,” Suga said. “Ask him to actually go somewhere with you, and see how he acts.”

Daichi flicked the side of Suga's head. “You're skewing the odds,” he complained.

Suga ignored him and sat up to smile at Asahi. “What do you say?” he asked.

“I'll do that,” Asahi said. “It'll be fun. Because I like hanging out with him. He's cool to hang out with.”

Suga fell back onto Daichi's lap. “Daichi, are we still in high school?” he groaned.

“Honestly, I think we might be,” Daichi replied, shaking his head. “This is almost hopeless. I didn't think a person could _be_ so clueless.”

Asahi started the movie back up and turned the volume up, making it very clear that the conversation was over. It turned out to be just an okay movie. It wasn't really that interesting. He probably wouldn't watch it again.

\- - -

Asahi almost forgot about asking Noya to go to the barbecue with them. He remembered around ten 'o clock, as he was getting ready for bed.

He pulled out his phone and deliberated a while before tapping Noya's contact name. He liked Noya; they were pretty good friends by now, but Asahi still hesitated every time he had to start a conversation. Noya had made it extremely clear on many occasions that he liked talking with Asahi, but that didn't stop him being nervous that he might be bothering him.

 _It might be too late to talk_ , he thought, staring at the new text screen.

_Who are you kidding. Noya's never asleep before midnight._

He typed out the text slowly, choosing his words carefully.

 

> Hey – there's a barbecue thing for all the sports teams next weekend, and I was wondering if you might want to come with us?

 

He tossed his phone onto his bed and lay down beside it, but the reply didn't take long. The text alert vibration startled him.

 

>> Yeah! That sounds great :D Can I bring Ryu as well?

> Yeah, we have room in the car. Neither of you drive, right?

>> Right. And Saeko's got the car that weekend too. So when should we be ready?

 

Asahi gave him the details and Noya gave him their address. Noya also asked if he wanted to hang out the next day, once his classes were over. Once a time and place were established, Asahi said he was tired and that he was going to bed. Noya said goodnight, and then Asahi turned the light out and lay down.

He smiled to himself. He'd never really met somebody he was this excited about hanging out with. He wasn't sure what was different about Noya, but there was definitely a difference there.

He thought about what Daichi and Suga had said earlier. Why were they so sure that he and Noya should date? Asahi had dated people before, and it hadn't been like this at all. It had been an entirely different feeling. With them, he'd never been sure of himself at all. He'd never felt quite… right around them.

But with Noya – things were different. He was still a little wary around him, but that was to be expected. Asahi was still pretty closed around Suga and Daichi, too. But with Noya, just like with Suga and Daichi, he felt comfortable when they hung out now. Noya never laughed at him when he screwed up his words, like his dates had in the past. Asahi did this a lot, more often than he thought he should. Words didn't come naturally to him, sometimes. Some days his speech was just full of 'um's and 'uh's and there just wasn't anything he could do about it. Most of the time Noya didn't even acknowledge the mistakes or unnecessary syllables at all, and just waited patiently while he figured out what he was trying to say.

Noya seemed to appreciate – or at least, he didn't make fun of Asahi for – all the little things like that.

Sure, Noya caught him off-guard a lot. He was so outgoing and energetic, so unlike timid, deliberating Asahi, and there was a lot of contrast between them, but he found that he liked it.

It was hard for Asahi to find somebody he liked to hang with one-on-one. With almost everyone except for Suga and Daichi, and now Noya, conversation quickly fizzled out and turned to awkward silence when Asahi was left alone with somebody.

Asahi didn't know, based on his past experiences, if he liked dating at all. He _did_ like hanging out with Noya, though, and if Daichi and Suga were going to act like this about it, oh well.

He fell asleep pretty quickly that night.

\- - -

The week passed quickly for Noya. He spent a lot of time around Asahi, which was how he liked to spend his time nowadays, more than anything really. He felt a little bad about neglecting Saeko and Ryu, but when he mentioned this, they just said they were happy that he was having such a good time.

“You really seem happier,” Saeko said. “I missed that smile.”

So he kept hanging out with Asahi, more and more frequently, without feeling guilty. They always had a great time, even if they didn't really do anything. Noya liked just being around him; he'd never really appreciated just being quiet near somebody until he'd spent some time at a library with Asahi. It gave him time to stare, anyway. He did a lot of that.

\- - -

Suga's car pulled up in front of Noya's house at about seven in the evening on the day of the barbecue, and Noya hurried out as soon as they arrived.

“Just a sec!” he called out. “Gotta grab some stuff.”

He darted back into the house, grabbed the plastic bag full of chips, and called to Ryu that they were heading out. Ryu followed him out of the house and towards the car.

Asahi was crammed in one side of the backseat, with Suga and Daichi occupying the front ones. He looked almost comical, big guy that he was, stuffed into the backseat like that.

“Having fun back here?” he asked him as he slid into the middle seat.

“Could use more legroom,” Asahi replied, trying to move so that his knees weren't sticking into his chin.

“Everybody in?” Suga called over his shoulder, and started the car.

\- - -

It didn't take long to get to the park, and when they arrived, people were already setting up. Noya and Tanaka recognized some of the members of the volleyball, basketball, and football teams, and went over to greet some of them. Suga and Daichi quickly busied themselves with talking to their respective teams, and Asahi just stuck close to the snack table, like he usually did, holding a can of soda, sipping from it every so often just for something to do.

He didn't really like going to events like these. People tired him out, and although he liked hanging out with the people he'd come here with, they had other friends to talk to besides him. He didn't really have anybody besides them. He didn't see much of a point to all this.

He watched Noya crack open a beer and take a swig. He drank a good portion of it before setting it down, and then went on talking to some of the members of the football team. Any given one of them weighed at least a hundred pounds more than Noya did. It was kind of funny to see.

“Hey.”

Suga was suddenly on Asahi's left. He started a little upon noticing him.

“Oh – hey, Suga,” he said. “How's it going?”

“It's going pretty well for me,” he replied. “I see you're keeping the snacks company.”

“Yeah.”

There. Already he'd killed a conversation. He looked around the park for something to focus on and found himself staring at Noya again.

Suga elbowed him. “You can go talk to Noya, you know,” he said quietly. “It's okay.”

“No – I mean – yeah, I can, but…” Asahi shrugged and took a drink of his soda. “I don't know. There's just a lot of people here. I don't do well with a lot of people.”

“Yeah, well. You can just follow me or Daichi around, too, that's fine.”

Asahi shrugged. “And Noya's got a bunch of friends with him, too,” he said. “I don't want to bug them.”

He watched Noya finish his beer, crush the can under his heel, and open another, much to the delight of the football players.

Suga sighed. Asahi looked down at him and caught him squinting over at them.

“I think it would be totally okay for you to interrupt that,” he said.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just hold out until we can get some food, okay? Then we can leave.”

“All right. Okay.”

It was getting dark already. It was getting towards fall; the nights were getting long again. Someone brought out a radio and tuned it to a pop station, which prompted a lot of off-key singing and enthusiastic drunken dancing.

Noya came over to where Asahi was standing and head-butted his shoulder.

“Hey there,” Asahi said.

“Hello,” Noya said. “Sorry – had to go say hi to those guys over there. Good guys. Haven't talked to 'em in a bit. How are you doing over here? Guarding the chips?”

Asahi smiled a little and shrugged. “I guess,” he said. “Not doing a very good job, though. People keep taking them anyway.”

Noya was already elbow-deep in a bag of Doritos. He shoved way too many of them into his mouth at once, and smiled up at Asahi.

“Just like that,” Asahi said.

Noya leaned against the table, chewing up the chips, and for a little while they were quiet. Noya was, of course, the one to speak first.

“You're not a party guy, are you?” he asked.

“Not at all.”

“What brought you here?”

Asahi looked at the ground. “I don't know,” he said. “Daichi and Suga have a good time. And I assume this is the kind of thing that you like to do, right?”

“Well, yeah – but you don't need to go out and do stuff like this just because your friends do, you know?”

With that, Noya finished his beer. Whether this was his second or third, or even more than that, Asahi wasn't sure.

“Yeah, I know,” he said. “I just… I don't know, I keep thinking that stuff like this _sounds_ like fun, but then when I get out and actually do it…”

“I get you, I get you,” Noya nodded. “You pretty much just want to leave, huh?”

“I wouldn't say no.”

“Asahi,” Noya asked. “Do you drink?”

“Uh.” He didn't, really. “Kind of.”

“Kind of,” Noya repeated, nodding at him slowly, squinting. “Can you clarify that for me.”

“Uh – yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I drink.”

“All right,” Noya said, pushing off from the table and standing up. “You wait here a second. I'm gonna go grab a couple more beers, and then we'll get out of here.”

Before Asahi could ask what he meant, Noya was out of hearing range.

\- - -

Noya grabbed four beers – two in each hand – and handed two of them to Asahi when he came back to him.

“Where are we going?” Asahi asked now. His heart was racing a little. He wasn't sure why.

“There's a lake down at the bottom of that hill,” Noya said, pointing to the west end of the park. “There's some benches and stuff down there. It'll be quieter.”

“Good idea,” Asahi said. “Thanks.”

They moved quickly through the crowds of people, none of whom really seemed to notice them. It was getting dim out. Everything was dark orange. Asahi saw Daichi and Suga off to the side, sitting close together on a bench.

He probably had a little while before they noticed he was gone.

“I'm not going to hear the end of this one from Daichi and Suga,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Us going off alone like this,” Asahi said. The word 'us' felt weird to say. “In the dark, without telling anyone.”

“They _would_ make fun of people for something like that, wouldn't they,” Noya sighed, shaking his head. “They never left high school.”

“It's like they're my parents,” Asahi said.

“They must make great roommates.”

Noya led the way down the path. It was a narrow one, barely wide enough for them to walk side-by-side, surrounded closely by the dense forest. Noya opened another can of beer as they went. Asahi noticed his already-awkward gait getting gradually more and more wobbly.

“How many beers have you had?” Asahi asked.

Noya snorted. “I have no idea,” he said, and then laughed.

He tripped on a rock and stumbled. Asahi put out a hand and grabbed his shoulder without really thinking about it.

Noya reached up and touched his hand. “My hero,” he said, patting Asahi's fingers.

Asahi's face felt warm and he took his hand away quickly. “Look where you're going,” he said, with a much less commanding tone than he'd hoped.

Noya started whistling not too long after that, hands stuck deep in his pockets. If there was a song somewhere in those disconnected notes, Asahi didn't recognize it.

“Asahi, I have a question for you,” Noya said, pausing in his whistling.

“Yes?”

“Why are you so fucking tall?”

Asahi blinked. “Uh.”

Noya leaned heavily against him. “Like,” he giggled, “Is that even fucking necessary?”

“Not really,” Asahi shrugged. He couldn't help but smile. Noya's drunken giggling was infectious. He opened up his own can of beer and sipped it occasionally. He wasn't really thinking about it.

“Like, I mean,” Noya rambled, “I love it. It's great. You're great. But does anyone actually need to be more than six feet tall?”

“You probably don't see why anyone has to be over five-six-and-a-quarter, huh?” Asahi replied.

“Exactly! See, you get me.

“Oh, hey – it's this way,” Noya said, taking a few quick steps ahead. He emerged through a clearing in the trees and immediately turned left. Asahi followed at a light jog.

As expected, there wasn't anybody down here. It was a bit of a walk, Asahi reasoned; too far away from the party for most people to want to go.

Asahi hadn't been down here before, or if he had, he couldn't remember it. It was beautiful out here, especially this time of the year and day. The lake was completely still, save for the ducks swimming over its surface. The sun, setting right behind the trees on the opposite bank, turned the water bright orange. The grass around them was bright green, and seemed to invite people to take their shoes off and settle in. The air still smelled like summer.

Noya flopped down in the grass and cracked open the other beer he'd brought with him. Asahi finished his first one, and set the full one aside. He didn't like beer much.

Noya slammed most of his beer, and then crushed the can. He aimed for a trash can, threw it, and missed wide.

“Damn,” he said, and then lay down in the grass. “Missed.”

Asahi lay down as well, and stared at the setting sun. It was pretty out here, and the quiet was nice. He hadn't really noticed how loud the party had been until now, when the only sound was that of the air gently blowing by, and his and Noya's breathing.

His chest felt weird again, like his heart was going too fast. Maybe it was the alcohol.

“You know what, Asahi,” Noya said suddenly.

“What?”

“You're…” Noya hiccuped, surprising himself, and then laughed, and then went on talking.

“You're really fucking cute,” he finished, turning his head and grinning at him.

Asahi's heart actually stopped for a second. He stared at Noya, confused. “What?”

Noya didn't explain himself. He just grinned, closed one eye, and reached out and poked Asahi's nose. “Boop,” he said, and then snorted.

Asahi went pink in the face again, and looked away from Noya – but then he looked back at him, and this time managed to keep it that way.

“You're all pink,” Noya commented, rolling onto his side. His face was only about a foot away from Asahi's.

“So are you,” Asahi said. His stomach felt like jelly. He could feel sweat breaking out on his palms and moved to dry them on his jeans. What was wrong with him?

He sat up suddenly, and tried to get a handle on his breathing, and his heartbeat. Noya sat up too, and moved closer to him, looking concerned.

“You okay, Asahi?” he asked.

Asahi nodded. His breathing was okay again, but his heart was still going nuts. “I'm okay,” he said.

“Do you feel like you could get up and run?”

Asahi looked over at him, still lying on the ground, and raised an eyebrow.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because it'll make you feel better. And I kind of want to get up and _run_.”

With that, Noya rolled onto his upper back and kicked forward suddenly, lifting himself, and landing, crouched, on his knees. He winced a little as he straightened up, but recovered quickly. He waited for Asahi to stand up too, and then pointed out in front of them.

“See that… that thing, over there?” he said.

“No,” Asahi said, feeling a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Fuckin' race you to it,” Noya said, looking up at him. There was a light in his eyes and a wide grin stretched across his mouth.

“Are you drunk?” Asahi asked.

“Not fucking yet,” Noya replied, and then he turned around and took off running.

Before he really knew what was going on, Asahi was running after him.

Noya could run surprisingly fast. Asahi had no idea where they were going, where Noya was leading him, but he didn't really care right now.

He felt like laughing. It was probably the alcohol now, but he'd often felt like this in summer when he was younger. There was something in the air during this time of year. He couldn't describe what it was, but it exhilarated him.

His heart had a real reason for pumping now. Noya sprinted ahead of him, and then jumped into the air and let out a loud whoop. Asahi couldn't hold back from laughing out loud after that, and he did so. There was a _full_ feeling in his chest; he couldn't think of a better word for it. He loved it. He loved every second of this stupid, pointless running.

They ran like that, parallel to the dimming lake, until they met the tree line at the other end of their bank. Once they reached it, they slowed and stopped, still laughing, panting a little.

Asahi collapsed to the ground and lay there, arms and legs stretched out. Noya lay down beside him, closer than he had before. The high from their quarter-mile sprint was making them giddy.

\- - -

The running made Noya bold.

Though he had some help from the alcohol, as well. His inhibitions were just about gone.

He watched Asahi, lying in the grass beside him, all flushed in the face and laughing hard. His hair had halfway fallen out of its bun, and those loose strands were spread out around his head.

Noya reached over and pulled the rest of it out of the hair band as well.

“What are you doing?” Asahi said, still laughing, not really caring what Noya was doing at all.

“Nothing,” Noya said, poking his cheek. “Quiet.”

He moved even closer to Asahi, and sat up, looking down at him.

\- - -

Asahi stopped laughing as Noya sat up, but still smiled, and breathed heavily. Noya smiled down at him.

“Fun, huh?” he said.

“Yeah,” Asahi replied. “I guess I should run like that more often. You were right. I feel great.”

\- - -

Noya's leg hurt – it kind of hurt a lot – but that was okay.

He reached over and twirled a lock of Asahi's hair around his finger.

Asahi looked really, _really_ good like this. All exhilarated, panting, pink in the face, _a_ _wake_ _._

He leaned over, holding his face maybe a foot from Asahi's, looking him right in the eyes.

And Asahi didn't look away.

\- - -

 _It's the alcohol, right?_ Asahi thought to himself as Noya drew closer to him.

_That's why I…? That's why –?_

\- - -

The kiss didn't last very long, as is befitting of first kisses. Noya pulled away quickly, mainly to gauge Asahi's reaction.

His eyes were wide, his cheeks were even redder than they'd been before, and his mouth was half-open. He looked more surprised than anything. He was breathing pretty quickly. Noya must have startled him.

Noya smiled. “You okay?” he asked, running a hand through Asahi's hair. “Did I kill you?”

Asahi shook his head. “I'm fine,” he said. “I'm not dead.”

“That's good,” Noya said.

“I'm… I…”

Asahi was stammering. He did that when he got nervous.

“Do you mind if I do that again?” Noya asked.

\- - -

Did he mind? He couldn't tell. He couldn't even make sense of those words right now. His brain didn't work.

_It's the alcohol._

“I don't mind,” he said. He shrugged. “You. You can do that again. If you want.”

And Noya did. He leaned forward and closed his eyes and pressed his mouth to Asahi's again. And this time, Asahi could actually take in what it felt like.

The kiss was warm, and would later leave a faint taste of beer on his lips. It was very much a summer thing, and it was a lot like the aftermath of the running they'd just done. It made his heart skip in very much the same way.

He wasn't really sure if he liked it. It was just _happening_ right now, and his brain frantically scrambled to process that fact, leaving absolutely no room for whether or not he was enjoying it.

Noya pulled away again, and smiled. He kept his face close to Asahi's, and again ran a hand through his hair.

Asahi could hardly breathe.

Asahi's phone went off in his pocket and startled them both. Noya laughed and moved off so Asahi could answer it. Asahi had to fumble at his pocket for a while before his shaky hands could actually get a hold of the phone.

“Hello?” he asked, without checking who was calling.

“Asahi?” It was Suga, and he sounded confused. “Where are you?”

“Oh. Um.”

“…Asahi?”

“I'm down by the lake,” he said, looking anywhere but at Noya.

“You're at the lake?”

“Yeah.”

A teasing note came into Suga's voice. “Are you down there with Noya?” he said.

Asahi's cheeks went red. There it was. “Yes,” he mumbled.

“Wait, what?” Suga demanded, bursting out laughing. “I was kidding! Oh my god – oh, my god, he's not here either, is he? Oh my god I was kidding. Oh, shit, Daichi owes me ten bucks!”

Asahi covered his face with his hand. “Suga…” he groaned.

“Okay, fine, sorry, I'll save my 'I told you so's for when we get home. But, yeah, we're leaving soon. Did you get something to eat before you went off and did… whatever it was you did?”

Asahi's face was on fire. “No, I didn't,” he said. “But it's okay. We can just head out.”

“Okay. Wow, okay. Yeah. So. I'll see you when you get back here. And I promise not to gloat too much, okay?”

“We didn't do anything,” Asahi hissed in a low voice, so Noya couldn't hear. “Okay? Nothing happened.”

“O-o-okay,” Suga said, plainly not believing him. “Take your time getting back.”

With that, he hung up. Asahi dropped his phone and covered his face with both hands.

“Do you know how close I was to yelling at you to put your pants back on?” Noya asked, standing up and grinning down at him.

“Thank you for not doing that,” Asahi said tiredly. _You're just drunk_ , he thought to himself. _It's all fine. This was weird, but it's because you're drunk. And he's drunk. You're both drunk. You'll forget about it by tomorrow._

“I'd help you up,” Noya said, “But I think I'm about to fall over.”

“It's fine,” Asahi said, and stood up. Noya really was wobbly. “Do you need help, or anything?”

“Nah, I got it. Lead the way.”

They didn't talk much at all on the way back to the park. Asahi was still too dizzy to string words together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHOHOHOHO ARE WE HAVING FUN YET
> 
> Noya is anyway.
> 
> Okay, so, hopefully this will be the only delay I'll have to make. No promises, of course, because COLLEGE, but I'll do my best to get the rest of the updates on Tuesdays. The next one, unless something comes up that is so fucking distracting or exhausting that I can't find the energy to copy/paste the chapter into a little box, will go up on this next Tuesday. So your waiting got you two chapters within just a few days of each other. Nice.
> 
> Please leave a comment and/or a kudo if you've enjoyed this story so far. It really really means a lot, especially since I'm at a point of a lot of change and stress and little things like that would make my day so, so much better.
> 
> Updates on this fic's status go here: i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/tagged/totw-updates
> 
> Don't be afraid to drop me a line! :D It's always greatly appreciated.


	8. Linger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2.8K Of Self-Esteem Issues

The ride back from the barbecue was mercifully quiet. Asahi spent most of the ride staring out the backseat window, one hand over his mouth, getting a sinking feeling whenever somebody spoke. Daichi and Suga were, thank god, true to their word, and didn't say anything about what he and Noya may or may not have done.

Noya fell asleep and leaned onto Asahi's shoulder. Asahi noticed he was warm. The night was cool, and it felt kind of good…

Asahi shook his head. _Drunk_ , he told himself.

\- - -

The next morning, Asahi deliberated for a good hour before finally going downstairs. As he'd suspected, Suga was waiting for him, seated at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee. He acknowledged Asahi and said good morning, and Asahi greeted him as well, without looking him in the eye. Asahi threw two pieces of bread in the toaster and stood with his back to the kitchen, waiting for it to heat up.

“Daichi ran to the store to grab a few things,” Suga said, startling Asahi. “If you want him to get anything specific you'd better text him.”

“Oh. I'm fine,” Asahi shrugged, still not turning around. The toast was taking a really damn long time. He wondered if the toaster wasn't working right.

Suga let that sit for a second, and then, as Asahi had known he would, he finally asked.

“So,” he said. “You and Noya.”

Asahi's head dropped. He sighed.

“I told you already,” he said. “Nothing happened.”

“Are you sure?” Suga said. “You're absolutely sure that you and Noya just disappeared off into the forest with alcohol and you just had… a friendly chat, or something?”

Asahi finally turned around and walked over to the table to sit down across from Suga. He dropped his head onto the table and wrapped his arms around it.

“I was drunk,” he said.

“So something _did_ happen!” Suga crowed, slapping the back of his hand. “C'mon. Did you hook up or what?”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Because the guy makes you happy and I like to see that,” Suga said. “C'mon.”

Asahi took a deep breath. He let it out slowly.

Suga was great. The two of them had been friends and high school and stayed close ever since. Asahi trusted him as a confidant, and Suga always made sure he knew that he could talk to him whenever, about whatever. Asahi rarely made any actual use of this, but he supposed right now wouldn't hurt… Suga was happy for him. That was what this teasing meant.

And in any case, he could use some help figuring out what was going on.

“We kissed,” he said quietly.

“…Wait, is that all?” Suga said, after a moment of silence. “You haven't looked anybody in the eye in almost twelve hours! Is that really all?”

“Twice,” Asahi added.

Suga threw his hands in the air. “Twice. Well, of course.”

“Suga,” he groaned, “Quit it, please.”

Suga did. He sat back in his chair and sighed. Asahi picked his head up and noticed that Suga was smiling at him, widely.

“What?” he asked.

“I'm happy for you, buddy,” Suga said. “So – I mean, _you're_ happy, right?”

Asahi looked away from him again. “See… that's the thing,” he said. “I just… I don't know, Suga, I feel really weird about the whole thing.”

“Oh?” Suga's expression fell a little. “He didn't… force himself on you, or anything, did he?”

“No,” Asahi said quickly. “No, that's not what I mean.”

“What's the problem, then?”

Asahi rubbed the back of his neck. “I… I don't know,” he said. “I just… I feel weird. Like… Before this, I didn't think of him as someone I'd want to date? Like at all?”

“No?”

“No. Like… I've dated people before. And it's never been like me and Noya.”

“I've seen the people you've dated before.” Suga took a sip of his coffee. “You never seemed happy to me.”

“I don't know if I was,” Asahi shrugged.

“That aside, though,” Suga said, looking at him very seriously. “Kissing the guy doesn't obligate you to do anything. You don't owe him, and if he wants to take this further and you don't, you tell him.”

“I think I do? Or maybe I don't,” Asahi said. “I don't know. It just happened so fast. I wasn't really thinking… I think it just surprised me.”

“My advice,” Suga said, “is just think it through for yourself. Do you like him? Do you feel comfortable around him? Is he somebody you'd like to make a bigger part of your life?”

Asahi already knew that the answer to all three of those questions was yes.

“Don't let anybody else decide for you, okay?” Suga said.

“…Did it even mean anything, though?” Asahi asked. “The kiss, I mean? He seemed… pretty drunk.”

“Oh, yeah, about that,” Suga smiled, raising an eyebrow. “You said you were drunk. How many beers did you have last night?”

“One,” Asahi mumbled.

Suga snorted. “Okay, Asahi, I'll tell you right now that it would take like ten more beers to get a guy your size drunk. Noya, much less, because he's tiny. You – well, it's more than _one_ , buddy.”

“Noya definitely had a lot,” Asahi said.

“From the way he was leaning on you when you came back up the hill, I wouldn't doubt it,” Suga laughed. “As for if what he did meant anything; you'll have to talk to him about that.

“Your toast is ready, by the way,” Suga said, nodding towards the toaster. Asahi got up and continued making his breakfast, glad that the conversation was over.

\- - -

He liked Noya.

He thought about it for most of the rest of that day, which he spent at home. Suga and Daichi went out somewhere that evening, so Asahi had a lot of time to himself to think things over. He'd turned his phone off, just in case.

He thought about the time he'd spent with Noya so far. He really thought about it. All the times they'd gone out for coffee between his classes, or lunch on days off. And they'd had a good time, each time they did it. Asahi always went home feeling good after hanging out with Noya.

He remembered their trip to the city. How Noya had fallen asleep against him on the way home.

He'd been so warm against Asahi's shoulder.

So had it started… all that time ago, all the way back then? How long had he liked Noya? He couldn't be sure.

All he knew was he'd realized it all at once the previous night, at the barbecue, hidden down by the lake, alone and full of a summer high.

This conclusion was quickly followed, however, by a feeling of uneasiness, even slight fear. What if Noya was like this with everyone? Asahi hadn't been around him much other than one-on-one, so he couldn't be sure, but he didn't act different around Daichi and Suga, or around his friend Ryu.

Could Asahi even say that he was anything different? Had Noya meant anything by that kiss, or had it just been a drunken, heat-of-the-moment whim he'd acted on? That was certainly how it had felt to Asahi…

He'd realized now that he liked Noya… but now he was faced with the very real risk that Noya might not like him back.

He wanted to ask Suga, but he knew what the answer would be.

Talk to him.

Asahi had been so comfortable talking to Noya just one day ago. Now, though, it seemed like one of the scariest things he could think of. If he talked to Noya, and Noya said no…

Maybe he just shouldn't bring it up. Maybe he should just let things be. Noya probably wouldn't even remember doing it, he'd been so plastered drunk by the end of the evening.

Asahi liked Noya. He liked just being around him. He didn't need anything romantic, and he didn't want to risk what they already had by bringing up that stupid kiss.

Why _would_ Noya mean anything by it, he thought. Why would he want Asahi, of all people? Asahi, who stammered just about every time he spoke, whose hands and feet were always sweaty and still too big for him, who was so nervous that he couldn't even muster up the courage to pick up the phone to call for pizza? Asahi was a wreck, really, and Noya was just… Noya was _better_ than that. He could find someone better. Easily.

So Asahi should just keep quiet. It didn't matter that much anyway, right? This wasn't high school. He could get over it.

He closed his eyes and pressed his palms over them, frowning. It had never once crossed his mind that he might be interested in Noya. But something changed that night at the party, all because of one stupid kiss.

He'd felt the same way about Noya this whole time. It was only just now that he realized what this feeling actually _was._ It was complicated. He couldn't explain it, even to himself, inside his own head. It was all so overwhelming, even a little scary.

He didn't turn his phone back on that day. Everything had hit him all at once, and it tired him out fast. He was ridiculously confused; he needed a little time to unwind.

\- - -

Noya woke up at about one-thirty the afternoon after the barbecue with a really, really bad headache and a bad taste in his mouth. He couldn't bring himself to roll out of bed for almost another hour after that. He didn't bother to check his phone; the screen was too bright, and he couldn't look at it. He didn't notice for a while that he'd gotten no word from Asahi, but that wasn't too unusual.

What was a little unusual, though, were his memories from the previous night. A little blurry, a little indistinct, but still… there, somehow.

He seemed to remember that he'd gotten Asahi to follow him away from the party. An hour or so in, and he'd already been pretty smashed. Kind of pathetic, but whatever, he'd gone with it.

He'd taken Asahi away with him… and they'd gone down to the lake, and lay down…

He remembered being very, very close to Asahi's face. He even remembered the color his cheeks were, pink in the setting sun. He remembered how _very fucking hot_ he'd looked just then, and he remembered running his fingers through Asahi's hair.

He remembered being more or less on top of Asahi. He remembered, approximately, what he'd _wanted_ to do, just then… but as for what he'd actually ended up doing, he was drawing a blank.

He also didn't have any memory of what had happened afterward. Somehow, he and Asahi had both made it back up to the car, and they'd all gone home, but he had the strange, sinking feeling that Asahi hadn't spoken to him the entire time.

He mulled all this over while gradually working his way through a mug of black coffee, sitting alone in the kitchen. He was too irritable for either Saeko or Ryu to want to spend too much time around him, so he was pretty much left alone to stew in his hangover and what scattered thoughts he could still recover.

He really, really hoped he hadn't scared Asahi off, in his stupid drunken state. He pulled his phone out to text him, but after several attempts at writing a message that didn't sound really stupid, he decided that he shouldn't do this sort of thing via text anyway.

So, instead, he sent him a text asking to hang out. The next day, of course. His head still hurt too badly for him to want to leave the house today.

Asahi would remember whether or not they actually did anything, right? Noya hadn't seen him drink more than one beer, he didn't think… yeah, Asahi wasn't a big drinker, Noya could tell. He'd remember.

Shit. He really, really hoped he hadn't fucked this one up. He shouldn't have let himself get so drunk. Just in general, he probably shouldn't drink at all. He didn't _like_ it, really, but… well, sometimes a little alcohol made things fun.

He checked his phone every couple of minutes, waiting for a reply text, but he didn't get one that day. He wondered about it a little, and worried. Asahi always got back to him quickly, even if only to say that he was busy right now and couldn't talk. Noya almost texted Daichi and Suga, as well, just to ask about Asahi, but he realized that was too creepy, even for him.

He just had to wait, he guessed.

\- - -

Asahi got Noya's text on Monday, after he woke up and turned his phone back on. He read it, over and over, as though trying to find some hidden answer to the previous night's questions. But the hastily-typed, misspelled words and smiley emoji conveyed absolutely nothing. It was a completely normal text from Noya, nearly identical to the ones he'd sent before the party.

So, Asahi thought to himself, dropping his phone onto the mattress beside him, feeling his heart twist a little. He didn't remember. Or he didn't think anything of it.

Kissing people like that probably wasn't a big deal for Noya at all, was it? He had a lot of friends. He probably kissed a lot of people, just like he'd done at the party.

Asahi didn't respond to the text.

Daichi knocked on his door.

“Asahi?” he called. “I'm heading out. You ready to go?”

“Uh,” Asahi replied. “I'm. I think I'll sit practice out today, all right? I'm feeling a little weird.”

“Oh. Okay. You rest up. It's fine. I'll see you later.”

Asahi rolled over onto his face and sighed. He wasn't lying to Daichi. His stomach hurt.

This really was pathetic. _Just like high school_ , he thought. _Just hide in your room all the time. It'll solve all your problems._

\- - -

Noya showed up after volleyball practice as usual, whistling cheerfully, that Monday morning. He found most of the team bustling around, finishing up with practicing and beginning to clean up. He looked around the room quickly, but he didn't see Asahi anywhere. Maybe he was in the locker room?

“Hey, Noya,” Daichi called, waving him over. He and Maeda were pulling the net poles out of the holes in the floor.

Noya made his way through the room, careful to avoid numbers nine and ten, who seemed to be racing each other across the court with mops.

“Here for Asahi?” Daichi asked.

“Yeah,” Noya replied. “Where would he be?”

“He's actually at home. Didn't feel up to practice today,” Daichi told him. “He should still be going to class, though, I think. You could text him and ask.”

“All right,” Noya said, “thanks.”

He turned and walked out of the gym, feeling his stomach sink as he did so.

Asahi never missed practice. Not feeling well, not coming to practice, not answering Noya's text…

_Fuck_ , Noya thought to himself, kicking a pebble down the path, curling his hands into fists inside his pockets. _Dammit. Idiot._ _He'_ _s avoiding you. He literally faked being sick to get away from talking to you._

So he'd been wrong in thinking that Asahi had feelings for him. His timing hadn't been anywhere near as solid as he'd felt like it had been. Asahi only regarded him as a friend, and he'd gone and… well, he still couldn't, for the life of him, remember what it was that had happened at the party, but he had a bad feeling that he'd really, really fucked up.

He paused, sat down on a bench, and rested his head in his hands, trying his best to calm down a little and think.

He could be wrong, still. This could just be a misunderstanding on his part. No use jumping to conclusions and freaking out over something that might not be a big deal at all. No use getting mad at himself just yet. This could still be fixable. He couldn't have ruined _everything_ , just like _that._

Ask him to meet up. Talk to him and get this all figured out. In a day or two you'll be laughing about it.

_Yeah,_ he thought, putting a smile on his face. _Yeah. It's just a misunderstanding. You'll get it figured out and it'll all be okay. Don't freak out when there isn't anything to freak out over._

He pulled out his phone and sent a text to Asahi asking to hang out, hoping against hope that he really was just blowing all this out of proportion.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALLLLLLLRIGHTY considerably less happened in this chapter than the last but I hope you're okay with it nonetheless
> 
> Classes started for me today and it's looking like my writing time will significantly decrease. Considering what I had before was already little, this doesn't look ideal. But hey I've mostly worked through the slow patch I was stuck on in chapter 11 and I'm approaching some more interesting plot points so maybe things will actually speed up. We just don't know.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading. If you're feeling up to it, please leave a comment or a kudo or drop me a line on tumblr (i-homeostasis) if you're enjoying the story so far. The tag for updates is /totw-updates.
> 
> See you next week! :D


	9. Rubik's Cube

Asahi got another text from Noya just before he left to go to class.

 

>> Daichi said you weren't feeling up to practice today. You ok?

 

Even reading texts from Noya made his heart speed up. His hands started to sweat, too. Lovely.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply before gathering his courage to reply.

 

> Yeah, I'm ok. I'm good enough for class anyway.

>> That's great :D hey, did you get my last text? you never replied.

> Yeah, I got it.

>> too sick to think about hanging out? I get it. Wild party on Saturday ;) tired you out huh

 

Asahi stared at the semicolon on the screen. Why on earth was he winking. What did that mean.

 

> Haha, yeah. Pretty crazy.

>> I literally slept for thirteen hours after we got home. Had the WORST headache

> You were pretty drunk.

>> Was I ever. Anyway – you feeling too sick to hang out or would you be okay with me meeting you after your first class? We don't have to do anything. Just walk around or go to lunch if you're up for it.

 

Asahi bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair.

_Talk to him_ , he could hear Suga saying already. _Meet up and talk with him._

 

> Sure, I guess. A walk would be okay.

>> Okay! See you then :D

 

Asahi's stomach only hurt more after this exchange. He put his phone away and started getting ready to walk to school.

\- - -

True to his word, Noya was waiting for Asahi after the end of his first class. Asahi almost walked right by him without noticing him; he was pretty frazzled, as he usually was after the end of his Statistics class. Numbers weren't his forte, and he was behind on homework. He was thinking about how he'd organize his time until his history class at three; he'd have to knock out a couple of assignments right away, or he'd be up late tonight…

“Asahi, hey.”

Asahi had almost passed the bench where Noya was sitting. Noya looked up at him, amused, and waved.

“Oh. Hey,” Asahi said. He scratched the back of his head. “Didn't see you there.”

“You look like you've got a lot on your mind,” Noya said, stretching out his right leg. “Siddown. I just walked all the way over here from my house twice today and my leg's killing me.”

Asahi nodded and sat down beside him, as far away as he could without seeming awkward. He watched Noya rubbing at his knee in silence.

After a minute or so, Noya looked up at him and grinned. “What's up?” he asked. “You look tired. You sure you're okay to hang out?”

“Yeah,” Asahi replied. “Yeah, it's not a big deal.”

“You just came out of stats, right?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I didn't get to stats in high school. What's it like?”

“It's not too bad, as math goes,” Asahi said. “It's… not my best class, though.”

“No?”

“It's pretty stressful when I don't get something right away,” Asahi shrugged. “If I work at it I can usually figure it out, though.

“I actually have a lot of homework I need to catch up on,” he added, when Noya didn't say anything for a moment.

“Oh.” Noya raised his eyebrows. “Do you need to get going? We can hang out later.”

“No, it's okay,” Asahi said. “I'd like to go to the library, though, if that's fine with you.”

“Yeah, of course. I don't have anywhere to be right now.”

They stood up and started walking along in silence. Asahi noticed that Noya's limp was more pronounced than usual. His leg really had to be bothering him…

They didn't talk for a while. Asahi snuck a sideways glance at Noya every now and then, to see if he could figure what he might be thinking about, but Noya's relaxed expression – completely the same as usual – gave nothing away.

When Noya finally did break the silence, Asahi started a little.

“So,” he said, with a smile. “That party, huh?”

Asahi pointedly kept looking straight ahead, but he could see Noya looking up at him out of the corner of his eye.

He shifted the strap of his bookbag. It was digging into his shoulder.

“What about it?” he asked.

“Pretty wild.”

“I guess.”

Further silence. Asahi rubbed the back of his head.

Noya sighed.

“To be honest, I don't remember most of it,” he laughed. “I really shouldn't drink like that. That sort of thing always happens to me.”

“Hmm,” Asahi replied, fascinatingly. He was looking at the ground in front of him, and he was very unwilling to look anywhere else.

“Yeah. But, hey, so, you remember everything, right? You didn't drink much, right?”

“I guess.”

“So… uh…”

Noya stopped walking. Asahi stopped too, and looked back at him.

Noya's face was all twisted up. One of his eyes was squinted closed, and he half-smiled up at Asahi.

“So, uh, weird question,” he said. “But, uh, do you remember… the two of us, we…”

Asahi said nothing. He couldn't even manage to look Noya in the eye. He wished they hadn't stopped walking. That, at least, would have given him something to do.

“We did something, right?” Noya asked. “We went off by ourselves, and something… something went down, right?”

Asahi deliberated for a moment before answering.

“Uh, yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, we. Uh.”

“What, uh, what was it?” Noya asked. “I'm terrible. I don't even remember what we did.”

Asahi looked at his shoes, and then back up. “You kissed me,” he said. “We went down by the lake, and we were lying in the grass, and you kissed me. Twice.”

“Oh,” Noya said. “Uh.”

“Yeah.”

Now Noya was looking at the ground too. They stood there, neither of them able to think of anything to say, for almost a full minute. Asahi shivered a little; autumn was on the way, and it was cold out here. He wished they were closer to the library, so he could make an excuse and go inside… Noya didn't seem happy to learn about what had happened at the party. Asahi wanted to disappear. He felt so stupid…

“Sorry about that,” Noya finally said, looking back up at him and smiling.

“…It's okay,” Asahi said, returning a forced smile of his own. “You were drunk.”

“Is that why you've been so weird for the last couple of days?” Noya asked. “Or were you actually sick?”

“I… Yeah,” Asahi admitted. “Yeah, I don't know. It was pretty weird.”

“Well, you know what, I shouldn't drink like that anyway,” Noya said, shrugging. “It won't happen again.”

“Okay.”

“…Is this gonna be weird now?” Noya asked, motioning between the two of them. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“Oh. Uh.”

The wind gusted again. It went right through the fabric of Asahi's sweater.

“…I think I'd like to be by myself for a bit, yeah,” Asahi said.

Noya nodded. “Okay. Okay, I'll leave you be. But, Asahi?”

“Yeah?”

And then Noya finally said it.

“It didn't mean anything, okay?” Noya said. “I swear it didn't mean anything. I know that doesn't make it any less weird, and I know it still happened, but just know I didn't mean anything by it.”

Asahi's heart sank. But he smiled because he had to.

“I understand,” he said. “Yeah. I get it. We were drunk. It was weird, but… Just give me a little time.”

“I'll do that,” Noya smiled. “Bug me when you want to hang out again, okay?”

“Sure,” Asahi replied. “Yeah, I'll do that.”

With one final smile, Noya turned around and started walking away. Asahi didn't watch him go.

He turned and started walking quickly down the path. His eyes were stinging, and it wasn't because of the wind.

_Stupid_ , he chided himself, swiping a hand across his eyes. _What did you think was going to happen? Did you really think that meant anything? Did you really think someone like him might have seriously been interested in someone like you?_

He didn't even make it to the library. He sank down on a bench behind one of the buildings and hid his face in his hands, breathing and trying to calm himself down.

He felt like crying, which was stupid. Noya wouldn't be crying over this, because it hadn't meant anything. _He_ shouldn't cry either. It hadn't meant anything to him, either.

But he couldn't help but think about how he'd felt every time he got a text from Noya, asking to hang out. At first he couldn't believe that Noya, extroverted and energetic as he was, would want to hang out with somebody like him, but he'd eventually managed to accept the idea, as mystified as he'd been by what Noya could possibly have found so interesting.

He remembered reading his feature in the sports page the day it ran. He'd liked it. Maybe a few things were exaggerated, but…

When he was around Noya, he felt good. He felt good about himself, and he felt that maybe things weren't as bad as his brain was telling him they were.

Noya was good for him. Daichi and Suga had been right.

Daichi and Suga had been right about a lot of things, really.

But not about how Noya felt.

Asahi sighed and looked up at the leaves blowing around the courtyard. It was only October, but already he could smell winter on the air. The crazy summer high of the previous Saturday was gone entirely, and it seemed now that it had come from a completely different world.

\- - -

Noya walked home pretty slowly. His leg was bugging him, and the suddenly-cold weather didn't help at all.

He was kicking himself.

Sure, Asahi had _said_ it was okay. But he certainly hadn't seemed like he really meant it. The way he wouldn't look Noya in the eye. The way he hesitated before he spoke. The way he talked at the ground, instead of Noya.

Noya had done it this time. As soon as he'd told Asahi he'd give him some space, as soon as he'd turned and started walking away from him, he could tell he'd really screwed up.

The wind blew and he shivered. He wasn't wearing a jacket. He almost never did. He probably should.

He jammed his hands deeper into his pockets and frowned the whole rest of the way home. Saeko and Ryu were out. He paused in the kitchen, staring at the tile.

He liked Asahi. He liked him a lot. And it wasn't just in the sense of wanting to have sex with him, not anymore; there was a new element to it now. He liked listening to Asahi talk, or to just listening to him breathing, or humming to himself while he was reading or working. He liked talking with him. He liked just… spending time with him.

Not that any of it mattered _now_ , of course.

Just because he'd gotten too drunk one night and misinterpreted everything and now he might not have even Asahi's friendship anymore, let alone a chance at any sort of relationship.

He was so frustrated with himself – so _angry_ about that stupid mistake he'd made – that he turned around and kicked at the front door as hard as he could. The pane of glass in the middle of it shuddered.

It wasn't the first time he'd ruined a relationship. It was only one in a long line of them.

But he'd been trying with this one. Really, really trying. Taking his time, letting Asahi set the pace. And Noya had still fucked up.

He hobbled his way up to his room and flopped onto his bed, face down. Then he rolled over, kicked off his shoes, pulled off his right sock, and started working his ankle, just rolling it and stretching it. The ankle itself wasn't the part that hurt, but… it helped. _Fuck_ , he cursed at himself, out of anger and pain combined. _Fuck fuck fuck._

He reached for the orange pill bottle on his bedside table and took one of the pills inside. He didn't usually have to take the painkillers anymore, but the weather was getting cold again, so he was going to start to need them.

He closed his eyes and rubbed at them with both hands. He sighed.

He was probably overreacting, he told himself. Asahi just needed a little space, that was all. If he'd stayed Noya's friend through the nonstop flirting he'd been doing all this time, surely he could find a way around this?

He would just have to wait, he guessed. Wait and give Asahi all the space in the world and maybe they could be friends again.

Noya realized he would be willing to let go of the possibility of any other type of relationship if he could just be Asahi's friend for sure. Fuck, he'd take _anything_ as long as it meant he could have _something._

His head hurt now, along with his leg. He buried his face in the blankets and closed his eyes.

Today hadn't been great.

\- - -

Asahi could hardly pay attention to his work throughout his free period. He'd try to read his textbook, but then he'd find himself reading the same sentence over and over, without picking up any of its meaning. He'd start trying to go over his notes again, and find himself staring into space.

He'd gone home after his talk with Noya. He didn't feel like being anywhere but holed up in his room. Suga and Daichi usually came home during their free time, too, but Asahi didn't, so if he was lucky, maybe they wouldn't notice he was here.

Asahi sighed and put his head down on his desk.

He shouldn't be so stuck. It was just a kiss. Just a kiss that hadn't meant anything, which Noya had managed to completely forget about overnight. He should be over it already, because Noya was. He felt like a stupid kid for being hung up on something so small. He _was_ just a stupid kid. A stupid, overgrown, clumsy kid.

Why _would_ that kiss – or any of the things Noya had said that night – have meant anything?

He heard the front door shut downstairs and held his breath, as though it might have given him away. Whoever was home moved around the front room, and then stopped for a moment.

“Asahi?” Suga's voice called out. “You here?”

Asahi jumped, sitting up straight. “Uh… Yeah,” he responded.

“Hang on a sec; I'm coming up.”

Asahi closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, sighing again. He was doing that entirely too much today.

Suga opened Asahi's door and poked his head in.

“How'd you know I was home?” Asahi asked as his roommate came in and sank down on his bed.

“Your shoes were at the door,” Suga said, and propped himself up on his elbows, cupping his chin in his hands. “You never come home for break. What's up?”

“Nothing,” Asahi lied, turning back to his homework. “The… the library was crowded. Quieter here, for once.”

He could feel Suga squinting at him without turning around to look.

“It's about Noya, isn't it?” he asked.

“Maybe.”

“And you like him?”

“I do.”

“I knew it. And you talked to him today.”

“Might have.”

“How'd that go?”

Asahi took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He shrugged.

“It didn't mean anything,” he said. “He was drunk.”

“…Uh- _huh_ ,” Suga said, though his tone was one of disbelief. “Did he say anything else?”

“That he was sorry, it wouldn't happen again, and that he didn't want things to be weird between us,” Asahi said to his papers.

“Idiot. And did _you_ say anything?”

Asahi blinked, surprised by the question.

“…Nothing important, no,” he replied, turning halfway around. “Why?”

Suga rolled his eyes and let a rush of air out of his nose. “ _Why_ ,” he repeated. “Because you had something important to say to that, right? When he said it didn't mean anything, you didn't think of anything to say?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You wanted to say that it meant something _to you_ , didn't you?”

Asahi stared at him. “What good would that do?” he asked, confused. “He'd already said it didn't mean anything to him. What would be the point of –”

Suga, clearly having lost all patience, slammed his face into his arms and groaned loudly, cutting him off. “You know what, Asahi? I love you. You're great. You've been my best friend for forever. But you know what? You're _unassertive_ as _hell_.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Asahi demanded, going a little pink.

“It has _everything_ to do with this,” Suga said, laughing. “Just – good god, Asahi, I said talk to him, I didn't mean listen to him talk _at_ you and let _him_ tell _you_ where things are going. I meant you need to actually _talk_ to him!”

“Does it even matter anymore, after what he said?” Asahi said back. “If he said it didn't matter, what would be the point of me dragging it back? It would just make everything weirder than it already is!”

“ _Daichi and I were not fucking around with all the teasing we were giving you,_ ” Suga growled. “Like. Jesus Christ, Asahi, how blind are you?”

“What are you talking about?” Asahi was completely bewildered.

“Do I really need to spell this one out for you?”

“Apparently!”

Suga let out another gusty sigh, and dropped his head into his arms for a moment or two, as though to recover and gather strength. When he raised his head again, his expression was composed.

“Asahi,” he said. “I'm pretty sure everyone but you knows that Nishinoya is _extremely_ into you.”

Even though he knew better, Asahi felt his heart skip. “No,” he replied. “No, he isn't.”

“ _Ughhhh,_ ” Suga groaned again, covering his eyes with his hands. “Did – Asahi. Tell me. Did you _read_ that bit he wrote about you in the paper a few weeks ago? Did you even glance at it?”

“I did,” Asahi replied.

“Did you completely _miss_ the fact that it was absolutely _dripping_ with homosexual subtext? Like really? Do you want to know how many times the size of Daichi's muscles were mentioned in his feature? Because it was a hell of a lot fewer times than yours were in yours.”

Asahi didn't really have an answer for that.

“Have you even looked at him when he's around you? Have you seen the way he looks at you? Are you aware of the number of times he's invited you out and walked you to class? Have you been paying attention _at all_?”

“If he liked me,” Asahi pointed out, “why would he say that it didn't mean anything?”

“He probably didn't want to freak you out. I'm gonna guess he's not really sure where he stands with you, because you're not exactly one to express how you feel about people. He thought he made you uncomfortable, didn't he?”

Asahi clenched his jaw, frowning. He couldn't really think properly about all that Suga was putting before him. It didn't make any sense. It was a lot to process, all at once.

Suga sighed and rolled off of Asahi's bed, then stood up and walked towards the door.

“He likes you, idiot,” he said, cuffing him on the ear as he passed. “Really, I swear. He does.”

Asahi watched as he stopped in the doorway and turned around, grinning.

“Now, listen – take a day, or two,” Suga went on, “but please. Meet up with him again, and this time, _you_ tell _him_ what that stupid kiss meant. Okay?”

Asahi swallowed. “Uh. Yeah. Yeah, okay,” he replied, his mouth dry, his heart thudding again.

Suga shut the door behind him and walked away whistling.

Asahi set his head down on his book again and sighed.

He really wouldn't be able to focus in his history class later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank god for Koushi Sugawara
> 
> Mmmkay so I have one more chapter in the backlog I've already written. I have been trying to write chapter 11 for nearly a month now, and it's going very very slowly. I've kind of got a start on it now, but as I'm in college now, I probably won't have a lot of time to work on it. BASICALLY I'm just sayin that you shouldn't be too surprised if I have to take a break for a while to accumulate more chapters. More on that as it develops.
> 
> Please leave a comment or a kudo if you liked this chapter or the whole story! It really means a lot to me and it's very very motivational. Thank you to everyone who's made it this far! Love you <3


	10. Summertime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OHOHOHO

Noya didn't hear from Asahi for nearly a week. Which was completely understandable. Noya hadn't expected to hear from him for a while. He spent his days at home when he wasn't at work, having no reason to walk down to the school anymore. He still woke up early during that time, and he'd feel happy for a second at the thought of getting up and meeting Asahi after practice again, but then he'd remember. And he couldn't get back to sleep after that, so he usually just went downstairs and ate and watched TV until Ryu and Saeko woke up.

He didn't talk to them all that much. They noticed immediately. But they knew better than to try and approach him about it right away, so they waited.

With every day without word from Asahi, Noya only grew more and more irritable, and talked less and less.

On the fifth day Noya stayed home, Ryu plopped himself down next to him on the couch and let out a long sigh.

Noya glanced sideways at him and then looked back at the TV.

“Yuu,” Ryu said.

“Ryu,” Noya replied.

“How's things?”

“Things are fine,” Noya sighed. “How are things with you?”

Ryu shrugged. “Eating. Sleeping. Same old.”

“Sounds good.”

“It's a life,” Ryu agreed. “But that's not the point at all.”

“Hm,” Noya said, not paying him much attention.

They were both quiet for another couple of seconds, and then Ryu asked, “So. Yuu.”

“Mm.”

“You've been at home a lot lately.”

“I haven't had a lot of work to do,” he shrugged. “I've got time off. And I like not walking around all day.”

“I mean, like, you usually have a lot of time off anyway,” Ryu said. “My point is, you usually spend it with Asahi.”

Noya's heart skipped a little. “So?”

“So, you haven't lately. And you're acting weird.”

“Am I?” Noya grumbled.

“Yeah. Anyway. I just wanted to ask if something… happened, or something.”

“Nothing happened.”

“Yuu.”

Ryu picked up the remote and TV off. Noya threw up his hands and glared at him. “I was watching that,” he growled.

“Well, I needed you to stop for a second and listen to me.”

Rolling his eyes, Noya turned to look at him. Ryu looked genuinely concerned. Noya had seen him look like this before, but it had been a while. A long, long while. Long enough that Noya had hoped he'd never have to see it again.

He should probably have known it was only a matter of time.

“Yuu,” Ryu said again. “Something happened with you and Asahi, didn't it? At that party.”

Anger seized him briefly. He breathed out slowly through his nose and he closed his eyes.

“What makes you think that?” he asked, trying desperately to keep his voice under control. He was only mad because Ryu was right, and he knew it.

“Well, he didn't look exactly thrilled when he was walking back up the hill with you,” Ryu said. “And you looked pretty damn –”

“I was drunk,” Noya burst out, leaning forward in his seat and putting his hands on the sides of his head. His fingers were cold. “I was drunk, and I fucked up. Again. Okay, Ryu? You probably guessed that already. What more do you want?”

“I just want to know if you're okay,” Ryu said. “Because… You know why I'm worried, Yuu, shit.”

Noya did know.

“So just… talk to me, bud, I want to know if I can help at all.”

“You can't.”

“ _Yuu._ ”

They stared at each other for a moment. Noya wore an irritated frown, and Ryu still looked worried. Noya initially dug in his heels, but as he calmed down a little, he reconsidered.

Ryu was his best friend. A brother, really.

Noya should probably talk this over with somebody. It might help. And who better to do so with than Ryu?

Noya took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

He breathed a few more times, slowly, with his eyes closed, and, once he'd recovered, he sat up and leaned back on the couch.

“I kissed him,” Noya said. “And that made him really uncomfortable. We talked. I'm giving him space right now. Because he said he needs space.”

“Well, that's good of you,” Ryu said. “I mean. Giving him space.”

“I just…” Noya said, shrugging, ducking his head. “I just feel like I've scared him off.”

“I don't think you need to worry too much,” Ryu replied, so easily that Noya was taken aback. “The guy seems to really like you. I haven't spent a lot of time around you two, but even I could tell. You probably just freaked him out a little. I'm sure he'll come back.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah,” Ryu said, smiling. “Just give him time. This isn't high school; a little thing like that won't ruin anything. So yeah – just wait.”

“That's literally what I'm doing right now,” Noya grumbled. He gestured at his phone, tossed carelessly on the seat beside him. “I just…”

_I feel like I screwed up again. I feel like an idiot. I feel like I'm going to end up the way I was in high school again._

But Ryu genuinely didn't seem worried.

Maybe Noya was just overreacting…

Ryu playfully punched his shoulder. “Give it time, man,” he said. “Asahi seems like the kind of guy who needs time.”

“Yeah,” Noya said quietly. “He is.”

\- - -

Asahi ended up taking almost an entire week to get his thoughts together and work up the courage to approach Noya again. It took a bit of conditioning.

 _It'll be fine,_ he thought to himself, repeating Suga's words. _You just tell him what you're thinking, and if it falls through, it falls through. No big deal._ _You'll still be friends. This won't ruin that._

He couldn't help but cling to what Suga had said about Noya being into him, though. Looking back, he couldn't tell at all himself. Noya was just nice. There wasn't any point Asahi could think of where Noya had started treating him differently from the way they'd started out. The only way he could think of that being possible would be if Noya had liked him from the day they'd first talked, and that didn't make any sense at all. Noya hadn't known him then, not at all. He couldn't be interested in somebody he hardly knew.

He couldn't believe that Suga could be right, but he didn't want to think that he was wrong, either. The way he and Daichi had teased him all this time… Could they have been right? All along?

Asahi stared at his phone's screen and the new text form on its surface. He glanced nervously at the small vertical line flashing there, waiting for him to put his thoughts to words.

_Just say you want to hang out. You've done it before._

Tomorrow was Sunday. Noya didn't have to go to work that day. It would be a good day to hang out… though maybe Asahi should push it to Monday…

The last text in their conversation was the one Noya had opened with, the day after the barbecue. Asahi had never replied.

It hadn't taken long for Asahi to miss getting the texts, and to miss walking to class with Noya almost every day.

_See? You even miss him. You_ _**want** _ _to talk to him. You_ _**want** _ _to figure this out._

_Just ask him to meet up_ _tomorrow_ _. It'll be just like a normal day._

He wrote the text quickly and sent it before he lost his nerve. He hoped it made sense.

Noya didn't take too long to reply.

 

>> Hey Asahi :D we're cool to hang out again?

> If you want.

>> Tomorrow?

> Yes. Do you want to meet up at the park across from the school?

>> Sure :D When?

> One-ish? After lunch.

>> Ok, exactly one 'o clock-ish. See you then :D

 

Asahi put his phone away, and breathed deeply, trying to get his heartbeat under control again. His heart was trying to burst out of his chest, and he'd only been _texting_ Noya. He wouldn't be at all surprised if he actually had a heart attack tomorrow while talking to him face-to-face.

Asahi had never been one to take initiative, and he'd never had to do so in his previous relationships, few that they were; the person he was dating had always been the one in charge. They always suggested they meet up, and came up with the whens and wheres of everything. He'd never had a lot of say in those sorts of things, because he could never come up with a better idea. It was easier for him to let other people take charge. He was a pushover, really. A giant baby. No wonder they'd broken up with him as quickly as they had.

But here… here, he'd have to actually come out and say what he felt. And hope that, for once, he wouldn't trip up, the way he always did.

_Come on… it's just Noya._

But even 'just Noya' was making his stomach hurt now, and sending a fresh surge of anxiety through him whenever he thought about tomorrow.

Daichi and Suga came home then, crashing through the front door and complaining loudly that they were hungry. Asahi went downstairs to the kitchen to greet them.

“Whoa,” Daichi said, once he saw Asahi. “You okay, buddy? You look pale.”

“I'm fi –” Asahi choked on his own spit. “I'm fine.”

Suga laughed, taking off his sweater and tossing it in the general direction of the coat hook. “What did you do today?” he asked. “Stayed home, I'm assuming.”

“Homework,” Asahi said. And then, quieter, looking down at his feet, “…And I talked to Noya. We're hanging out tomorrow.”

“Good,” Daichi sighed, sinking down into a dining chair. “Finally. God.”

“Nervous?” Suga asked.

“Yeah,” Asahi nodded.

“You'll be fine. All else aside, Noya's your friend, and you're comfortable around him, right?”

“Right,” Asahi said. “And, um… Would you guys mind leftovers for dinner tonight? I'm not feeling up to cooking…”

“That's fine,” Daichi said. “You take it easy. Get some sleep soon. You look beat.”

“Yeah,” Asahi said. “I'll do that.”

But sleep didn't come easy that night, tired as he was. He only managed to force down a few bites of reheated spaghetti before his queasy stomach wouldn't allow any more. He tried his best not to think about Noya, because every time he did, the queasy feeling grew. More than once, he felt like he was going to throw up.

He lay in bed, tossed and turned, stared at the ceiling, tried to distract himself by reading a book, but nothing helped. He couldn't sleep. For _hours_ he couldn't make his brain shut up long enough to fall asleep.

Sleep finally came around midnight, and he slept for a solid seven hours, but somehow, when he woke up, it felt like he'd only blinked and morning had arrived. It was a completely unsatisfying night's sleep, but Asahi was wide awake anyway, and with the sun coming in through the blinds, there wasn't any hope of sleeping more.

Asahi got up, showered, got dressed, went downstairs for breakfast, and said hello to Daichi and Suga, who wandered sleepily out of their bedroom within half an hour of each other. Asahi managed to make his two slices of toast last way too long. His tea went cold, as well. He could only pick at his food; once again, his stomach was too upset to allow much.

He regretted putting off meeting up with Noya until the afternoon. He had no idea how he was going to fill his time up until he had to leave.

Daichi and Suga went out around ten, Suga still complaining that he was tired and that going out was too much trouble. Asahi was left alone, with two and a half hours to kill and nothing to do.

He tried homework, but the words on the page meant nothing; he couldn't even focus on them properly. He tried doing housework, but those chores ran out quickly. At least the house was clean, then, but he still had two hours to fill up…

Reading a book didn't work. Cleaning out the fridge was only a momentary distraction. Even the TV couldn't hold his attention, though the background noise was welcome. He sat in the living room, nervously fiddling with his hair.

Noon finally rolled around and Asahi got up. It was a little early to be heading to the school, but it wouldn't hurt, right? At least the walk might help him calm down, and so would just hanging out at the park. He liked it there; the atmosphere helped him relax. Getting up and stretching his legs would do him good…

He tied his hair back in a loose bun and pulled on a hoodie. He was already wearing long sleeves, but he figured the extra layer wouldn't hurt; it was pretty cold out there. November was right around the corner. He was just about to head out the door when he got a text. He looked down at his phone – it was from Suga.

 

>> Stay calm, Asahi! It's going to be fine. :D

 

Asahi closed his eyes and nodded, taking a deep breath.

 

> Thanks, Suga.

>> :D

 

Asahi put his phone away. He appreciated the gesture, but it hadn't really helped his nerves. _Suga_ sure seemed confident that things were going to go well today, but what good did _that_ do?

He left the house and intentionally walked slowly, taking his time, looking around at his neighborhood and trying to focus on anything but the conversation looming before him. It was a sunny autumn day, but still cool. Sweater weather, for sure. The air smelled like rain.

When he got to the neighbors a few doors down, their dog started barking at him, and put her paws up on the fence. He paused to greet her, scratching her behind the ears and talking to her playfully. He liked dogs. He wanted to get one once he lived on his own. They were friendly and didn't care if he stammered a little.

He could only make dawdling with the dog last so long, though. He said goodbye to her and continued on his way.

He thought over what he was going to say. He'd been doing that a lot over the past day. He had a pretty good idea of how he would say it, but as to how he could bring a conversation around to it… He'd probably just have to force it. He couldn't think of another way.

He shivered a little when he thought about the fact that he was really about to do this. He was really about to tell Noya how he felt. He'd never done anything like this before. He was nervous, and all the symptoms were showing; his hands were sweaty and cold and shaky, his heart was thumping… All the usual problems. He hoped it wouldn't be obvious.

Like Suga had said, though, he had to say something if he wanted this to go somewhere.

Asahi really hoped that Suga was right about all this. If he was wrong, and Noya wasn't really interested in Asahi… well, Asahi didn't want to think about it, but he did anyway. He had so much trouble meeting people and getting to know them. He'd hate to lose Noya as a friend over something this stupid…

He reached the park far faster than intended. There were a few people strolling around, some playing with their dogs, some seated under trees, reading or writing. He recognized a few from school, and prayed they wouldn't recognize him. He was terrible at small talk. It was the last thing he needed right now. Unfortunately, because of his appearance, people tended to think that Asahi was more outgoing than he actually was. This had been a problem far too often.

It turned out not to be one today, though. He was able to make his way to a bench in one corner of the park without anybody attempting to talk with him.

He checked the time once he'd sat down. It was only twelve-thirty. He had at least half an hour to go until Noya got here. Or maybe more, as they'd only agreed on 'one- _ish_ ', and Noya was late sometimes… God, Asahi could sit here for another hour. Or more. How was he supposed to keep himself busy for another –

“Hey, Asahi.”

Asahi snapped his head up to look at Noya, who was standing before him with a smile on his face. Once Asahi had made eye contact, Noya spoke again.

“You okay, there?” he asked. “You seem a little on edge.”

“I'm – I'm okay,” Asahi replied, crossing his arms just for something to do with his hands. Literally two seconds into their meeting and Noya had already noticed he was nervous. This was going well. “I'm fine.”

“Okay,” Noya said, shrugging. “So. You um. You wanna walk around, or?”

“Yeah,” Asahi said, getting to his feet. “Yeah. Uh.”

He stopped, looking both ways down the sidewalk, at a loss for what to say next.

“…Shall we?” Noya asked after a moment, gesturing at the sidewalk ahead of them.

“Oh. Uh. Yeah.”

They started walking along the path, away from most of the other people in the park. They didn't talk right away. There was something different in the air between them. They both knew what it was, but neither of them said anything.

Asahi buried his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. He noticed that Noya was only wearing a thin jacket over his usual t-shirt. He had to be cold…

Noya was the one to finally break the silence, and he did it so suddenly that Asahi almost physically jumped.

“So,” he said. “What you been up to for the last week?”

“Homework, mostly,” Asahi replied. “I've been catching up on all the stuff I didn't get before. And volleyball. We've got a game in a couple of days that I need to get ready for.”

“Yeah?” Noya asked. “How do you think your odds look for the game?”

“Um. Okay, I guess,” Asahi shrugged. “The team we're going to be up against is pretty good. I'm a little worried.”

“I've seen you play,” Noya said, almost dismissively. “You're going to do great,” he continued, looking up at Asahi and smiling. Asahi only caught his eye for a split second before he had to look away.

“Thanks,” Asahi said, and thus ended that particular line of conversation.

What did he do now? Asahi frantically scrambled for topics that didn't involve the thing he'd come here to talk about. He didn't want to resort to that yet… God, what did people even talk about?

“Hey,” Noya said, after a few moments. “So… How are you?”

“I'm fine,” Asahi replied. “You?”

“I'm good,” Noya smiled, sticking his hands in the pockets of his jeans and shrugging his shoulders. “Haven't been doing much all week. Work's been slow.”

“Hmm.”

“…So, do you want to go get food or something?”

He realized he'd forgotten to eat lunch. “I'm fine,” he said. “Thanks, though.”

“Ah. Okay.”

Further silence.

“…Look, Asahi, is there something on your mind?” Noya asked suddenly. “You're acting really weird. Are you sure you're comfortable hanging out again? You don't have to pretend if you aren't.”

“No, I… I'm okay,” Asahi said. He felt his cheeks go pink and his heart kick into high gear again. He stopped walking, and Noya stopped too, looking up at him with a serious expression.

Asahi looked at his shoes. “That's… that's actually kind of what I came here to talk about,” he mumbled.

“Oh?” Noya asked.

“Yeah.”

There. He'd committed now. He'd have to do it now. He was going to do it. Well, he could back out. He could totally back out. But – no, no, he couldn't. Or, he shouldn't. Because he totally could. But he wasn't going to. Here goes –

“So,” Noya said, breaking Asahi's momentum completely with another small, uncertain smile. “What did you want to say?”

“I was getting to it,” Asahi grumbled, feeling his face get warm. He reached up to scratch at the back of his head. “I was… Just a second, okay?”

He took a deep breath, letting out slowly, looking anywhere but at Noya, whose eyes he could still feel watching him.

_Come on. It's not a big deal. Remember what Suga said. It's going to be fine…_

It took him a few more seconds to psych himself up. Finally, he said something.

“…About what happened at the barbecue,” he began.

“Yeah, I'm really sorry about that,” Noya said. “Really. I didn't mean –”

“No, listen to me,” Asahi said, amazed at the authority in his own voice. He managed to look at Noya, and saw that his face was set, his jaw locked tight.

Asahi began again.

“You said that… what happened at the barbecue – you said it didn't mean anything,” Asahi said. “But… I just… I mean…”

Noya stared at him. Asahi looked away. He was already losing composure. He scratched at the back of his neck again. He shivered.

“I… it _did_ mean something,” Asahi said, glancing quickly at him, and then away again. He swallowed. His mouth was dry. “It meant something… to me.”

He stopped talking, and bit his lip, flushed bright red, staring at his feet. His heart was going absolutely crazy again. His stomach was all in knots. He could feel himself starting to sweat despite the cold.

They were silent for a moment. Asahi couldn't bring himself to look up.

“…Wait,” Noya said. “Do you mean… hold on, you…”

“I'm sorry,” Asahi said. “I know _you_ didn't mean anything by it, but I…”

“Wait, just a second – Asahi, look at me a second.”

Noya tapped beneath his chin to coax him into looking up from the ground. With a great effort, Asahi raised his head.

To his astonishment, Noya's eyes were alight, and he was smiling widely.

“So,” he said. “That kiss.”

“Um.”

“You don't regret it?”

Asahi stared at him. Then he shook his head. “No,” he replied, quietly. “No, I don't.”

“So you're…” Even Noya seemed a little lost for words. “You're, uh, interested in me, then?”

If Asahi had been pink before, he was red now. “Yes,” he said, in such a small voice that he could hardly hear himself.

Noya breathed out sharply, and ran a hand through his hair. “What, really?” he demanded. “You're not kidding?”

“Why would I be kidding?” Asahi mumbled. His eyes were stinging a little. He wanted to leave.

“Just – you – I thought…”

“Never mind,” Asahi said, waving his hand. “It's nothing. Forget it.”

“No – no, nononono, Asahi, no, I, I mean…”

Noya grabbed his arm and looked up at him, grinning and dumbstruck. “You… You seriously didn't catch on? Is that what I'm getting from this?”

“Catch on to what?” Asahi asked – and the mystified tone in his voice was enough to send Noya reeling back a few steps.

“Oh my god,” Noya laughed, running both hands through his hair and smiling up at him, eyebrows raised incredulously. “Asahi – did you really not notice that I've been _relentlessly_ hitting on you this _entire time_?”

Asahi blinked. His heart skipped a beat, and then started thumping hard.

“…You have?” he croaked.

“From the very start! Fuck! You really – oh my god, you didn't notice.”

“I'm not… I'm not really used to it,” Asahi replied. “You… you're interested in me?”

Noya laughed out loud, grabbed Asahi by the shoulders, and shook him. “Of course!” he cried. “Chrissakes, Asahi! How could I not be?”

Asahi's eyes stung even more now, and a smile crept its way onto his face. His breath caught in his chest for a second.

Noya let go of him, taking a step back and just staring up at him with his huge smile still in place. The two of them were quiet for a second. Asahi, for one, couldn't manage to speak.

“So,” Noya said, “You, ah… You wanna make this a thing, or?”

“What?” Asahi asked, puzzled. “What do you mean?”

Noya rolled his eyes and laughed again. “I mean do you want to date me, you big dummy,” he replied. “I mean do you want this to be official.”

Asahi's hands were freezing. He couldn't move for a second. Then, finally…

“Y-yeah,” he wavered. He smiled, eyes alight. “Yeah, I'd… I'd like that.”

Noya moved forward quickly and threw his arms around Asahi's shoulders, holding him tight. “Chill out, okay?” he said. “You look like you're about to cry.”

Asahi _was_ pretty much on the verge of tears. He'd just been so stressed about this all week, and now it turned out it was all okay. It was all okay, and he was so relieved that it was almost overwhelming.

Asahi rested his chin by Noya's head, his shoulder being too low for him to reach, and returned the hug. They stayed like that for a second, and then broke apart.

“So,” Noya said, that big grin still in place, “Do you wanna go somewhere for dinner? Like, today?”

“Sure,” Asahi replied, smiling back.

“Now, it won't be anything fancy,” Noya warned him. “Nothing five-star. Not yet. I'm a broke little bastard.”

“That's fine,” Asahi said. “I don't care.”

“All right. Great!” Noya said. “So… Hey, whoa, you okay? You need a minute? You're all shaky.”

“Sorry,” Asahi said, smiling so hard his face hurt, pressing the palms of his hands to his eyes. “I'm okay.”

Noya pulled him in for another hug, still laughing. “I was worried I'd scared you off,” he said.

“I was worried that _I_ would scare _you_ off,” Asahi said back.

“You couldn't,” Noya replied. “You might be a giant, but you're just a big baby, aren't you. Not scary at all.”

“Shut up,” Asahi laughed.

They stepped apart again and just looked at each other. Asahi got a hold of himself again, and Noya smiled so hard his cheeks hurt. He pulled out his phone and looked at the time.

“Well,” Noya said, “We've got about six hours before we could reasonably go to a restaurant and expect dinner. Would you like to go wander aimlessly around town with me until it's time to go home and get ready?”

“I'd like that very much,” Asahi nodded.

Noya extended a hand. Asahi took it shyly. Noya grinned up at him, and Asahi gave his small, shy smile in return. They started walking, and as they did, Noya looked up at him and laughed a little.

“What?” Asahi demanded.

“Nothing,” Noya said, shaking his head, looking away. “Just… Nothing.”

It was cold out, but Asahi felt warm. They walked in silence for a little while, and as much as they both would have liked to fill the silence with conversation, they both knew that this was okay as well.

“Which way should we go?” he asked, once they'd reached the sidewalk.

Noya looked both ways, shrugged, and looked up at him again, grinning.

“How about we start with the coffee shop?” he asked.

Asahi smiled back down at him.

“That sounds great.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's the end that's the whole story that's it they lived happily ever after the end.
> 
> But what's this? WHAT'S THIS? 
> 
> WE'RE NOT EVEN HALFWAY DONE YET YOU ASK??
> 
> NO! NO WE'RE NOT!!!
> 
> Please take the time to leave a kudo or a comment if you enjoyed this chapter! It means a LOT to me, as you all know. :D Also, if you want to help drag other people into this, you could always reblog the chapter announcement on my tumblr! i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/tagged/totw-updates is where you will find said announcements. You can also drop me a message there! :D
> 
> Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping me get this far. :D I finished writing Chapter 11 yesterday, and got a good ways through 12 today. I'm figuring out how to fit writing into my schedule, and for now at least I'm keeping hiatus at bay. 
> 
> I will see you next week, guys. <3 Love you


	11. Believer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ice skating? Ice skating!

Noya spent the entire evening feeling so happy he felt like he could just start dancing at any moment. He couldn't even really focus on the conversations they had during that walk around town, he was so out of his mind.

He'd done it. He'd actually gotten Asahi to like him. He hadn't fucked up. Well, he had, but it hadn't ruined everything.

Asahi seemed to be really enjoying himself too, judging by the way Noya kept catching him smiling, either at Noya himself or nothing at all. Every time he saw this – saw Asahi smiling uncontrollably _because of him_ – his chest felt like it was swelling up with some feeling he couldn't give a name to. Asahi was so incredible. Noya almost couldn't handle it.

They hung out, split up, and regrouped at about six 'o clock that evening, outside a restaurant that was more a sports lounge than anything. There weren't many people there, though, given that it wasn't a game day, so Asahi seemed at ease.

They talked for a few hours, probably longer than the workers wanted them to stay. There were long gaps in their conversation as they both tried to fully understand what was going on. Even Noya was fighting butterflies almost the whole time. He just hid it better than Asahi did.

\- - -

“So,” Noya said cheerfully as they left the restaurant, hand in hand, “How was that?”

Asahi smiled. “It was good,” he said. “I had a good time.”

“Pretty solid date, if I do say so myself,” Noya sighed, with an air of self-satisfaction. “I'm awesome.”

Asahi laughed a little at this, and Noya playfully punched his arm. “Though, of course, I'm not what made tonight great,” he said.

“No?” Asahi replied.

Noya looked up at him for a second, his expression flat, and then shook his head, and pressed his forehead to Asahi's shoulder. “ _I'm trying to flirt with you, you stupid giant,_ ” he groaned.

“Oh. Uh.”

Noya laughed incredulously and then straightened up. “You're great,” he said. “That's what I'm trying to say.”

“I got that. After a second.”

They continued on in silence for a moment. It was getting dark out, but the city was still moving. Cars rolled by and lights were on in all the buildings. They were a mile or so from Asahi's place, and even farther from Noya's, Asahi realized. He didn't mind the walk, but…

“How's your leg?” he asked.

“Hm?” Noya looked up at him. “It's okay. Why?”

“I was just thinking we could catch a bus home,” Asahi shrugged. “It's a bit of a ways, and we've been walking a lot today…”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah, actually. We should do that,” Noya admitted. “I took some preemptive painkillers this morning. But yeah, they're uh, they're burning off.”

They made their way over to a bus shelter and sat down. Noya sighed, stretched out his right leg, and leaned on Asahi's shoulder.

“Don't fall asleep on me this time,” he said.

“No promises.” Noya wriggled closer. “Fuck, I'm cold,” he mumbled.

“Uh,” Asahi managed. He raised his arm a little, and Noya immediately ducked under it. Asahi's arm was draped across his shoulders now, and he seemed very happy about it.

“Much better,” he said.

“Good.”

“You're warm.”

“You're not.”

“No, but, like,” Noya moved even closer and wrapped his arms around Asahi's middle. “You're really, really nice and warm.”

Asahi scratched the back of his head. “Thank you?” he asked.

“You're welcome,” Noya sighed. “Oof. Good thinking on catching a bus, by the way. I'm actually fucking tired.”

“I figured you would be,” Asahi said.

Noya fell silent, closing his eyes and just leaning on him.

The bus came soon afterward, and they climbed on and took a seat. Noya quickly wriggled back to his spot beneath Asahi's arm and again sighed contentedly. They stayed like that the whole way to Asahi's stop, and then they both got off. Noya walked Asahi to the door, and they stood there for a minute, their chatting fading out.

“So, uh,” Asahi asked, scratching the back of his head, glancing up from the ground. “When should we do a second date?”

Noya snorted. “Second date,” he mumbled, shaking his head.

“Uh,” Asahi felt his stomach sink.

“Asahi, that was easily our seventh or eighth,” Noya said.

“…Was it?”

“If I'm counting every time we've had dinner like that, then yeah, it's up there,” Noya said, smiling up at him. Asahi felt his face go pink.

“Okay – our eighth or ninth date, then,” Asahi said. “When do you want to meet up?”

“When are you free?”

“Um. Tomorrow, but –”

“But what?”

Asahi blinked down at him, and shrugged. “Oh, nothing, I just – maybe you don't want to meet up again that soon?”

Noya stuck his tongue out and stuffed his hands in his pockets. Asahi smiled nervously, not sure what to make of that.

“What?” he mumbled, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes, glancing around.

“You are too fucking cute,” Noya said. “Can't take it. Really can't.”

“I'm sorry,” Asahi said, smiling a little.

“Tomorrow,” Noya said. “Wanna just like. Hang out 'n shit? Blew all my money tonight. Not even kidding.”

“You don't have to keep paying for me…” Asahi protested, but Noya waved a hand dismissively.

“Shut your pretty little face,” he said. “I'm being gentlemanly.”

Asahi scowled. “Let me pay sometimes, at least,” he muttered.

“Maybe. Eventually. But literally it's no trouble. I swear it's no trouble. Don't worry about it, okay?”

Asahi twisted his mouth and looked Noya in the eye to find him looking very at ease and sincere. Asahi felt a little better.

“Okay,” Asahi said. He nodded and smiled. “Okay.”

They were both quiet again. Noya shifted from foot to foot. He seemed to be waiting for something. Asahi's brain scrambled frantically for something to say. He came up with nothing. Luckily, Noya saved him from that by speaking first.

“So, uh,” Noya said, with the edge of a laugh in his voice, “how about a first kiss after this seventh or eighth date?”

Asahi flushed pink again. “It's the third one,” he mumbled.

“Hm?”

“It's the third kiss,” Asahi clarified. “We've kissed twice already.”

“You wanna count that?”

Asahi shrugged and rubbed the back of his head.

Noya laughed. “Anyway,” he said, taking a step closer to him, “ _third_ kiss. How about it, huh?”

Asahi could feel even his ears going red. “Y-yeah,” he nodded, his mouth suddenly very dry, his hands suddenly very cold.

Sure, he'd done this with Noya before. But he hadn't had to anticipate it last time.

Noya took another step towards him and took hold of the front of his shirt and pulled him down.

Asahi didn't think quickly enough to close his eyes as Noya drew closer. He felt Noya's breath on his cheek for a brief moment before their lips pressed together.

Asahi's brain stopped working properly as the kiss went on. It lasted longer than their first ones had. They had to pull away briefly for a breath, and then they moved back together. Their noses bumped. Noya laughed a little and then they broke apart. Noya let go of his shirt and ran his hand down Asahi's chest as he stepped back.

“So,” he said.

“So,” Asahi repeated.

“Tomorrow. After your history class. Sound okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah! Um. See you.”

“See you, Asahi,” Noya grinned, and took the first step off the porch as Asahi opened the door to the house.

“Good night,” they said together, and then they laughed, and then they both waved goodbye, and then Asahi stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

He smiled to himself a little before he turned around. There was a pleasant warm feeling in his chest. His heart felt light.

Asahi turned to find Daichi leaning on the doorway to the kitchen, watching him with hands on hips.

“And what kind of time do you call this, young man?” he demanded, frowning.

Asahi glanced at the hall clock. “Eight-thirty,” he sighed. “I'm sorry you two had to fend for yourselves and make your own dinner for once.”

“We didn't even do that,” Daichi shrugged. “We just had leftovers.”

Asahi shook his head and continued past Daichi into the kitchen. He found Suga seated at the table, with a plate of the beforementioned leftovers.

Once Asahi locked eyes with him for a second, he looked away, doing his best to obscure the little smile he couldn't keep off his mouth.

“You did it!” Suga crowed triumphantly, leaping up from his seat and throwing his hands in the air.

“Maybe,” Asahi admitted.

Suga beamed. Daichi walked to his side and put an arm around Suga's shoulders, and together they looked up at Asahi like proud parents.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Asahi groaned, sinking down into a kitchen chair and hiding his face in his hands.

“Our son has finally grown up,” Daichi said with mock sentimentality.

“You're literally a day older than me.”

“They grow up so fast.”

“What. Shut up.”

“So, son,” Suga put in, smiling widely, “What did you guys do this evening?”

“He took me to dinner,” Asahi said. “We walked around a little before that.”

“ _Aaaaaaaand?_ ” Suga prompted.

“…And he might have asked me out,” Asahi said, unable to hold back his grin any longer.

“ _I told youuu,_ ” Suga said, squinting his eyes and pointing at him. “ _I told you, Asahi!_ ”

“God, literally everybody told him,” Daichi said, shaking his head. “He's just beyond clueless, that's all.”

“You two were right,” Asahi admitted. “Are you happy?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Suga hissed.

“You had a good time,” Daichi asked.

“I did,” Asahi said. “I really did.”

“I'm happy for you,” Daichi nodded. “You came out of that little shell of yours. But you wanna know what I'm even _more_ happy about?”

“What?”

“The fact that _we_ –” he shook Suga's shoulders a little - “no longer have to pretend that we didn't know about this all along.”

Asahi felt his face go pink again. “Was it that obvious?”

Suga rolled his eyes back in his head and leaned heavily against Daichi, who groaned.

“I was right there when he first laid eyes on you, Asahi,” Suga said. “This has literally been a thorn in my side since day one.”

Asahi blinked. “That long?”

“You never picked up on the slightest hint? Not this whole time?” Daichi asked incredulously.

“I thought that was just he way he acted,” Asahi shrugged. “Are you two done? Can I go start my homework now?”

“Do whatever you want, Asahi,” Daichi said. “Do whatever the hell you want.”

\- - -

Noya got home a little before nine. He walked into the front room to find Ryu sitting at the kitchen counter. Ryu looked up when he heard the door open, caught Noya's eye, and grinned.

“Hey there, bud,” Ryu said casually. “How's, uh, how's things?”

“Things is good,” Noya replied passively, crossing the room to the fridge and opening.

He heard Ryu exhale quietly, frustrated, and he smothered a grin.

“What ya been doing all day?” Ryu persisted. “You've um. You've been out for a while.”

Noya shrugged elaborately. “Stuff,” he said. “Things. Nothing big.”

“Did you, uh, meet up with anybody? Do anything?”

Noya couldn't hold the grin back any longer.

“Oh, I don't know. Mighta. Maybe. Don't remember.”

“I _hear_ you smiling, you stupid fucker,” Ryu cackled. “You made up with Asahi, didn't you? _Didn't_ you?”

Noya closed the fridge and turned around to face Ryu at last, smiling so wide his face hurt.

Ryu laughed out loud and dropped his head onto the table. Then he raised it again and grinned back at Noya, mouth open a little.

“I told you, buddy,” Ryu said, smacking his hand on the counter. “I told you it was fine.”

“What are you talking about,” Noya said dismissively, taking a seat across from him. “Of course it was. I didn't doubt it for a second.”

Ryu shook his head and sat back on his barstool. “So what'd you do?” he asked.

“Walked around town for a while. Got dinner.”

“That's all?” Ryu demanded.

“Yeah. What were you expecting?”

“ _Well_ ,” Ryu said, raising his eyebrows and wiggling them suggestively. “From the way you're always going on about his body, I just kind of _assumed…_ ”

Noya waved his hand. “Later, friend, later,” he said. “There's time for that yet.”

“Taking this one slow, are you?” Ryu asked.

“Looks like it.”

“Yuu?” came Saeko's voice from upstairs. “You're home?”

“Yeah,” Noya called back, and he heard her hurry down the stairs.

She skated into the room on sock feet and leaned with her elbows on the counter, next to her brother. She cupped her chin in her hands and grinned over at Noya.

“So,” she said. “You and Asahi?”

Noya stuck his tongue out.

“I _knew_ it,” she crowed, throwing her hands in the air and twirling away from the counter. “I knew it.”

“We _all_ knew it, Saeko, shut up,” Ryu said.

“Everyone but Asahi,” Noya put in.

“What, really?” Saeko said over her shoulder.

“Yep. It literally took him until today.”

“So when are you bringing him over for dinner?” Saeko asked. “I wanna like. Actually meet the guy.”

“I don't know. Sometime, though. Definitely. Good idea.”

“What does he eat?”

“Uh. I don't know. He eats a lot of salad. And pasta.”

“Vegetarian?”

“Uh. Oh. Shit, maybe, actually. Huh. Maybe shouldn't have taken him out for burgers tonight.”

Saeko shook her head. “You're hopeless. Anyway. Find out; it's important. You're practically married to the guy by this point. You need to know what kind of food he eats.”

“I'll ask, I'll ask, quit bugging me,” Noya said, rolling his eyes. He looked back at Saeko to find her smiling sappily at him.

“What,” he grumbled, smirking and turning his face away.

“I'm just happy for you, you big dummy,” she replied. “So when are you meeting up with him again?”

“Tomorrow,” he replied.

“Where you taking him?”

“I have an idea.”

\- - -

“I'm sorry – you want to do what now?”

Noya and Asahi were lying on their backs in the middle of the field in front of the college, staring up at the sky. Fall was very much on the way now; the clouds were gray and threatening to cover up all the blue. It was a bit cold, as well. Noya wasn't wearing a jacket, but he hadn't complained yet.

“Ice skating,” Noya repeated, authoritatively. “I think we should go ice skating.”

“It's, um, it's October,” Asahi said.

“There's this thing called an ice rink.”

“We have one of those?”

“Yep. Downtown. Little place. You've never been there?”

“I've never been skating at all. But if you want we can go. I can just watch.”

“That's fine. I can teach you.”

Asahi pressed his lips together and looked over at Noya, squinting a little. Noya looked back at him and blinked. “What?”

“I don't see that going very well,” Asahi said.

“Just don't fall on me. I'll die.”

Asahi twisted his mouth. “I can't promise that.”

Noya reached over and pushed on his cheek. “I'll risk it,” he said, laughing. “So, you wanna go?”

“Will you let me pay for us this time?”

Noya stuck his tongue out. “No.”

\- - -

It was cold at the ice rink, and much louder than Asahi had expected. He shivered inside his coat, and stared incredulously over at Noya, across the room. He'd once again completely banned Asahi from paying, so he was at the counter, renting their skates. He was only wearing a thin jacket. How he could possibly be even remotely comfortable like this, Asahi wasn't sure.

Asahi watched Noya take the skates from the girl behind the counter and then smiled at him as he turned around.

“You have really big feet, Asahi,” Noya said, handing over the skates and sitting down beside him.

“I guess,” Asahi shrugged. “Maybe you just have tiny feet.”

“I wear a size seven,” Noya said defensively. “You're just a giant.”

Noya kicked his tiny shoes off and pulled the skates on. Asahi watched him, biting his lip.

“Are you going to be okay?” he asked.

“Mmh?” Noya asked, looking up at him, one eyebrow raised. “Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?”

“I just – I mean, your leg,” Asahi explained. “It hurts if you walk on it, right? And if it's cold?”

“Oh yeah.” Noya waved a dismissive hand. “I took a few painkillers before I left today. It's no big deal. I'm all set; you don't need to worry.”

He slapped Asahi's knee and grinned. “Get the skates on and I'll see what I can do about teaching you to use them.”

Asahi did so, and Noya stood up on his skates and walked around until he was ready to go.

Asahi stared at the thin metal blades attached to his feet and then looked up at Noya, standing easily atop his own.

“C'mon,” Noya said. “Get up. Let's go.”

Asahi bit his lip again. “How do you do that,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Asahi said. “Can you, um. Can you help me up?”

“Of course,” Noya replied easily, extending his hands.

Asahi took hold of them and pulled himself to his feet. Immediately, he began to wobble and almost fell. Noya had to move quickly to help steady him. He held tight to Asahi's shoulders until he'd found his balance.

“I don't have a lot to work with, here, do I?” Noya said, shaking his head.

“Sorry,” Asahi mumbled.

“No, hey, it's fine,” Noya reassured him. He moved his hands down to Asahi's hips. “Here – you need to put your legs farther apart. Like what I'm doing. Yeah, there, like that. Spread your weight out.”

Before too terribly long, Asahi had managed to steady himself on the carpet. Now he had to actually get on the ice.

Asahi eyed the ten-foot span of carpet between the two of them and the ice rink.

It would be the longest walk he'd ever take.

“Here,” Noya said, and put his hand out again. Asahi took it gratefully. “There. Just walk. You just – hey, it's easier than it looks. Calm down and just walk.”

Asahi clung on to Noya's hand, took a breath, and then a step forward.

It went far better than expected. He loosened his hold on Noya's hand and glanced at him, embarrassed.

He found Noya smiling up at him. Color rushed into his face.

“What,” Asahi mumbled, glancing away.

“You're so fucking adorable,” Noya said, burying his face in Asahi's arm. “I am incapable.”

Asahi looked down at his feet. “Let's go,” he said.

“Am I embarrassing you?” Noya teased.

“Shut up.”

“Sorry. You're just going to have to deal with me staring at you like an idiot for a little while. I'm having trouble adjusting.”

They reached the edge of the ice and Noya stepped out first. He skated in a small circle and then came back to Asahi.

He smiled and put his hands out again.

“C'mon,” he said.

Asahi took his hands and stepped onto the ice. He maintained his balance for approximately half a second before he felt himself starting to slip. He let go of Noya's hands and grabbed the wall. He managed to stay up, but barely.

Noya skated backwards a few feet, hands on hips, shaking his head.

“You ever roller skate as a kid, Asahi?” he asked.

“No,” Asahi replied, struggling to stand up again.

“Tragic,” Noya said. “Here. Take my hand again. Just focus on keeping your balance. I won't let you fall, okay?”

Asahi took one hand off the wall to grip Noya's, but flatly refused to move the other one.

“Come on,” Noya complained. “Don't you trust me?”

“That's not the problem,” Asahi retorted, wobbling on his skates again. Noya helped steady him.

“What's the problem, then?” he asked.

“You're almost a foot shorter than me, Noya,” Asahi muttered. “I'm a little worried about falling and crushing you, to be completely honest.”

“Psh. I'm more durable than that.”

They started moving along. Crawling, really. Asahi moved stiffly and uncertainly, and the farther he went, the more awkward he felt. He grew more and more conscious of all the other people on the rink, nearly all of whom were gliding along like they'd been skating all their lives. They had to be thinking he looked like an idiot. He must look like an adult being taught by a child.

“Hey,” Noya said, his tone suddenly more calm. “You're doing great, you know that?”

Asahi looked up at him; he'd been watching his feet this whole time. Noya's eyes locked on to his. They were wide and full of honesty. Asahi blinked and looked away.

“No, Asahi, hey, really – I'm not just saying that, all right?”

“I haven't even let go of the wall,” Asahi protested.

“Yeah, but you're already better balanced than you were when we started out. I can feel that you're not wobbling as much.”

Asahi realized that he hadn't slipped much lately.

Noya squeezed his hand. “C'mon,” he said. “I've seen you play volleyball. You're graceful as fuck.”

Asahi's cheeks flushed pink. “Shut up,” he mumbled. “I'm not that great.”

“You shut your mouth,” Noya said. “You're gorgeous.”

Asahi didn't have any response to that. Noya laughed and brushed his hand against Asahi's cheek.

“Are you cold or are you blushing?” he teased.

“No,” Asahi shot back.

“Okay,” Noya laughed, shaking his head. “Whatever you say.”

He moved his hands to Asahi's hips again. He looked up at him and smiled, eyebrows raised.

“Ready to let go of the wall?” he asked.

Asahi pressed his lips together. He looked Noya in the eye and held his gaze.

“I'm not gonna let you fall,” Noya repeated. “Come on.”

Slowly, Asahi let go of the wall.

Right away, he wobbled and moved to grab the wall again – but somehow, Noya managed to steady him before he could lose his balance completely.

He looked down and found Noya grinning.

“See?” he said. “You got this. Put your hands on my shoulders, okay?”

Asahi did so. Noya's shoulders felt tiny beneath his hands. Asahi felt like a wrong move would break them. The bones in his shoulders felt like they belonged in a bird.

“Just lean on me whenever you start to lose it, okay?” Noya said. “I'll help you stay up.”

They moved around the rink like that, slowly, with Noya skating backwards, gently guiding Asahi along, speaking quiet words of encouragement as they went. Asahi started sweating despite the cold. His legs were tense and starting to get sore from working so hard to stay upright.

“Hey. Asahi.” Noya squeezed Asahi's sides gently. “Breathe a little or something, okay? You're stressing me out.”

“Sorry,” Asahi said, ducking his head. “I. Uh.”

Noya reached up to cup Asahi's cheek. His fingers were cold.

“You're doing great,” he said brightly. “Really.”

They finished their second lap around the rink and Noya paused at the door.

“You cool with taking a break?” Noya asked.

“Yeah,” Asahi replied, and Noya helped him off the ice.

They hobbled over to the benches and sat down side by side. Noya let out a huge, gusty sigh and slumped against Asahi's side.

“You having a good time?” Noya asked, looking up at him. “It's a little hard to tell with you sometimes.”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah, I'm having a good time,” Asahi answered. “Yeah. Don't worry.”

“I'm glad.”

They sat there for a few more seconds without talking, and then Noya got to his feet again, wobbled for a moment, and announced that he was going to go grab them something to drink. Before Asahi could even open his mouth, Noya was saying loudly that he was paying and there was nothing Asahi could do about it.

Asahi scowled at the back of his head until he'd walked out of sight.

\- - -

Noya leaned on the wall as soon as he was around the corner and gritted his teeth, lifting his right leg a little ways off the ground.

“Fuck,” he breathed, rubbing his shin. “Fuck fuck fuck _fuck_.”

His hands shook a little as he pulled the pill bottle out of his pocket and popped it open. He meant to pour out one pill, but two came out instead. He decided this didn't matter. He tossed them both back and swallowed hard. He left his hand over his mouth for a few more seconds, eyes closed tight.

_You're okay. This is nothing. You've handled worse. Come on. Just a few more hours. For him. For him._

He took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair. He smoothed his face back out into a smile.

He pushed off from the wall and walked over to the counter.

“Two hot chocolates, please,” he told the girl behind the counter.

\- - -

They sat side by side next to the ice rink for a while, drinking their hot chocolate slowly and watching people circle around.

Asahi cupped his drink in his hands, enjoying the warmth. He sipped from it every now and then, but it was too hot to taste just yet. He caught himself glancing down at the top of Noya's head occasionally, and every time, his heart would give another weird little spasm. Now that he was off the ice and not terrified of crushing Noya, he had much more time to focus on the somersaults his heart was trying to do.

Noya head-butted his arm to indicate that Asahi should lift it. He did and Noya pressed himself close. He must be freezing, Asahi realized.

“How are you so warm,” Noya murmured.

“I was smart and wore a coat to a place I knew was going to be full of ice,” Asahi replied.

He felt Noya move to look up at him and had to bite back a smile. Noya sighed and dropped his head back down.

“Not bringing a coat gives me the excuse to do this, though,” he said, putting one arm behind Asahi's back.

They watched the other skaters make their way around the rink in silence for a little while. Asahi heard Noya slurping away at his hot chocolate. He probably couldn't feel his tongue at all at this point.

“I like this,” Asahi suddenly found himself saying.

“What, skating?” Noya asked. “Pretty fun, huh?”

“No. Well – I mean – yeah, skating is fun, I just. Um.”

He was turning pink again, wasn't he? He scratched the back of his neck.

Noya poked him. “What?” he prompted.

Asahi shrugged. “I like spending time with you,” he said, finally. “This is nice.”

“Awwh,” Noya said.

“Shut up,” Asahi mumbled.

“No.”

Noya stood up and stretched, yawning. He turned to look at Asahi and held out his hand.

“Ready to go around again?”

\- - -

Asahi leaned against the wall of the rink and watched Noya skate around in the middle. He was moving fast, much faster than he had been with Asahi. He'd race along the long edge, and when he got to the curve he'd suddenly lean, banking so hard that it almost looked like he was going to fall.

He had a lot of control over his movements, Asahi realized. He must have been a really good libero, back when he'd played volleyball. His footwork and balance on the ice were incredible. Even his limp seemed to be gone while he was out there.

Other people were watching him, too. Children openly pointed at him and laughed with delight as he skimmed by them.

 _That's my boyfriend,_ Asahi suddenly realized. His heart did another weird flutter.

_Noya is my boyfriend._

He hadn't thought of it that way yet. Certainly he'd known it, but – he hadn't put into words like that before.

Noya skidded around the last curve and slowly spun to a stop in front of Asahi, grinning once he'd caught his eye.

“Hi there,” he said, leaning beside him.

“Hey,” Asahi replied, a little shakily.

“How's it going.”

“Good.”

“Good.”

“You looked like you were having a good time out there.”

“I was,” Noya nodded. “I haven't been skating in a while. Nice to know I didn't lose it completely.”

“You were really good,” Asahi said. “You were great.”

“Did I stun you? You sound stunned.”

Asahi let out a single, quiet laugh. “I… honestly I just kind of realized you're my boyfriend,” he admitted.

Noya laughed out loud and looked up at him in wonder. “Yes,” he said, smiling broadly. “Yes, I am.”

He skated backwards a step or two and put his hand out as though offering to dance. Asahi took it and glided out on the ice with him. Before long, the wall was too far away for him to grab.

He held tight to both of Noya's hands and let him lead him towards the middle.

“I'm gonna fall,” Asahi said.

“Nah.”

Really, Asahi didn't feel like he was going to fall anymore. He felt much more in control of his balance than he had before. And he had Noya right there in case he started to slip.

Noya let go of Asahi's hands and slid his own beneath the fabric of Asahi's coat. Even through his shirt, Asahi could feel how cold his fingers were.

“You should have worn gloves,” Asahi complained, wiggling a little in discomfort. “You're _cold_.”

Noya pulled himself closer and rested his head against Asahi's chest.

“Human space heater,” he murmured.

Asahi laughed nervously.

“What? You're warm,” Noya said, his voice muffled by Asahi's chest.

“People are staring at us,” Asahi muttered, eyes darting around nervously.

“Hug me back, then, dummy,” Noya said. “Don't make it weird.”

Asahi did. Noya sighed in contentment, and didn't move for a few seconds.

“Comfy?” Asahi asked, awkwardly patting his back.

“This is the ideal,” Noya agreed, pulling away. “I'm warm now.”

“I'm glad,” Asahi smiled.

\- - -

Asahi was exhausted when he finally fell into his bed that night. It wasn't that late – he and Noya had only stayed out until about six – but what with the day's events and the homework he'd just forced himself through, he was still really tired. It was a good tired, though. He kept thinking back over his time with Noya. He couldn't help but smile.

He lay there for a few moments, smiling vaguely at the ceiling, almost on the verge of nodding off. His phone went off, sitting on his desk across the room. He hauled himself up and walked over to check it.

A text from Noya. He should have known. He smiled as he unlocked the phone.

 

>> asahiiiii

> Whaaaat

>> we need to get together againnnn

> It's been so long since I've seen you. It's been almost three whole hours. I can't believe you've survived.

>> q:<

> But anyway – yes, we do need to. Ideas?

>> we could like bring food and go hang out in a park or something

> So like a picnic

>> just like that

> Ha, okay. So. When and where?

 

They talked back and forth for a while and eventually decided that the first time they were both free for that was Friday afternoon, and they agreed on who would bring what. They were just about to say goodbye when Asahi remembered something else.

 

> Oh – and, hey, we have a game Saturday night. Are you going to be there, covering it for the paper or whatever?

 

Noya's next reply came slowly.

 

>> Aaah, sorry, Asahi, I'm busy that night. Narita's gonna do it. Another time I guess

> It's okay. I'll see you Friday! :D

>> Yep :D see you

 

Asahi fell back on his bed again.

Friday.

He didn't stop smiling until he fell asleep.

\- - -

Noya lay awake for a long time, staring at his phone screen, his mouth drawn into a tight line.

He looked at his lame excuse for a while. His stomach twisted every time he read it over.

He should have said he could go. He should go. He even _could_ go. He even _wanted_ to. He wanted to be there, to encourage Asahi, maybe give him a little extra confidence – because damn he apparently needed it.

But he just… couldn't. He couldn't. Not now, anyway. Not yet.

He'd try. He'd try and make it to most every game, from the first one after this Saturday on.

Noya rolled over onto his face and sighed.

He needed to get over it already.

His leg twinged a little. He growled in irritation and rubbed at it, teeth gritted. He'd already taken too many painkillers today. He shouldn't take more.

He pulled a pillow over his head and pressed down.

This was going to be a long night.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw wasn't that sweet. Not the ending bit. Everything else.
> 
> ANYWAY that's another one down. Thank you so so much to everyone who's stuck with me this far, and for those of you just joining us (I know there's... quite a few of you, now - there was a pretty big uptick in the number of hits on this thing yesterday lol), thank you for your time.
> 
> As previously stated, this story is not yet half over. I started writing with an outline, and the point we've most recently passed on that outline is number six. I originally intended for each point to constitute one chapter. So at the point I originally thought would be Chapter 6, we are now at Chapter 11. My outline has 19 points. We're going to be here a little while lol. Definitely going to pass 20. May even hit 30. May pass that. Who knows.
> 
> As for my ability to keep up, I'm doing pretty well! I have written Chapter 12, and 13 stands about halfway done, I'd say. Outline Plot Point number 7 comes into play in Chapter 14, and since I have a very clear idea of where I want to go with that, it should be pretty fast to write. I should be able to hold off hiatus for at least three more weeks, which will in turn give me more time to write and postpone it further. 
> 
> Trust me, guys, I want this thing to go on hiatus even less than you do. Every week, reading new comments and messages makes everything a little easier to deal with (I love college but shit's crazy). It makes me feel so happy that I can make people happy with my writing! Even the silliest or most rambling comment will carry me through a day. Please don't be shy! :D
> 
> As always, thank you for reading. Feel free to leave a kudo and/or a comment if you haven't yet and feel the need to do so. If you want to promote the fic, feel free to reblog the announcement post for this chapter (located at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/tagged/totw-updates). If you want to talk to me, messages on tumblr are great! :D I'll always respond, too.
> 
> I love you guys! See you next week.


	12. Holding Up The Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluffy fluff

 Friday arrived and Noya couldn't have been more impatient. He considered leaving for the school almost five full hours before he was supposed to get there, but he reasoned that the only difference would be that he would just have to be antsy and irritated over there instead of at home. So instead he just stayed home and bothered Ryu the whole time, beating him at video games and hogging the chips.

As it was, he did leave about an hour before Asahi's class was over. Ryu shouted “HAVE A GOOD TIME YOU DAMN GAY” at him as he walked out the door. Noya snorted and shook his head, closing the door behind him.

He walked with a stupid spring in his step. He was aware of it, but did nothing to fix it. He was too happy.

He swung his bag of food as he walked. It was mostly full of weird vegetarian food – because it turned out that Asahi was, indeed, a vegetarian – that Noya had never heard of before, and that didn't really sound appealing. Asahi had literally requested puffed rice chips that were made with spinach. Noya felt like he _had_ to buy barbecue chips after that, just to return himself to reality. The vegetarian section of the store had been a slightly surreal experience. He hadn't realized even half of the things that could be made out of rice instead of meat. It felt almost unholy.

The field in front of the college was pretty empty when Noya arrived. He had to admit that the weather wasn't the best, and that maybe it looked a little bit like it might rain, but he wasn't going to let that stop him. It hadn't rained yet. This just meant they'd get the entire place to themselves. Which Noya was very, very okay with.

He decided on a spot right under one of the big trees in the middle of the field and sat down. He checked the time. The class was due to be over in about ten minutes. He sent Asahi a text telling him where he was and then settled back to wait.

He looked up at the sky between the branches of the tree. He could barely see it; the branches were almost thick enough to act like an umbrella. He half hoped it would start raining just so he could see how well that would work.

Noya's phone buzzed and he looked at it to find that Asahi had sent an 'on my way' text.

He caught himself smiling like an idiot again.

He saw Asahi approaching him from across the field and ran out from under the tree to wave him over. Asahi waved back and hurried over.

“Asahiiiiiii,” Noya said when he was close enough to hear, beaming widely.

Shy smile. Noya melted.

“Hey, Noya,” Asahi said, ducking under the tree with him. “How've you been?”

“Terrible,” Noya replied, flopping down on the ground. “It's been the worst three days of my life.”

“You barely survived three hours. How on _earth_ did you last this long.”

“I will never know.”

Asahi sat down beside him and started unpacking the bag he'd brought with him. He'd bought some normal sodas for Noya and made tea for himself. Noya shook his head.

“You're so healthy,” he said.

“I try.”

“It's not natural.”

“Uh.” Asahi eyed the bottle of soda in Noya's hand.

“Shut up. Here's your weird leaf chips.”

Asahi opened up the bag, popped one of the said weird leaf chips into his mouth, and crunched it loudly. He shot a sideways glance at Noya, who shivered theatrically.

“I don't understand how you do it,” he said.

“They're actually really good,” Asahi said, defensively, offering the bag. “You should try one.”

Noya looked from the dark green chips to Asahi's face and back again. He squinted, and cautiously reached his hand into the bag. He pulled a chip out, inspected it carefully, and then put it in his mouth. He chewed it slowly.

“And?” Asahi asked.

“…Hm,” he replied, furrowing his brow. “I. I guess. This is actually edible, isn't it.”

“Probably.”

“Hm.” Noya swallowed and smacked his lips a few times. “That. That was a thing I ate.”

“And now you can say you did,” Asahi said. “Go back to your greasy potato chips.”

“Gladly,” Noya said, shivering again and tearing into the bag of barbecue chips. “This is much better.”

They sat there in silence for a while, just eating and drinking, enjoying being near each other. Asahi got tired of eating first, and set his food aside after a mere few minutes of this. Noya followed suit hastily, wiping his barbecue-coated fingers on his jeans. He moved closer to Asahi, and nestled at his side. Without Noya having to bug him at all, Asahi wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

Noya looked up at him, leaning his head on his shoulder. Asahi didn't notice right away, which suited Noya just fine. It gave him time to just stare, and stare he did. He'd be blatantly lying if he said he didn't care about his looks. It was hard not to when he looked this damn good.

Asahi hadn't put a lot of effort into his hair this morning, it seemed. The usual loose bun was even messier than it had been the last time Noya had seen it. It looked to be constantly about to fall out and let Asahi's long hair tumble down. Something about the contrast of lazy waves in Asahi's hair and the solid angle of his jaw made Noya absolutely crazy. And that stubble he always had. Noya couldn't believe this shit.

And now Asahi noticed that Noya was staring. He blinked at him, and when Noya didn't look away, he blushed.

“What,” he asked.

Noya grinned. “Asahi?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I like. Can I just touch your hair.”

Asahi raised one eyebrow. “Uh. Yeah? I guess. You can, yeah.”

“Yessssss,” Noya hissed, and immediately set about pulling the bun out of Asahi's hair. Asahi ducked his head to allow him to do this. When he'd managed to extract the hair tie, an extremely satisfying curtain of long brown hair fell over one side of Asahi's face.

Noya wasted absolutely no time at all in burying his hands in Asahi's hair, running his fingers through it, bunching it all up in one hand and letting it fall slowly, thick and soft, back to its original position.

“Having fun?” Asahi asked, amused, after a minute or two.

“Yep,” Noya replied, nodding. “Hey – here, turn around. I'm gonna braid it.”

“You know how to braid hair?”

“Kinda. I can figure it out, right?”

Asahi turned around and Noya sat up on his knees to get a better angle. He ran his fingers through Asahi's hair again, just to feel it.

“You have really nice hair,” Noya marveled.

“Thank you,” Asahi laughed, brushing a lock of it behind his ear.

Noya squinted at the bunch of hair he held in his hand and tried to remember how braids worked. He'd seen Saeko make little braids in her hair sometimes – she did it when she was bored, or needed something to do with her hands. She did it without even looking at what she was doing. He seemed to remember that it involved splitting the hair into three pieces, so he did that to start with. He stuck his tongue out absently as he started twisting the locks haphazardly into something that vaguely resembled a braid. It was a little uneven, but he didn't really care. The middle strand somehow got shorter faster than the other two, and its end stuck out awkwardly when he took the hair tie back from Asahi and tied the whole thing off.

Noya sat back on his heels and admired his handiwork. Asahi reached back and felt the back of his head. He laughed.

“What?” Noya demanded. “It's not that bad.”

“Okay,” Asahi said. “Whatever you say.”

Noya pulled out his phone. “You wanna see?”

“Sure.”

Noya snapped a picture of the back of Asahi's head and then showed it to him. Asahi laughed again, and shook his head.

“It's wonderful,” he said. “You did a great job.”

“Damn right.” Noya nodded and put his phone back in his pocket.

Asahi turned back around to lean against the tree and Noya moved around in front of him. He sat down at his feet, nudged them apart, and moved so he was seated between Asahi's knees.

Asahi stared at him.

Noya leaned over so their faces were only a few inches apart. He kept their eyes locked the whole time. He raised one hand and placed it on the side of Asahi's neck. He could feel Asahi's pulse against the heel of his hand. It was going fast. Asahi's eyes were wide.

Noya stayed like that for a moment. Then he nodded.

“Yep,” he said, pulling away and standing up. “I'm going to put flowers in you hair. Hang on.”

Asahi laughed quietly as Noya hurried away from him. Noya smiled as well.

He walked over to the little garden Asahi worked in sometimes. He didn't spend too much time on the flowers. He mostly picked buttercups, because there were a lot of those, but he also grabbed some blue bell-shaped ones, a couple of daisies, and a dandelion or two. He shook his head at these last ones as he added them to his bundle. The gardeners were slacking, it seemed. He'd have to tell one of them just what he thought of that.

He walked back over to Asahi and knelt down between his knees again. He began putting the flowers in his hair, carefully threading the short stems in.

\- - -

Asahi watched Noya work with a quiet sort of fascination. Noya was intently focused, despite the silliness of the task he was performing.

The tip of his tongue stuck out a little as he worked. Asahi wondered if he was aware of it.

“Did you know,” Noya said, startling him a little, “that you let dandelions grow in that garden you apparently maintain.”

“O-oh,” Asahi said. “I'm not the only one who does it.”

“Psh. Anyway.”

Noya tucked the last dandelion behind Asahi's ear and sat back to admire his work, hands on his hips.

“Yep,” he nodded. “I'm done here. You look incredible.”

“I probably have bugs in my hair.”

“It's the price you pay.”

Noya pulled his phone out of his pocket again and held it up, grinning.

“Pictures?” Asahi asked.

“Yep. And yeah we're gonna do _that_ couple thing, okay?”

He turned around, leaned on Asahi's chest, tilted his head to rest it near Asahi's jaw, and turned on the front camera on the phone.

Asahi rolled his eyes, but smiled for the picture anyway. Noya took a couple like that, and then he took it to another level of corny couple's selfies.

He turned his head and kissed Asahi on the cheek, snapping another picture as he did so. Asahi laughed and covered his face with one hand.

“Why did you do that,” he muttered.

“No, hey, look at it, though,” Noya said, holding up the picture for him to see. “You look cute as fuck. Look at it.”

It was a good picture, Asahi supposed. He'd started laughing just as Noya had kissed his cheek, and he had clearly been in mid-laugh when the picture had been taken. His eyes were a starting to crinkle up with laughter, and the flowers in his hair staring to fall out. Noya's face was all scrunched up, pressed against his cheek.

“It's a great picture,” Noya said decisively, putting his phone away. “I like it.”

Noya leaned his head back onto Asahi's shoulder and looked up at him.

“…What?” Asahi mumbled.

“What?”

“You're smiling like a dope.”

“Can you blame me?”

Noya craned his neck and kissed Asahi's jaw. Asahi felt his face get warm.

Noya snorted. “You okay?”

Asahi buried his face in Noya's shoulder. “Yes,” he said.

“Is it really that easy to make you blush like that?”

“No.”

“You know what? I'm pretty sure you blush every time I look at you.”

“Shut up.”

For once, Noya _did_ shut up. He leaned against Asahi's chest again and closed his eyes.

A breeze blew and Noya shivered against him. “ _Cold_ ,” he complained. Asahi rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around Noya, which had apparently been been exactly what he'd been hoping for, because he shifted even closer and hummed in contentment.

“Again with not bringing a jacket,” Asahi chided him. “Don't you know it's almost November?”

“Don't you see that this arrangement is infinitely better than a jacket?”

“Okay, but when we hang out and it's winter and it's snowing, you really can't depend on me to maintain your body temperature.”

“I'll just. I'll get under your coat.”

“What.”

“I'll hang on to your back. Under your coat. I'll be like a koala.”

“Just wear a coat.”

“No.”

“I'm not gonna carry you.”

“I will jump on and you will not be able to dislodge me. C'mon, you can carry me. My weight's nothing to you, Mr. I-Can-Bench-250.”

“You know what a max _is,_ right? You know that means I can lift it once and that's it?”

“Ssh. I weigh half that. You'll be fine.”

They stayed like that for a while, and then Noya wiggled to make Asahi let go, and leaned over to grab the bags of food. He dragged them over beside Asahi and then settled against him again. He turned on his side and squished his cheek against Asahi's chest.

Asahi held Noya close again, and rubbed his arms to warm them up.

“I hope you're comfy, seriously,” Noya said, digging in to the barbecue chips again. “Because I'm really never getting up ever.”

“But we'll run out of food.”

“Shit. I guess we'll die then.”

“I have class tomorrow.”

“Looks like you will, in fact, have to start carrying me with you everywhere you go.”

“People will look at us funny.”

“'This is my boyfriend. He's a dick who thinks he's a koala.'”

\- - -

The afternoon wore on and turned to evening. They ate their way through all the food they'd brought. It got colder and colder, and darker and darker. They never ran out of things to talk about, though, and they never worried about it, either.

They changed position so that Asahi wasn't leaning on the tree anymore. He lay on his back and Noya lay on top of him, resting his arms on his chest and his chin on top of them, so he could watch the setting sun set off all the undertones in Asahi's eyes and in his flower-filled hair. He watched the little lights until they were gone and then he rolled over and off of him and both of them watched the sky. He held Asahi's hand and Asahi absently drew his thumb along Noya's knuckles, over and over and over, and Noya loved the warmth and kindness of that contact.

Being with Asahi was just… _easy_ , he realized. He felt relaxed around him, and safe. Of course, Asahi was about as capable of physically defending him as a three-week-old puppy would be, but it was a different kind of safety. He couldn't precisely define it.

More easily defined, though, was the strange way he _wanted_ Asahi, right now. It wasn't sexual, or anything remotely similar. He just wanted to be _near_ him. All he wanted was closeness; simple, quiet, innocent _closeness._ Lying here on top of him, under the sky, being kept warm by him…

He hadn't felt anything like this – in a while, at least, but possibly ever.

The clouds hid the stars, but they could dimly see the moon, just rising over the city skyline. They both sat up and huddled close because otherwise, Noya claimed, he would freeze to death.

Conversation faded out eventually and they spent a few minutes just staring at the sky. Asahi kept running his hands along Noya's arms. It felt really good. Noya didn't want it to stop.

Asahi took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Noya closed his eyes and let himself move with him, just taking in the warmth. He knew what Asahi was about to say. He didn't want to hear it.

“We should probably get going,” Asahi breathed. “Shouldn't we.”

Noya puffed out his cheeks and frowned. “Yeeeaaaah,” he groaned. “Yeah, you probably want to sleep or something, huh.”

“A little.”

“It's only like eight-thirty. How are you tired.”

“I got up at six. I had two classes and practice today. I had homework. I hung out with you for… five hours.”

Noya wrapped his arms around him and squeezed tight. Asahi coughed and then laughed.

“This was fun,” he said. “I had a really good time.”

“Me too,” Noya murmured. He burrowed his face into Asahi's chest and frowned hard.

“Come on,” Asahi said. “I'm getting up.”

Noya groaned uncooperatively.

“Noya.”

“Asahi.”

“C'mon.”

Noya complained more loudly as he finally stood up to let Asahi move. As soon as Asahi was standing, Noya leaned heavily against his side and clung to his arm.

“Bus?”

“Yeah.”

They sat down under the bus shelter. Noya pulled his knees up in front of him and wrapped his arms tight around himself. He was starting to shiver, hard.

“Hey – Noya?”

“Mmh?”

“Do you – do you want to borrow my jacket?”

Noya looked up at him to find him biting his lip, tugging on the fabric of his coat.

He blinked.

“You'll be cold,” he replied.

“I'm wearing a sweater under this,” Asahi replied. “I'll be fine. You must be freezing.”

Asahi shrugged out of his coat and handed it to Noya, who put it on gratefully.

It was way too big for him. If he'd been standing, it would have reached the middle of his thighs. It was warm, though, and smelled like Asahi. He buried his face deep into the folds of the fabric and closed his eyes. His entire body shivered once as he got used to the temperature.

“You were cold, weren't you?” Asahi laughed.

“Mighta been,” Noya said, wiggling into his side again. “But I'm good now. Thanks.”

“Is your leg okay?”

“It's just fine.” As fine as it ever was. “Not a lot of walking, so it's okay.”

“Good,” Asahi smiled. “I'm glad.

The bus was due to arrive in about five minutes. They watched the cars rolling by in silence. It was so calming, just sitting here, wrapped in Asahi's coat, curled up under his arm, with the rumble of traffic in the background, that Noya almost nodded off a few times.

He felt Asahi move – and then he felt Asahi's mouth press against his temple.

He raised his head and looked up at him. As soon as they'd locked eyes, Asahi blushed.

“What was that?” Noya asked.

“S-sorry,” Asahi muttered. “I should have asked –”

“No – hey, it's fine, okay? Random kisses are A-fuckin'-plus. Just. I'm sorry. That was just way too fucking cute, Asahi, you nearly killed me.”

“Sorry,” Asahi repeated, the edge of a laugh in his voice.

Noya reached up and poked his nose.

“It's okay. Hey.”

Asahi looked at him, twisting his mouth a little.

Noya's mouth split into a wide grin.

“C'mere,” he murmured, and grabbed hold of the front of Asahi's sweater.

Noya pulled him down and kissed him for real. He pressed their mouths together with one hand on the back of Asahi's neck. He tangled his fingers in Asahi's hair and pulled him even closer. He couldn't get close enough, couldn't possibly feel enough of him at once.

They broke apart, finally, just before the bus pulled up to the curb in front of them. Asahi's cheeks were flushed pink, and Noya assumed his own must have looked much the same. He held tightly to Asahi's hand all the way to his stop.

\- - -

Noya walked Asahi up onto the front porch and lingered on the porch for a little while. He snuck one more kiss in, and then said good night.

Asahi had almost closed the door behind him when Noya suddenly realized he was still wearing the coat.

“Oh – hey, Asahi,” he called.

“Hm?”

“Your coat. Here, I'll –”

“No, um – you keep it.”

“What?”

“You're walking home, right? You need it. You need to stay warm.”

Noya blinked. “Oh. Right, yeah. Okay.”

“Just give it back next time, okay?” Asahi smiled.

“No promises,” Noya replied, shrugging his shoulders so that his mouth was hidden in the collar. “This thing is really fucking comfy.”

“I'm gonna need it back.”

“Fine. See you Friday, for dinner.”

“Yep.”

“And until then – I'll text you. Or you can text me. Whatever.”

“Okay.”

“Good night, Asahi.”

“Good night, Noya.”

The door closed and Noya headed for home.

He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, letting Asahi's scent wash over him again. He was _not_ sniffing the jacket, he told himself. That would be creepy.

It did smell really damn good, though.

He felt almost as warm as he had all afternoon, with this hands deep in the pockets of Asahi's coat, the image of that last gentle smile on Asahi's face as he'd closed the door just now.

For almost the entire walk home, he couldn't stop himself smiling like an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyyy there! Cute shit? Nice.
> 
> I have Chapters 13 and 14 done, and 15 is about halfway done too. I'm keeping up pretty well at the moment, guys, and I'm getting further in to established plot points. There won't be a lot of filler fluff in later (soon!) chapters. Do with this knowledge what you will.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this chapter, please take the time to leave a kudo and/or a comment if you haven't already. If you want to help more people find the story (and make me extremely grateful to you), you can reblog this chapter's announcement post, located at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/tagged/totw-updates. You can also send me messages there! Don't be shy. I love you all. <3
> 
> See you next week!


	13. Hold On Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> YAY more fun times. Cute banter n shit have fun

Asahi arrived at Noya's house at six on the dot. He checked the address a few times to make sure he was at the right place, and once he'd triple-checked, he cautiously made his way up the porch steps and knocked on the door.

He heard a high-pitched voice call something out from inside, and then running footsteps. The door opened abruptly, and Noya stood there, grinning up at him.

“Asahi,” he said, standing aside. “Hey there. C'mon in.”

Asahi nodded shyly and followed him into the kitchen.

A tiny woman with short blond hair looked over her shoulder at him when he entered. She blinked in surprise and then smiled.

“You really are a giant, aren't you?” she asked, turning around to face them.

“Saeko, this is Asahi,” Noya said, putting a hand on the middle of his lower back. “Asahi, this is Saeko. Ryu's sister. And she is even tinier than I am.”

It had never crossed Asahi's mind that Noya would ever look _tall_ compared to somebody, but he certainly did when compared to Saeko. She crossed the room and flicked Noya's forehead. The top of her head only reached the middle of Asahi's chest.

She looked up at him. She actually had to crane her neck.

“Yuu was not kidding, huh,” she said. “Can I – can I even reach the top of your head?”

“Maybe,” he said, with a small smile.

She tried and the tips of her fingers brushed his hairline. He ducked a little and she patted the top of his head with a laugh.

“Adorable,” she said, satisfied. She turned and walked back into the kitchen. “Go hang out with Ryu or something, you two. I'm almost done with dinner.”

“Do you need any help?” Asahi asked.

Saeko's face lit up. She pressed her hands together.

“I like him, Yuu,” she said decisively. “I approve very strongly.”

Asahi smiled uncertainly and Noya laughed.

“Thank you, Asahi,” Saeko continued, turning toward the kitchen again, “but I'm fine. You guys go hang out; I'll call you when it's ready.”

Noya tugged at Asahi's arm and pulled him into the living room, where Ryu was already lounging around on the couch, watching TV. He looked up when the two of them entered the room, and grinned.

“Asahi,” he said jovially, raising a hand in greeting. “How you doing?”

“Fine,” Asahi replied.

Noya flopped onto the couch without letting go of Asahi's hand. Asahi sat down beside him and Noya immediately wiggled his way under his arm and rested his head against his chest.

“What are you watching, Ryu?” he asked.

“I dunno. It was on.”

“You really need to get out more. And by 'out' I mean literally just leave this room every now and then.”

“Too much effort.”

Noya shook his head, and then closed his eyes and let out a long, deep sigh.

“You gonna take a nap?” Asahi murmured to him.

“Mmhm,” he replied.

“And I'm the lazy one,” Ryu muttered, shaking his head. “Pathetic, Yuu. Pathetic.”

The three of them sat in silence for a little while longer. Noya seemed half-asleep, Ryu was paying progressively less and less attention to the TV, and Asahi was so relaxed he felt like he could fall asleep as well.

After a little while, Ryu sighed, muted the TV, and stood up. He put his hands on his hips and looked down at the other two.

“Yuu. Asahi,” he said.

“Mmh?” Noya replied sleepily, raising his head only a little.

Ryu knelt in front of the TV cabinet and, after rummaging for a moment, pulled out a battered white box. He held this up in front of him so they could see.

It was a copy of Mario Kart.

“Will you fucking fight me?” Ryu asked.

Immediately, Noya leapt up from the couch and grabbed a controller from under the cabinet. “Fuck yes,” he said. “Asahi. You want to?”

“Sure,” Asahi smiled. “I haven't played in a while, though, so –”

“That's fine,” Noya said. “I'd destroy you anyway.”

“Is that so.”

“Yes.”

Ryu put the game in and fell back onto the couch. Noya handed Asahi a controller and told him, “good fucking luck.”

“Good fucking luck to both of you,” Ryu said. “I pity you, really. There's really no chance you'll beat me.”

“What's our win record again, Ryu?”

“Well, whatever it is, it's my favor.”

“Nope,” Noya crowed triumphantly. “It's fifty-one fifty. _My_ advantage.”

“Fuck you, no it's not,” Ryu shot back.

“Doesn't matter. I'm going to win anyway.”

“Are you counting that one time you only won because I threw my controller at Saeko? Because that's cheap shit and you know it.”

“Yuu won that, fair and square, Ryu,” Saeko called from the kitchen.

“Yes,” Ryu nodded. “See. She agrees with me.”

“She said my name, you dick.”

“Agree to disagree.”

The character selection screen popped up. Ryu immediately selected King Boo. Asahi, completely lost, claimed Mario.

“Mario, huh,” Noya murmured.

“I don't know who to pick,” Asahi protested.

Noya moved his cursor over to Princess Peach and pressed confirm.

“There,” he said, grinning up at Asahi. “I'm your princess.”

Ryu snorted. “Tone it down, god,” he laughed. “I _am_ still in the room, you know.”

They selected a race and got ready to go. As soon as the screens split, Noya and Ryu began hammering away at the accelerator. Asahi watched them with an expression of vague amusement. He had no idea what they were doing.

3… 2… 1… Go!

Noya and Ryu shot off at twice the speed of the other racers, cackling madly. They were barely visible at the top of Asahi's quarter of the screen, continually ramming into each other.

Asahi was trailing in seventh place. He picked up a red shell and threw it at random. It knocked someone over and he moved past them.

Noya and Ryu rounded a corner and Asahi couldn't see them anymore.

He frowned and squinted at the TV.

_No_ , he decided.

He wasn't going to let them win that easily.

\- - -

Noya and Ryu were neck-and-neck heading into the home stretch of the final lap. Noya had a very small lead, which he'd gotten by smacking Ryu with a banana peel. He could still catch up, though. Noya had to be careful.

He glanced at Ryu's screen and saw that he was attempting to drive directly behind him and get a speed boost. He swerved right and Ryu growled in frustration. Noya smirked.

“Fucking – let me draft behind you, dammit,” Ryu spat.

“Never,” Noya shot back. “I'm not letting you win this.”

Noya's eyes darted between his and Ryu's screens. He leaned forward in his seat and kept his eye on the finish line, drawing closer and closer –

Noya heard the unmistakable hiss with seconds to react. At the very last moment, Noya threw on the breaks.

The shock wave from the blue shell tossed both Noya and Ryu up into the air. Both of them bellowed out wordless frustration as their cars spun uselessly.

They both came down, but still stalled. Noya pressed the accelerator as hard as he could and drummed his feet on the floor.

“C'mon, c'mon,” he hissed. “C'mon!”

But just as his car started to roll forward again, someone bumped him out of the way. He blinked and the next thing he knew, a red-hatted plumber was shooting past him.

“FUCK!” he cried out as Asahi crossed the finish line. To add insult to injury, he slipped on a banana peel, and Ryu passed him as well, actually standing up and raising his arms high, positively cackling.

“Fuck you guys,” Noya grumbled, crawling across the finish line in fifth place. “Fuck you so hard.”

“Get a room,” Ryu said.

Noya scowled at Asahi, who smiled innocently. He noticed Saeko standing behind them, leaned against the doorway. Her eyebrows were raised.

“Wow,” she said.

Noya dropped his chin onto Asahi's shoulder. Asahi reached up and mussed his hair.

“I was rooting for you, Asahi,” Saeko said. “I was like, man, wouldn't it just show them if Asahi won? Wouldn't that just be the best thing? And you delivered, buddy, you delivered.”

“Thanks,” Asahi smiled. “I try.”

“Anyway, food's ready,” Saeko said. “If you two are still hungry. After eating all that dust.”

Noya groaned and hauled himself off the couch. Saeko patted him on the back as he passed her.

“Fifth place, huh,” she said. “How's that feel.”

“Shut up,” he mumbled. “You'll see. I'll win next time.”

“Will you,” Asahi said, with an air of amusement.

“Yes,” Noya snapped.

They all made their way into the kitchen, with Saeko leading the way.

“Now – okay, Asahi, I just want to qualify my choices here,” she said, before they reached the table, “the rest of us are meat-eating monsters. And like. I have no idea what vegetarians eat. I went online and looked up some stuff but please don't feel bad if you don't want to eat it, okay? I probably should have had Yuu ask what you like –”

“Saeko, chill,” Noya interrupted her. “He'll eat anything as long as it never had a face.”

“Pretty much,” Asahi confirmed. “Don't worry about it. I'll be fine.”

“Okay. Yeah. You like pasta, right?”

“I love pasta.”

“Okay. Good. Because basically we have linguine and we have salad.”

“That sounds just fine,” Asahi said agreeably.

\- - -

Asahi had a lot of fun that night. It took him a little while to the sheer amount of energy exuded by these people, but he eventually got used to it, and even if he couldn't match it, he could appreciate it, and he did.

He liked Saeko, he realized very quickly. Despite how tiny she was compared to him, he had to admit he'd been scared of her at first. Even though she was barely five feet tall, she had an incredible presence. He'd been afraid to look her in the eye when he'd first come in. After talking to her for a while, though, he realized she wasn't so scary.

The same was true of Ryu, except that he was significantly taller and more thickly-built than both Saeko and Noya, so Asahi felt that there was a little more justification to be wary of him, at least. He'd talked with Ryu before tonight, but never extensively. Asahi quickly got comfortable with both members of Noya's family.

“So, Asahi,” Saeko said, “You go to school at the university, right?”

“Yeah,” Asahi replied. “I'm studying history.”

“Aah, cool. I went to the community college for a while. A ways back. You like it there?”

“Yeah! Yeah, it's great.”

“Ugh, I want to go back to school,” Saeko said wistfully. “I miss it.”

“Speak for yourself,” Noya snorted, mouth stuffed with pasta. “I for one am absolutely fucking crazy about not being in school.”

Saeko flicked the side of his head. “Some of us are more intellectual than others, I guess,” she sighed.

Ryu snorted.

“Hey! What are you trying to say, Ryu?”

“I didn't say anything.”

“You were thinking it. I can see it in your beady little eyes.”

“Chill,” Ryu said defensively. “You can't prove anything.”

Asahi laughed and then glanced over at the kitchen clock. He blinked at it in surprise.

“Is that really what time it is?” he asked.

Noya looked at it, too. “Nine,” he replied. “Yep. You probably need to get going, huh?”

“I probably should, yeah,” Asahi said. “I have to get up kind of early tomorrow…”

“I'll walk you home. Unless – Saeko, can you drive him?”

“No – hey, it's no big deal,” Asahi said quickly, before she could reply. “We can walk.”

Noya grinned at him.

They stood up from the table. Asahi started to gather up his dishes, but Saeko waved her hand.

“We'll get those,” she said. “You head on home.”

“Thank you for having me over,” Asahi said. “The food was great.”

“Well, thank you for coming over,” Saeko replied with a wide smile.

“Come over any time,” Ryu piped up. “It's great to have someone else around who can destroy Yuu at Mario Kart.”

“Fuck you, Ryu,” Noya sighed, leading Asahi by the hand toward the door. “I'll be back in like twenty minutes, guys.”

“Bye, Asahi!” Saeko called out.

“Goodbye,” Asahi called back.

Noya held the door open for him and quickly followed him outside.

“So,” Noya said once the door had closed. “That's my family.”

“I like them,” Asahi said.

“Well, that's good, because I'm pretty sure they're already both in love with you.”

“You think?”

“You offered to help Saeko with dinner, you tried to clear your dishes after we ate, you took your shoes off at the door, and you… you beat me at Mario Kart. You're everything Saeko never had in a brother.”

Asahi laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I'm just being courteous,” he said.

“…Was that a little bit of sass just now, Asahi?” Noya demanded. “Is that what you just did?”

“Maybe.”

Noya groaned and leaned heavily against his side, grabbing his hand as well.

“How long have you lived with them?” Asahi asked.

“I guess… six years now,” Noya replied.

“Really?” Asahi raised his eyebrows. “I figured you just moved in with them after high school.”

“Nup. I was fourteen. Saeko was only eighteen when she took me in. How she managed to raise both me and Ryu is completely beyond me.”

“Took you in? What happened?” Asahi asked without thinking.

Noya gave one humorless laugh. He was about to answer when Asahi interrupted, scrambling to recover from his mistake.

“No – I – I shouldn't have asked. That was personal. You don't have to –”

“Asahi.” Noya squeezed his hand. “It's okay. It was probably going to come up at some point anyway.”

Asahi pressed his lips together and chanced a glance down at him. Noya's expression was as it usually was – upbeat and smiling – but there was something around his eyes that made Asahi feel terrible for asking.

“My parents kicked me out,” Noya said simply, swinging Asahi's hand. “I ran to Ryu's house. Saeko wouldn't let me leave, pretty much, once I told her what was up.”

“They kicked you out?!”

“Because I'm bi. Well, I told them 'gay', but it would have been the same end result. Yeah.”

“I – I'm sorry, I shouldn't have – that's terrible, I –”

“ _Asahi_.”

Noya pulled him to a stop and reached his hands up to cup his face. They looked each other in the eye.

“It's okay,” Noya said, firm honesty in his voice. “Really. Please don't feel bad.”

Asahi bit his lip and nodded. Noya let go of him and took his hand. They started walking again.

Asahi felt like he should say something, but he had no idea what. He glanced down at Noya a couple of times, to see if that expression had changed at all. It hadn't. He should apologize again. Just in case –

“I found a better family, anyway,” Noya said suddenly. “Saeko is twice the mother mine ever was. And Ryu – well, Ryu was my brother long before we started living together.”

He turned his head to look up at Asahi.

“And besides,” he continued, with a smile, “if I hadn't come out, I wouldn't have ever had the courage to get together with you.”

Asahi still looked uneasy. He could feel it.

Noya sighed and hugged his arm tight.

“It was a long time ago, Asahi,” he said. “It doesn't matter to me anymore. Okay?”

“Okay.”

They were halfway to Asahi's house now. Noya started swinging their arms again.

“Hey, lighten up, okay?” he said with a laugh. “You're spending time with _me_ of all people. How can you be sad?”

Asahi looked down at him and found him smiling. That weird look was gone from around his eyes.

Asahi smiled back. He felt a little better.

Conversation shifted back to more comfortable topics as they continued along. Within minutes they were both smiling and laughing like they did every other day. Noya's hand was cold in Asahi's. He rubbed his fingers as they walked. It was fascinating to him that somebody could have such tiny hands. He mentioned this, and Noya snapped that Asahi was just too tall and therefore had no idea what it was to be normal-sized. Asahi rolled his eyes.

They got to Asahi's house all too soon. They stayed on the porch for a while, neither of them really wanting to say goodnight just yet.

Finally, Noya sighed and stood on tiptoe to hug him. Both of them held tight.

“You should probably go in now, huh,” Noya murmured lazily.

“Probably,” Asahi replied. “I have a bunch of homework I need to do.”

“Okay. I'll let you go, then.”

Noya lifted his head off of Asahi's shoulder and they kissed quickly. Noya pulled away and took a step back.

“Good night, Asahi,” he said.

“Good night, Noya.”

Noya walked off the porch and Asahi went inside. The lights were off; Daichi and Suga were either out late tonight or were already asleep. Either way, Asahi made sure to keep quiet as he climbed the stairs to his room.

He'd managed to forget about the homework he should have been doing while he was at Noya's, but now, there it was, all stacked up on his desk, due Monday or Tuesday, the latest Wednesday.

He should just go to sleep. He didn't have to deal with it right now; it was Friday. He could afford to go to bed, and do it later. It would be okay; he knew he'd be able to manage his time well.

He stood there, staring at the piles of books, and closed his eyes and sighed.

It was almost nine-thirty. He was going to be really, really tired at practice tomorrow.

He sat down at his desk and turned on his lamp. He pulled Monday's assignment over and opened his textbook.

It was going to be a long couple of days.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me tanaka and noya wouldn't go hard af at mariokart
> 
> SOOOOO next time kicks off the beginning of the bad. Unless you count that little insight into Noya's backstory as the beginning of the bad, which you very well could.
> 
> Lol. I hope you enjoyed these last thirteen because fourteen is when things start to... slip a little. We're not quite tumbling down the sheer cliff just yet, but it's definitely within sight.
> 
> ANYWAY, hope you guys had a good time reading this! I'm pretty proud of a lot of this dialogue. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for your support thus far! I'm still keeping up with both school and writing, so things look good. I finished drafting Chapter 15 yesterday, and I'm currently working on 16. I've reached plot point 11 on my outline now - so things are starting to pick up the pace.
> 
> It's funny - I keep getting messages saying 'don't let TotW stress you out! Don't worry about taking breaks if you need them!' n I'm like... brah... TotW is keeping me sane rn. I love writing it so much and honestly posting a new chapter and getting to see the feedback it gets is one of the highlights of my week. Tuesdays are going to be so sad for me once this fic is over. This is such a nice break from academics. 
> 
> So, basically, your guys' feedback is super important to me. Please take a minute to leave a kudo or a comment if you haven't already, and / or, if you're feeling super outgoing, you can leave me a message for me at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com. You guys have no idea how much even the silliest little message means to me.
> 
> There have also been a couple of wonderful drawings done for this fic! You can check them out at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/tagged/totw-arts. Be sure to leave a like or reblog if you like their work!
> 
> Okay, I've gone on long enough here. I'll let you go.
> 
> See you next week!


	14. Anywhere But Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> subtitled: "Netflix and Chill"

Asahi was exhausted by the time practice was over. He collapsed on the bench and ran his hands through his hair, eyes closed.

Someone threw a towel at him. It hit him in the face.

“Good job out there, Asahi,” Daichi said, sitting down next to him. “Working hard, huh?”

“Thanks,” Asahi said. “I'm trying, yeah.”

He toweled his hair off and draped the cloth around his shoulders. He kept his eyes closed, though.

“You okay?” Daichi asked.

“Hm?” Asahi blinked at him. “Yeah. I – I'm fine.”

“You seem tired,” Daichi observed. “You stayed up too late doing homework again last night, didn't you?”

“Not _too_ late,” Asahi mumbled, covering his head with the towel.

“How late were you up? I didn't hear you come home until nine. That's already kind of late for you.”

“One,” Asahi muttered.

“Today is Saturday, you know that, right? You have plenty of time to study this weekend. You don't have to stay up late on Friday nights to study.”

“Yeah. I know. I'm…”

Asahi sighed slowly. “I'm just a little stressed. That's all. I have a lot of work, and stuff…”

Daichi stared at him. Asahi couldn't quite hold his gaze.

Daichi slapped his shoulder and stood up.

“Take it easy, buddy,” he said. “You're at the top of your game lately. Don't want you losing that.”

Asahi nodded. Daichi walked to the center of the gym and called for the team to huddle up.

Asahi joined the huddle. The team put their arms around each others' shoulders and leaned in. Hinata jiggled excitedly on his toes. Kageyama nudged him and hissed at him to shut up.

Once this was done, Daichi began.

“Okay. Guys, you're all doing great. I'm so proud of you. All of you. You guys all work unbelievably hard every practice and it shows during every game. We have a game next Saturday, and I really think we're ready. We played these guys last year and we beat them. It was hard, but we fought and we won. We almost didn't.

“But this year – now we've got some of the best first-year students I've ever seen. All the gaps we had this time last year, they're getting smaller every day. All your guys' hard work is paying off.

“Take care of yourselves, okay, guys? Take the rest of today easy, and get ready to fight again.

“Good practice, guys. Put 'em in.”

They all put their hands in the middle, yelled “FIGHT!” and then broke apart.

“Showers and we'll head home, Asahi,” Daichi said quietly to him as they made their way back to the locker room. “Noya's coming over later, right? You'll need to rest up for that.”

“We're just gonna hang out,” Asahi shrugged. “It shouldn't be too exhausting.”

Daichi laughed a little at that.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he replied, waving his hand. “It's just nice to see that Noya's settled down a bit. You're good for him, Asahi. I'm happy for you both.”

Asahi's heart danced a little and he couldn't help but smile.

“Thanks,” he said. “I'm happy too.”

Daichi punched his arm. “Let's get you home, you big sap,” he said. “Kou and I will be out of the house this evening, so you'll have the place to yourselves.”

“Okay.”

“Don't do anything too crazy.”

“We won't.”

“Good man.”

\- - -

Asahi fell onto the couch and closed his eyes. He felt like falling asleep right there. While five hours of sleep was probably enough to get through a day, he was generally used to more. He hoped Noya wouldn't mind if he fell asleep while they hung out that day. He didn't even feel like he could pick himself up off the couch. If Noya suggested watching a movie, his consciousness was toast.

Daichi and Suga had gone out about an hour before. Daichi had reiterated the fact that they'd pretty much be gone until midnight, and Suga had said “Have fun with Noya,” and winked at him.

Asahi had rolled his eyes and loudly said goodbye to them. Suga had snickered to himself as the door closed behind him.

Asahi's phone buzzed on the couch beside him. He opened one eye. It was all he could manage.

 

>> asahiii I'm outside lemme in

> Just break a window or something. I'm too tired.

 

There came a _thump_ from the front door, as though Noya had just butted it with his head.

 

>> why are you so lazy

> Just keep headbutting it. You'll get it eventually.

>> asahiiiiiiii

> It's not even locked just open it

 

There was a moment of silence. Then the scraping sound of the doorknob turning, and the squeaking of the hinges.

Asahi turned his head to see Noya standing in the doorway, Asahi's jacket under his arm.

“You really shouldn't leave your door open like that,” Noya said, shaking his head. “You could get robbed.”

“I'm too tired to care,” Asahi groaned.

Noya shut the door behind him, locked it, and hung the jacket up on the coat rack. He kicked his shoes off and walked into the living room.

“Nice place you got here,” he mused, looking around.

“It's all right,” Asahi replied. “Better than a dorm, that's for sure.”

“I bet. Especially with your roommates being a thing and all. Extra space has to be great.”

“It's not – they're not so bad. Really.”

“They're not keeping you awake or anything?” Noya asked slyly.

“Shut up,” Asahi sighed.

Noya laughed and flopped down on the couch beside him. He reached a hand up and into Asahi's hair, still down and slightly damp from the shower.

“How was practice?” Noya asked.

“Exhausting,” Asahi murmured. “I never want to move again.”

Noya tangled his hand in Asahi's hair.

“Do you like having your head scratched?” he asked suddenly.

“Uh. I don't know. I've never had anybody do that.”

“Mind if I do?”

“…Go ahead, I guess.”

Noya began gently massaging Asahi's scalp with his fingertips. Asahi closed his eyes and sighed, leaning into it.

“Okay,” he mumbled, “now I'm _really_ going to fall asleep.”

“You like this?”

“Yeah.”

“I'll keep that in mind,” Noya said, withdrawing his hand. “So. What would you like to do on this fine afternoon?”

“I don't know,” Asahi shrugged. “I'm really tired. And I feel like you didn't come over here to watch me sleep, you know?”

“Movie?” Noya suggested.

“Sure. I'm almost definitely going to fall asleep, though.”

“Netflix and chill,” Noya said, waggling his eyebrows.

Asahi gently placed one hand over the entirety of Noya's face and pushed him away. “Go pick out a damn movie, idiot.”

“ _Rude_ ,” Noya said.

He stood up and walked over to the cabinet. He opened it, looked around for about two seconds, then grabbed a DVD at random and threw it into the player.

“What'd you put in?” Asahi asked as Noya sat back down beside him.

“No idea,” Noya mumbled in reply. He lay down on his back, with his head in Asahi's lap, and stared up at him.

\- - -

Noya spent most – if not all – of the movie lying down like that. He could help it – he just found Asahi immeasurably more interesting than any movie that could possibly be playing.

Far from falling asleep, Asahi seemed intently focused. He frowned at the tense scenes, bit back a smile at the more touching ones, and laughed quietly to himself at the funny ones.

He hadn't shaved in a few days. His beard was starting to grow out more than normal.

He was, quite simply, the hottest fucking thing Noya had ever seen.

The movie ended and Noya sat up. Asahi turned the TV off and looked over at him.

“Pretty good movie,” Asahi said. “Hadn't seen it in a while.”

He yawned and stretched his arms out wide. Noya watched his every move.

Asahi sighed and closed his eyes again. “I honestly can't believe I'm still awake.”

“Hey, don't fall asleep on me just yet,” Noya said, reaching over to stroke his hair.

Asahi laughed. “No promises.”

“Well,” Noya said, his voice low. “I guess I'll just have to keep you awake, then, huh?”

“What –”

Noya pulled himself over to him and straddled his lap.

\- - -

Asahi didn't really register what Noya was doing until he pressed their lips together, hard. He reached up and put his hands on Noya's sides, neither pulling him closer nor pushing him away – just resting them there, wary.

Asahi kissed back.

Noya turned his head and slid one hand down Asahi's chest. He stood up on his knees and leaned Asahi's head back, tangling his free hand in Asahi's hair again.

A weird feeling started up in Asahi's stomach. His hands started to sweat.

Noya pulled away for a moment, and then lowered himself to kiss at Asahi's jaw. Then his neck. He got to the place where neck met shoulder and stopped.

He smirked up at Asahi and kissed his lips again.

“Damn,” he breathed into Asahi's slightly-open mouth. “You are one attractive motherfucker, you know that?”

Before Asahi could even make an attempt at replying, Noya was kissing him again. The tip of his tongue flicked between Asahi's lips.

Asahi's hands were cold.

_It's not a big deal._

Noya's hands traveled over Asahi's chest and stomach, arriving at the hem of his shirt and lifting it up, pushing beneath it. Noya's hands were colder than Asahi's body. He shivered.

_Just go with it._

Noya couldn't seem to decide where to leave his hands. He ran them up and down Asahi's sides a few times, then took them out from beneath his shirt and instead settled them on Asahi's upper thighs.

Asahi's breath caught in his chest.

Noya took hold of Asahi's bottom lip in his teeth and pulled slightly.

_Just let him do it._

Noya kissed at his neck again, and squeezed his thighs. His breathing was growing ragged from holding it so much.

_You like him. You like him a lot._

_Just let him –_

Noya's right hand trailed down to Asahi's lower stomach, almost to his crotch.

Asahi jerked back so suddenly he surprised himself. Noya pulled away as well. Both of them were breathing hard.

Asahi couldn't look him in the eye. He could feel his cheeks burning red.

He let go of Noya.

“Can we stop,” he breathed. “Can we just… can we stop?”

“Oh. Y-yeah, yeah, sure.”

Noya got off of him and went back to his spot at his side. Asahi still couldn't bring himself to look at him.

They sat there in silence for a minute or two. Asahi stared at his hands, trying to find something to say.

“Sorry,” he finally managed, twisting his fingers together.

“Nah, it's good, it's fine.”

Asahi shot a sideways glance at him. He could see that he was staring straight ahead. His expression was unreadable. Asahi looked away. He pressed his lips together. The sick feeling in his stomach grew.

He heard a buzzing sound and Noya moved beside him. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked at it.

“Oh – hey –” Noya said suddenly, moving to stand up. “I gotta go.”

Asahi waited for him to elaborate as he moved around, gathering his stuff. He didn't.

“Oh. Uh. Okay,” Asahi said, confused. “Is, uh, is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. It's all good.”

He sounded distracted. He pulled his jacket on inside-out, patted his pocket to make sure he still had his house key, and quickly tapped out a text on his phone. He was frowning hard. Asahi watched him anxiously.

Noya glanced up at him and gave him a quick smile that did absolutely nothing to make him feel better.

“Sorry,” Asahi repeated.

“No, hey, it's fine, I just… I gotta go.”

“Okay. Uh. Just – text me when you want to hang out again?”

“Yeah. Yeah,” Noya looked at his phone again, then glanced back at Asahi for a split second. “Yeah. I'll see you.”

With that, Noya turned and hurried out the door, shooting a brief, “Bye, Asahi,” over his shoulder as he closed it.

Asahi stared at the door in silence for a minute. His stomach hurt. There was a weird, tight feeling in his throat.

He squeezed his fingers together. He bit his lip.

He couldn't help but feel like he'd just done something very, very stupid.

\- - -

Noya ran the whole way home. His head was hammering in his chest and the cold air was tearing at his lungs. He looked at his phone every few seconds, just in case something changed.

His leg was on fire by the time he was halfway back. He didn't care. _He didn't care._ He gritted his teeth and ran harder.

He almost fell over trying to climb up the porch steps. He missed the lock a few times with the key. He finally got it and practically fell through the door.

“Ryu!” he rasped, breathless. “Ryu, bud, where are you?”

There was a shuffling sound from the living room. He staggered over to the door and almost ran straight into Ryu.

He was paled. He seemed limp and exhausted.

Noya glared up at him. “What are you doing up?” he snapped, shoving his shoulder. “Go sit down. Couch, you idiot, come on.”

Ryu nodded dumbly and allowed Noya to pull him back to the couch. Once there, he sank back down and laid back as though he had no strength at all.

Noya stood in front of him and stared down.

“I'm fine, Yuu,” Ryu croaked, rubbing his eyes. His face was covered in sweat. “I'm okay.”

“You sure?”

“Just got a little dizzy there for a minute, that's all.”

“You want me to call Saeko?”

“Nah, don't bother her at work. She'll be home in a few hours anyway. I'm okay.”

Noya bit his lips together. He narrowed his eyes.

Ryu laughed. “Really, Yuu, I'm fine. Sorry for bugging you. I just had a… a moment, there. Freaked out a little. Oh – _oh,_ shit, I interrupted you and Asahi, didn't I –?”

“No. Don't worry about it.”

Ryu covered his face with both hands and breathed out slowly. Noya sat down beside him and watched him carefully.

“You need anything?” Noya asked.

“Water?”

“Okay. I'll be right back. Don't move.”

Noya hurried into the kitchen and filled a glass at the sink. His hands shook, and his heart wouldn't stop racing.

He set the glass down on the counter and took a moment to compose himself. He gripped the edge of the table and breathed deep. He raised his leg a little to take the strain off it.

_Everything's okay. You're okay. He's okay._

He pinched the bridge of his nose, breathed for a few seconds, and then straightened up and smoothed out his expression.

He picked up the water glass and brought it back to Ryu.

“Thank you,” Ryu said, taking it from him with shaking hands. He drank most of it in just a few gulps. Noya watched him the whole time.

Ryu set the glass down and yawned. “I'm gonna sleep for a bit,” he said. “Thanks for helping me, bud. Sorry I messed up your day.”

“Totally fine. Don't worry about it.”

Ryu lay down on the couch and Noya threw a blanket over him. Ryu murmured a few more words of thanks and then closed his eyes.

Noya refilled his water glass and set it on the table beside him before going upstairs.

Noya barely made it to his room.

He collapsed onto his bed and gritted his teeth.

His leg was seriously killing him.

“Fuck,” he hissed, digging his fingers into his calf and frowning hard. “Fucking _shit._ ”

He got a hold of himself after a few minutes of fighting through the pain, and then rolled over onto his back. He stared at the ceiling for a long time, still feeling like his shinbone had just been snapped in half.

It had been a long time since his leg had hurt this bad.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WELL THAT WAS FUN WASN'T IT
> 
> hope y'all are strapped in because it doesn't get easier from here.
> 
> I'm working on drafting TotW 19 right now! I'm working well ahead and keeping that hiatus at bay. No need to worry about that lads the angst is still alive and well
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! As always, feel free to leave a kudo and/or comment if you've enjoyed the story so far, or drop me a line at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com. Updates for this fic are posted on that same blog as well, under /tagged/totw-updates.
> 
> I'll see you this time next week! :D


	15. Ten Feet Tall

Asahi was waiting in the kitchen when Daichi and Suga staggered out of their room the next morning, yawning and scratching their heads. He'd been down there for almost an hour. He'd slept terribly.

“Morning, Asahi,” Suga chirped, waving at him.

“Hey,” Asahi replied. “You guys have a good time last night?”

“Of course,” Suga replied genially, walking to the counter and pouring two mugs of coffee.

“And how was your night, Asahi?” Daichi asked, sitting down across from him.

“Oh. Uh.” Asahi shrugged and looked down into his tea. “It was fine. I got a lot of work done.”

“You did?” Daichi said, in disbelief. “Didn't Noya come over?”

“Yeah – yeah, he did,” Asahi confirmed. “He didn't stay too long. We watched a movie and then he had to run.”

“Yeah?” Daichi said vaguely. Suga handed him his mug of coffee and sat down next to him. Suga kissed his cheek.

“Yeah,” Asahi said, sipping his tea, relieved that Daichi's attention was away from the subject. “We had a good time, though.”

“Well, that's good,” Daichi yawned.

Daichi drained his cup of coffee quickly and stood up. “Welp,” he breathed, stretching, “I've gotta get going.”

“You don't even have time for breakfast?” Suga asked.

“It's breakfast or shower.”

“You shower. I'll make you some toast.”

“I love you, Kou.”

“I know you do.”

Daichi hurried off to the bathroom and Suga stood up to make him some toast.

Asahi stared into his mug again, biting his lip. This was his third cup of tea of the morning. He'd slept terribly the previous night. His brain just wouldn't shut up, wouldn't let him stop thinking about what had happened with Noya. And he'd wished he could talk to Suga about it, and Suga was here now, but now he realized that he was probably being really dumb about the whole thing.

Of course he was, he reasoned. He was an idiot. He always blew stuff like this out of proportion…

If he'd just let Noya keep going yesterday –

“ _Asahi_ ,” Suga said, and Asahi suddenly realized that he'd already said his name a few times. He blinked and looked up at Suga.

“Sorry,” Asahi said. “What?”

Suga rolled his eyes and sat down across from him, holding his coffee mug in both hands. “I asked if anything was up,” he said. “Sounds like there is.”

Asahi laughed once and stared into his tea again.

“Yeah, I guess,” he said. “Not a… well, I guess it's maybe a big deal, but –”

“You wanna talk?” Suga asked.

Asahi twisted his mouth. He tapped his mug with his fingers.

“…Yeah,” he said finally. “Yeah. Just, uh… Can you not tell Daichi?”

“…Why?” Suga asked warily. “What's up?”

“Please just don't tell him.”

“I mean, okay, but – why?”

Asahi shrugged. “It's just that… he might freak out. I don't know.”

“Why would he freak out?” There was real concern in Suga's voice now. Asahi was worrying him. He hurried to explain himself.

“Nothing, just – it's – when Noya was here, yesterday…”

He steeled himself and went on.

“We were just watching a movie, hanging out, but… when it was over, he, um. He. Kinda got on top of me.”

Suga set his mug down. Asahi glanced up at him and then away. He couldn't hold that worried gaze for too long.

“He didn't… do anything, you know? I wanna say that right now. He just… kind of made out with me for a while, and –”

The door to Daichi's and Suga's room opened and Daichi walked out, hastily buttoning up his shirt. Suga jumped up and spread some butter on the toast waiting in the toaster. Daichi took the toast, kissed Suga's cheek, said goodbye to Asahi, and hurried out.

“Have a good time at work!” Suga called after him. Once he'd closed the door, Suga returned his attention to Asahi and that crease between his eyebrows came right back.

Asahi backed up a little. “He made out with me, just kissing, and stuff, but then – I don't know, he let his hands go pretty low, and… I could tell he wanted to go further, and…”

“Did he do something to you?” Suga asked cautiously, once Asahi had been quiet for a few seconds. “Asahi? Are you okay?”

“I”m okay. No, he didn't do anything. I kind of panicked, I guess, and I told him to get off of me. And he did.”

“Okay. Okay, good. Because otherwise I _was_ going to have to tell Daichi, and he _would_ have freaked out. You understand.”

“Yeah. I get it.”

“So… are you okay? You need help or anything?”

“I just… I kind of feel guilty about the whole thing,” Asahi said.

“Hey – don't ever feel guilty for rejecting someone's advances if you don't want them. Okay? It's your body. Nobody has rights to it but you.”

“Yeah, but –” Asahi said, “I've… never done anything sexual with anybody, and…”

He closed one eye and looked up at Suga with the other.

“I don't know if I want to,” he finished. “Like… at all.”

Suga nodded. “I see,” he said. “Well, that's definitely something you need to talk to Noya about.”

“Yeah, I guess…” Asahi lowered his eyes to the tabletop.

“…You guess?” Suga repeated. “Asahi, if you don't, you're probably going to end up in a situation like last night again. If it makes you that uncomfortable, why wouldn't you want to say something about it?”

Asahi twisted his mouth.

“What if… he doesn't want to stay with me?” he asked, quietly.

He could feel Suga staring at him, trying to come up with something to say. Asahi didn't even know what he wanted said.

“He's the only person I've ever dated who I've really felt happy with. And I don't want to risk losing him over something so… stupid.”

“First things first, it's not stupid,” Suga said. “Okay? It's not stupid to feel uncomfortable about stuff like that.

“And – I'm sorry, Asahi, but I don't have a good answer. I can't get in Noya's head and tell you how he feels about that. You'll have to talk to him about it.”

“I know,” Asahi said quietly. “I know.”

They were both quiet for a moment. Asahi sipped his tea. It was getting cold.

“You okay?” Suga asked.

“Yeah,” Asahi replied. “I'll talk to him about it tomorrow.”

“Okay. Okay. Good luck, Asahi. I really hope this goes well.”

“I do too.”

 

\- - -

 

> Hey, do you want to meet up tomorrow after my classes are over and go for a walk?

>> sure. Just like our first date :p

> Haha, yeah. So – six-ish?

>> six ish sounds great. I might be a little late cuz I have some stuff to take care of at home, but ill be there.

> Okay. See you.

 

Asahi set his phone down on his desk and then set his head down beside it. He stared at it for a second and then wrapped his arms around his head.

He was going to have a phenomenally hard time sleeping tonight.

 

\- - -

 

Asahi tried his best at practice the next day but it was obvious that he wasn't exactly at the top of his game. And Daichi noticed. He definitely noticed. Every 'don't worry about it', every 'that's fine – just try again', every 'don't let that get to you' made him feel worse.

Daichi took Asahi aside during a water break and asked if there was anything wrong.

Asahi couldn't lie. He never could lie to Daichi. He sometimes wasn't brave enough to look Daichi in the eye even if he _was_ telling the truth.

He laughed, shrugged, and rubbed the back of his neck, saying he didn't know, it must just be an off day for him.

Daichi narrowed his eyes and stared at him for a moment before apparently deciding the point wasn't worth pursuing. He clapped Asahi on the shoulder and went to round up the team again.

Practice went by far too quickly, as far as Asahi was concerned. His stomach twisted every time he thought about what he was going to do after class today. He felt less and less optimistic with every second he drew closer to six-ish.

It had to be the same for Noya, right? Asahi wouldn't want to be with someone who wanted to have sex all the time. Why would Noya want to be with someone who didn't want sex at all? Why should Asahi expect him to make an exception for him?

A perfectly-aimed set from Kageyama flew clean over Asahi's head. He didn't notice it until it hit the floor to his right.

“S-sorry,” he stammered to a confused Kageyama. He hurried to retrieve the ball and tossed it back to him. “I wasn't paying attention. Give it to me again.”

Daichi let them go from practice a little earlier than normal, much to Asahi's disappointment; at least practice was giving him something else to think about.

Daichi gave the team their pep talk and sent them off to the showers. Asahi tried his best to relax in the hot water, but five minutes wasn't even close to enough time for him to calm down under any circumstances, let alone these. He got out, toweled himself off, got dressed, and began mentally preparing for the day ahead. He found himself wishing he'd asked to meet up earlier, because now he was just going to have to worry about it all day…

He sighed deeply, tied his hair back, and got ready for class.

 

\- - -

 

Asahi took a seat just outside the gym doors and waited for Noya to show up. He checked the time almost constantly, as he'd been doing all day. His heart wouldn't stop hammering. He felt sick to his stomach.

At six-sixteen, Asahi's nervous scan of the courtyard showed him Noya, approaching from his left.

Asahi's heart actually stopped for a second.

Once Noya was close enough, he raised one hand and waved. Asahi waved back, trying as hard as he could to smooth out his tense expression. He stood up as Noya got closer.

“Hey there,” Noya said, grinning. He stood on tiptoe and wrapped his arms around Asahi's shoulders.

Asahi returned the hug, holding him tight for a few seconds. Then he let go, and Noya grinned up at him.

“So,” he said. “What did you want to do today?”

“Huh?”

“Hey, you asked me to hang out. You must have some idea of what you want to do.”

“Oh. Uh. I don't know – we could just go for a walk,” Asahi said, though it sounded much more like a question than he would have hoped.

“Sure,” Noya chirped. He took Asahi's hand. “No real destination in mind, then?”

“Yeah,” Asahi replied. “Nothing really.”

They started walking, hand in hand, and for quite a while Asahi couldn't think of anything to say. He felt a little dizzy with all the possible outcomes of this walk.

He couldn't help but think that within the hour – maybe even half an hour, or even less – Noya could be breaking up with him, and it would be Asahi's fault.

“Hey,” Noya said suddenly, making him jump. “You okay?”

“Huh?” Asahi looked down to find Noya looking up at him, eyebrows raised. “Oh – yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Why?”

“Well, you're being really quiet,” Noya said. He raised their clasped hands. “And your hands are all sweaty. Sweatier than normal, I mean.”

“Shut up,” Asahi mumbled, pulling his hand away and wiping it on his jeans.

“Hey, I don't mind it, Asahi,” Noya said, lacing their fingers together again. “It's just pretty clear to me that you've got something on your mind and I want to know if there's anything I can do to help. Talk to me.”

Asahi pressed his lips together. He could feel his palm getting sweaty again.

Almost a full minute had passed before Asahi realized he shouldn't put it off any longer. He let out a long breath, which turned into steam in the early-November air. It was gray out here. It looked about ready to rain.

“About what happened yesterday,” he began. “After the movie.”

“Yeah?”

“I pushed you off.”

“Yeah – oh, hey, I never apologized for that, did I? Man, I'm sorry. I should have asked first. You clearly weren't in the mood for it. I'm sorry.”

“No – well, yeah, but…”

They stopped walking. Asahi glanced down at Noya to find him frowning slightly, staring up at him intently. Asahi couldn't keep looking long enough to read his expression.

“The thing is…”

He braced himself, closed his eyes, and said it.

“I'm never in the mood for that.” He said it as quickly as possible. “You seemed like you wanted to go farther last night, and – I don't want to. I never want to.”

Noya didn't move. “So, you don't like sex?” he asked.

“No,” Asahi replied. “I don't… I'm sorry…”

“Hey – no, Asahi, hey, don't apologize for that,” Noya said quickly, grabbing his arms. “Shit – no, hey, I'm the one who should be apologizing.”

Asahi bit his lip. Noya's eyes were wide and earnest. He reached up and cupped Asahi's chin in his hands, and Asahi finally held his gaze.

“It was shitty of me to assume you'd be okay with that,” Noya said. “I'm really, really sorry, Asahi. It won't happen again, I swear.”

“You're not… mad, or anything?”

“Mad? Why would I be mad?”

Asahi shrugged. “I mean… you're really okay with… not having sex? For however long this goes on?”

Noya stretched his arms out wide and smiled. “I'm doing okay so far, aren't I?” he asked. “Don't worry about it, Asahi, please.”

“But… you _like_ sex, don't you?” Asahi said, looking at the ground again. “I mean…”

“Hey, I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, I like it,” Noya said. “But it's not a _need_ for me. I don't _need_ it. I can function perfectly well without it.”

He reached up and shoved Asahi's shoulder gently, smiling. “Besides. The tradeoff is more than fair.”

Asahi smiled shyly.

Noya threw his arms around him and squeezed. Asahi couldn't help but smile even harder as he hugged him back.

“Don't worry, okay?” Noya repeated.

“I'll try not to,” Asahi said.

“Aw. You don't ever stop worrying, though, do you?”

“I thought you might break up with me,” Asahi admitted.

Noya pulled away abruptly and looked up at him with wide, startled eyes.

“Oh, fuck, no,” he breathed. “Never. Never, never. No.”

He pulled Asahi down and kissed him, hard. Asahi felt tears stinging his eyes. After a few seconds, they broke apart and Noya returned to hugging him again.

“Never over something like this,” he said. “I mean. Not that I'm planning on breaking up with you any time soon. Of course.”

“I get it,” Asahi murmured. “Thank you.”

Noya squeezed him once more and then stepped back.

“So, like, that was okay, right?” he asked. “Sorry – just, what are your boundaries, here?”

“Hugs are fine. Kissing is fine. What happened last night…”

“Not fine.”

“Well – it was fine to a point.”

“Okay,” Noya nodded. “I'll always make sure I ask before I do anything like that. And _please_ don't ever be afraid to shut me down if I do something you don't like. I never want to make you uncomfortable, okay?”

“Okay,” Asahi said, smiling. “Okay!”

Noya smiled back at him. “Great,” he said. “Now – to make up for me being terrible – how about I take you to dinner sometime?”

“Okay. When?”

“Hm,” Noya mused, closing one eye. “Today's Sunday, right? How's Wednesday sound? Thursdays are your late mornings, right?”

“Yeah,” Asahi agreed. “So – Wednesday night sounds great. Yeah, we can do that. I take it you won't be letting me pay this time, either?”

“I invited you. I'm paying,” Noya said decisively. “And this time, I'm not taking you to some fast food place and forcing you to get a salad. No sir. I'm taking you to an actual sit-down restaurant and it's gonna be fancy as hell and you're gonna eat some really nice food.”

“You'll have to iron your one dress shirt, huh?”

“Do you think anybody will notice if I wear dark jeans instead of slacks? Because I do not currently own a pair of slacks.”

“I just don't understand how you've gotten this far in your life without owning a nice pair of pants.”

“Do you know how many places stock pants for five and a half foot tall men? It's not many, Asahi, I'll tell you that.”

Asahi laughed. “You're so tiny,” he marveled.

Noya scowled up at him. “You're just huge.”

“You weigh a hundred and twenty-five pounds.”

“Your point?”

Asahi moved forward, put his hands under Noya's arms, and lifted him into the air with very little effort.

Noya, dangling there, looked down at where his feet swung, about a foot off the ground, and sighed.

“Okay,” he said, in mock defeat. “I get it. I'll admit I could be taller.”

“Finally,” Asahi breathed, setting him back down.

“Nooo,” Noya whined, standing on tiptoe. “Pick me up again. I like being tall.”

“No, having you at eye level is way too weird.”

Noya pushed his lips out and scowled up at him.

Asahi felt a tap on the top of his head. He looked up and a raindrop landed on his nose.

“Oh, hey,” he said. “It's starting to rain.”

“Fuck, we're gonna get soaked,” Noya complained.

Sure enough, almost as soon as Noya said it, the rain started absolutely pouring.

They looked at each other, laughed incredulously, and then Noya grabbed Asahi's hand.

They started running as hard as they could toward the bus shelter, but they were still completely soaking wet by the time they got there. Noya shook himself like a dog, sending drops flying everywhere. He was already shivering in his thin little jacket.

“F-fuck,” Noya muttered, wrapping his arms around himself and jumping up and down. “C-cold.”

He sat down next to Asahi and tucked himself close but immediately pulled away.

“You're wet too,” he complained. “That's not helpful.”

“I'm sorry,” Asahi laughed.

“So,” Noya smirked, nudging him with his elbow. “Your place or mine?”

“Mine?” Asahi said. “Daichi and Suga should be out by the time we get there.”

“Sounds great,” Noya said.

The bus arrived, they got on, they chose a seat, they nestled close together. Asahi kept catching himself staring at Noya, even when he wasn't speaking.

He just couldn't believe it. He felt so lucky to be sitting here right now, hand in hand with Noya, sitting and laughing together with the rain pouring down outside. He felt so happy and warm he almost couldn't stand it. He wanted to wrap Noya up in his arms and never let go. Every time Noya smiled at him, looked at him with obvious affection in his eyes, Asahi struggled to believe this was real.

Too good to be true, really. Noya just made him feel… so good. He couldn't figure it out, but there it was. He couldn't imagine what Noya saw in him, but there he was.

Mystified as he was, that warm feeling was very welcome. He let it cover him up as the bus rolled towards home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...THIS might be the halfway point. Maybe? Who knows. Not me, that's for sure. I'm working on Chapter 20 right now, and I have absolutely no idea whether or not I'll be able to wrap this up in ten more chapters. 
> 
> Seeing as I originally thought I'd be at this point by Chapter 10 or so, who knows how long this will end up? As is, it's definitely going to be over 25 chapters long. Might hit 30. Might go over. TotW is going to have at least a half-year-long run and that is much more than I bargained for
> 
> AND there's going to be a couple of one-off spinoffs that take place in the TotW verse. That'll add like another five chapters. Backstory and stuff, and a few scenes I wanted to put in the main story, but that I couldn't fit. Not without pushing us closer to 40 lol. And destroying the already strained pacing lmao
> 
> Then after that, it's on to working on Halo, which is going to be an even bigger, even longer project. I will not finish Halo by the time I'm 20, even if I start work on it immediately after the end of TotW. But I'll start getting you all hype for Halo later, when I actually start working on it.
> 
> ANYWAY, as always, thank you so much for all your support! If you enjoyed this chapter, please let me know by leaving me a comment or a kudo (if you haven't done so already). I can't tell you how happy those things make me. :D
> 
> If you're feeling more social, feel free to drop me a line on my tumblr, i-homeostasis. I love getting messages!
> 
> I've also had a couple of lovely people do drawings for this fic! You can find them on my blog tagged as /totw-art. Be sure to drop the artists a line if you enjoy their work! And they'd appreciate your reblogs, too, I'm sure. ;D
> 
> Anyway, see you next week! Thank you again! ♥


	16. Don't You Worry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> despite the title of this chapter you should probably worry
> 
> at least a little
> 
> you know
> 
> just in case

Noya pulled his shirt over his head and hung it up beside his hoodie on the drying rack in Asahi's laundry room. He shivered and grabbed a towel, and began scrubbing at his hair in an effort to dry it out.

Asahi knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

The door opened and Asahi stepped in, holding a bundle of clothes.

“I brought you pants, too,” he said. “They're too big for you, but you can tie them – they're sweatpants.”

“Thank you dear,” Noya said, taking the clothes and smiling up at him.

Asahi smiled back. His cheeks went a little pink. Noya reached up and tugged at the font of his shirt. Asahi frowned in confusion and leaned down a little bit. Triumphant, Noya stood on tiptoe and kissed him, hard.

“You're too cute,” he said as he pulled away.

Asahi turned even more pink, much to Noya's delight. “I'm gonna make some tea,” he said. “Do you want any?”

“Sure,” Noya said. “Thank you.”

Asahi left again and Noya pulled his jeans off, and then started changing into Asahi's clothes. They were so big on him that he laughed. He felt like a kid trying on his dad's clothes. The sweatpants wouldn't even stay on unless he cinched them as tight as they would go.

He patted his pockets and remembered that his phone was still in his jeans. He fished it out, checked for a text from Ryu or Saeko, and then put it in the pocket of the sweats.

He left the laundry room and walked into the kitchen. Asahi was just pouring the boiling water into two mugs. He looked up at Noya and snorted, shaking his head.

“What?” Noya snapped.

“You look even tinier like that.”

Noya grumbled wordlessly and walked over to him. He hugged him from behind and rested his head against his back and closed his eyes.

“I do have to walk around, you know.”

“No you don't.”

“How much sugar you want?”

“Hm?”

“In your tea.”

“All of it.”

“Okay.”

There was a clinking of metal as Asahi stirred the mugs. He moved away from the counter and Noya moved with him.

“Let go of me – I'm gonna spill these everywhere.”

Noya let go and took one of the mugs from him. They made their way to the living room and sat down on the couch.

“Rrgh, I just want to nap for seven years,” Noya mumbled, leaning against him.

“Me too,” Asahi sighed, wrapping an arm around him. “Really wish that was practical.”

“Retreat from society and take seven-year naps with me.”

“Would if I could.”

Noya set his tea down on the coffee table and closed his eyes.

He'd slept terribly the previous night. Between the pain from his leg and the dreams, he doubted he'd actually gotten a full hour of sleep all night.

He was actually about to fall asleep against Asahi's shoulder when he spoke.

“Noya?”

“Hmm?”

“Is everything okay?”

Noya raised his head and looked up. Asahi was frowning a little, and those big brown eyes looked worried.

Dammit.

“Hm?” Noya asked. “Yeah. Why?”

“I don't know… It's just that – yesterday, you left in a hurry, and you seemed distracted, and now you're really tired.”

Noya took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. He rolled onto his side and rested his head in Asahi's lap.

“I don't know… I was just wondering if maybe something was wrong.”

Asahi could read him too well. Christ.

“Just didn't sleep too well last night,” he replied, praying that Asahi wouldn't address the other issue. “I'm just tired. Okay though, I swear.”

“All right.”

Asahi's hand moved from Noya's waist to his head. Noya smiled a little as Asahi ran his fingers through his hair.

“So… movie?” Asahi asked after a moment.

“Only if you put it in.”

“You'll have to let me get up.”

“Noooooooo…”

“Then we have a problem.”

“…Fine.”

Noya raised himself off of Asahi's lap long enough for him to put in a movie and then immediately flopped back down onto his lap once he was seated. Asahi laughed and started stroking his hair again.

“You really are tired, huh?” he murmured.

“Mmmh,” was all Noya had the energy to say.

\- - -

Noya fell asleep five minutes into the movie. Asahi stopped watching it too, mostly. He found himself smiling absently as he ran his fingers through Noya's hair. There was a cozy feeling in his chest.

He loved simple closeness. He loved the comfort of feeling another person's warmth. And right now, it was Noya's warmth he was feeling, and that felt like a miracle.

Noya had a bit of stubble coming up along his jaw. More than normal, that was for sure. Asahi ran a thumb lightly over it. He noticed shadows beneath his eyes and frowned.

He'd let him sleep now, and he'd tell him to make sure to get plenty of sleep tonight. Maybe it was silly to worry – Noya had said everything was fine – but he did it anyway.

Asahi shook his head, went back to petting Noya's hair, and tried to focus on the movie.

Noya didn't wake up, even at the loud parts. He stayed fast asleep in Asahi's lap until the end credits began to roll and unnecessarily loud music began to blare from the speakers. Then he sat up, blinked a few times, and complained that he was hungry.

Asahi turned the TV off and stood up. Noya followed him into the kitchen and sat down.

Asahi threw together a dinner quickly. It wasn't anything special. But Noya wolfed it down, finishing half of his meal before Asahi had really started eating. He wouldn't stop talking about how good it was. Asahi accepted the praise with a smile, though he was very confused.

Once they were done eating, Noya yawned and pushed his chair away from the table.

“Uugh,” he groaned. “I'm gonna go see if my clothes are dry yet.”

He stood up and wobbled his way to the laundry room. Asahi gathered up the dishes.

“Aah, fuck. They're still wet,” Noya grumbled, walking back out of the room.

“Huh,” Asahi said with absolutely no expression in his voice. He set his dishes into the dishwasher and turned around to face Noya.

“It's getting pretty late,” Asahi pointed out.

“Hah. Yeah,” Noya laughed, scratching his head. “So. Uh.”

Asahi sighed and leaned against the counter.

“I can't tell if you're trying to steal more of my clothes or if you want me to invite you to stay the night,” he said.

Noya laughed again. “Eh, either one,” he shrugged. “I like to have a backup plan.”

“I take it this is why you didn't just throw your clothes in the dryer for a few minutes.”

“I was conserving electricity, excuse you.”

“When have you ever cared about saving electricity?”

“Irrelevant,” Noya yawned, leaning against the doorframe. “Anyway, you going to invite me to stay or what?”

Asahi shook his head slowly, incredulous. “Yeah,” he replied. “Yeah, you can stay the night.”

“You want me to crash on the couch, or –?”

“Do you want to sleep in my bed?”

“I might. A little.”

“Okay. Come on.”

“ _Yessssss._ ”

Asahi led Noya by the hand as they walked up the stairs. Noya held on to his arm and dragged his feet more with each step.

“Why does your house have so many stairs,” he grumbled as they reached the second floor.

“There are like ten steps in that staircase.”

“It's too many. I'm against it.”

Asahi pushed open the door to his room and let Noya through first.

“Sorry it's a little messy in here,” he said as Noya looked around. “I didn't really clean up before I left today.”

Noya turned around and squinted up at him. “This is _messy_ for you?” he demanded. “Asahi. There is one pair of sweatpants on the floor and like one corner of your bed isn't made. That's it.”

“My desk is a mess,” Asahi added, pointing at the handful of books and papers strewn over its surface. Noya took one long look at that and slowly shook his head.

“Asahi, you'll faint when you see my room,” Noya said. “Really. You might die.”

“Maybe you should clean up before inviting me to stay, then.”

“Honestly, if _this_ is what you call messy, I don't think any amount of cleaning will make my room tolerable for you.”

“Maybe I should clean for you, then.”

“I don't think I'd recognize the place. I don't even remember what color the carpet is in there. Do I even have carpet in there? Shit.”

Asahi sat down on the bed and Noya flopped down beside him, letting out a long sigh. Asahi looked down at him and patted his head. Noya rolled over and hugged him around the middle.

“That's it,” he breathed. “I'm never getting up. This is perfect. I have reached an ideal state of being.”

Asahi flicked his head. “I need to brush my teeth.”

“Ugh. Fine,” Noya said. He kissed Asahi's hip. “Hurry back.”

“You're gross.”

“I know.”

Asahi disentangled himself from Noya's arms and stood up. He walked across the hall to his bathroom and brushed his teeth. He put his hair in a ponytail, looked at himself for a second, and then let it back out again. He could tie it up later.

Noya was face-down on his bed again when he came back in. He nudged him gently.

“Scoot,” he said.

Noya groaned theatrically and rolled over and moved to one side of the bed. Asahi turned out the overhead light and then sat down on the edge of the bed, pulling his jeans off and swapping them for the sweatpants on the floor. He lay down beside Noya and rolled over to face him. Noya was checking his phone again. He'd done that a lot today.

“Telling Saeko and Ryu where I am,” he explained. “So they don't freak out.”

“Ah,” Asahi said, covering himself up.

“Tired?”

“A little.”

“Me too.”

“This is the earliest you've gone to bed in years, isn't it?”

“Easily in a decade. Is the sun even down yet?”

“It's been down since seven. It's almost December.”

“Whatever.”

Noya rolled onto his side and smiled sleepily at Asahi. Asahi smiled back.

“Have I mentioned,” Noya murmured, reaching over and running his fingers through Asahi's hair, “that you are the single most attractive man I have ever met?”

Asahi buried his face in the pillow. “Shut up,” he mumbled.

Noya laughed and kissed the side of his head. “I never shut up,” he replied. “You know this about me by now, don't you?”

“I do,” Asahi admitted, looking over at him again. “I do.”

“I can't help it,” Noya went on. “I just really like your face.”

“I like your face too.”

Noya sighed deeply again and closed his eyes. They were both quiet for a little while Asahi watched him breathing for a moment, and then he spoke.

“Hey, Noya?” he said.

Noya opened one eye. “Mmh?”

“You don't have to make excuses to come over, or stay the night,” he said. “You can just… come over any time. You just have to ask.”

Noya grinned at him. “Okay,” he replied. “I'll do that.”

“Okay.”

“And – Asahi?”

“Yeah?”

“You can call me by my first name. You know. If you want. I think we're close enough by now, you know? I mean, I'm sleeping in your bed right now.”

Asahi smiled. “Okay. Good night… Yuu.”

Noya closed his eyes and smiled widely. “Yep,” he said. “I like that.”

He moved closer and kissed Asahi's forehead, and then settled down with his head near Asahi's chest.

“Good night, Asahi,” he said. “Thanks for today.”

Asahi kissed the top of his head. Noya draped an arm over his waist.

“Don't roll over and crush me in your sleep, okay?” Noya mumbled.

“I'll try not to.”

\- - -

Asahi woke up with Noya's foot under his chin.

It took him a second to register this fact. He blinked at the ceiling for a few moments, bewildered.

“Yuu?” he mumbled sleepily, trying to push himself up.

Noya was fast asleep, sprawled out on his face, taking up well over his half of the bed. He was halfway on top of Asahi, breathing slowly like he hadn't moved in hours. Asahi wouldn't be able to move without waking him.

There was a knock under the door.

“Uh – come in,” Asahi called.

The door opened and Suga poked his head in. He frowned at the two of them, and blinked in surprise.

“Crazy night?” he asked.

“Looks like it was for one of us,” Asahi said.

“So I take it things went well yesterday,” Suga smiled.

“They did.”

“I was wondering why there were very tiny clothes hanging up in our laundry room.”

Asahi tried to shimmy out from beneath Noya, but he only moved in a way that made this more difficult. He looked up at Suga, who laughed.

“Tickle his feet,” he said.

“He'll kick me!”

“Well, you can just wake him up now. It's seven-fifteen – you have to get up.”

“Yeah. Okay. Just. Um.”

He grabbed Noya's leg by the calf and shook it. “Yuu,” he called gently. “Hey. Wake up.”

Noya grumbled in his sleep and bent his leg. Asahi sat up, wriggling out from under him. He shook Noya's shoulder.

“Yuu. Wake up. Come on.”

Noya groaned and wrapped his arms around his head.

“Yuu, get off me. I have to go to volleyball practice.”

Noya sat up and looked blearily around. “What,” he mumbled. “'Ssup.”

“Get up,” Asahi said quietly. “We have to go.”

Suga laughed at Noya's bewildered expression. “I'll go make you guys some toast,” he said. “You're gonna have to run.”

He left the room and Noya leaned against Asahi's chest. He pressed his lips against the curve of Asahi's neck.

“Don't wanna,” he murmured.

“When was the last time you shaved?” Asahi asked as stubble prickled his neck.

“Ten years ago,” Noya mumbled.

Asahi scratched Noya's head and kissed his cheek. “Come on,” he said. “Get up. I can give you a ride home.”

“Thank you,” Noya said, pulling himself away. He groaned again, this time in irritation – he stretched his right leg out and covered his eyes.

“Oh – _oh_ , is your leg hurting?” Asahi demanded anxiously. “Are you okay? Do you need anything? You haven't taken any painkillers in a while, have you? I don't even know if we have any…”

“Asahi,” Noya said. His voice was quiet. “I'm okay.”

He looked really tired. Not 'just-woke-up' tired, either, but like he hadn't really slept… at all.

“Is there anything I can do?” Asahi said, more calmly.

“Nah. Thanks, though. I'll be okay once I get my meds.”

“Does rubbing it help?”

“I pretend it does.”

Asahi bit his lip and furrowed his brow. Noya looked up at him and smiled.

“Chill,” Noya said, laughing, craning his neck to kiss Asahi's cheek. “I'm okay. Don't worry.”

“I always worry,” Asahi pointed out.

Noya gently butted his head against Asahi's. “You big dope,” he said. “Take me home?”

“Yeah. Suga's making us toast. You want to take some with you?”

“Yes, please.”

They dragged themselves out of bed and made their way downstairs. Daichi and Suga were sitting at the table when they got to the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Daichi said, smirking. “Have a good night, you two?”

Asahi said 'yes' and Noya grunted in reply.

Daichi snorted. “We made coffee, if you want some, Noya,” he said, gesturing at the coffee pot. “Good morning to you, too.”

Noya stumbled over to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug. Asahi buttered the toast and wrapped them in two napkins. He turned around to find Noya standing there, staring mutely into his coffee.

“You can just take the mug with y–”

But before Asahi could finish, Noya had brought the mug to his lips and was absolutely _slamming_ the coffee.

The other three watched in mute awe as the half-liter of coffee disappeared into Noya's mouth.

“How long ago did you make that coffee, Kou?” Daichi breathed, eyes glued on Noya.

“About ten minutes,” Suga replied.

“So it's. It's still about two hundred degrees.”

“Yep.”

“Shit.”

After what seemed to be a very, very long time, Noya brought the mug back down, gasped, shook his head rapidly from side to side, and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

“Ow,” he said, now sounding considerably more awake. “I. Probably should not have done that.”

“You think?” Asahi demanded, incredulous. “Are you okay?”

“It's questionable,” Noya said, setting the mug down on the counter. “But I do that like. Every morning. So it's all good.”

“Noya, how have you made it to the age of twenty?” Suga asked in wonder.

“No fucking clue,” Noya sighed, taking one of the toast bundles from Asahi and looking up at him.

“So, we'll head out, then?” he prompted.

“Oh – yeah, Daichi, I'm gonna run Noya home real quick. I'm taking the car.”

“Okay. Don't take too long.”

“I won't.”

Noya had already devoured half of one of his pieces of toast by the time they were out of the door. Asahi side-eyed him.

“Are you okay?” he asked as they made their way to the car.

Noya nodded, his cheeks bulging like a chipmunk's. He swallowed hard and then replied.

“This is how I am in the mornings, Asahi,” he said. “I'm a fucking mess.”

“You didn't sleep very well last night, did you?”

“Eh. I've slept better. _But_ I was sleeping next to you, so it was a great night by default.”

“Shut up,” Asahi muttered, but he couldn't suppress a smile.

They got in the car and Asahi started it up. Noya pulled his legs up onto the seat with him, curling himself into a little ball. His eyes were closed.

Asahi wanted to ask if his leg was okay. He knew he shouldn't – it was very obviously _not_ okay and Noya wasn't about to admit it – but he couldn't help worrying. He looked back to the road.

Noya sighed. “Asahi, I can feel you worrying about me from all the way over here. I swear I'm okay. Okay?”

Asahi pressed his lips together.

“Like. I'm not gonna dance around it. I'm in pain. I am nearly constantly in pain. And there's days where it gets to me and I'm cranky as all hell. Apologies in advance for those days, by the way – I won't be fun to be around.

“But this is how my life _is_ , Asahi. I don't let it control me and I don't want it to worry you, either. I've learned to cope with it. I'm _okay._ ”

Asahi nodded. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly. “I'll try not to worry too much.”

“Hey, you can't help but worry. I appreciate the concern, really, I do. You're just a worrier. It's how you are. I'll try not to worry you too much extra, okay?”

“Please worry me if something's really wrong.”

“Gotcha.”

The rest of the car ride was spent in near silence. They pulled up in front of Noya's house and Noya got out.

He walked around to Asahi's side of the car and tapped on the window. Asahi rolled it down and Noya leaned in.

“See you Wednesday,” he said. “I'll probably come bug you at practice that morning, okay?”

“Okay.”

Noya grinned and leaned in to kiss him. Asahi kissed him back.

Asahi watched him up the stairs into his house with a smile. There was a warm, safe feeling in his chest.

This had gone better than he could have imagined.

\- - -

“Ryu,” Noya called out. “I'm home!”

“I'm here,” Ryu called – predictably – from the living room. “Where I always am.”

Noya walked in and found Ryu sprawled out on the couch. He raised his head when Noya walked in, and grinned widely.

“So,” he said, raising an eyebrow. “How was your night? You seem… worn out.”

Noya collapsed onto the couch beside him and sighed, eyes closed. “It was wonderful,” he replied, and said no more.

“Yeah? So… You and Asahi… you had a good time?” Ryu prompted.

“We did.”

There was another moment's silence, and then Ryu let out an exasperated noise and kicked Noya's arm.

“ _Come on,_ Yuu,” he said.

“What?” Noya asked innocently.

“You hooked up with Asahi last night, didn't you?”

Noya laughed. “Nope.”

“…Wait, what?” Ryu said blankly.

Noya raised his head long enough to say 'nope' again before dropping it back down on the couch again.

“Really?” Ryu demanded. “Man, you stayed all night and _didn't_ sleep with him?”

“Well, I did,” Noya qualified. “Literally slept with him. He's super warm, by the way. It was great.”

“You've been dating this guy for almost a month now and you haven't had sex with him yet,” Ryu said in amazement. “From the way you acted when you met him, I can't believe you've lasted this long.”

“Well, I'm gonna have to get used to it,” Noya sighed, sitting up.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Why's that?”

Noya turned and looked at him. Ryu's brows were furrowed deeply.

“Asahi doesn't like sex,” he said, simply. “He told me yesterday.”

“…Oh,” Ryu said. “So. Uh. How's that gonna go?”

Noya took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Well,” he began. “It's gonna be a little weird.”

“A little? Have you ever actually been in just a romantic relationship?”

“I haven't. There wasn't a lot of room for romance back then, you know?”

“Huh… Well, what are you going to do?”

“Well, it looks like I won't be having any sex for the forseeable future,” Noya replied. “But hey, the last two years have been the same way. Not a big deal.”

“You're gonna be okay like that?”

“Yeah.”

“You're sure?”

“I like him more than I like sex.”

Ryu laughed out loud and kicked him again. Noya smiled.

“Yuu,” Ryu cackled, leaning over and shaking his shoulders. “You're gonna fucking marry this guy, aren't you?”

“We've been together a _month_ , Ryu. Give me time.”

“Is there a higher form of praise from you, though?”

“I've yet to find higher praise,” Noya admitted with a smile. “I mean it, though. Giving it up might be a little rough for me for a while, but leaving him would definitely be worse.

“Besides,” he went on, holding up his right hand and wiggling his fingers, “it's not like I don't have other means.”

He looked over at Ryu and found him smiling like a big dope.

“What,” Noya said, hiding a smile.

“I'm happy for you, bud,” Ryu said, leaning his head back. “I'm really, really happy.”

“I am too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys -
> 
> I realized the other day that maybe it seems a little bit pushy or annoying of me to put reminders to kudo/comment/what have you at the end of every chapter of this fic, so I made a post about it on my tumblr. I'm just gonna copy/paste it here because I don't feel like typing it all out again lol. Major props to you if you read it.
> 
> \- - -
> 
> I’m kind of like. Really worried about how I’m going to feel once TotW is over. Like. Maybe it’s silly but TotW is kind of carrying me a lot lol. It’s one of the very few things in my life right now that I have real control over, and when I work on it I go into this zone where I generally feel okay (it amuses me when people tell me not to let TotW stress me out; it’s what’s keeping me sane at the moment lol). Tuesdays are my favorite day of the week because I get to post a new chapter and I get to look at feedback! Sometimes I get so excited to read comments that I wake up really really early by accident and can’t get back to sleep! And every time I see a kudo or a new comment I feel really happy. 
> 
> Point is - I don’t know what I’m going to do once the story’s over and Tuesdays are just Tuesdays again. When the updates are done and the feedback stops rolling in, I know I’m going to miss it, really badly. TotW is a huge pick-me-up for me. I love writing it, I love reading it, I love seeing how other people react to it, I love when people send me messages telling me I’m doing something right with what I’m working on, and that it’s something they can relate to. I’m getting these ace kids telling me that I’m giving them hope and it just feels so good.
> 
> I don’t really know what I’m going to do once that stops happening. Feedback slowed down once school got into full swing, and I almost immediately started to miss it.
> 
> So yeah that’s why I always make a big deal out of TotW updates. That’s why I reblog every update link at least three times. That’s why I always put a reminder to kudo/comment in the end note of every chapter. My head is in a really weird place right now and my life is kind of crazy and I just kind of need this fic and all the people who read it, just for something to depend on.
> 
> \- - -
> 
> so basically your guys' feedback means a hell of a lot to me at the moment. So I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd take a second to show me you enjoy what I'm doing here. Tell me what your favorite part is so far, tell me your worries for what's going to happen later, tell me what made you laugh, what made you cry, etc, etc. I really appreciate it.
> 
> I'm gonna let you go. See you next week!


	17. The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And So Begins Hell

Practice went very well for Asahi on Wednesday morning. He was still full of nerves, but they were a different kind than those he'd felt this weekend.

He wasn't really sure why he was so nervous. He'd been on dates with Noya before. It hadn't been a big deal. He'd always had a good time.

Maybe it was because there hadn't been any formal dates before. Things were always very casual with them – they'd meet up once Asahi's classes were over, hang out for a few hours, go get a meal together if they got hungry… Asahi had been comfortable showing up without putting any thought into how he looked but tonight he'd actually have to worry about it.

He daydreamed a lot during that practice. Whenever his focus fell even a little bit, there was Noya, right at the front of his mind again. Smiling up at him, pulling him down for a kiss.

He thought about the way Noya had looked right after that night they'd spent together, all disheveled and unshaven ad not quite aware of his surroundings.

He'd looked so stupid. Asahi loved it.

And the way he'd clung on to him before they'd gotten up. Asahi hadn't wanted to end it. Noya's weight against his body, still so warm from sleeping, was the best feeling Asahi could think of. His heart felt light just thinking about it.

He more or less floated through practice, and more than once caught himself smiling like an idiot at nothing. It was over before long. Daichi pulled everybody into a huddle, gave a couple of closing thoughts, and then let them go.

“You seem awfully happy today,” Daichi noted as he and Asahi got changed in the locker room.

“I am,” Asahi replied, pulling his shirt off.

“Suga said you and Noya are going out tonight,” Daichi said. “Is that why you're being such a goof today?”

“Maybe,” Asahi mumbled.

“How are things with you two?”

“Oh. Pretty good. Great, actually. Why do you ask?”

Daichi shrugged and made a noncommittal noise. “You and Noya are very different people,” he said. “I just wonder if he wears you down at all. He's really high-energy and you're… well, you're not.”

“No,” Asahi replied easily. “No, everything's going fine. Thank you for checking on me, though.”

“Of course. So, Kou and I will have to scavenge for food this evening, then?”

“There's plenty of leftovers. You'll survive.”

“Maybe we'll order Chinese.”

“Whatever makes you happy.”

Daichi closed his locker, slapped Asahi's shoulder, and walked over to the showers.

Asahi checked his phone and found a text from Noya waiting for him. He smiled and replied quickly.

 

>> how was practice??

> Good! I think our chances are good for Saturday.

>> niiiiice :D crush themmm

> I'll do my best :D

>> slaughter them bb

> I'll try. So – we're meeting up at the restaurant at 7, right?

>> yep! Reservation's under my name if you get there before me. Make sure you look pretty ;)

> I'll do that.

>> ♥ I gotta go for now. See u soon

> See you!

 

He put his phone back in his bag and smiled again. The warm feeling was back in his chest.

He showered quickly and headed to his first class.

\- - -

Asahi stared at himself in the mirror and frowned. He balled his hair up in his fist and turned his head to look at his profile. He hadn't put his hair up again after practice, and nor had he shaved this morning. He wondered if he should now. He thought he looked good with a little extra stubble. Noya had frequently expressed this as well.

Asahi smiled. Stubble it was, then.

He washed his face and then started looking at his hair. He should probably do _something_ with it, he reasoned – he couldn't wear it down like this when he was going somewhere fancy.

He remembered the time Noya had braided his hair and bit back a smile.

He eventually decided on his usual loose bun. It wasn't like he was trying to impress anybody, so he didn't really have to do anything fancy. Besides, no matter what he did, Noya would probably spend half the date telling him how good he looked. He did that a lot. He would probably undo whatever Asahi did with his hair once the date was over, and run his fingers through it. Might as well make it a little bit easier for him…

He tied his hair up and looked at the time. It was only six. He had a while before he had to leave. Maybe he'd walk, just to kill time.

He went to his room and spent a good ten minutes trying to decide which of his sweaters he should wear. He eventually chose a gray one, and pulled it on. He turned and looked himself up and down in the mirror.

He smiled to himself. His heart felt lighter than air.

He couldn't wait.

\- - -

Noya walked down the street with his hands in his pockets, whistling to himself.

He had to admit his judgment was flawed. Even he realized that half an hour before a date was probably cutting it a little close to get fitted for some nice pants. But this was the way he'd laid things out for himself, so now he'd just have to deal. He probably wouldn't have time to get them fitted _well_ – he was fully expecting to just hem them with pins and maybe sew them when he got home. Asahi was so tall he probably wouldn't notice what the hell was going on around Noya's ankles, anyway.

He reached the clothing store and pushed the door open. The shopkeeper looked up and smiled as he walked in.

“Hello,” she said. “How can I help you today?”

“I, uh, have a date in thirty minutes,” Noya laughed, and then gestured at himself. “What have you got that'll fit me?”

“Cutting it a bit close there, huh?” she asked, approaching him with a measuring tape.

“Yeah – yeah, I kinda am,” he acknowledged. “I'll make it, though. Seven on the dot.”

“I hope you don't keep them waiting.”

“He'll probably get there ten minutes before seven anyway. I can't really win at this point.”

“Well, I'll see what I can do.”

She took his measurements quickly, and then led him further into the store. Soon enough she stopped, and pulled down a black pair of pants.

“We don't have many options in your size, unfortunately,” she said, frowning apologetically.

“I'm honestly surprised you have my size at all,” he replied. “I thought you'd have to at least dig a little more than that.”

“Is black okay, then?”

“Black's great. Thank you so much.”

He took the slacks from her and walked to the fitting room. He glanced at his watch – he had a little over twenty minutes to get home, get ready, and then get to the restaurant.

He bit his lip. He'd be cutting it close. But he'd make it. He might have to run, but he'd make it.

He looked at himself in the mirror, eyeing his hair. Well, it was as good as it was going to get in twenty-five minutes.

He felt all jittery on the inside. He and Asahi had been too busy to meet up the previous day, and while that wasn't exactly a large amount of time, Noya still found himself really excited to see him again.

He'd told Ryu the truth yesterday, that was for sure. That night he'd spent with Asahi… he'd slept terribly, and tossed and turned all night, but every time he'd woken up and seen Asahi, sleeping right there beside him… That had been pretty fucking incredible.

Noya liked waking up next to Asahi. He loved how peaceful he'd looked while asleep. With all of the day's stress faded off his face, Noya's jumbled, sleep-deprived brain had had only the word 'angel' to assign to him. Which was terribly sappy of him, and he likely wouldn't repeat it. Unless it would make Asahi blush. Which it totally would. And he'd do that thing where he ducked his head and rubbed the back of his neck. And if his hair was let down, it would all tumble down over his face, and he'd smile all shy like he did…

That settled it. Noya was going to call Asahi an angel that very evening.

He took the pants off, paid for them, thanked the shopkeeper enthusiastically, and then left the store. He stuck his hands in his pockets and continued his whistling.

He checked his watch and sped up. He didn't have too much time left, and as he ran out, he began remembering more and more shit he had to do.

He'd make it, though, he told himself. He'd make it.

Noya was practically sprinting by the time he arrived at home. He paused on the porch for a few precious seconds to catch his breath, and then he pushed the font door open.

“Hey,” he called out. “Ryu! Any idea where my dress shirt is? Kinda need to iron that shit.”

Ryu didn't answer. Noya scowled and poked his head into the living room, expecting to see Ryu passed out on the couch, but he wasn't there.

Noya sighed obnoxiously loudly and dragged his feet on his way to the hall.

“Ryu, have you seriously not gotten out of –”

He cut himself off as he rounded the corner.

He suddenly couldn't breathe.

Ryu was lying there, face-down, at the foot of the stairs. He wasn't moving.

Noya's heart stopped and time did too. He stared, breathless, for a few seconds, blinking and expecting the world to right itself. But it didn't. He had to be imagining it, but – no, no, it wasn't changing –

Noya's heart started thudding hard, like it was trying to escape his chest. He blinked and suddenly he was kneeling at Ryu's side, one hand on his back, shaking him.

“Ryu?” he croaked, panic rising cold inside him, higher with every passing second. “ _Ryu??_ ”

Ryu didn't move. His eyes were closed. Noya's heart sank and his entire body went cold.

“Hey, bud – wake up, okay? You're scaring me. Come on. What are you –”

It was another few seconds before Noya noticed the blood.

“Ryu… _Ryu, no…_ ”

There was broken glass on the floor and blood in the carpet. Coming from his best friend's head. The glass table was broken and Ryu must have fallen down the stairs and _Noya couldn't breathe._

He covered his face with shaking hands, trying desperately to calm down, to think properly.

_Ryu needs you right now. He needs help._

_Call Saeko. Call Saeko, she can help. I – I need – I need her –_

_No – 911._

_You need to call 911._

He fumbled at his pocket and pulled out his phone. It took him a few tries to get the numbers right. His hands were shaking. He couldn't look away from Ryu, and his completely unresponsive face.

He finally managed to punch the numbers in and hit _call_. He knelt there, waiting, _shivering_ , one ice-cold fist clutching a handful of Ryu's shirt, as the dial tone rang out.

“Hello?” a woman's voice answered. “911. What is your em –”

“My friend hit his head. He's unconscious. He's not moving.” Noya couldn't keep the fear out of his voice. He didn't even try. “I can't – I don't know –”

“Stay calm, sir,” she said. “Is your friend breathing?”

“I don't – I don't know, I can't tell – I don't want to move him, I –”

“Okay. Does he have a pulse?”

Noya stared at Ryu's left hand, palm-down on the floor beside his head.

He didn't want to pick it up. He didn't want to check. Ryu's pulse had always been there. He couldn't bear to think – it made him _sick_ to think –

_What the fuck was he going to do if –_

“Sir?” the operator prompted. “I need you to tell me if your friend has a pulse. I'm getting ready to send an ambulance over for you.”

Noya closed his eyes, gritted his teeth, and took a few deep breaths. He grabbed Ryu's wrist and squeezed with his fingertips, hoping, _praying_ that he would feel something there…

He did. He did and he almost _fainted_ at the relief of feeling Ryu's heart beating beneath his fingers.

“He does,” he breathed, tears filling his eyes, throat closing up. “He does. Oh, _god,_ he _does…_ ”

“Okay. Give me your address and we'll send someone right over.”

He held back from crying long enough to tell her where they were and then as soon as he hung up he fell apart. He started crying so hard he could barely breathe, covering his face with one hand and clinging to Ryu with the other. He couldn't _think._ He felt like vomiting. He couldn't take this. He couldn't take _Ryu being hurt_. Not again not again _please God not again._

He stayed there for what felt like forever and Ryu didn't wake up.

“You're gonna be okay, buddy,” he finally managed to force out. He squeezed Ryu's arm again, then moved so he was holding his hand. “ _You're gonna be fine._ ”

\- - -

Asahi sat alone at the table, alternating between staring at his hands, his watch, and the empty seat in front of him.

At seven-oh-five, he ordered some bread and iced tea. By seven-ten, it had arrived, but Noya hadn't. He wasn't worried. Noya's time management skills were much more sporadic than he'd originally thought. Ten minutes, even fifteen, early or late, were nothing out of the ordinary for Noya.

By the time seven-twenty rolled around, he had to admit he was starting to wonder a little.

He set Noya a text at about that time, asking where he was.

By seven-thirty, he hadn't received a reply. His stomach started to feel weird. He stopped eating the bread. A waitress came by and asked if he was ready to order. He said he needed a few more minutes.

He sent Noya another message at seven thirty-five. By seven-forty the waitress had come back and he still hadn't heard anything. He told her he was still waiting for someone, and she asked if everything was okay. He said yes. She left him alone.

At seven-fifty, he decided to call him. He dialed the number, put the phone to his ear, and waited.

His heart leapt when he heard Noya's voice, but it turned out to be his voicemail message. He felt sick to his stomach as he set the phone down again.

What was going on?

Noya hadn't… forgotten, had he? He couldn't have… could he? No, Asahi decided. He'd been too excited about this. He wouldn't have forgotten…

The only possibility Asahi could decide on was that Noya had… done this on purpose. It had been nearly an hour. He couldn't have forgotten…

But he wouldn't just _leave_ Asahi like that, would he?

That was when the worst possible thought crossed Asahi's mind. His stomach immediately turned inside-out.

This… couldn't be because of what Asahi had told him the other day, could it?

This wasn't because he'd told Noya he didn't want sex… was it?

He didn't want to believe it. He recoiled from the thought. He felt sick to have even come up with it.

But he had no way of knowing. Noya could have just been saying that it was okay…

Had he really… Had he really ruined everything? Just like that?

It was eight 'o clock. He stood up from the table. He checked his phone for a reply one last time. Nothing. Still nothing.

He walked slowly towards the doors, still stupidly hoping that Noya might come charging through them before he got there.

He ran into the waitress on the way out. She looked up at him and frowned sympathetically.

“Have a good night,” she told him, quietly.

Any other time, Asahi would have smiled and said 'you, too'. Right now, though, all he could bring himself to do was nod. He was afraid to open his mouth.

He stepped outside and lingered on the sidewalk for a little while. He checked his phone again. Still nothing.

The wind gusted up for a moment, and Asahi pulled his coat tighter around himself. His eyes were starting to sting, and it had very little to do with the November cold.

Asahi buried his hands deep in his pockets and ducked into the wind, beginning to head for home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHOHOHOHOHOHOHO HERE WE GO GUYS THERE'S NO TURNING BACK NOW
> 
> Don't forget to leave a kudo or a comment if you enjoyed this - if you haven't already. It means a lot to me, as I expressed last week. :D Don't be shy about dropping me a line on Tumblr (i-homeostasis)! I love getting messages.
> 
> There's also been a couple of new artworks done for this fic! Check them out on my blog, tagged as /totw-art. Leave them a like or a reblog, and be sure to let the creators know you like their work! :D
> 
> Ohohoho what shall the future hold


	18. It Only Hurts

Asahi hoped against hope that Daichi and Suga would have gone to bed by the time he got home. He unlocked the door quietly and slipped inside with hardly a sound, and closed it as quietly as he could.

“Asahi?” Suga's voice, calling from the living room, startled him. “That you?”

“Y-yeah,” he called back, his voice wavering more than he would have liked. “I'm back.”

“That was quick,” Daichi observed. “It's only… eight-twenty. Wow.”

“Yeah,” Asahi said. “Well.”

He started to walk past the living room, praying they wouldn't ask anymore of him, but Suga called out, “Hey! C'mon! You gotta tell us how it went, Asahi!”

There was a lump in Asahi's throat. His stomach churned.

“…Asahi?” Daichi called, when he didn't reply for several seconds. “Sup?”

He took a deep breath.

“…Nothing,” he replied, doing his best to smooth his expression out. “I'm good.”

He heard one of them stand up. His heart lurched. He started to move towards the stairs, but Daichi caught him before he could.

“You okay?” Daichi asked carefully.

Asahi stopped walking. He couldn't just keep going. Daichi already knew something was up. There wasn't any use pretending.

“Asahi?” Suga entered the hall now. Asahi could hear the concern in his voice.

The three of them stood there for a few long seconds, while Asahi tried to decide whether or not he could get away from this. His hands started to sweat. He put his hands in his pockets and ducked his head. He didn't turn around. He knew he wouldn't be able to look at them.

“Hey, Asahi, bud,” Daichi said quietly. “Talk to us. Come on. What's up?”

“Nothing,” he replied. “I'm okay.”

“Don't give me that. What happened? Look at me.”

After a few more moments of steeling himself, Asahi finally turned around and looked at Daichi. He still couldn't look him in the eye. He kept his eyes glued on Daichi's shoulder. He could feel both of them staring at him, growing more worried by the second.

Asahi swallowed.

“He never showed up,” he croaked. “Okay? I sat there for an hour and he didn't show up.”

Suga's eyes went wide.

“…He stood you up?” Daichi's voice was already full of anger.

“Daichi,” Suga hissed, stepping between him and Asahi. “Calm down. Don't get mad. It won't help.”

Daichi covered his eyes and breathed slowly. Suga looked up at Asahi, brows furrowed.

“Have you texted him?” he asked.

“And called him,” Asahi said. “He didn't answer.”

Suga pressed his lips together.

“God, I swear – if he just stood you up –”

“ _Daichi_.”

“He'd better have an excellent fucking reason, Kou –”

“Calm down, Daichi. Please. You're not helping.”

“…I'm just gonna go to bed,” Asahi said, turning away quickly and trying to blink away tears. “I'm tired.”

“Asahi –”

“ _Leave me alone, Daichi,_ ” he interrupted, and started up the stairs without another word.

They let him go. He felt relieved.

Asahi made it to his room, shut the door, and collapsed on his bed. The tears he'd been fighting for the last hour finally pushed through now. He scrubbed at them angrily with the back of his hand.

Now that he was alone again, he let that terrible thought he'd been avoiding take center stage.

_Is this because of what you told him?_

He gritted his teeth and tried to avoid crying for real. It didn't work. His shoulders shook and he buried his face in his hands.

_I shouldn't have said it. I should have just gone with it. I should have just let him… Let him…_

His stomach twisted again. He felt sick.

He'd ruined everything, hadn't he? Just like that. What kind of idiot didn't like sex? He shouldn't have said anything…

But… Noya liked him, right?

That didn't matter. No matter how much he likes you, you can't blame him for not wanting to be with someone who won't… who _can't…_

He shook his head hard. _Don't think like that. You're okay,_ _you're okay, there's nothing wrong with you… If Noya's going to… leave, because of that, then… it's…_

_It's his loss._ It hurt to think. It was something he'd thought to himself many times before. It was what his friends in high school had always said when something like this happened – and it had happened several times before.

_It's their loss._

How could it be their loss so many times in a row?

He rolled over onto his face and closed his eyes, frowning hard, forcing himself to stop crying. He was tired. He needed to stop thinking like this… He needed to get some sleep…

He pulled himself together as best he could and got changed for bed.

It wasn't even eight forty-five by the time he lay down, but he couldn't help lying awake for nearly another hour before his brain tired itself out enough to let him sleep.

\- - -

Noya sat in the hospital waiting room, resting his elbows on his knees. His hands were clasped in front of him and he wouldn't take his eyes off of them. His knuckles were white and his nails dug into his skin.

They'd been here for hours. He and Saeko didn't know anything about the shape Ryu was in. They wouldn't let them see him. All they knew was that he was alive.

Noya's heart stopped for a second whenever he thought about it.

The door opened and Saeko entered the room, holding two paper cups.

“Coffee,” she said, handing one to him. “You doing okay?”

He took the coffee from her, looking at her carefully. She tried to casually turn her face away from him, but it didn't do any good. He could tell from the one glance he got that she'd spent a good amount of time crying while she'd been away.

He felt sick.

“I'm okay,” he said eventually. “I'm… I'm okay.”

“Any of the doctors come by while I was gone?”

“Nope.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah.”

“I'll go talk to one. They need to let us see him, or we're never leaving.”

She stood up and walked out again. He saw her rub at her eyes as she left.

Noya took one sip of his coffee and grimaced, setting it down. Bitter.

He sat back in his chair and covered his face with his hands.

He couldn't get that image out of his head. Ryu, lying there, lifeless, bleeding – Ryu's blood, on Noya's hands –

He felt dizzy. His stomach churned.

He stood up abruptly and walked across the waiting area to the bathroom. He more or less fell through the door and staggered over to the closest sink.

He leaned heavily against it, gripping the sides hard, fighting to keep his heartbeat under control. He closed his eyes and just did his best to breathe until it all passed.

Once his ragged breathing more or less returned to normal, he sighed and turned the tap on. He let the cold water run over his fingers for a few minutes before he cupped his hands together and filled them up.

He splashed water on his face and shook his head from side to side. He blinked hard and dried his face with a towel, and then leaned on the sink again, staring at himself in the mirror.

He looked washed out in the harsh fluorescent light. He looked just as tired as he felt.

The door opened just a crack.

“Yuu?” Saeko called. “You in here?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “Just a sec.”

He stood up and walked out to join her. Her face looked blotchy from crying. Her makeup was all over the place. His chest hurt.

Her mouth wobbled a little as she tried to smile.

“He's awake,” she said. “They're gonna let us see him for a few minutes, and then we have to leave.”

“Okay,” he nodded. “Okay. Let's… let's go.”

She led him out of the waiting room and down the hall. It was quiet in there, except for the quiet beeping of the monitors in the rooms they passed. Someone coughed every now and then. Noya kept his eyes on the floor. His hands were starting to sweat.

He hated hospitals.

Ryu's room was close to the end of the hall. It took a long time to get there.

When they did get there, Noya let Saeko go in first. She rushed in immediately, fighting to keep her voice under control as she said her little brother's name. Noya hung back outside the door for a few seconds. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“Yuu?”

Noya's heart lurched. Ryu's voice sounded rough, and tired.

“Yuu? You out there, buddy?”

“Yeah,” Noya said, putting on a smile and stepping inside. “How you feeling?”

Ryu's forehead was wrapped in bandages. He looked tired, but not unhappy. He stuck his tongue out in response to Noya's question.

“Well, I'm not dying,” he said. “So you don't have to worry about that.”

“I _know_ you're not dying, idiot,” Saeko snapped. “Tell me how you're feeling, dammit.”

“Chill, Saeko, god. My head hurts. What do you want? Apart from that, I'm just fine. Really.”

“What happened, anyway?” Noya asked.

“Well, to be completely honest, I don't remember all that much,” Ryu laughed. “I was in my room, I figured I'd go downstairs and get some food, and then nothing.”

“So you passed out before you fell down the stairs?”

“Yeah. So I brained myself pretty damn hard, but I'm not, like, going to die or anything.”

“Good,” Saeko said, taking a deep breath. “Okay. Yeah. Okay.”

“Awwh. Were you worried about me, or something?”

“Shut up, you idiot. You scared the shit out of both of us.”

“Ah, yeah.”

Ryu dropped the playful tone and expression and looked at Noya. “Yuu, sorry you had to walk in on that,” he said. “That probably… wasn't fun, huh?”

“I've done things that were more fun,” Noya agreed. His hands were shaking in his pockets. “Just don't fucking do that again.”

“I'll do my very best.”

“Just – fuck – if you feel dizzy, stay the fuck away from the fucking stairs.”

“Okay.”

“Saeko and I say 'call us if you need anything' for a goddamn reason, Ryu.”

Ryu laughed. “Yeah. Sorry. It's just been a long time since I actually passed out or anything, you know? I figured I was okay.”

“Just be careful,” Noya said quietly, looking at the floor. “Please?”

Ryu cleared his throat. “Yeah,” he breathed. “I'll do that.”

He raised one hand to scratch at his bandages. He laughed once to himself.

“Honestly, I should be apologizing,” he said.

“What are you talking about?” Noya demanded. “You got hurt. Don't apologize for that.”

“No – I mean,” Ryu closed one eye. “I screwed up your date with Asahi. Again.”

Noya's heart stopped and sank into his stomach.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” he breathed.

“…What?”

“Asahi,” Noya said. “I. Fuck. I.”

He patted all his pockets frantically, but his phone wasn't there. It must have fallen out of his pocket when he'd run out of the house.

“What time is it?” he demanded, distractedly. “What fucking time is it?”

“It's ten-fifteen,” Saeko said, looking at her phone. “Yuu? What's up?”

“Can I borrow your phone for a second?”

She handed it to him, a look of concern on her face. He almost dropped it in his haste to dial.

He stepped out of the room and started pacing up and down the hallway, running his fingers through his hair.

The phone rang out. There was a click.

“Asahi –!”

“Hey, you've reached Asahi Azumane. I can't get to the phone right now, but –”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Noya hissed, whipping the phone away from his ear and clenching his fists. He just barely held himself back from kicking the wall. “Fuck fuck _fuck_.”

Saeko was standing just outside Ryu's room, frowning over at him.

“Yuu?” she asked. “What's up? Are you okay?”

Noya paused, covering his eyes with one hand and taking a deep breath before answering.

“I was supposed to meet up with Asahi tonight,” he said, as calmly as he could, which wasn't very calm. “I forgot. I completely fucking forgot.”

“Yuu, bud, it's okay. Cool off. Nobody would blame you, okay? It's been a crazy night.”

“He won't pick up. I can't believe I –”

“Yuu.”

He locked eyes with her. He realized how exhausted she looked. She rubbed her eyes.

“You'll explain everything to him tomorrow, okay?” she said. “First thing. It's the best you can do. It's going to be okay. He'll understand, I promise.”

Noya took a couple more deep breaths. Saeko waited.

“Okay,” Noya said finally. “Okay. Yeah.”

“Let's say good night to Ryu and get out of here, okay?”

“Yeah.”

They went back to Ryu's room. Ryu didn't ask what the problem was, but he did look worried. Noya didn't elaborate. He could tell him later, once he was home. For now he should just focus on resting.

They said good night and then a doctor came by and told them to leave.

“We'll come back tomorrow,” Saeko said. “Before I go to work. We'll come and pick you up and take you home.”

“Okay.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

“Get some sleep.”

“I will.”

“Take it easy, bud,” Noya said as he walked out the door. “Heal up.”

“You take it easy too, idiot,” Ryu called back.

Noya followed Saeko down the hall, keeping a few steps between them. She pushed open the door to the waiting room and let him go through first.

She grabbed his arm before they got too far. He stopped walking and looked back at her.

Her eyes were shining with tears. Again. Noya's heart twisted.

Saeko stood on tiptoe and hugged Noya tight. He hugged her back, and closed his eyes.

“We're going to be okay,” she said. “Everything's going to be okay.”

He squeezed her tighter.

“Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah. I know.”

They held on for a few seconds, and then broke apart.

“Let's get home, okay?” Saeko said, smacking his shoulder and forcing a smile through her tears.

Noya nodded silently.

Neither of them talked much on the way home. This was all just too familiar.

\- - -

It had been a long time since the pain from Noya's leg had prevented him from sleeping.

The first of many times it would wake him in that long, long night, he found himself curled up in a ball at the foot of his bed, all in a cold sweat, both hands gripping his right shin. He couldn't help but groan out loud – it hurt _so bad_ , and there just wasn't any way he could get rid of it.

He stayed there for a minute or two, just about paralyzed, gritting his teeth to try and force the pain down, just long enough for him to move five feet and reach the orange pill bottle on his bedside table.

He finally managed it, moving little by little, his breathing catching in his chest, tears springing to his eyes. It felt like an elephant was stepping on his leg. He was worried, half-asleep as he was, that putting weight on it would cause it to snap. God, he felt like he was going to _vomit_ it hurt so bad.

He finally managed to haul himself to within reach of the pills, lunged for them, grabbed them, and then collapsed on his bed, breathing raggedly.

He popped the lid off and shook the vial until some pills slid out. There were only five left in there, he realized. He'd have to start rationing them…

He threw two into his mouth and swallowed them dry. They caught in his throat and he gagged and reached blindly for his glass of water. He almost knocked it over, but managed to bring it to his lips and slam half of it without taking a breath.

His heart was hammering against his ribs when he set the glass down.

He dropped his head onto the mattress, grabbed at his leg again, and started to cry. It was pathetic but he couldn't help it.

It was the middle of the night, his leg hurt, Ryu was in the hospital, Saeko had cried, Noya had ruined everything again.

It was nothing new, but right now it hurt so bad he couldn't stand it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh look we resolved nothing
> 
> well okay Ryu isn't dead I'll give us that victory
> 
> Thank you guys, as always, for your support! It means SO much to me right now, you have no idea.
> 
> Please leave a comment if you enjoyed this chapter. I really love reading them! Kudos are great too, if you haven't already left them. :D
> 
> Last week's comments were very fun to read lol. You guys very quickly went from loving me to hating me. I was not disappointed.
> 
> See you guys next week! ♥


	19. Feels Like Tonight

Asahi woke up way too early the next morning, but he couldn't fall back asleep. He watched the clock go from five-thirty to five forty-five before he decided he should just get up. He did so, getting dressed and quietly walking downstairs to get breakfast. He wasn't that hungry, but he forced his way through a piece of toast and a cup of tea. He had to eat something.

He walked to the front door, took the gym keys from the bowl on the table, sent a text to Daichi letting him know he'd done so, picked up his gym bag, pulled on his coat, and stepped outside.

He should probably have waited until Daichi woke up before he left, but he really didn't want to talk to him right now. Daichi was great. He meant well, he really did. He was angry at Noya over this, though, and Asahi didn't want to see that.

It wasn't Noya's fault, after all.

It was cold outside, and still very dark; fall was on its way out. It was only the second week of November, but he could already smell winter in the air. He shivered hard and tucked his arms close to his body.

He tried not to think about last night, but this proved difficult. He'd sent several texts and even _called_ Noya, but he hadn't received any reply He'd gotten a call last night while he was sleeping, and his heart had leapt when he saw the notification, but it hadn't turned out to be a number he recognized.

Asahi shook his head to clear it. He wouldn't be able to concentrate today if he let that take his thoughts over.

But he'd gotten up and left a full hour before he'd had to. He'd pretty much doomed himself to going over and over every little thing he could have possibly done to make last night go wrong.

He'd go for a run. He'd try his hardest to distract himself with warming up and working out.

His stomach hurt already.

He got to the gym only a little bit after six-thirty. He unlocked the door and turned on the locker room lights.

Asahi always felt weird when he got here before everybody else. Even though he had a key to the place, and nobody would be brave enough to tell someone of his size that he shouldn't be here, anyway, he never felt like he was supposed to be here alone.

But he needed to be here right now. He needed to be in an environment where his personal problems didn't matter, where his focus could easily be shifted outward rather than in. A run around campus before people started arriving would get his blood moving and his mind away from last night.

He hoped, anyway.

He changed into sweats and an old t-shirt slowly. He tied his hair back and pulled his shoes on, focusing as much as possible on each part of each step. He got to his feet, looked down at them, sighed, and then turned and walked out into the gym.

He flicked the light switch on and unlocked the equipment closet. He pulled out the volleyball cart and palmed a ball.

He hefted it in his hand and tossed it into the air, way up, a little ways ahead.

He kept his eyes on it as he moved forward, bending his knees, swinging his arms back, pushing himself into the air.

He brought his right arm up and hit the ball as hard as he could back to the ground. There was hardly any space between the sounds of his palm hitting the ball and the ball smashing into the ground.

He landed and watched the ball bounce away, losing height with each arc.

He did it five more times before he stopped to breathe again.

Asahi stood there and stared at the floor for a few seconds. He balled his hands into fists.

His breath kept catching in his chest.

His vision blurred. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. _Come on, don't fall apart now, you were doing so well, focus on the game, focus –_

He heard footsteps approaching from the hallway side of the gym. He sucked in a deep breath to regain his composure and turned his back, reaching into the cart to pick up another volleyball.

He kept his eyes glued to the ball as he raised it, threw it, and leapt after it. He took careful note of its direction and spin, and moved his right arm accordingly, aiming for the back right corner of the opposite side of the court.

Asahi was just about to hit the ball as hard as he could when a voice called out from the hallway.

“Asahi.”

He missed the ball completely and stumbled on the landing. He whipped his head around to find the source of that familiar voice.

There Noya stood, behind the hallway grate, holding on to the bars and leaning against them. He smiled when Asahi looked at him, but it wasn't his usual toothy grin.

Asahi's heart sank.

“…Yuu,” he said. “What are you doing here?”

“I needed to talk to you,” he said. “I'm. Hey, can you let me in?”

He sounded _tired_ , Asahi realized with a jolt. Noya, the loud, unstoppable dynamo, sounded _tired_.

“Y-yeah,” Asahi answered, taking the keys out of his pocket and starting towards him. “Just a sec.”

“I guess I should have probably texted ahead, huh?” Noya asked as he approached. “Sorry. I woke up so early I'm not thinking right. I forgot my phone at home.”

“Practice doesn't even start for another two hours,” Asahi pointed out.

“Oh. Shit. Good thing we both got here early, then, huh? Or I was just going to have to wait around for you to show up. I wasn't going to walk all the way here and all the way back home twice today.”

He laughed at that last part. Asahi noticed he wasn't putting weight on his leg.

Asahi stopped a few feet from the the grate and pressed his lips together.

“So. Um,” he said. “What did you want to talk about?”

Noya leaned his head against the bars. He closed his eyes.

“Last night,” he said, and left it at that.

He looked even more tired than he sounded. There were dark circles under his eyes. He was pale and looked more asleep than awake.

“Look – can you let me in?” he asked. “I need to sit down.”

Asahi's stomach started to hurt again. He almost dropped the tiny key as he unlocked the grate.

He'd never heard Noya's voice so devoid of expression.

He pulled the grate aside. Noya hobbled past him and sank down onto the bleachers. He stretched his leg out and grimaced.

Asahi hesitated. Noya looked up at him and motioned for him to sit down too.

He did so, and then waited, staring at his knees.

Noya finally spoke.

“I, uh,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “I'm sorry about last night. I fucked up. I'm sorry.”

Asahi looked sideways at him and found him staring straight ahead. He bit his lip.

Noya didn't explain himself any further. He ducked his head. He seemed to be waiting for Asahi to say something.

Asahi could only think of one thing.

“No, I'm… I'm sorry,” he said in a small voice.

“…What?”

“Isn't… isn't this because of what I told you the other day?” Asahi elaborated, looking at the floor, frowning hard. “I… wouldn't blame you, I… why would you want to be with someone who doesn't –”

“Wait – _fuck_ , Asahi, _fuck no._ ”

Noya stood up and grabbed Asahi's shoulders. Asahi looked up at him and found that his eyes were wide, and his brows upturned.

“Fuck – oh, my god, no, Asahi, no, I –”

He stopped talking, but his mouth opened and closed a few times more. He finally leaned forward and pressed his forehead to the top of Asahi's head.

“No, no, nothing like that,” he breathed. “No, no, no…”

Asahi blinked.

“No, Asahi, it was my fault. I fucked up. God – _no, Asahi, no,_ I'd never give you up for that. Holy fuck –”

He threw his arms around Asahi's shoulders and squeezed, hard. After a few breathless moments, Asahi hugged him back.

He'd never seen Noya this distressed. He hadn't thought he ever would.

“Please don't ever blame yourself for when I fuck up,” Noya said, pulling back and cupping Asahi's chin in his hands. “Fuck – is that – Did I make you think I was leaving you? Oh, _fuck_ –”

“Yuu,” Asahi breathed. “Calm down.”

Noya took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them again and sat back down, leaning against Asahi.

“So… what actually happened?” Asahi prompted him after a few seconds.

Noya leaned forward, elbows on knees, face in hands. He didn't do anything for a moment or two.

“Ryu's in the hospital,” he finally said.

Asahi gasped. “What? Is he okay!?”

“He'll be fine. He just needed to stay overnight.”

“What happened?”

“He fell down the stairs. Hit his head.”

“Oh my god…”

“He's fine. Really. I'm going with Saeko to pick him up in a few hours.”

He breathed slowly in and out. He sat up again and reached for Asahi's hand. They laced their fingers together. Asahi didn't take his eyes off of Noya's tired face.

“I just… I found him,” Noya went on. “Lying there. Bleeding from his head. I panicked. I completely forgot about meeting you. I forgot fucking everything. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry.”

He pressed his forehead to Asahi's shoulder. Asahi scrambled to comfort him.

“No – no, hey, it's okay,” Asahi said, squeezing his shoulders. “I understand. I get it. God – don't be sorry for worrying about your friend, Yuu, _please_ –”

“I could have at least texted you. And told you what was going on.”

“You clearly had a lot on your mind, Yuu. Please don't –”

“I made you feel like shit, didn't I?” Noya asked. “Fuck. I'm… I'm _sorry_ , Asahi, I –”

“ _Yuu._ ”

Asahi turned Noya's head with one hand. Noya looked up at him, and his eyes looked almost _dead_ they were so tired. It actually physically _hurt_ Asahi, seeing him like that.

Asahi carefully held his gaze.

“I get it now, okay?” he said gently. “I understand. I was worried, but it's okay now. You explained everything as fast as you could. You were prepared to camp out here and wait for me in order to do that.”

Noya closed his eyes. Asahi pulled him close and hugged him.

“You had an insane night. I understand. I'm sorry… I'm sorry that I doubted you.”

Asahi felt him frown.

“I'm sorry,” Noya said again.

“It's okay.”

Asahi squeezed him for a moment and then let him go. Noya pulled away slowly and ran a hand through his hair.

Asahi hadn't ever seen him look upset before. It was terrifying.

“You're too good to me,” Noya said, with half a smile.

“No I'm not.”

“You have a game on Saturday, right?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“You want me to come and watch you?”

“You – you want to?”

Noya nodded.

“But – I thought you hated volleyball.”

He waved a hand dismissively. “That's just me being an idiot,” he said. “Besides. I haven't watched you play since the day we met. What kind of boyfriend doesn't go to his boyfriend's volleyball games?”

“I would really appreciate it if you would come watch,” Asahi confirmed. “But only do it if you want to, okay?”

“Hey. I owe you,” Noya said. “I screwed up doing the thing I was doing to make up for screwing up in the first place. I owe you this. Okay?”

“…Okay. If you want to.”

“I want to.”

“Okay.”

“I will make every possible effort to see your lovely face at every possible opportunity.”

“Shut up.”

“No.”

Asahi laughed quietly. Noya leaned against him again and sighed.

“Asahi?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“Can I come over tonight?”

“Sure. What do you want to do?”

“Can we just… nap?”

“You are tired.”

“Can we?”

Asahi squeezed him. “Of course,” he said. “I'm always up for napping.”

“ _Nice_ ,” Noya murmured, finally smiling, hugging him around the waist. “Thank you.”

They stayed like that for a little while, and then Noya sighed again.

“I should probably let you practice, huh,” he said, quietly.

“You can stay if you want.”

“Nah… Nah, I'll head home. I kind of. I kind of forgot about my meds. I took some last night but they've burned off.”

“You okay to walk?”

“I'll be okay.”

“Want me to walk you to the bus?”

“Would you?”

“Yeah. I need to warm up before practice anyway. I'll jog on the way back.”

Noya squeezed him again. “You're my favorite person,” he said.

“You too. I mean. You're mine, too. I mean –”

Noya laughed and kissed his cheek. “You're adorable,” he said.

Asahi felt his face go a little pink. He wiggled free of Noya's arms and stood up.

“Let's go, then,” he said.

They set out, and although they didn't talk as much on the way to the bus as they normally did, Asahi still felt better than he had when he'd arrived.

\- - -

Noya stared at the waiting room floor, hands clasped tight together in his lap. He drummed his feet anxiously. He fought to keep his breathing and heartbeat under control.

Everything was fine. He knew everything was fine. Ryu was okay – they were checking him out of the hospital, right then. He was okay. There was nothing wrong with him. That was the whole point.

But there was still something gnawing at Noya, there in the back of his mind. It wouldn't let him feel any kind of relief.

He knew exactly what it was.

The door swung open. He jerked his head up.

Ryu was stepping through, with Saeko close behind him. Noya jumped to his feet and hurried to meet them.

“How are you feeling?” he demanded, not wasting any time.

“I feel like I'm dying,” Ryu said brightly. “My head feels like it exploded.”

“Ryu.”

“Sorry. No, I'm fine. Really. Head hurts, but it's no big deal. You can even ask the doctors if you think I'm lying.”

Saeko wrapped her arms around him. “I hate you,” she muttered against his shoulder.

He patted her back. “Just be glad the table was made of something more breakable than the front of my skull,” he said. “Otherwise I'd _really_ be dead.”

Noya punched his shoulder. “Don't talk like that,” he muttered.

“Too soon?”

“Yes.” Saeko's voice was still muffled.

Ryu hugged his sister and looked seriously over at Noya.

“I'm sorry I worried you guys,” he said, all humor gone. “I'll be more careful.”

Noya nodded.

Saeko released him and took a step back. “You're okay,” she said. “That's all I need right now.”

“You have to go to work soon, right?” he asked.

“Yeah. I'll drop you at home and then head out.”

“I'm going over to Asahi's once you get back,” Noya said. “I'll stay home till then.”

“You guys don't have to –” Ryu began, but Saeko cut him off.

“And _you,_ ” she declared, pointing at him, “are spending the next week in bed, not moving at all.”

He scowled at her, but she ignored him and began leading the way out of the building.

Noya hung back as they exited, walking behind the two of them. He watched Ryu's back warily, and bit his lip.

He wanted to hug Ryu. He wanted to just hold on to him for a little while, and feel that he was there – alive, and right there.

But instead he just reached out and punched his shoulder again.

“Ow,” Ryu protested, looking back at him. “What was that for?”

“You being an idiot,” Noya replied.

“Fair enough.”

They all piled into the car and hardly talked at all as Saeko started the engine and rolled them out of the parking lot.

Ryu fell asleep when they were about halfway home. His head lolled to the side and his mouth hung open.

“He looks so peaceful,” Saeko said, glancing at him. “Like a giant, snoring baby.”

Noya didn't say anything. He returned to staring out the window, and found himself frowning a little.

“How you holding up, Yuu?” Saeko asked, gently.

“Tired,” he replied. “Didn't really sleep that well last night.”

“Get some rest today, all right?” she said.

“Yeah. I will. I'm going to Asahi's later. We're going to nap.”

“Ohoho,” she said, grinning. “Better make sure you're rested for that, then, huh?”

“We're literally just going to take a nap.”

“Are you sure.”

“Asahi doesn't like sex. Of course I'm sure.”

“Ohh,” Saeko nodded. “So tonight you're just gonna cuddle up next to him and get all cozy and take a nap?”

“That's the plan,” Noya confirmed.

“ _Awww._ ”

Noya couldn't help but smile.

“Well, I'll hurry home from work so you can do that,” Saeko promised. “Take it easy, Yuu. Everything's okay.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, I will.”

\- - -

Noya knocked on the door of Asahi's house at about six that night. Asahi answered the door, and immediately had to catch Noya, who more or less fell through it.

“…What are you doing?” Asahi asked, vaguely amused, looking down at the top of his head.

“Mmf,” was Noya's reply.

Asahi sighed and hauled Noya out of the way of the door so he could shut it. Noya wrapped his arms around Asahi's middle.

“So strong,” he murmured.

“Can you stand up?”

“I already walked all the way over here and you want me to walk more.”

“I want you to walk from here to the living room. It's ten steps.”

“Maybe for you, _giant,_ ” Noya snarled, “but for us _normal_ people it's _much_ more than that.”

“How will you ever survive?” Asahi said lightly.

Noya looked up at Asahi, resting his chin on his chest.

“Carry me?” he asked.

Asahi squinted at him. Noya grinned back.

Asahi sighed, bent his knees, pulled Noya close, and stood up.

“ _Yaaaaay_ ,” Noya breathed, wrapping himself tight around Asahi and nuzzling his neck. Asahi's heart fluttered a little.

He carried Noya into the living room and sat down on the couch with him. Noya relaxed a little, but didn't let go.

“Did you enjoy that?” Asahi asked.

“Very much, thank you,” he said, face still buried in Asahi's shoulder.

“Tired?”

“Yeah?”

They stayed like that for a little while, enjoying each others' warmth. Noya would wriggle closer every now and then, and Asahi would hold him tighter.

He reached up and started stroking Noya's hair. Noya sighed deeply.

“How's Ryu?” Asahi asked.

“He's doing just fine,” Noya replied. “Came home today. He's just been sleeping. Saeko's with him. He's okay.”

“Good.”

“Yeah.”

“What about you? Anything you want to talk about?”

“No. I'm okay. Thank you.”

Asahi breathed slowly, keeping his eyes closed. He'd had a long day. He really was tired by now, and he appreciated this calm.

But, more specifically, he appreciated that he was spending this time with Noya. Noya cared about him. Noya wanted to be close with him. Even if this wouldn't eventually lead to sex.

Maybe it was silly, but Noya just made him feel so, so good about himself. He couldn't quite imagine why someone, especially someone like Noya, would be so enthusiastic about being around him, but here he was.

He hugged Noya tighter and kissed his neck. Noya coughed, surprised.

“You trying to kill me?” he protested weakly.

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

Asahi turned and lay down, pulling Noya down on top of him. Noya sighed and nestled as close as he could.

“Mmm,” he breathed. “I hope you don't plan on moving for the next twelve or so hours, because I sure don't.”

“I'm in no hurry,” Asahi murmured back.

“Good.”

They lay there together, silent except for breathing, and before too long they were asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nnndawhhh wasn't that sweet. Didn't that end much better than you might have expected.
> 
> wELL lemme just say that I'm nearing the final downhill slide of this here story, and there is a reason I say 'downhill'.
> 
> PLEASE leave a comment if you've enjoyed this so far. It really means a lot to me when I get feedback on this story.
> 
> Also drop me a line on Tumblr, @i-homeostasis. There's also been some wonderful TotW artwork done! You should check them out (on my blog, tagged totw-art). Say hey to the artists and let them know that they're doin a good. 
> 
> See you next week! ♥


	20. Fall Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I typed this up today but I don't remember what happened in it

Asahi woke up slowly the next morning. He blinked in confusion for a few seconds, and then remembered.

Noya was still lying on top of him, still sound asleep, still very warm. Asahi noticed there was a blanket over them.

He frowned and looked at his watch. It was six in the morning. They'd slept like this for twelve hours.

Asahi shifted a little, and put his hand on Noya's head.

“Yuu,” he murmured. “Wake up.”

Noya stirred, groaned, and nuzzled Asahi's neck. “No,” he grumbled. “We're staying like this forever.”

“I have to go to practice.”

“I'm not getting up.”

“Are you going to make me carry you again?”

“Absolutely.”

Too tired to argue, Asahi sat up. Noya wrapped his arms around his neck and shrugged the blanket off.

Asahi stood up and wobbled a little as Noya held on with his legs. Asahi stood there, arms at his sides, while Noya clung on.

Asahi sighed. “Really?”

“I told you I wasn't kidding about that koala thing.”

“I see that now.”

Asahi made his way out into the hallway.

“Hey!” Suga's voice called from the kitchen. “You two awake?”

“Uh,” Asahi said. “I guess.”

He walked over to the doorway. Noya didn't loosen his grip at all.

Daichi almost snorted coffee out his nose. Suga did.

“Comfy up there, Noya?” Daichi asked, patting a spluttering Suga hard on the back.

Noya only hummed in reply, and nuzzled into the curve of Asahi's neck.

“Have fun at practice like that,” Suga said.

“Yeah – this is your life now,” Daichi added. “He really isn't letting go, is he?”

“No, I guess not.”

Asahi wrapped his arms around Noya and squeezed.

“He's like a baby,” Suga said.

“He really is,” Asahi agreed. “Yuu. Let go. I need to live my life.”

“No you don't,” Noya mumbled.

“Yes I do.”

“Well, I guess you're just going to have to learn to deal with this, then.”

Asahi sighed and raised his hands.

“Yuu,” he said, his voice low. “I didn't want to have to do this… but you've left me no choice.”

He placed his hands on Noya's waist and squeezed.

Immediately, Noya's arms flew from Asahi's shoulders to his own sides. He jammed his elbows into Asahi's hands, but this didn't deter him in the slightest. He kept tickling Noya's sides until he loosened his hold on Asahi's waist.

Asahi pried him off and set him down on the floor. Noya, wheezing, hugged himself and rolled around like a turtle stuck on its back.

“…You,” he managed after a few moments. “You fight dirty.”

“You really are ticklish,” Asahi marveled, helping him stand up. “I'll have to remember that.”

Noya headbutted his shoulder.

“You two are gross,” Suga said.

“Yep,” Noya agreed. “You guys have any coffee?”

“You come into my house, you occupy my couch for twelve hours, you ask for my coffee –”

“There it is,” Noya mumbled, hobbling over to the coffee pot.

Daichi rolled his eyes.

\- - -

Noya got to the game early on Saturday, while the teams were still warming up. He took his seat in the press section, set up his camera, and then looked around for his number three.

Asahi was off towards the back of the court, practicing serves. Noya wanted to go bug him, but figured he should let him be for now.

So, for now, he watched Asahi from a distance. Marveled at him, really. He was just so absolutely gorgeous that Noya could hardly hold himself back from grinning like an idiot.

Just as he had on the first day he'd laid eyes on him, Noya admired Asahi's every movement. As much as Asahi insisted that he was clumsy, Noya saw nothing of the sort in the easy seamless way he moved around the court. Jump, spike, serve, receive – all seemed as natural to Asahi as walking, or breathing.

There was an intense focus in his eyes that Noya could _feel_ , even from this distance. He watched Asahi lock on to the ball, watched the gears whir in his head as he decided where he should send it next, and then as he decided, he effortlessly leapt into the air and hit it as hard as he could. He didn't wast a movement, or a single heartbeat. That determination in his face made him look almost _dangerous_ – Noya saw, now, why people might find him intimidating or unapproachable.

_God_ , he was powerful.

Eventually, Asahi moved to the front row, in the corner closest to where Noya sat, and Noya got to his feet, camera raised.

He moved closer and closer, holding the camera up to his eye, clicking picture after picture.

Asahi didn't notice him right away, so Noya got a few great closeups of his intensely-furrowed brow. Then he did notice – and his face turned pink and his expression smoothed out.

_Click._ Noya got that too.

“Hi,” Asahi said, but Noya didn't stop getting closer, or taking pictures.

He kept taking pictures until his camera bumped into Asahi's shoulder, and the view went dark.

Noya looked up at him and beamed.

“Hi,” he said.

Asahi just smiled back, shyly.

Noya slung his camera over his shoulder. “Ready to win?” he asked.

“Ready to try, at least,” Asahi replied.

“Hey. No. You'll win. One look from those eyes of yours and they'll give you the win.”

Asahi rolled his eyes and blushed harder. He brought his hand up to rub at the back of his neck.

Noya scrambled to raise his camera fast enough to catch that as well. He managed it, and Asahi covered his face with both hands.

“You're annoying, you know that?” he mumbled.

“And you're gorgeous,” Noya replied. “I can't help it.”

“Shut up.”

A whistle blew. Asahi jumped a little and looked over his shoulder.

“We're lining up –” he said, but stopped suddenly when Noya stood up on tiptoe, threw his arms around Asahi's shoulders, and squeezed.

“Kill 'em,” Noya said in his ear, and then let him go.

Asahi smiled. “I'll do my best,” he replied. “Go sit down.”

Noya left for the press section and Asahi jogged to his starting position. Noya sat back down and readied his camera again.

He felt good about their chances.

\- - -

Asahi's team pulled ahead quickly in the first set. Maeda aced three serves in a row, right off the bat. The other team eventually saved one, scored themselves, and got control of the ball.

Noya found himself increasingly focused on the game, and increasingly forgetful about the fact that he was supposed to be taking pictures. He was leaned forward, with his elbows on his knees, his hands clasped together, and his lips pressed to his thumbs.

Their team's libero dived for the ball and missed. Noya actually _twitched,_ trying to will him to move just a _little bit farther_ in the right direction. He closed his eyes in frustration as the ball bounced off the floor and the whistle blew.

He would have saved that. He would have saved that _easily._

The points evened out as the set progressed, and Noya got more and more frustrated.

_I could have saved that._

_I could have gotten that to the setter._

_Ryu could have gotten through that block._

_Ryu would have practically broken their fingers getting through that block._

The whistle blew for a time out and Noya shook his head a few times to clear it, and took a few seconds to relax – he hadn't realized it, but almost his entire body had been all tensed up.

He raised his camera to eye level to take a picture of the team, and noticed that his hands were shaking.

He couldn't get a steady shot. He lowered his camera and clenched his hands into fists again, eyes closed tightly.

His leg hurt. His stomach was all up in knots. He couldn't get his hands to stop shaking.

He needed some air…

He almost tripped a few times as he staggered out of the gym. He probably bumped into a few people, but he didn't really notice.

Noya leaned heavily on the door and nearly fell outside. The cold late-November air smacked him in the face and made him shiver harder.

He limped over to one side of the door and leaned on the wall, lifting his right foot off the ground and gripping his shin.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he breathed. “Fucking – _shit –_ ”

“Noya?”

Noya let go of his leg and looked around.

Suga was standing there, on the other side of the door, looking at Noya curiously.

“Suga,” he replied, setting his leg down, putting as much weight on it as he could bear – which, admittedly, wasn't much. “What are you doing out here?”

Suga waved his hand vaguely. “Taking a breather,” he said. “You?”

“Oh. Uh. Same,” Noya said.

They were quiet. The crowd cheered and a whistle blew inside the gym. Noya took a few deep breaths to steady himself.

Suga spoke again after a few seconds.

“It's rough, not being out there, isn't it?” he asked.

Noya ducked his head. “Yeah,” he admitted. “It is.”

“I played in high school,” Suga continued. “I was a setter. I was on the same team as Asahi. I was pretty good.”

“What stopped you playing in college?”

Suga laughed, humorlessly, and looked upwards. His breath turned to steam in the cold air.

“I was good,” he said. “But not good enough.”

“Oh.”

“I tried out, and I think I did the best I could have. Freshman year I made the team, but I never played. Benchwarmer, the whole season. Sophomore year I didn't make it at all. So I joined the interest club. I'm the captain of that, now. We play, but only against each other – it's not competitive.

“It's frustrating. I miss competing.

“At least my stint as a benchwarmer got me a boyfriend, though,” he laughed. “It's how I met Daichi.”

“Hah. Nice,” Noya said.

“What about you?”

“Hm?”

“Why don't you play?”

“Oh. I uh.” he gestured at his leg. “Stuff happened. I fucked up pretty hardcore. Right leg doesn't really work that well anymore. Neither does my hand, but that's less relevant.”

“You got hurt? Sorry – you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.”

“It's okay. Totally fine.”

“You were a libero, right?”

“Did Daichi tell you or did you guess?”

Suga grinned. “Both.”

Noya sighed. “I guess Asahi's right. I am short.”

“You are not tall, no.”

They laughed, they were quiet, and then Noya went on.

“Yeah,” he said. “Busted up my leg in my second year of high school. I still came to a lot of practices, though. Some days Daichi had to practically tie me down to keep me from jumping back in and messing myself up.”

“I seem to recall him mentioning something like that,” Suga said, sounding amused.

“He put up with way too much of my shit, to be completely honest,” Noya said. “I definitely did not deserve that level of patience.”

The crowd inside interrupted them again. Noya glanced at the door.

“I'm gonna head back in,” Suga said.

“I'll do that too, in a bit,”

“Cool. We gonna see a thousand pictures of Asahi in the paper on Monday?”

“Most likely.”

“Haha. Okay. Well. See you, Noya.”

Suga opened the door and stepped through. The roaring of the crowd poured through for a moment before it closed behind him.

Noya leaned against the wall again, and tilted his head back. He buried his hands in the pockets of his thin little jacket. He'd almost left the house without putting anything on over his t-shirt, but then he'd remembered all the times Asahi had scolded him for going out in the cold without a jacket. While the concerned little furrow in his brow when he did this was very cute, it also genuinely seemed to stress him out when Noya didn't put on a jacket, so he'd started wearing them more often.

Asahi.

Noya smiled involuntarily. He felt all warm inside. God, Asahi was great.

Noya sighed and watched the steam of his breath curl away above him.

He should probably get back in there, he thought to himself. He owed Asahi this game, after all. He'd come here to watch and support him.

God, the way Asahi's face had lit up when Noya had said he'd watch him play. God it had made Noya's heart flutter.

Yeah. He couldn't let his own problems get in the way of something that made Asahi this happy.

His leg twinged. He kicked his heel hard against the bricks and stood up.

He smiled and pushed the door open and went back inside.

\- - -

Asahi's team lost that game. It went on for a long time and everyone fought hard, but eventually the ball landed on the wrong side of the court one time too many.

The whistle blew and the away side of the gym went wild.

Noya gritted his teeth and snapped exactly one picture of the winning team's huddle. Then he turned is attention back to Asahi again.

He was standing at the far end of the court, with his back to Noya. His hands were on his hips and his head was bowed.

IT hurt to look at him. He wanted to run out there and hug him, but he held himself back until the team had huddled up, talked for a little while, and then broken apart.

Noya stood up on his chair so Asahi could spot him through the crowd. He looked around blankly for a few moments, looking at the level Noya's head should have been at, and then finally found him. He smiled slightly and waved as he made his way over.

Noya got down from the chair and met him halfway.

“Hey,” Asahi said.

“Hey,” Noya replied. “Tired?”

“Yeah.”

He looked upset. There was a slight crease between his eyebrows. His eyes looked exhausted.

“You did a great job out there,” Noya said. “I'm proud of you.”

“But we lost.”

“Not for your lack of trying, Asahi. I saw you out there. You were giving a hundred and ten percent every second.”

“I messed up a lot.”

“What? No, you didn't.”

Asahi twisted his mouth and lowered his eyes. Noya scowled up at him and pulled him down into a hug.

“I'm all sweaty,”Asahi protested.

“I don't care.”

He let go after a few seconds, and held Asahi at arm's length.

“You were amazing out there,” Noya repeated.

“Okay.”

“I'm not going to kiss you in front of all these people but you'd better believe I'm gonna as soon as we're alone.”

Asahi gave a small smile. “Okay. Thank you.”

Noya patted his shoulder. “You go shower,” he said. “I'll wait for you outside.”

\- - -

Noya was sitting outside the gym on a bench when Asahi left the locker room. He looked up and grinned at him.

“Hey, beautiful,” he said, getting to his feet.

Asahi smiled shyly. Noya moved close and draped his arms over Asahi's shoulders.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

Asahi responded by going slightly pink and leaning down.

Noya's lips were much colder than his own – and so was the rest of him. Asahi shivered.

“Why don't you ever wear a real coat?” Asahi mumbled as they broke apart.

Noya shrugged. “Mainly so I can steal yours, at this point.”

“Get your own.”

“ _No._ ”

Noya leaned into him and hugged him tight around the waist. He rested his head on Asahi's chest. Asahi hugged him back.

“Hey, Asahi?” Noya murmured after a moment.

“Hm?”

“Thanks for putting up with me.”

“What?”

“I've been kind of all over the place, you know?” Noya said with a sigh.

Asahi looked down at the top of his head and frowned. Noya didn't look up.

“You've had a lot going on,” Asahi said, bewildered. “Your best friend got hurt. Of course you're a little out of it.”

“Well, yeah, but – just in general, too.”

Even from the angle Asahi had on him, he looked tired.

“What's this about, Yuu?” he asked quietly.

Noya shrugged and took a moment to reply.

“I'm a lot to handle sometimes,” he said. “Even by my standards. I'm clingy as all hell with you, too. And I know I'm like… a really demanding person – I'm really high energy, and… well, I'm just not easy to deal with, sometimes – I know that. And I'm sorry.”

“What? You don't have anything to be sorry for! What's this about? Is everything okay?”

Worry welled up in Asahi's stomach as Noya sighed deeply.

“I don't know,” he said finally. “I was just having a moment, I guess. I, uh, I do that sometimes.”

Asahi hugged him tight. His chest hurt a little.

“You're no trouble,” he said. “Really. Would I spend all this time with you if I didn't want to?”

“Probably not,” Noya admitted.

“You don't tire me out. You're not demanding. Honestly, I feel like being with you has helped me,” Asahi said. “You… make me feel like a better person.

“…I love you.”

At this, Asahi's heart fluttered like crazy and Noya looked up at him, his eyes open wide.

“You,” he breathed, “You… love me?”

“Y-yeah,” Asahi stammered, going pink. “I, um… Didn't you know that? Haven't I let you know?”

Noya smiled.

“You've just never said it before,” he said. “I didn't notice till now.”

He stood on tiptoe and kissed Asahi's cheek. “I love you too, Asahi,” he said. “I really love you.”

They stood there, all wrapped up in each others' arms, for a few more moments. Then Noya sighed again and they broke apart.

“We should probably get going, huh?” Noya said.

“Yeah, probably.”

“Is it cool if I stay the night? Sorry, I know I'm doing that a lot…”

“Of course. I don't have to get up until like eight tomorrow. We can sleep in.”

“I'd like that,” Noya smiled. “Sounds like we both need it.”

“Okay. Let's get going, then. Daichi and Suga are probably ready to leave by now.”

They turned to walk towards the parking lot. Noya took Asahi's hand. Asahi squeezed his fingers.

They didn't talk much on the way to the car. Asahi kept looking down at the top of Noya's head, feeling nervous.

He couldn't help but feel that something was wrong. _Really_ wrong. Noya was never this subdued, and Asahi had never heard him say anything like what he'd just said. He wanted to ask, but knew Noya wouldn't give him a straight answer. He could hear him saying it already.

_I'm fine. It's okay. Don't worry, all right?_

“Hey, Yuu?” he said, tightening his grip on Noya's hand again.

“Yeah?”

Asahi kept his eyes straight forward as he went on.

“You know you can talk to me,” he said. “Right?”

“Yeah –”

“About… you know. Anything. Anything that's on your mind.”

“Yeah,” Noya repeated. “I know.”

“Don't worry about it being trouble for me, either. I'm here for you.”

Noya was quiet for another moment or two, during which Asahi's brain frantically began to wonder whether he was being too paranoid – or coming across as creepy – or –

“Yeah,” Noya said, squeezing Asahi's hand. “Yeah. Thank you. I'll remember that.

“I'm just tired right now, Asahi. Please don't worry about me. If there's a real problem, I'll tell you, okay? Don't worry.”

Asahi nodded and pressed his lips together.

As if 'don't worry' had ever stopped him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaay sup how's it going comments kudos holy shit we hit 400 kudos right before i posted this wow that's incredible how y'all doing i am way too lazy for a coherent note at the moment so yeah
> 
> hmu at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com or in the comments below. tell me what you like tell me what you're afraid of etc etc ♥ love you all
> 
> see you next week! :D


	21. If My Heart Was A House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> subtitled: Gays in the Snow

November turned into December without too much fanfare. Noya met up with Asahi quite a lot. Ryu also got better. Within a week or so of his return from the hospital, he was pretty much back to normal, much to Noya's relief. He returned to his normal daily routine of eating all the food in the house and challenging Noya to endless rounds of Mariokart fairly quickly. Eventually, Asahi's school let out for winter break, further increasing the time they got to spend together.

Work was going well, too. Noya actually had more to do once the winter season started; the basketball teams were relentless, and the coach was huge on publicity. He was down photographing nearly every practice, and every game. It cut into time he could be spending with Asahi or at home, but he had to admit it was kind of fun. He really loved photography, and lately he'd been slacking. It felt good to get out there and take pictures. As much as he loved Asahi as a subject, he simply lacked the action of a basketball court in the final five seconds.

Noya spent a lot of time in the office as well, working much harder than normal. Ryu's hospital bills were no small thing. They hadn't had to worry about those for a while. He was more than happy to put in a little extra time at work if it meant they wouldn't have to worry about them for long.

Ennoshita pulled him aside on his way out one day, when he'd worked particularly hard and his hair was all standing up from running his fingers through it.

“Noya,” he said, stopping him. “How you doing?”

Noya shrugged. “I'm all right,” he said. “Tired today, though. Yourself?”

“I'm fine. You've been working hard lately.”

“Yeah, well. Hospital bills aren't gonna pay themselves.”

“How's Tanaka doing? Better?”

“Yeah,” Noya said, looking over his shoulder and then at the clock. He bit his lip. “Sorry, I gotta get home so Saeko can go to work, so –”

“Yeah – yeah, I get it. I'll let you go in just a second. I just wanted to ask you about something.”

Noya paused and blinked up at him. “What?”

“Well,” Ennoshita said, pulling a card out of his pocket and handing it to him, “I have a friend who works over at the news station, and they have an opening on their camera crew. My friend told me about it, and I recommended you for the position.”

“You did?”

“Yep. And my friend said he'd make sure to keep you in mind if you applied. His name's Kinoshita. If you're interested, call him up. The hours are a little crazy sometimes, but it's probably better pay than you're getting here.”

“But – you and Narita are the only other people in this department. I can't do this to you guys.”

“Noya.”

Noya looked up at him and found him looking back, frowning a little. He continued in a low voice, so anyone who was passing by wouldn't hear.

“I'm telling you this as your friend,” he said. “I know times have been a little rough for you lately. I don't want you worrying about us, okay? We can handle it.”

“…Okay,” Noya said, looking at the card and putting it back in his pocket. He gave Ennoshita another quick smile. “I'll think about it. Thanks, Chikara.”

“You're welcome. I'll see you later.”

“Later, yeah.”

Noya almost had to run to the bus stop to make it on time. Once he'd sat down and gotten settled, he took the card out of his pocket and looked it over.

_News station, huh?_

This could be a great chance, he thought. He'd have to make sure and call Kinoshita about it, as soon as possible.

\- - -

Noya woke up late in the morning to find that it was snowing outside.

He grinned, sat up, and shook Asahi's shoulder.

“Hey, wake up,” he said. “Wake up, lazy, it's snowing.”

Asahi opened one eye and glared up at him. Then he closed it again. “Tired,” he mumbled, turning his head away. “Shut up.”

Noya flopped down across his back. “All because we stayed up til midnight last night,” he sighed. “I'm so sad for you.”

Asahi tried to roll over, but couldn't. He responded to Noya with nothing but a groan.

Asahi had been on break for the last week. They'd spent as much time as they possibly could together and Noya had loved every second of it.

He got off of Asahi for a minute or two just to stare at him in wonder.

Even after a few months together, he was having a very hard time believing this was real. Sometimes he was sure he'd wake up from this, and find that he'd made it all up.

But, nope – they were definitely together. They had both just definitely spent the night shirtless and close together in Noya's bed. Asahi was definitely still dozing off at his side, face-down with his hair all spread out over the pillow.

Noya almost couldn't stand how good Asahi looked like that.

He leaned over again and kissed Asahi right between the shoulder blades. Asahi mumbled again and wiggled under him.

“Don't tell me _I'm_ going to have to be the one to get _you_ out of bed,” Noya said, without getting off of him. “That doesn't make any sense at _all_.”

Asahi wrapped an arm around Noya's waist.

“Let's just not get up today, then,” he mumbled. “It's cold out. I don't want to get up…”

“There was a knock at the door. Noya sat up and called out, “Yeah?”

“You two awake?” Saeko called through the door.

“ _I_ am,” Noya replied.

“Well, wake up your giant boyfriend and come downstairs, because I made breakfast for once and I want somebody to appreciate it.”

Noya poked Asahi. “Hear that? There's food if you get up.”

Asahi groaned and, with what seemed to be an enormous effort, rolled over and sat up.

His hair was all mussed up from sleep. Noya reached over and mussed it further.

Asahi dropped his head onto Noya's shoulder.

“C'mon, get off,” Noya laughed. “Let's go get food.”

“Carry me.”

“Asahi.”

“I believe in you.”

Noya wiggled out from under him and hopped out of bed. Asahi held himself up, but barely.

Noya picked Asahi's shirt and jeans off the floor and tossed them at him. “Here,” he said. “Put your clothes on and come downstairs.”

Grudgingly, Asahi did so. Noya got dressed much faster than he did, and watched him struggle with his shirt in amusement for a second before moving to help him.

“You really are tired,” he noted as Asahi's head finally popped through the right hole.

“Yes I am,” Asahi agreed.

He finally hauled himself out of bed, and the two of them made their way downstairs together.

Saeko and Ryu were waiting in the kitchen when they arrived. They both looked up from their food and smiled.

“Asahi, you eat eggs, right?” Saeko asked.

“Uh – yeah, yeah, I'll eat eggs,” Asahi mumbled.

“I wasn't sure if they counted as chickens yet or not.”

Asahi shrugged and sat down beside Noya.

“Want me to make you some tea?” Noya asked him.

“Would you?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Thank you.”

Noya made the tea and set it down beside Asahi's plate. He got himself some coffee while he was at it.

“So,” Noya sighed as he sat back down. “What's the plan for today?”

Saeko shrugged. “I don't have to work until late,” she said. “I'll stay home, probably. You two have any plans?”

“Not really,” Asahi said, yawning – and then he looked at Noya. “None that I know of, anyway.”

“Nope. Nothing. Don't worry,” Noya smiled. “But you're very wrong if you think I'm not going to ambush you with snow at some point today.”

Asahi squinted at him, and he looked just so damn offended at hat Noya couldn't help but laugh.

“I'm going to be spending the entire day on the couch, probably sleeping, I guess,” Ryu muttered, stuffing his face full of food.

Noya felt his stomach twist a little. He watched his best friend out of the corner of his eye. He slouched in his chair. He seemed tired, and irritable.

And he had to be _really_ tired and irritable, because otherwise he would be acting completely normal.

Saeko poked his arm. “How you feeling, bud?” she asked.

He shook his head and covered his face with one hand. “Sorry,” he said. “Tired. I'm fine.”

Noya reached over and poked him as well. Ryu squinted at him and batted his hand away. Then he smiled and returned to his food.

Noya felt a little better.

After they'd been eating and chatting for a while, Asahi squinted up at the kitchen clock. “Ugh,” he groaned. “I should probably get going soon…”

“Want me to walk you home?” Noya asked.

“Sure. Thanks.”

“Leaving so soon?” Saeko asked.

“Yeah – I kind of have a project I should get started on,” Asahi replied. “Thanks for letting me stay. And thanks for the food; it was really good.”

“You're very welcome,” Saeko grinned. “Thank you for coming over! Drop by any time.”

Noya cleared their dishes while Asahi left the room to grab his coat from the hallway. Noya turned around and found Saeko staring at him, smirking.

“…What,” he mumbled, smiling back.

“You're actually clearing your dishes,” Saeko said, cupping her chin in both hands. “I'm very proud of you.”

“Shut up.”

“And you cleaned your room, too,” she went on. “Asahi should come over more often. Maybe you'd actually keep this place clean.”

Asahi came back then, and Saeko turned to look at him instead, still resting her chin on her hands.

He blinked at her and then smiled cautiously. “What?”

“Everyone loves you, nothing new,” Noya said, waving one hand dismissively. “You're awesome and wonderful and the room lights up when you walk in. Same old, same old.”

Ryu snorted. Saeko dropped her head onto the table.

Asahi rolled his eyes. “Why are you like this,” he asked.

“You know you love me,” Noya said, walking over and hugging him. “I'm gross and _you. Love. It._ ”

Asahi sighed and patted his back. “You're okay, I guess,” he replied.

Noya looked up at him and scowled. Asahi bit back a smile. Ryu and Saeko snickered behind them.

“Fine,” Noya said, letting go. “I guess I should probably take you home, huh? Now that you're awake enough to sass me.”

“Sounds good,” Asahi laughed. “Let's get going.”

They said goodbye to Ryu and Saeko, and then set out into the cold.

Noya immediately glommed on to Asahi's arm and closed his eyes. Asahi chuckled.

“Comfy?”

“Yep,” Noya said, nuzzling him.

They were both quiet for a little while, and then Asahi spoke again.

“How's your leg?”

Noya shrugged. “Ehh. You know. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“The cold isn't making it worse?”

“Nah.”

“Did you take your meds?”

“Oh. Uh.”

Asahi stopped walking. “Did you forget?” he demanded.

“No – nah, I'm fine,” Noya replied. “Really.”

Asahi didn't say anything. Noya looked up at him and found him frowning.

Noya squeezed his arm. “What's up?” he asked.

“Nothing,” he mumbled in reply.

“I have good days, you know,” Noya said. “Like – yeah, it's constant pain, but you learn to live with certain levels of constant pain, really.”

He leaned more heavily against Asahi and groaned. “ _Please_ don't worry about me, Asahi, okay?”

Asahi pressed his lips together and nodded without a word.

\- - -

Noya lay on his back on Asahi's bed, staring up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes and listened to the quiet of the room, and the occasional shuffling sounds of Asahi moving papers around on his desk.

Noya kept catching himself smiling. There wasn't any real reason for it. It was just so nice, being here with Asahi. Everything had been so crazy lately, with both Noya and Saeko working odd and extra hours to keep up with all the appointments Ryu had to go to. The rule of at least one of them being with Ryu at all times again now, much to their unease.

The doctors who had been working with him were saying he was doing just fine, but that they should keep an eye on him for a while, just to be safe. So Saeko was with him now, letting Noya grab some much-needed time to decompress. She didn't have to leave for work until about six, so he and Asahi had a good long time to just laze around together – or for Noya to laze around near Asahi while Asahi was being a useful and productive member of society.

Maybe Noya could convince him to take his shirt off again. He'd felt very clever last night when they'd come in out of the cold and he'd spat out that stupid line about how people warmed up faster if they took their clothes off and huddled together. Asahi had sighed, smiled, shook his head, and taken his shirt off before flopping down onto Noya's bed.

“I was sort of joking,” Noya had said after staring for a moment, and then joining him.

“Well,” Asahi had shrugged. “Looks like I took it seriously.”

Noya smiled to himself as he thought of it. He loved how at ease Asahi was with him now. He loved how at ease he could be with Asahi, too. The fact that Noya could just lie there a while, and relax, and listen to the quiet noises of Asahi studying – it was probably the best thing in Noya's life right now.

Asahi sighed. The sounds of shuffling paper stopped, accompanied by a quiet _thump._

Noya pushed his head over the edge of the mattress and looked at Asahi upside-down.

Asahi's arms were crossed and he had his head down, resting on top of them. He was holding very, very still.

Noya rolled over, propped himself up on his elbows, and watched him.

When he didn't move for almost a full minute, Noya spoke up.

“Napping?” he asked. “Without me?”

Asahi didn't laugh, or even give any indication that he'd noticed Noya's attempt at humor. He still didn't move at all.

Noya sat up on his knees without taking his eyes off him.

“Everything okay, Asahi?” he asked.

At this, Asahi straightened up, sighed, pressed his palms to his eyes, and then ran his fingers through his hair.

“Yeah,” he finally said. “Yeah, I'm okay.”

Noya got off the bed, walked over to him, and hugged his shoulders. He rested his head beside Asahi's.

“Talk to me,” he said.

Asahi rested his hand on Noya's arm. For a couple of seconds, he did nothing.

“It's nothing,” he said eventually. “No big deal.”

Noya squeezed him.

“Ow.”

“Tell me what's going on,” Noya said. “Something's clearly going on. Asahi.”

Asahi took one more deep breath, and let it out very slowly.

“School stuff,” he finally said. “I have this big project I have to do over break, and there's just so much I have to do for it. It's… really stressing me out, I guess.”

Noya kissed his neck. “Aww, Asahi,” he murmured. “You've got plenty of time to do it. You're on _break._ Try to _relax_.”

Asahi leaned back against him. “I'll try,” he said quietly. “I just overwhelm myself… really, really easily. Really often. I'm sorry…”

“Don't apologize. You're never any trouble, okay? Don't be so hard on yourself.”

“I'll try.”

Noya hugged him again. “Rrgh. I love you,” he mumbled against his neck.

This got a laugh out of him. “I love you too.”

Noya scratched Asahi's head a few times and then straightened up.

“You want to go do something to get your mind off things?” he asked.

“Like what?”

“Well,” Noya said, looking out the window. “There's definitely enough snow out there to build a snowman.”

“You want to build a snowman?” Asahi asked, sounding amused.

“Sure, why not? We all know I have a mental age of about seven, right?”

Asahi smiled up at him. He seemed tired, but the smile was real. Noya smiled back.

“Okay,” Asahi said. “Yeah. Let's go outside.”

\- - -

They stayed outside for hours, until they were both worn out, pink in the face, chilled to the bone. They had two snowmen to show for their time outside; one about as tall as Noya, the other one barely up to his knee. They stood side by side in front of Asahi's house, stick arms raised.

The tall one had a scrubby pine-needle beard and a kind, inviting expression. The small one had exactly four pebbles for a face; two for eyes, one for a nose, one for a mouth. Two small sticks formed its frowning eyebrows.

Noya stood with his hands on his hips, staring at the small snowman. He sighed and shook his head.

“Like it?” Asahi asked slyly.

“It's wonderful,” Noya said. “It's. Truly wonderful.”

“I'm glad you like it. It's my best work.”

Noya bumped his arm. “I'm glad you worked so hard,” he said. “I'm freezing. You wanna go get hot chocolate or something?”

“Sure. You wanna go back inside and warm up?”

“Do you have hot chocolate?”

“Um. I don't think so.”

“Well, then we're going somewhere that has hot chocolate.”

“First date coffee shop?”

“First date coffee shop,” Noya snorted. “Is that really what we're calling it?”

“Well. You knew what I meant.”

“I guess I did.”

“So…”

“First date coffee shop it is, then. Let's go.”

Noya took Asahi's hand, looked up at him, and grinned.

Asahi grimaced and rubbed Noya's fingers between his palms. “Your hands are freezing,” he said. “Did you stick your hands in the show without gloves on purpose?”

“You know me too well,” Noya replied.

They started walking, hand in hand. Noya kept looking up at him. His nose was all red, and his breath left his smiling mouth in little clouds. He hadn't put his hair up before they'd gone out. He was wearing a dark green knit hat.

He looked incredible, basically. Nothing new to Noya, but still really fucking incredible.

Asahi glanced down at him and did a double-take.

“What?” he mumbled.

“Hhmm, nothing,” Noya smiled, leaning against him. “I'm just pretty sure you're a literal angel.”

Just as Noya had predicted all that time ago, Asahi flushed a magnificent shade of pink.

“You're _awful,_ ” he groaned, covering his mouth.

“You love me.”

“I _do_ ,” Asahi replied. “But you're _terrible._ ”

Noya grinned and hugged his arm.

\- - -

They took a corner booth at the coffee shop. Asahi got settled and Noya ordered their drinks, and then hurried back.

“Hello, beautiful,” Noya sighed, curling up against him and closing his eyes.

“Hello,” Asahi chuckled. “We've been apart so long.”

“ _Too_ long,” Noya confirmed. “I barely survived.”

Asahi put an arm around his shoulders.

“ _Noooo_ ,” Noya whined, pressing himself closer. “Don't let me get too comfortable – I have to get up and grab the drinks in a couple of minutes.”

“Fine. Then get off me.”

“ _No._ ”

“Oh.”

“Do you see what you've done.”

“I do.”

Eventually, the barista called out his name and Noya had to tear himself away from Asahi's side. He ran to and from the counter in order to minimize this time away.

“Okayyy,” he sighed, sitting back down and setting the stuff on the table. “Two hot chocolates, and one blueberry scone for you, my love.”

“I didn't order that,” Asahi said. “Also you're gross.”

“I ordered it for you,” Noya replied. “I'm terrible at cooking. As you've seen.”

“I have indeed.”

“So like. Super lame of me, but, like. Think of this as the beginning of the long series of Christmas-slash-birthday gifts I'll be giving you.”

Asahi rolled his eyes, but smiled. “Yuu,” he complained. “You don't have to do that.”

“Well, I'm going to, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. So there.”

Noya took a long sip of his hot chocolate and looked up at him, finding him all adorably pink again.

“Speaking of which,” Noya said. “Two gift-giving occasions, so close together. What do you want? They're coming up. Give me ideas.”

“Nothing,” Asahi mumbled. “You don't need to get me anything at all.”

“Well, I'm going to anyway, so you might as well give me some ideas so that I at least get you something you'll like.”

Asahi squinted at him. Noya grinned.

Asahi looked at his cup of hot chocolate and shrugged.

“I don't know,” he said. “I like tea. I draw and write sometimes.”

“And you like chocolate. And gardening. And cooking.”

“You have more ideas than I do. What are you asking me for?”

“Just in case there was anything I missed, you know?” Noya curled up close to him, and Asahi put an arm around his shoulders again. “Just trying to be a good boyfriend.”

“I hate asking for things, Asahi muttered. “You didn't even tell me about your birthday.”

Noya shrugged. “I don't make a big deal out of my birthday,” he said. “Besides, we weren't even dating at that point. You wouldn't have had to get me anything anyway.”

“I could have at least said 'happy birthday' and gotten you coffee or something.”

Noya looked up at him, eyebrows raised. Asahi looked down at him and frowned.

“What?” he asked.

“Have I ever. In the entire time I have known you. Let you pay for _anything._ ”

“I guess not,” Asahi laughed.

“Besides,” Noya said slyly, smirking and head-butting Asahi's shoulder, “The best present I could ask for is that of your presence.”

Asahi flicked the side of his head. “That was dumb,” he mumbled, but he smiled all the same.

Noya's phone went off in his pocket. His heart sank a little as he pulled it out and looked at who the text was from.

He glanced at the clock on his phone. He guessed he really should be heading back…

Noya opened the text.

 

>> hey buddy I need to leave in like 30min. Heading home?

 

He sighed heavily and typed a reply.

“Saeko?” Asahi asked.

“Yeah,” Noya replied. “I need to get going.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. She just needs to go to work. I need to get home and keep an eye on Ryu.”

“Is he doing all right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he's been doing just fine. Just in case, you know?”

Noya wiggled out from under his arm and stood up. Asahi quickly followed, unfinished drink and scone in hand.

“There should be a bus coming by the school soon,” Asahi said. “I'll ride with you as far as my house.”

“All right. Cool. Thank you.”

“Of course.”

\- - -

Asahi was sitting in the living room, reading a book, when Daichi and Suga got home.

“…Asahi?” Daichi called, laughter in his voice. Asahi could hear Suga cackling behind him.

“Yeah?” Asahi called back, unable to keep from smiling.

“I um. I like those snowmen out front,” Daichi said.

“I like the tiny angry one,” Suga said, laughing uncontrollably. “It's my favorite thing.”

“That's Noya,” Asahi informed him. “I built it.”

“It's very accurate,” Daichi chuckled. “Small and angry.”

“It's a scale model.”

“Scale? I'm pretty sure he's that size normally, isn't he?”

“Pretty much.”

“Kou – god, get a hold of yourself. It's not that funny, holy shit.”

“They're just _standing_ out there – the _Noya_ one, Daichi, I just _can't_ –”

“There's food in the kitchen if you can pull yourself together long enough to eat it,” Asahi called, dog-earing the page of his book and getting up off the couch.

He glanced out the window at the two snowmen as he passed by.

He smiled and shook his head, suppressing a grin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And next week we get Christmas-slash-birthday shit and then the week after that begins True Suffering. Have fun!!!
> 
> As always, thank you sososososo much for all your support. Please leave a comment or a kudo if you have not done so already and enjoy this story so far. Also - if you want - check out my blog (i-homeostasis.tumblr.com), drop me a line there, check out the art for this fic (/tagged/totw-art), whatever you want. 
> 
> I'll see you next week! ♥


	22. Best Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow I'm a full hour late wow man there goes my consistent update schedule tsk tsk
> 
> Have the obligatory chapter detailing Christmas / Asahi's birthday (which is basically christmas again because he basically is jesus sooo)

 Asahi got his Christmas shopping only two weeks in advance. Normally, he liked to do it much earlier, sometimes even in November, or earlier – and he had gotten Daichi's and Suga's gifts fairly quickly, but he'd had to take a little time with Noya's. There had been a little research involved. He was now fairly confident that he'd made the right decision. This did not, of course, stop him from worrying about it almost constantly. He kept catching himself staring at the box, biting his lip, and twice he found himself on the verge of returning it and buying something else.

But he didn't. Noya would like it. He hoped.

The day finally arrived, and a fresh blanket of snow fell as the morning progressed. Asahi, Daichi, and Suga all exchanged their usual small gifts – with the exception of a loud and tacky sweater that Suga bestowed upon Daichi, and forced him to try on – and then Asahi made breakfast for all of them. Suga made hot chocolate, as well.

“Mmmh,” Suga said, leaning against Daichi and closing his eyes. “I like not being at school.”

“I like not being at work,” Daichi said.

“I _love_ not being at school _or_ work but still being stressed about both,” Asahi added.

Daichi sighed and shook his head. “Try not to worry, bud,” he said. “We're on break. You and Noya are meeting up today, right?”

“Yeah,” Asahi replied. “We're going out to lunch.”

“Good,” Daichi nodded. “That'll get your mind off things, right?”

“Yeah, it should.”

“He's gonna love what you got for him,” Suga said. “You did a really good job.”

“It's partly to make up for missing his birthday, too.”

“I kinda wish I could be here to see his reaction when he gets it,” Daichi said.

“I'll be sure to tell you what he thought.”

\- - -

Noya arrived a little bit after noon, carrying a plastic grocery bag. He was wearing a jacket, for once, and a green hat with earflaps.

“Merry Christmas, beautiful,” he said, when Asahi opened the door.

“Your nose is all red,” was Asahi's reply. He reached out and poked it. “Come on in.”

Noya hopped over the threshold and shivered hard for a few moments. He wrapped his arms tightly around himself while Asahi shut the door.

“You can take off your coat, you know,” Asahi said.

“In a minute. I'm adjusting.”

Noya set the bag down and took his jacket off slowly. He shivered violently and almost dropped it.

“It's warm in here; what are you shivering for?”

In response, Noya tossed his coat in the general direction of the rack and threw his arms around Asahi, squeezing as hard as he could. He reached up beneath Asahi's sweater and pressed his palms to Asahi's back.

Asahi jumped. “Your hands are freezing!”

“And you are very very warm,” Noya murmured, rubbing his face against him.

Asahi disentangled himself from Noya's arms and led the way into the living room. Noya set down his grocery bag beside the couch and threw himself onto it. He immediately covered himself with a blanket, pulling it up to his chin.

Asahi watched him shiver for a few more seconds before asking him if he'd like some coffee or something.

“No, I'm fine,” Noya replied, patting the couch beside him. “Just sit down and let me get close.”

Asahi did so, and put his feet up on the coffee table. Noya cuddled up to him and sighed in contentment.

“I like your guys' tree,” Noya said, pointing at the little plastic tree in the corner. “It's very festive.”

“We tried.”

“ANYWAY,” Noya said loudly, leaning over Asahi and picking up the shopping bag again, “I got some stuff for you. Because I'm an excellent boyfriend.”

He shoved the bag into Asahi's lap and rested his chin on his hands, watching him with anticipation.

Asahi didn't like being the center of attention, but it was only Noya. This was to be expected from him, anyway.

Asahi looked down to find that the bag was full of smaller, messily-wrapped packages. He couldn't see the bottom of the bag. There had to be for or five of them in there.

Asahi looked over at Noya, an exasperated smile on his face.

“You didn't have to do this,” Asahi said.

“Um, yeah, I did,” Noya replied, shrugging. “My life depended on it.”

“You're stupid.”

“Open the presents, fool.”

Asahi stared down into the bag, hesitated a few moments, and the pulled one of the packages out.

Noya rocked back and forth a little out of excitement.

Asahi shook the little box. He could hear something rolling around inside it.

“ _Open it,_ ” Noya hissed.

“Okay. Calm down.”

Asahi stuck his thumbnail under the first piece of tape and carefully split it. The paper flap popped free and he moved on to the next one.

“ _Oh_ my god. I should have known you'd be one of those people who refuses to tear wrapping paper.”

“Would you calm down?”

“ _No._ ”

“You need to find some chill in your life.”

“My middle name is 'no chill'.”

“Yuu No-Chill Nishinoya. I believe it.”

“Open the fucking _box_ , holy _shit,_ if I'd known that _this_ is how fast you _open_ things I wouldn't have fucking _wrapped_ anything we're going to be here until _July._ ”

Asahi finished peeling the tape off and revealed a long, rectangular brown box. He stared at it for a few seconds to make Noya mad and then – finally – he opened it.

There was a necklace inside. A large, multicolored crystal lay in the fabric, tied up in a cord of black leather.

Asahi's heart skipped a little. “Oh my god,” he breathed, picking the necklace up and holding it in his palm.

“Here,” Noya said, sitting up on his knees. “Let me help you put it on.”

Noya took the necklace and reached up to Asahi's neck. His fingers brushed skin and he pushed Asahi's hair aside. Asahi couldn't help but shiver a little.

“There,” Noya said triumphantly, sitting back and smiling. “It looks great.”

Asahi looked down at the crystal, resting against his sternum. It was cloudy white, with an almost iridescent sheen to it.

“It's quartz, apparently,” Noya told him. “I went back to a bunch of those shops we went to a few months ago. The lady I bought this from said that it would bring whoever wears it positive energy and good luck.”

“Oh?” Asahi smiled.

“Yeah. I figured it wouldn't hurt for you to have a little more of both of those things. Plus it looks really, really good on you, so.”

“Thank you,” Asahi said, scratching the back of his head. “Thanks. I like it a lot.”

“C'mon, that's not all I got you,” Noya said impatiently, nudging the bag to bring Asahi's attention back to it. “There is much more for you to thank me for. Keep opening things.”

Slowly and with little to no torn wrapping paper, Asahi opened packages containing a notebook, some pens, a sketchbook, drawing pencils, and a giant mug, filled with little tins of loose-leaf tea. Asahi felt completely overwhelmed by the amount of stuff Noya got for him, and Noya was ecstatic to see him smile.

The bag was empty now. Noya moved close to Asahi once more and sighed in contentment.

“Hey, get off me for a sec,” Asahi said, wiggling away from him.

Noya sat up, and Asahi stood and walked across the room to the tree in the corner. He knelt in front of it, reached around, and grabbed the three packages from the corner of the room; a large and rectangular one, a smaller rectangle, and a little gift bag.

He stood up with these in hand and looked back at Noya. His eyebrows were raised in surprise.

“You didn't have to get me anything,” he said, sounding dumbfounded.

“Well, neither did you, and look what happened,” Asahi said. “Besides, yes of course I had to get you something.”

He handed Noya the bag first. Noya wrinkled his nose.

“Why'd you get me stuff,” he mock-whined. “You're awful.”

“Open it.”

Noya sighed, shook his head, and pulled the tissue out of the bag.

“Oh hey,” he smiled, pulling out a smaller bag – cellophane, and filled with red candies. “You went downtown too, huh?”

“I did,” Asahi said. “You liked these, right –? Oh.”

Noya had already opened the bag and stuck one of the candies into his cheek. He grinned.

“Yes,” he replied. “I did like them. Thank you.”

“Come on – there's two more,” Asahi said. “And they're better. So.”

“There's nothing better than strawberry-flavored shit, all right?”

“ _Open the other two. I'm dying over here._ ”

“Fine.”

Noya picked up the smaller box first, shook it, and then tore the paper off in one movement.

Asahi kept his eyes glued on Noya's face, watching his expression.

Noya frowned slightly at the little box. “Film,” he said. “Thanks.”

Asahi bit back a smile as Noya's eyebrows shot up his forehead. He looked up at Asahi sharply, eyes wide.

“You _didn't_ ,” he breathed.

Asahi grinned. “Didn't what.”

“ _Oh my god, Asahi, you –_ ”

Noya pulled the last package over and tore the paper off.

Just as Asahi had hoped, Noya's face lit up as soon as he laid eyes on the box.

“Oh my fucking god, Asahi,” Noya breathed. “You – oh my god…”

“So this one's okay?” Asahi asked as Noya clawed at the tape on the camera's box.

“ _Okay_?” Noya said incredulously. “God – holy _shit_ , you – it's _perfect_ , oh my _god –_ ”

Noya succeeded in tearing the tape off and carefully picked the camera up out of its bed of styrofoam.

“I'm going to cry,” he whispered, turning it to look at it from every angle. “Oh… oh my god…”

He looked up at Asahi, and he did actually look to be on the verge of tears.

“Okay,” Noya said. “I know people say 'you shouldn't have' as like a joke, but like. _Asahi._ ”

“Do you like it?” Asahi asked.

Noya set the camera back down and lunged at him, hugging him so tight his back cracked.

“Why you gotta one-up me like this,” Noya mumbled into his shoulder.

“I'm just getting even for every date we've ever gone on and for missing your birthday.”

Noya shook him and groaned in exasperation. “I _hate_ you,” he said.

“I love you too,” Asahi said, kissing his hair.

Noya pulled away and picked up the camera again. He peeled the plastic off it and held it up to his eye and focused the lens on Asahi's face.

Asahi smiled shyly and looked down.

“No. Hey. Look at me.”

“Whyyy.”

“You gave me a camera, you are more or less resigning yourself to endless photoshoots. I hope you know this.”

Asahi rolled his eyes and looked back at him. He was loading a roll of film into the back of the camera.

“Perfect,” Noya said, after firing off the shutter a few times. He turned the camera on Asahi and focused the lens again.

“Look at me,” he repeated.

Asahi looked into the camera, suddenly very aware of every movement his face made. Did he look stupid? Probably.

“The first frame of film is hereby dedicated to the most lovely face I have ever seen in my life,” Noya murmured.

Asahi laughed and Noya snapped the picture.

“Perfect,” Noya chirped, standing back and advancing the film.

“That was the corniest thing you have ever said to me,” Asahi protested.

“Really? _That_? Of all the corny shit I have said to you, _that_ is what you're calling the _most_ corny?” Noya scoffed. “But anyway. It produced the desired result. I can't wait to get that developed.”

Asahi covered his face with both hands. He heard the camera shutter go again and closed his eyes.

“You're impossible,” he groaned.

“I know,” Noya said. “But you love me. So.”

\- - -

Noya was a little later getting to Asahi's house again a week or so later, but he seemed no less enthusiastic. He showed up on the doorstep half an hour late, and kind of looked like he'd just rolled out of bed when Asahi answered his knock.

Noya was, once again, standing there out in the cold with a bunch of boxes in hand. He was wearing his coat and hat again, but again his nose and cheeks were all red.

“Hey there,” he said, with a tired grin.

“You got me more stuff?” Asahi asked. “Really?”

“Of course. Christmas and your birthday are both very important occasions.”

“Most people just get me stuff on Christmas and say it's for my birthday too.”

“A travesty,” Noya sighed. “Well. None of that lazy bullshit from me.”

“Didn't you literally just wake up.”

“You shut your beautiful mouth.”

Noya led the way into the kitchen and set the packages down on the table. He spread them out – a large plastic container; a small bag; a small, flat rectangle; and a big, squashy package.

“Yuu,” Asahi said exasperatedly, but with a smile on his face. “You're awful.”

Noya beamed. “Sit down. I'm tired of walking.”

Asahi obeyed, taking a seat across the table from him.

Noya pushed the plastic box towards him and took the lid off of it.

“ _So,_ ” Noya said, gesturing at the cake inside the box, “I may have just made this last night. And I may have frosted it while it was still hot because I'm an impatient little fucker who doesn't read directions. And I maybe should have done all this before midnight last night. But hey, I am what I am.”

The cake was lopsided, and frosted with white – which had, indeed, melted mostly off to one side. 'Happy Birthday Asahi!' was written in blue over the top – and it was centered properly, not sloughing off like the rest of the icing.

“I will admit I made Saeko do the writing,” Noya said. “I uh. My handwriting is kind of shit.”

Asahi's face hurt from smiling. “I'm not going to be able to eat this,” he said. “It's too adorable.”

“Don't call me adorable.”

“I'm not calling _you_ adorable. God. It's all the cake. Don't misunderstand.”

Asahi pulled his phone out of his pocket and took several pictures of the adorable cake while Noya stood off to the side, scowling.

Asahi got that on record, too.

“Adorable,” he repeated.

Noya stuck his tongue out. “Can we eat the cake yet?” he asked. “I'm starting to hate it.”

Asahi laughed and walked across the kitchen to get some plates.

\- - -

They ate their cake and put the rest away in the fridge. Noya eagerly shoved the other gifts towards Asahi as soon as he sat back down.

“You're more excited about all this than I am,” Asahi said, amused.

“Clearly that's not saying very much,” Noya huffed. “Open them.”

Asahi opened the smallest package first – slowly, carefully, partly out of habit, mostly to bother Noya – and pulled out a bar of dark chocolate.

“It's the same kind I got you that time we went downtown,” Noya said. “You seemed to really like it, so.”

“I did!” Asahi confirmed. “Thank you.”

Noya grinned from ear to ear and wiggled happily in his chair.

“You're seriously more excited about this than I have ever been,” Asahi laughed.

“Again. That bar is not high. Anyway – you have two more to open. Hurry before I open them for you.”

The gift bag was opened next. Asahi pulled the tissue paper aside and revealed a tiny potted plant.

“It's a spider plant,” Noya said as Asahi held it up in his palm. “They're apparently really hard to kill, so that's good. Not that I don't trust you to keep a plant alive. But you know.”

“It's great,” Asahi said, setting it down. “I love plants.”

“Awesome. Okay okay okay last thing.”

Noya pushed the last package towards him. He rolled his eyes and started peeling the paper off. Before too long, he could see what was inside.

Asahi smiled and unfolded the sweater, holding it at arm's length to look at it.

“Right size, you think?” Noya asked. “It almost goes to my knees, so I figured it was probably about right.”

“Looks like it should be perfect,” Asahi replied.

“Try it on. I need to know if I need to exchange it.”

Asahi squinted at him. Noya smiled back innocently and cupped his chin in his hands.

Asahi sighed, stood up, and pulled his shirt off. He felt his face flush a little pink, and glanced at Noya.

His eyebrows were raised. “You know,” he said lightly, “You could have just changed in the bathroom.”

“Like you didn't want me to do this.”

“Okay. Fair.”

Asahi pulled the sweater over his head, straightened it out, and held his arms out, looking up for Noya's approval.

Noya was already grinning. “It looks great,” he said. “I was right. Light blue _is_ a really great color for you.”

“Thank you,” Asahi said.

Noya stood up from the table and walked over to him. He reached up and looped his arms around Asahi's neck.

“Can I kiss you?” Noya asked.

“Of course.”

Noya stood up on tiptoe and Asahi leaned down to meet him. They kissed, gently, for a few seconds, and then pulled back.

“Happy birthday, Asahi,” Noya said.

“Thanks,” Asahi smiled. “Thanks for all this.”

“You're very welcome,” Noya sighed, resting his head on Asahi's chest. “I'm glad I could make you happy.”

“You do that anyway. C'mon.”

“I try,” Noya said.

They stayed like that for a little while. Asahi kissed the top of his head and closed his eyes for a moment.

“You're tired, aren't you?” he murmured.

“…A little,” Noya admitted. “I wouldn't be opposed to a nap.”

“I'm up for a nap.”

“Nice. Cake and lounging all day sound good to you?”

“It sounds great.”

“You need to rest, anyway. You mentioned you have a job interview coming up, right? Isn't that tomorrow?”

“It is. Yeah, you're definitely right. Let's go be useless lumps.”

\- - -

Noya fell asleep with his head in Asahi's lap after about thirty minutes of lounging. Asahi was nodding off too, by that point, but he stayed awake a little bit longer than Noya did.

Noya was all curled up in a ball. One of his hands was resting on Asahi's thigh, just above his knee. His breathing was slow and calm.

Asahi felt all warm inside. He couldn't help but smile as he reached down to stroke Noya's hair. Noya mumbled indistinctly and moved closer to him.

Asahi smiled down at him as his eyes started to drift close.

_God_ , he loved Yuu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mk well I just want to say now. That I've said before that things are going to go wrong and not stop going wrong. I started saying that like three and a half months ago (because holy fucking shit I have been posting this fucking gay fanfiction for literally five consecutive months now what the fuck).
> 
> But like.
> 
> I mean it.
> 
> This was the last Good Thing.
> 
> Next week truly begins the promised torment. The promised and fucking relentless torment.
> 
> I am so excited to bring it to you lol
> 
> Please leave a kudo (if you haven't already) and / or a comment (if you're feeling conversational!) - or you can hmu on my blog (i-homeostasis.tumblr.com) and also check out the /tagged/totw-art while you're there! There's been quite a bit of it so far and I could not be happier. :D Love you all! Hearing from you makes my day. ♥
> 
> See you next week when you'll all start hating me


	23. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And So Begins The True Beginning Of The End of Everyone Loving Homeo

Noya woke up with a sharp, repetitive pain in his leg.

He groaned and pushed himself up onto his elbows, feeling for the vial on his bedside table. He'd gotten as far as opening it before he remembered it was empty.

“Fuck,” he breathed, dropping his head down onto the bed again. “Shit – ow –”

He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists, trying for a few moments to get ahold of himself. Once he'd managed to force the pain back to the point where he could move, he sat up and looked at the time on his phone.

His heart actually stopped for a second, and then it started up again, racing like crazy.

“Oh, _fuck_ ,” he breathed, leaping out of bed. Another shock of pain from his leg almost caused it to give out underneath him as he landed. He only avoided falling over by stumbling over to the wall and colliding heavily with it. He grimaced, frowned hard, closed his eyes, pressed his forehead to the wall, and took a few deep breaths.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he hissed again. “Oh, _holy fuck..._ ”

Ten long seconds went by, and then he could move again. He hobbled over to his closet and pulled down the neatest-looking slacks he could find.

Got – the one day he actually had to wake up before ten. The one time. The _one time_ his schedule had ever lined up so that he he had actual life duties to take care of at the same time that he ran out of meds. The _one_ time. And he'd overslept. He'd fucking overslept.

He struggled to pull his sweatpants off and his slacks on, and then sat down on his bed for a while, trying to catch his breath.

For a moment, he honestly felt like maybe he wouldn't be able to do this today. He seriously considered just going back to bed – trying to get some more sleep –

He gritted his teeth and stood back up.

He could hardly stand on his leg right now, and if he wanted to make it to the bus in time, he was going to have to run.

Noya hobbled over to his closet again and took a dress shirt out of it. He held his foot off the floor as he pulled the shirt over his head. Socks next. Four stunted, painful steps to his dresser, then back to his bed to put them on. He kept up a steady stream of cursing the entire time.

He kept looking over his shoulder at the clock. He'd set an alarm, hadn't he? Of course he had, why wouldn't he?

The time crept closer and closer to ten-thirty and to the arrival of the bus he was supposed to get on. He had about ten minutes to travel a distance that took him fifteen on a good day, and this was _not_ a good day.

Noya took a few moments to collect himself again, and then he hauled himself to his feet, grabbed his bag, and ran out his bedroom door. His leg hurt like _hell_ – he couldn't stop, or he'd never be able to get moving again.

He almost fell down the stairs. Nobody called after him as he dashed through the house and out the front door. Asleep or out somewhere. He didn't have time to check.

He didn't even bother with the porch stairs. He leapt down them, landed hard on the sidewalk, right knee trembling, and stumbled a little. Then he clenched his jaw and started running as hard as he could toward the bus stop.

IT was cold out here. He probably should have worn a jacket. He really hoped there wasn't any ice on the sidewalk – if he slipped, it was over. He was not going to be able to get back up.

Just as he thought about this, he skidded on a slick patch. He stumbled, and didn't fall – but his right leg took most of the impact. He grunted out loud at the sudden spike of pain. His eyes teared up and for a second he couldn't really breathe. He responded to this by running even harder.

He kept checking the time on his phone. Ten-thirty was approaching way too fast.

He just couldn't move fast enough.

He just wasn't going to make it.

Noya was now running as fast as he possibly could. He was two blocks from the stop when he saw it – when the bus pulled around the corner and started to slow down.

Noya didn't have breath to spare as he sprinted across the road, completely heedless of the cars he jumped in front of. He could hear the brakes on the buss screeching to a halt – could see its doors opening to let people on –

His right leg gave out just as he was about to cross the last street.

Noya cried out as he fell, and landed hard on the concrete of the sidewalk. His phone skittered out of his hand and stopped a few feet away.

He tried to stand up but his damn leg just wouldn't do it. It shivered uncontrollably and it hurt like _hell_ at the tiniest suggestion of weight.

Noya watched as the bus closed its doors and began to roll away. He cursed under his breath and his voice was high-pitched and weak.

He could still make it in time, right? He could still make it if he ran – if he hurried – if he could just _get up_ –

“H-hey… Are you okay?”

A small, anxious voice sounded from above him. He looked up and found a tiny blonde girl looking back at him, eyes wide.

“Uh – yeah, yeah, I'm okay,” Noya said distractedly, renewing his efforts to stand up. It still didn't work. “I'm fine, I –”

“Do you, uh, need help?” she asked, eying his futile attempts to put weight on his leg.

Finally, he stopped struggling. He let his forehead rest on his arms.

“Could you help me stand up?” he asked her.

“Yeah. Um – here – take my hands, okay?”

He rolled onto his side and took the hand she offered. A few jolts of leg pain later, he was on his feet.

She was just about to let go of him when he tried to put weight on his right foot again. His knee buckled. She gasped and caught him again. She was much smaller than he was – even smaller than Saeko. He had no idea how she was holding him up almost without help.

“Sorry,” he grunted.

“Is your leg hurt?” she demanded. “Did you twist your ankle?”

“It _is_ hurt, but it's not my ankle,” Noya said through gritted teeth. “I'm fine, I just –”

He tried to pull away from her and stand on his own, but she wouldn't let go of him.

“Let me get you to a place where you can sit down,” she said firmly.

“No – listen, I have to be somewhere in like ten minutes. I have to _run._ ”

“Um. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but you can't even stand by yourself right now,” she said. “I'm walking you over to that bench, okay? Then you can call someone to drive you wherever you need to get.”

He scowled, but let her lead him to the bench. He winced as he sat down and stretched his leg out.

“Oh – you dropped your phone back there. I'll go grab it.”

She hurried back and picked it up off the pavement. She sat down beside him him and gingerly turned the phone over in her hands.

“Um,” she said. “Was the screen cracked like this before, or…”

“Fucking – shit, no,” Noya groaned, taking it from her. “No, it wasn't… damn it…”

“Does it still work?” she asked timidly.

He pushed he side button and sighed in relief as the broken screen lit up. “It's all good,” he said. “Okay. Good.”

Without wasting any time, he unlocked the phone and called Saeko.

She picked up halfway through the fourth ring.

“Hello?” she asked sleepily. He must have woken her up.

He bit his lip. If she wasn't even up yet, this was going to be close…

“Hey, Saeko,” he said, trying to keep his voice steady – his leg was pretty much in fucking _agony_ at this point, so it really was difficult – “I uh. I missed my bus. To the interview. Sorry, but do you think you could drive me?”

She blew a raspberry into the phone. “You're lucky I like you, idiot,” she said. “Where are you?”

“The closest stop to the house. Or, uh, near it.”

“Okay. I'll be there in like five minutes, I guess. Five minutes ish.”

“Thanks. Sorry.”

“It's okay, buddy. Don't worry about it.”

Noya said goodbye, hung up, and then leaned back in his seat, eyes closed.

The girl didn't leave. She just sat there, quietly, beside him.

He finally opened one eye to look at her. She glanced at him and then quickly away.

“Thanks,” he said quietly. She seemed like she would jump if he spoke too loudly.

“Oh. Yeah, you're welcome,” she said. She twisted her hands in her lap. “I was supposed to make that bus, too. I just got a really slow start this morning.”

“Yeah. I'm gonna be late for a job interview,” Noya said.

“I'm gonna be late for work,” she said distractedly. “It's only my first week…”

“You'll be okay,” Noya said. “Don't worry about it too much.”

“Thank you. I'll try.”

“What's your name, by the way?” he asked. Talking was a little difficult still, but at least the conversation took his mind off his leg.

“Hitoka,” she said. “What's yours?”

“Noya,” he answered.

“Nice to meet you, Noya.”

“You too.”

They were quiet for a second. Noya glanced at his phone again, to check the time. He paused, staring at the cracks on the screen.

His heart sank.

“Wait… _no_ ,” he breathed, suddenly sitting straight up and pulling his bag into his lap. His fingers – still shaking uncontrollably from the pain – scrabbled uselessly at the catch for a moment before he managed to pull it open.

He pulled his digital camera out and flipped it around to look at the lens.

Cracked. Just like he'd been afraid of. Right down the middle.

“Fuck,” he growled, dropping it back in the bag. “Fucking – _shit_ –”

“Are you okay?” Hitoka asked quietly.

Anger flared up in Noya's chest for a moment. He almost shouted at her.

He covered his face with both hands and breathed deeply to calm himself down before replying.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah. I'm all right.”

“Okay. Um. Do you need anything?”

“No. I'm okay. Thank you. My ride should be here soon.”

Noya focused on his breathing for the next few minutes. Hitoka stayed beside him the whole time, hardly moving at all.

Noya's jaw was clenched. _Fuck_ , his leg hurt. His breathing was evening out now, at least, but that wasn't exactly anything huge. He hadn't been in this kind of pain for quite a while…

He kept his eyes closed until he heard the honk of a car horn close by. Saeko's car pulled over to the curb, and she leaned over to call out the window.

Noya sat up and got to his feet. His leg wobbled and gave out – he was only saved from falling when Hitoka lunged forward and grabbed for his arm.

“Thanks,” he grunted.

“Here – let me help you,” she said.

Reluctantly, he leaned on her and she helped him hobble his way to the car. He kept his eyes down, avoiding Saeko's gaze as he opened the door and got in.

“Thanks, Hitoka,” he called out the window as Saeko started the car up again.

Hitoka nodded, and gave a small smile and a wave.

Saeko pulled back out into traffic and rolled up to the next intersection before she started talking.

“So,” she said, her voice clipped. “Is there a reason you needed help walking just now?”

Noya pressed his lips together and closed his eyes. “It doesn't matter,” he mumbled.

“Yuu, shut the fuck up. You ran out here, didn't you? You fucking idiot!”

Noya covered his face with one hand, trying to cool down; he could feel himself getting angry again.

“What were you thinking? God, Yuu, I was _right there._ You could have woken me up and asked me to drive you.”

“Well, I didn't, okay?” he growled.

Saeko sighed angrily and turned right at the intersection. Noya sat up abruptly.

“It's the other way,” he said.

“I'm not taking you to the interview, Yuu,” she shot back. “You can't even walk, you're in so much pain. I can hear it in your breathing, even. You are _not_ going anywhere today.”

“What the fuck, Saeko? I'm fine!”

“If you can't fucking _walk_ , I'm not letting you go out, buddy.”

“I need to get this job! We need the money, Saeko, you know we do!”

“You can call the guy and reschedule, okay? We're doing okay for now. We don't need money _that_ badly. You don't need to fucking hurt yourself over it, okay?”

“Fucking hell,” Noya hissed, leaning back in his seat. “Just – fuck, Saeko –”

“We're doing okay, buddy, I swear,” Saeko said. “We've always been okay so far, right?”

“Yeah,” Noya said, closing his eyes and focusing on his breathing again. “I just wish I could help more.”

“I know, buddy,” Saeko said. “I know.”

\- - -

There was a knock on Asahi's door at about six 'o clock that night. He was in the middle of making dinner when he heard it.

“Coming,” he called out, turning down the heat under the pasta on the stove.

He opened the door to find Noya standing there, looking very, very tired. He smiled up at Asahi, but there wasn't the normal amount of heart in it.

“Hey,” Noya said.

“Hey,” Asahi replied, stepping aside to let him through. “How are you doing?”

Noya heaved a sigh and shrugged as he walked in. “I'm doing okay.”

Asahi closed the door behind him, eying him carefully. He was limping – more than usual, that was. He didn't immediately take his coat off, or take his bag off his shoulder He was moving very slowly.

Asahi bit his lip.

“I'm making dinner,” he said after a moment. “Spaghetti. If you wanna stay for that.”

“I'd like that, yeah,” Noya replied, running a hand through his hair. “I hope you don't mind. I was just nearby – running some errands, and shit – and I thought I'd say hi – if it's no trouble…”

“I made enough for leftovers. Daichi and Suga are going to be out late tonight, so there's plenty.”

“Great. Thank you, Asahi.”

He finally turned around and took his bag and coat off. Asahi moved towards him and pulled him into a hug as soon as his arms were free.

“Rough day?” he murmured.

Noya sighed and leaned against him, returning the hug. “Not the best, yeah,” he replied.

Asahi squeezed him and stroked his hair a few times. “Leg's bugging you, huh?” he asked.

“That obvious?”

“Pretty obvious. Did you walk over here?”

“Yeah,” Noya said, laughing humorlessly. “Not one of my better decisions.”

Asahi kissed the top of his head. “Go sit down in the living room,” he said. “I'll make you some coffee, okay?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Go rest.”

Asahi watched him make his way into the living room – slowly, obviously in pain – and waited until he heard him flop down on the couch before heading to the kitchen.

\- - -

The pasta and coffee were done at about the same time. Asahi filled a plate and poured a mug for Noya and brought them into the living room.

Noya was lying on his side with his eyes closed. Asahi set the food down on the table and shook his shoulder.

“Yuu,” he called gently. “Are you asleep?”

Noye moved a little, and opened his eyes again. He smiled up at Asahi and moved his legs so he could sit down as well. Asahi did so, and put a hand on Noya's hip.

“Everything okay?” he asked.

Noya sighed. “I've had… better days, you know?”

“Do you want to talk about anything?”

“Nah… No, I'm fine. Thank you, though.”

“Okay. Well – have some coffee or something. Or take a nap. Whatever you want.”

“Can you lie down with me?” Noya asked.

“Yeah. Okay. Scoot.”

They barely both fit on the couch, but Asahi managed to squeeze between Noya and the back cushions.

Noya's eyes closed again. He moved as close to Asahi as possible. Their faces were only a few inches apart.

Asahi kissed his forehead and ran his fingers through his hair. The little crease between Noya's eyebrows went away.

“Get some rest, Yuu,” Asahi breathed. “Tell me if there's anything you need me to get for you.”

“All I need is for you to stay right here,” Noya mumbled, shifting still closer.

“I can do that,” Asahi replied.

He rested one arm across Noya's waist and slid the other one beneath his neck. Noya sighed in contentment. Within minutes, Noya was asleep, and his breathing slowed.

Asahi looked at the lines between Noya's eyebrows, and at the corners of his eyes. The laugh lines were only a little more visible than the worry ones. Asahi didn't usually see him frowning – and he was definitely way too young for them to be so apparent, anyway…

Asahi found himself frowning, too.

Noya never really talked about what was troubling him, did he? This wasn't the first time Asahi had been able to tell something was wrong, had asked about it, and had been told it was nothing, or that he shouldn't worry.

He wanted to shake Noya and demand to know whatever it was that was wrong – what had been wrong all those times he'd seemed distant.

But he was so tired… Asahi would have to let it go, for now. Again.

He wrapped his arms around Noya and held him, wishing he could do more.

They lay there in silence for a few more minutes. Asahi returned to stroking Noya's hair, listening to his calm – for once – breathing. Asahi was actually beginning to nod off himself when Noya's phone rang, snapping them both wide awake.

Noya groaned loudly, pulled the phone out of his pocket, answered the call, and put it to his ear.

“Hello?” he mumbled.

Roughly half a second passed, and then Noya sat bolt upright. “Saeko?” he breathed. “H-hey – hey, calm down, okay? Calm down –”

Asahi sat up too, frowning at him, concerned. He couldn't hear what Saeko was saying, or even pick up on her tone of voice, but he couldn't. He tried to catch Noya's eye, to silently ask him what was wrong, but Noya only stared straight ahead.

Noya's eyes widened suddenly, and his eyebrows lowered. Asahi watched the color drain out of his face.

“No…” Noya whispered, so softly even Asahi could barely hear him. “No, no, _fuck no, oh god –_ ”

“What's going on?” Asahi demanded.

Noya didn't answer him. He stood up from the couch and walked, jerkily, towards the door.

“Saeko – talk to me – breathe, okay? What's going on?”

He listened for another second or two. His legs wobbled and he stumbled backwards a few steps.

“I'll be there in ten minutes,” he finally croaked.

He hung up, stuffed the phone in his pocket, and turned to look at Asahi.

Noya was deathly pale. He looked like he was going to be sick, or pass out. His mouth opened and closed silently.

“What's going on?” Asahi asked warily. “Yuu? Is everything okay?”

Noya looked like he was about to say it for a second, but quickly decided against it.

“Nothing. I'm fine. Everything's fine,” he said, distractedly. “God, oh, fuck –”

He glanced at the door. Asahi opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, Noya was talking again.

“I have to go,” Noya said, and practically fell over in his haste to leave the room.

Asahi stood up and hurried after him – but by the time he got out of the living room, Noya was already gone, and the front door was swinging closed behind him.

Asahi opened the door and looked out. Noya was already crossing the street to the next block. He was running way too hard, considering how badly he'd been limping just half an hour ago…

Asahi didn't want to just stand there and let him do it – but Daichi and Suga had the car…

Asahi stepped back inside, closed the door, and stood facing it for a few moments, his heart racing madly.

He would have to just wait to find out what was wrong. It was all he could do. Again.

\- - -

Noya was running as fast as he could. His leg was on fire already. Every breath stabbed at his throat and lungs. But _fuck_ , it didn't matter at all. It barely registered with him right right now. He didn't have time to focus on the pain.

There was something much more important to be worried about right now.

Noya's head was full of Ryu. Nothing but Ryu. Had he looked out of it the last time Noya had seen him. Had he seemed dizzy. Should Noya have been worried. Should he have seen this coming. Yes, _fuck_ , he should have known this was going to happen –

Tears started rolling down Noya's cheeks.

_Ryu, buddy, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…_

He frowned hard and forced the ears back. _Not now. No fucking crying right now. You can't cry in front of Saeko._

_Ryu. Ryu. Ryu. Ryu._

His leg felt about ready to snap off by the time he reached the hospital. He limped into the waiting room and frantically looked for Saeko.

He spotted her, all the way across the room. Her face was hidden away in her hands.

“ _Saeko,_ ” he breathed as he hurried towards her. “Saeko! Hey!”

She looked up and leapt out of her seat. She got to Noya and threw her arms around him before he could get halfway across the room.

She was crying. She hadn't stopped crying.

“ _Yuu_ ,” she sobbed into his shoulder, burying her face. “ _Yuu, oh my god…_ ”

Noya hugged her back as tightly as he could. He held her for half a minute, letting her calm herself down.

Once she'd gotten control of her breathing again, she pulled away, held him at arm's length, and looked him in the eye.

“What happened?” Noya asked.

Saeko took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment.

“Ryu had another seizure,” she said. “I was right there with him, and he was safe. I made sure he didn't hurt himself and he didn't hit his head on anything.”

“Thank god,” Noya breathed.

“But… he – he passed out,” Saeko continued, starting to choke on her words again. She covered her eyes with one hand. “And… he – he wouldn't wake up, so… So I called 911, and he wasn't awake by the time they got to us.”

She buried her face in his shoulder again. “He won't wake up, Yuu,” she whimpered. “They won't let me see him and he won't wake up.”

Noya's heart stopped completely and sank into his stomach. He could hardly breathe. He hugged Saeko as tightly as he could for another moment or two, and the let go and walked toward the front desk.

The man sitting there had barely looked up from his papers when Noya started talking.

“You need to let us see our brother,” he growled, slamming one hand on the counter.

The guy blinked up at him. “Ryuunosuke Tanaka?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Look – I told your sister this already – we can't let you go back there right now. You'd just get in the way –”

“I don't fucking care! You need to let us see him!”

“ _Yuu,_ ” Saeko's tearful voice wavered from behind him. She took hold of his arm and pulled him back from the counter “Yuu, calm down, oh my god –”

Noya ran a hand down his face and closed his eyes.

“If you're willing to wait another hour or so, you might be able to see him,” the desk clerk said. “Otherwise, go home, and we'll call you when you can come in.”

“Yuu…”

Noya tugged his arm free of Saeko's grip and turned his back on both of them. Without really thinking about it, he started toward the door.

“Y-Yuu,” Saeko called after him. “Where are you going?”

He didn't stop moving. “I'm going for a walk,” he snapped without turning his head.

He leaned on the door and pushed it opened and the freezing January air slapped him in the face. He pulled his hood up and hunched his shoulders. He hadn't noticed how cold it was on his way over here. Now it hit him, hard, and it was fucking _irritating._

He was getting angry. Again. All the shit he was feeling was stewing in his chest and turning into just straight anger. Compounded with the pain from his leg, still strong as ever, it was fucking awful. He didn't even think about calming down. The idea did not cross his mind.

Noya's hands clenched into fists inside his pockets. He gritted his teeth. His head was devoid of all thought except for two words, which he repeated over and over to himself.

_Your fault._

_Your fault, your fault, your fault._

He didn't know how long he walked like that. He kept his head down, staring at the ground just far enough ahead to see what was immediately in front of him. Every step sent more pain through his leg – adding to everything, building on it, until he felt about ready to break the thing off himself, just so it would _stop._

He didn't realize where his feet were taking him until he realized he was standing on the corner of a very familiar street.

He looked a few houses down and saw that the lights were still on. Of course they were. It wasn't late. Not even for him.

Without consciously deciding to do so, Noya limped his way over to the porch steps of Asahi's house, hauled himself up them, and knocked at the door. He bowed his head as he waited.

The door opened within seconds, and Asahi's sock feet appeared in Noya's field of vision.

“Yuu.” Asahi sounded worried. “You're back – hey, what's going on?”

Noya responded only with a single shake of his head. He bit his lips together. He wasn't ready to talk yet.

“Uh… well… You can come in,” Asahi said. “You left some stuff here earlier. It's cold. Come in.”

Noya stepped into the house and immediately headed for where he'd left his coat – hanging up on the coat rack. He took it down and pulled it on.

“Oh – you're not staying, then?” Asahi asked him.

Noya shrugged. He wished Asahi would stop talking. Noya didn't want to talk – not to him, not to anybody. He just wanted to be alone. His hands were still shaking as he gathered up his stuff. Asahi was still standing right behind him; he hadn't even moved.

“Yuu,” Asahi finally asked. “Is everything okay?”

Noya said nothing.

“ _Yuu,_ ” Asahi repeated. “Is everything –”

“ _I'm fine,_ ” Noya interrupted him. He couldn't keep the tremor out of his voice. He clamped his jaw shut again as soon as he was done saying it. He slung his bag over his shoulder and turned to leave.

“Yuu –”

Asahi's hand landed on Noya's shoulder.

Raw anger flared up in Noya's brain. He couldn't even think for an awful split second.

He swung his arm wide behind him, hand balled up in a fist.

Contact came somewhere in the middle of his deafening, violent shout.

“ _I SAID I'M FINE!_ ”

Asahi's hand left his shoulder.

Noya's momentum turned his entire body around.

Asahi's eyes were wide. He took a few steps back from Noya. One of his hands was already reaching up towards his right eye.

Noya staggered back, mouth hanging open. All at once, he felt hollow, sick cold; all the rage of just half a second ago was gone completely, had instantly vanished at the feeling of Noya's knuckles colliding with Asahi's cheekbone.

Noya stared up at Asahi, frozen solid, scrambling for something to say or do, finding nothing – nothing that could possibly even begin to undo what he'd just done.

_Not him. Not him too. Not… Not Asahi…_

Noya wanted to throw up. He could hardly stand anymore.

His heart stopped when he realized Asahi had tears in his eyes.

“Y-Yuu,” Asahi wavered. “What – what are you – what –”

“I'm,” Noya croaked, stumbling backwards, feeling for the doorknob.

“ _I'm sorry._ ”

Noya turned his back, flung the door open, and ran outside.

A set of headlights flashed off as he turned onto the driveway. He tried to hurry past before they could spot him, but it was too late.

“Noya,” Daichi's voice called out, sounding a little puzzled. “Where you going in such a hurry?”

Noya ducked his head and kept moving. Daichi and Suga both called after him, but he didn't stop.

Once he got to the sidewalk, he broke into a full run.

He had no idea where he was going.

It was better that way.

\- - -

Asahi didn't move, not even to close the door after Noya rushed out and left it open. He could barely breathe. His hands were shaking.

He couldn't stop crying. It was stupid… it hadn't even hurt that much…

He heard Daichi's and Suga's voices outside, and tried to compose himself before they came in, but it didn't work.

Daichi was the first one through the still-open door. He was already frowning when he walked in, and he frowned harder when he laid eyes on Asahi.

“…Asahi,” he said.

Suga walked in as well, saw Asahi standing there, and immediately rushed over to him.

“What happened?” he demanded. “Asahi. Talk to me.”

Asahi found that he couldn't speak. It felt like there was a lump of clay in his throat.

Suga's worried eyes looked him over – and grew suddenly wide.

“Daichi,” he breathed. “Look.”

Suga touched one cool finger to the place on Asahi's cheek where Noya's hand had landed. Daichi walked forward, grabbed hold of Asahi's chin, and turned his head to face him. Daichi was frowning hard – first in confusion, and then in clear, burning anger.

Dachi put his hands on either side of Asahi's head and held him there so he couldn't look away.

“Did he hit you?” Daichi's voice trembled with rage.

Asahi's mouth shivered. He pressed his lips together and closed his eyes.

Daichi shook him. “Hey! Come on. Look at me!”

“Daichi – _Daichi, stop,_ you're making things worse. Let go of him!”

Daichi did so. Asahi heard him walk a few steps away and begin pacing back and forth.

Suga was back. His hands were on Asahi's shoulders. Asahi still couldn't bring himself to open his eyes.

“Did Noya hit you?” he asked gently.

Asahi opened his eyes, but couldn't bear to look Suga in the eye. He could feel the concern in his gaze without even looking. He would definitely break down if he faced him directly.

Two tears fell as Asahi nodded.

“That _bastard,_ ” Daichi snarled. Asahi heard his footsteps storm out the door and onto the porch.

“Daichi – hey –” Suga called after him, and one of his hands left Asahi's shoulder, but he didn't leave.

Asahi was relieved.

He bowed his head again. Outside, he could hear Daichi yelling Noya's name, telling him to get back here. Suga made a quiet noise – he didn't know whether to go after Daichi or not.

Asahi wasn't aware of deciding to ask the question, but it happened anyway, before he could stop it.

“S-Suga,” he said – mouth still wobbling, still unable to look up from the ground – “Did I…

“…Did I do something wrong?”

Suga immediately threw his arms around Asahi and squeezed so tight it almost hurt.

“ _No_ ,” Suga said firmly. “ _No._ No you didn't. You've never done a thing in your life that would make you deserve this. Do you hear me?”

“He was just… he was so _mad,_ ” Asahi wavered.

Suga pulled him close for another tight, quick hug, and then pulled away. “Look, I – I'm sorry, I have to go grab Daichi, okay? I'll come back in just a minute. Go sit down, okay? I'll come in and talk to you some more. If you want.”

Asahi nodded. Suga patted his shoulder and then hurried outside.

Asahi made his way into the living room and sank down onto the couch, hiding his face away in his hands, trying to get ahold of himself.

He could still hear Daichi outside, his voice harsh and loud. Dimly, below that, he could hear Suga trying to calm him down.

Asahi considered calling Noya – or at least texting him – but he had a sick feeling he wouldn't answer.

His head hurt.

He lay down on the couch and waited for Suga to come back inside.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well if that didn't shatter your trust in me completely I don't know what will


	24. Home

Noya didn't bother keeping track of where he was going. He just ran. If he came to a corner and the light was taking too long, he just turned and kept going. He felt sick. He felt like crying. His hands were freezing and shaking. Everything that had had him so hideously angry before now just scared him. He couldn't believe himself.

_Not Asahi._

_Not Asahi, too._

He didn't know where he was when he finally stopped running, but it didn't matter. He sank down onto a bench and stretched his leg out. It hadn't hurt him this bad in a long time. He hadn't worked it this hard – without painkillers especially… well, ever, actually.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, intending to check the time, bur he found that the battery was dead. He sighed and shoved it back into his pocket.

Noya leaned forward and covered his face with his hands.

He should have known all this would happen. He hadn't changed at all, not really. He'd pretended he was different. He'd pretended he had changed. And he'd faked it so hard that even he himself had believed it.

Noya laughed bitterly to himself. He should have known this was hopeless. He'd fucked up so many times with so many people – he should have known it would catch up with him someday. He couldn't even pretend to shift blame onto somebody else; everything was undeniably his fault.

He deserved the blame, anyway. Clearly. He'd passed the point where forgiveness was rational a long time ago.

Noya thought about the look on Asahi's face as he'd left him. He saw the tears on Saeko's cheeks, and that smile she forced to keep him from worrying. He thought about Ryu, where ever he was, however he was – _please, fuck, let him be alive. Let him live. Don't hurt him anymore. Please. He doesn't deserve to hurt anymore. He never did…_

All the others – disappointed, crying, angry – spanning back years and years, all the way back to his parents.

God, he really _had_ hurt everyone he'd ever cared about. He didn't know why he kept trying.

There it was again. That weight in the back of his head. He guessed he'd been aware of it for all of these last six years, but it had been a little while since he'd really… felt it, he guessed. It was familiar, that was for sure.

The muddled sounds of cars and trucks rolling past him seemed distant right now. Nothing really seemed real. He flexed his hands a few times. The ring and little fingers of his right hand stuck out at almost a ninety-degree angle when he tried to close his fist. That was real. His leg was still on fire. That was very real.

Yeah, there wasn't any real way around it. He was still here, he was still in pain, and he was still a piece of shit.

He sat up and leaned his head back, staring at the sky. He'd ended up downtown, that much he could tell; the night sky was a weird orange color, and the only stars were probably airplanes.

Noya realized he'd already decided he wasn't going home tonight. Or maybe not… for a while. He couldn't face Saeko like this. With all that was going on.

And – god – _Asahi._ He had no idea when he'd be able to face Asahi again. Asahi was smart, anyway… he probably never wanted to see Noya again, after what he'd done tonight. That would be all Noya deserved, anyway. 'Sorry' couldn't even begin to cover the damage he'd just done.

Noya's breath drifted away in little clouds. He watched it disappear into the air. It was cold out here. It was _really_ cold out here. He should probably start thinking about finding a place to stay the night…

He pulled open his bag and started looking for his wallet, but all he found was that broken digital camera, the folder with his resume, and his bus pass.

No wallet. No money. Not even in his coat pockets. It was looking like his options were sleeping on the bench or going home.

And he just… he couldn't go home.

It was cowardly of him, but he just couldn't do it.

He pulled his coat tight around him, pulled his legs up to his chest, and lay down on the bench. Freezing and uncomfortable, but that was all right. He could deal with it.

He'd barely closed his eyes when someone started shaking his shoulder.

“Hey – wake up. Are you okay?”

It was a woman's voice. He opened one eye, but didn't look at her.

He tried to roll over, but her hand on his shoulder stopped him. He was about to shrug her off, more forcefully – but what she said next stopped him.

“…Wait,” she said. “… _Nishinoya?_ ”

His heart skipped. Now that he thought about it – that voice was familiar, wasn't it?

He sat up and looked at her, hardly daring to believe it. But – yeah, that had to be her, didn't it? He hadn't seen her in almost three years, but…

“…Kiyoko?” he asked, incredulous.

She blinked at him and nodded, looking completely astonished that he was there in front of her.

“What are you doing out here?” she asked.

“I'm. Uh. Well. I don't live that far from here,” he said. “We uh. We moved here after graduation.”

“So you're still living with Saeko and Tanaka, then,” she said.

“Yep.”

“Still working for you?”

“Yeah, we tolerate each other,” Noya laughed. “It's a life.”

“So, um,” Kiyoko said, squinting at him. “what brings you to this park bench, then?”

Noya's smile slipped a little. He couldn't laugh that one off, and Kiyoko plainly wasn't going to take anything but the truth. He had a feeling she'd be able to tell if he was lying. He wasn't going to be able to come up with anything believable that quickly, anyway.

So he didn't even try.

He took a deep breath.

“…Look,” he said. “I don't… really want to go into details right now, but… I can't go home tonight. I just… I can't.”

She blinked at him. “Do you have money for a hotel?” she asked.

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Where are you staying? I'll walk you back.”

Neither of them moved. Noya looked at the ground, and twisted his mouth.

She'd expected that. “You don't have money, do you?”

“…No,” he admitted. “I don't.”

She nodded and took a step back. “Come on. Get up,” she said. “You're coming with me.”

“What?” Noya asked.

She shrugged. “You need a place to stay. I have a couch.”

“You're letting me stay in your house?”

“Is there a reason I shouldn't?”

“I can't ask you to do that.”

“You're not asking me. I'm offering it. So, would you rather freeze to death out here or sleep on my couch?”

“…I'll come with you.”

“Then come on.”

He hesitated for a few more seconds, and then stood up and walked over to her.

She noticed his limp immediately. “That leg's still bothering you, huh?” she asked as they started walking.

“Well. Something like that doesn't just go away, you know?” Noya said flatly. “And I ran out of painkillers the other day. So.”

“Ah. My apartment isn't too far from here. We could still take a bus if you'd like. It's just a block and a half, but…”

“I'll be okay.”

“I can help you walk if you need.”

“Thanks. But I should be okay.”

They walked in silence for a little while. Kiyoko hadn't ever been very talkative, after all. He didn't expect she'd ask that many questions… Though, really, with how smart she was and with how much she knew already, she'd probably already figured out a decent amount of what was going on.

“How's Tanaka?” she asked.

 _Fuck_. There it was.

“…He's fine,” Noya said. He tried to sound final about it. He wasn't going to elaborate.

She nodded once and didn't press him further. He'd probably told her all she needed to know.

“And yourself?” she added, a few seconds later.

“I'm good,” he shrugged. “In general, you know. Got a job at the paper uptown.”

“That's good. I'm glad.”

“How've you been?” Noya followed up quickly.

“I'm great, actually. I'm going to the tech school in the next city over.”

“What are you studying?”

“Biology.”

“Oh. Nice.”

Kiyoko nodded.

They were quiet again. Noya jammed his hands in his pockets and kept his head bowed.

“Here,” she said, tapping his arm and turning left into a parking lot. “I'm on the third floor.”

He followed her into the lobby of the apartment building, taking care not to look around at the people they passed.

“Elevator?” Kiyoko asked.

“Huh?”

“I take it you wouldn't want to climb three flights of stairs.”

“Oh. Uh. Yeah, yeah – thank you.”

She led him over to the elevator, pressed the button, and stood aside to let Noya in first.

Kiyoko leaned against the back wall beside him and sighed quietly.

Noya looked sideways at her, and then back at the floor.

“Sorry about this,” he said.

“Sorry for what?” she asked.

“Well – I, uh…”

“You're not being any trouble,” she asked. “I offered you a place to stay because I had a place for you to stay. I wasn't going to just leave you out there.”

Noya looked at his shoes.

“Just don't eat all the food in my fridge and we should be fine.”

Noya laughed. “I think I can handle that,” he said. “I'm not really that hungry. So.”

“Well. We have food if you get hungry. I think my girlfriend said she was going to make spaghetti.”

“Nice. Thank you.”

The elevator reached the third floor, a beep sounded, and the doors slid open. Noya hobbled into the hallway and waited for Kiyoko to follow.

She headed down the hall. “Three-oh-five,” she said, leading the way.

She took her keys out of her purse and unlocked the door. Noya followed her inside.

Noya stood awkwardly in the entrance as Kiyoko hung up her coat. He bent over, leaning against the wall for support, to pull his shoes off.

“I'm home,” Kiyoko called out, and the sound of gentle footsteps approached them.

Noya managed to pull his right shoe off just as Kiyoko's girlfriend came around the corner.

“Hi, Kiyoko, I –”

She stopped talking abruptly. Noya looked up. He blinked a few times. So did she.

“…Hitoka,” he said. “Uh. Hi.”

“N-Noya, right?” she asked, frowning in confusion. “Um. Hey.”

She glanced from Noya to Kiyoko and back again, thoroughly confused.

“Noya and I went to high school together,” Kiyoko explained. He needs a place to stay tonight. How do you two know each other?”

“We met, uh,” Noya began, but he cut himself off, thinking.

“…This morning,” Hitoka finished. “At the bus stop.”

 _This_ morning? God, this morning felt like a lifetime ago.

“Yeah,” Noya said. “Yeah. That was this morning. Yeah.”

“How's your leg?” Hitoka asked.

“Well, I can walk now, so there's that,” he said. “Kinda.”

She nodded. “Um. Anyway – I made some dinner for us. It's just spaghetti – but if you're hungry, you're welcome to have some too, Noya.”

“I guess I'll have some. Just a little. I'm not that hungry.”

Noya pulled his other shoe off and followed the two of them into their little kitchen. Kiyoko pointed at the couch as they passed it.

“That's where you'll sleep,” she told Noya. “Make yourself at home.”

“Thank you,” he said quietly. “I really appreciate it.”

Dinner was very quiet, with none of them talking about anything more in-depth than the weather. Noya kept noticing Hitoka looking at him nervously out of the corner of his eyes. He avoided looking at her whenever possible.

He picked at his food, more for something to do with his hands than out of hunger. He waited until the other two were done eating before he stood up.

“Thanks for the food,” he said. “I think I'm just going to get some sleep now. I'm, uh. I'm pretty tired.”

Kiyoko nodded. “Okay. There's a bathroom down the hall if you need it. I'm sorry we don't have any clothes to loan you.”

“It's okay. You've done more than enough already.”

“Let me know if there's anything you need.”

“Okay. Thank you again.”

“No problem.”

Noya limped into the living room and sat down on the couch. He covered his face with both hands.

He really was tired. He had no idea what time it was, but he felt like he could sleep for a week.

He didn't really want to sleep, though. He was afraid of what he might dream about. The dreams he'd had, back when all this was new… they were awful. Waking up in an unfamiliar place after that, well… it wouldn't be the best.

It was beginning to look like he didn't have a choice, though. His eyelids were heavy, and he kept nodding. He considered getting up and pacing around the room for a while, to wake himself up, but his body simply refused to move.

He lay down on the couch and let his eyes close.

\- - -

Asahi didn't leave the living room for a long time. Suga sat with him, and made some tea for them both, and said that if Asahi needed to talk about anything, he was right there. Asahi didn't have much to say, however – or, rather, he didn't have words to put his thoughts to. He was still reeling, desperately trying to process what had happened in a way that made sense. He stared into the mug of tea he held in both hands, unable to find any words at all aside from the question he'd already asked.

_Did I do something wrong?_

Daichi didn't stay with them for very long. He seemed aware that the way he was acting wasn't helping the situation. Asahi heard him call Noya at least three times, in varying degrees of volume and anger.

Finally, Daichi composed himself and came into the living room. He sat down in an armchair across the table from Asahi and Suga, and took a few deep breaths before asking Asahi if he had Saeko's number.

Asahi nodded, pulled hi phone out of his pocket, found Saeko's number, and handed it over to Daichi.

“Thanks,” he said, standing up and leaving the room again.

Asahi set his tea mug down on the coffee table and ran both hands over his face.

“I just… I don't know what happened,” he said, quietly.

Suga shifted to face him.

“We were – earlier today, he came over, and he seemed okay – like, tired, but okay – and we just hung out like normal, and…”

He shrugged. “He got a phone call – from Saeko, I think – and he left pretty quickly, without telling me what was going on… and then he came back, just now, to pick up some stuff he left here earlier, and…”

Asahi frowned. “I guess… he seemed pretty on edge after that phone call, but… I just don't know what went wrong…”

“None of it was your fault, okay?” Suga said firmly. “That much I can say.”

“Y-yeah, I… I just wonder if I should have done something differently, you know?”

“It really doesn't seem that way,” Suga said. “You asked if he was okay before he snapped at you, right? That was all?”

“Yeah,” Asahi confirmed. “He… told me to leave him alone, though. I shouldn't have –”

“You know what, Asahi? He's the one in the wrong, here,” Suga interrupted him. “I need you to understand that, Asahi, okay? You get that?”

Asahi twisted his mouth and nodded.

“He was acting weird. Of course you were going to ask if he was okay. He was not justified in hurting you.”

Asahi closed his eyes.

“Are you okay?” Suga asked gently.

“I'm okay,” Asahi said. “It just surprised me, is all. He's never done something like this before today. He's never acted like this. And he… he never tells me what's going on. He never talks to me about what's wrong. I don't know why, but… he just doesn't.”

Suga shook his head. “It seems like he's keeping a lot bottled up,” he agreed.

“I'm… more worried about him than me, to be honest,” Asahi said. “I'm… really confused about all this. I really want to know what's going on…”

“Yeah… this really doesn't seem like something he'd do,” Suga said.

“I mean… he loves me,” Asahi said quietly. “He really loves me. I never felt unsafe around him, not once. So why… what's so wrong right now that he'd do that?”

“I don't know,” Suga sighed, shaking his head again. “I don't know.”

They were quiet for a little while, and then Daichi came back into the room. He handed Asahi's phone back to him and stood there, pinching the bridge of his nose, eyes closed.

“Daichi?” Suga asked. “What's up? Did you get a hold of her?”

Daichi nodded. “Yeah,” he said. “I did.”

“What did she say?” Asahi asked.

“She doesn't know where he is,” Daichi said. “Said he left the hospital about forty minutes ago, and isn't back yet.”

“The hospital?” Suga demanded.

Asahi's heart sank.

“It's Ryu again, isn't it?” he asked.

Daichi nodded. “Tanaka had a seizure earlier today,” he said quietly. “Saeko told me he's been unconscious since, and she hasn't been allowed to see him yet.”

“Is he okay?” Asahi demanded.

“I don't know. The doctors aren't sure yet, either. I… really hope so.”

Asahi's chest hurt. That was probably why Noya was so stressed out… Or at least part of it. He hoped Tanaka was going to be okay…

“Saeko said to call her if we hear from Noya anytime soon,” Daichi went on. “I think she's been trying to get a hold of him too.”

“You tried calling him, right?” Asahi asked.

“Yeah. Didn't pick up. He's probably afraid to, to be honest… I made it very clear a long time ago what I would do if he ever messed with you.”

Asahi pressed his lips together.

“I'm gonna call him,” he said.

“Okay.”

Asahi stood up to leave, dialing Noya's number as he walked into the hall.

He held the phone to his ear and waited, biting his lip. He started pacing; he couldn't hold still.

All his confusion had now been replaced with fear. Now that he knew what the problem was, he was worried – really, _really_ worried – about where Noya was. If he hadn't gone back to Saeko and Ryu… where had he even gone?

Asahi's hands started to sweat as Noya's voicemail message played. He hung up and redialed, got the same result, and dialed again.

His hands were shaking when he finally gave up. He walked back into the living room and sank down onto the couch next to Suga.

“Nothing,” he said. “Voicemail.”

“He probably feels really bad about what happened,” Suga reasoned. “Maybe he needs some time to cool off…”

“I'm sure he'll call Saeko first,” Daichi said. “And before too long, probably.”

Asahi bit his lip. “I hope so,” he said.

Suga patted his shoulder.

“Take an early night, Asahi,” Daichi said, after a moment. “Try and get some sleep. You need it.”

“Yeah,” Asahi said. “I'll do that.”

“Noya's impulsive and he's an idiot,” Daichi said, “But he's not… stupid, you know?:

“Yeah,” Asahi said quietly. “I know.”

“You'll probably wake up to a million calls from him.”

Asahi nodded. He didn't want to talk anymore.

“He'll be okay. Try not to worry too much.”

“Okay,” Asahi said, and left the room again.

\- - -

Even with all that in mind, Asahi didn't sleep so well that night. He couldn't get his brain to shut up for long enough.

He wished Noya was here, so he could talk to him – so he could finally get Noya to open up about everything he'd been hiding all this time.

He hadn't been wrong at all when he'd thought about how very little Noya had actually told him. He hadn't reacted like this the last time Ryu had ended up in the hospital… He'd never acted like this before at all, not even once.

What wasn't Yuu telling him? What was there that was going so very wrong that made Yuu decide to…

Asahi's chest hurt. He rolled over onto his face and frowned hard. He wanted to get some sleep – and be able to look at all of this tomorrow, once he'd gotten some rest – but he was wide awake.

He wished Yuu were here…

Asahi just wanted to hold him, and talk to him. He _needed_ to know what was wrong.

God, for all that talk about how _Asahi_ needed to open up when something was bothering him, Yuu had certainly never done so himself.

Asahi kept checking his phone, just in case he'd somehow missed a message. He hadn't. He opened and closed a new text screen several times. He wanted to say something – anything, anything to bring Yuu back to him – but he couldn't think of anything at all.

Besides, Yuu had made it obvious that he just wasn't going to reply tonight.

But Asahi couldn't hold himself back.

 

> What's going on?

 

> Are you okay?

 

> Please tell me you're okay…

 

> I'm worried about you.

 

> If I did anything wrong, I'm sorry…

 

> Please come back, Yuu…

 

It was a long time before Asahi ran out of things to say and got tired enough to sleep. Even after he fell asleep, he kept waking up and lunging for his phone, resting on the bedside table, and frantically checking it for messages – never finding any. He probably cried himself to sleep a few times that night; he couldn't really remember.

When that unbelievably long night finally ended and the sun had come up, Asahi got out of bed. He felt absolutely drained. Another compulsive check of his phone revealed nothing new.

He sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands for a long, long time.

He wished there was something he could do, but there just _wasn't_ , and that was killing him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one's a little late my power was out
> 
> Don't you love having to anticipate chapters where nothing actually gets solved?
> 
> Anyway. I hope you enjoyed this week's chapter, and I hope you're enjoying the story still, haha. Thank you so much for all your support all this time. I'm not quite sure how much we have left to go here, but it is not all that much. I'll say we will probably pass thirty chapters, but as it stands right now I haven't even finished writing Chapter 25, so I don't quite know yet.
> 
> In any case, Chapter 26 will mark six fucking months since I started posting this story. That's fucking insane. Thank you all so much for this! I would probably not still be posting this if not for all of you.
> 
> Kudo/comment if you want to and haven't yet, or hit me up on my tumblr (i-homeostasis) and check out the art while you're there (/tagged/totw-art).
> 
> See you next week!


	25. Back Into The Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anybody wanna give me a tally of the number of f-bombs Daichi drops in this chapter because personally I think it's too many to count

Noya woke up slowly that morning, feeling just as tired as he would have if he'd gotten no sleep at all. It was his leg that was the problem; it hadn't improved. If anything, it had gotten worse during the night. The usual pain, minus painkillers, plus withdrawal at this point. It was a miracle he could stand on it now, with all the hell he'd put it through the previous day.

He opened his eyes slowly, and stared at the ceiling for a little while.

Yesterday felt like a nightmare now. He couldn't really have knocked everything down like that in one day, could he?

Oh, hell – who was he kidding. Of course he could. Just as he'd already done a hundred times before.

He heard movement from the kitchen, and a soft voice called out to him.

“Nishinoya?” Kiyoko said. “Are you awake?”

He sat up slowly and looked over at her. She was standing near the sink, with a cup of coffee in her hands. She blinked at him and held the mug up.

“Coffee?” she asked. “I just made some.”

“Sure, thank you,” he said.

“Can you walk, or do you want me to bring it over to you?”

“I can make it,” he replied. “It's not far.”

He hauled himself to his feet and limped over to her. She poured him a mug and motioned for him to sit down at the table.

“Do you want anything to eat?” she asked.

“Uh. Okay. Toast or something, I guess,” he said, slowly lowering himself down into the seat. “Thank you.”

“Butter?”

“Yeah.”

She nodded and walked across the room to make it for him. He kept his eyes glued to the table. She was probably going to start interrogating him any minute now. She knew something was wrong. She wouldn't let this slide.

Kiyoko was a kind, helpful person. He wanted to get out of here before she got the chance to try and help him. He'd even thought about slipping away in the middle of the night to avoid her. But she'd trapped him. She probably hadn't even meant to.

Noya's toast was ready in a couple of minutes. She pulled it out of the toaster, buttered it for him, and carried over to where he sat.

Kiyoko sat down across from him as he picked up the first piece of toast and took a huge bite, chewing very slowly.

Noya was just delaying it, but he didn't care. He still didn't feel very hungry. The partially-chewed toast sat like glue on his tongue. He took a sip of coffee to wash it down, and coughed. He didn't dare look at her, but he could feel her eyes boring into the top of his head. He didn't look any farther ahead than his coffee mug.

She must have realized that waiting wasn't going to do any good.

“Hitoka's gone to work,” she said. “I need to leave too, before too long.”

“Oh. All right. Yeah, I'll get out of your hair in a bit. Sorry.”

“I can drive you home, if you need,” she went on. “We don't normally use the car, but I don't want you walking all the way uptown on that leg.”

“I can take the bus home,” Noya mumbled. “You don't need to go out of your way to –”

“If I thought you would actually go home, I would let you do that,” Kiyoko replied.

Noya blinked. He finally looked up at her.

Kiyoko's expression was calm as ever, but Noya could tell she knew just about everything by now.

“You told me last night that you couldn't go home,” she said gently. “Did something go wrong?”

Noya clenched his jaw.

“I know we haven't talked in a long time, Nishinoya, but I want to help you as best I can. I'm not asking you what's wrong. I just want to know _if_ something's wrong, okay?”

Noya closed his eyes and took another huge bite of toast.

“Is it safe for you to go home?” she asked.

Noya's heart skipped a beat and he looked back up at her.

“I – of course it is,” he said. “Yeah… yeah, I'm not… unsafe at home, I just…”

_It's your own issue, you idiot._

_Just run from your problems. Again. Because that's worked out so well so far._

Noya kept his eyes glued to the table as he finished his sentence.

“…Ryu's in the hospital,” he finally admitted. “Again.”

“Again,” she repeated. “So… for the same reason as a few years ago, then?”

“…Related, yeah,” Noya mumbled.

“…Is he okay?” she demanded, when he didn't elaborate.

“He. Uh.” The sick feeling was back in Noya's stomach. “I don't know. I haven't… called or anything.”

“Is Saeko with him?”

“Yeah, I'd guess.”

“Why haven't you called her?”

He covered his eyes with his hands.

“My phone's dead,” he said, lamely.

“Then charge it. We have a cord you can borrow.”

“No, I'm… it's fine, I…”

“Noya,” she said. “Why won't you talk to your family?”

Noya closed his hands into fists. He frowned so hard it hurt. He didn't want to say it. He didn't want to admit to anybody how fucking cowardly he was.

But it really didn't look like he'd be able to get away with it this time.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His eyes stung.

“Kiyoko, I…” he began, his voice rough. “What if… what if he's…

“…What if he's dead, Kiyoko? What am I supposed to do if Ryu's dead?”

His voice cracked halfway through. He sat as still as he could while he waited for Kiyoko to reply.

“Then your sister is going to need you to come home,” Kiyoko said. “Do you understand how scared she must be, Nishinoya? She has no idea where you are, or even if you're okay. You're really okay with that?”

“Of course I'm not, I –”

“Then call her.”

“I can't go back there right now.”

“Why not?”

Noya abruptly stood up from the table. “I just _can't_ ,” he growled.

Kiyoko's expression was stern as she met and held his gaze.

“ _Why not?_ ” she repeated.

Finally, unable to find anything else to say, unable to hold it back anymore, he shouted it.

“ _Kiyoko, if Ryu's dead, it's my fault._ ”

The silence following this statement was deafening. Noya turned his back on her and stuffed his hands deep in his pockets. His heart was thudding in his chest. His face was hot and his fingers were freezing and shaking again.

He could hardly breathe.

“…Is that what you think?” she asked quietly. “All this time, is that what you've thought?”

Noya said nothing. He held as still as possible, his shoulders hunched.

“It's not,” she continued firmly. “I'll say that right now. It's not your fault.”

“Kiyoko,” he snapped. “I'm not going to talk about this right now.”

She let that sit for a moment, and then sighed and moved on.

“Call your sister,” she said gently. “Right now.”

Noya nodded stiffly. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah, I'll… I'll do that. Can I get that charger?”

“Yeah, I'll go get it,” she said. “I'll be right back.”

Noya didn't turn around as she left the room. He sat back down and covered his face again. He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down.

He shouldn't have said that. He'd never done it before, and with good reason. All anyone would do would be to tell him what she just had. He knew they wouldn't listen to him when he tried to tell them otherwise. Because there really wasn't any way around it, as much as people might try to tell him he was wrong.

He didn't need to hear 'it's not your fault'.

What had happened to Ryu – he couldn't even pretend he hadn't been responsible.

If Ryu died, it was all on Noya.

Kiyoko returned a few moments later and set the charger cord down in front of him.

“Here,” she said. “I'll leave you alone. I'll be ready to go whenever you are. Take your time.”

“Thank you,” Noya mumbled, without looking at her. He took the cable and waited for her to leave the room again before standing up and walking to the nearest outlet.

He plugged it into the wall, but paused before plugging the phone in.

His hands were still shaking and ice cold. His heart was going crazy. He felt like he was going to panic.

What was he supposed to do if Ryu didn't make it?

He wouldn't be able to face Saeko. Not today, not ever. He couldn't go back to her knowing he'd killed her brother. A five-minute phone call, an apology – that would be all he could handle.

Where would he go?

There was nowhere he could think of. Not home. Not to Asahi. He really had ruined everything, hadn't he?

Noya wished he had money. For the first time in years, he wanted to drink everything away. He almost laughed at that, at how thoroughly he'd fucked everything up – and in just one day, too. He couldn't pretend things were even remotely okay anymore.

He could just sleep outside for a while, he guessed. Until something better showed itself.

He plugged in the phone and waited for the light to come on.

He had to face up to this right now.

Guilty or not, Saeko needed support right now, and he couldn't leave her hanging like this anymore.

Man, he was a piece of shit for having done that.

No sooner had he turned the phone on than he was bombarded with all the notifications it had received while it had been dead. No fewer than ten missed calls and eight texts. Three calls from Daichi and four from Saeko.

Three of the calls and all of the texts were from Asahi.

A lump formed in his throat as he stared at his phone. After a moment's hesitation, he chose to listen to the voicemails first.

They played in chronological order, beginning with one from Daichi.

This one must have been sent right after he'd realized what Noya had done. The unfiltered rage in his voice was almost tangible. His voice shook, he was so angry.

Noya listened with a flat, stony expression.

“Nishinoya, you fucking _bastard,_ ” Daichi spat in his ear. “What the fuck are you doing? What the _fuck_ is _wrong_ with you? Look – look, I don't care what kind of shit you got going on, okay? I don't give a fucking shit. You don't take out your fucking temper on other people, you piece of shit.

“You don't show your face around here again, you hear me? You fucking _asshole._

“You… you fucking hurt Asahi. You hurt _Asahi._ What the _fuck_ is wrong with you that you're fucking taking shit out on _Asahi?_

“I will beat the shit out of you if you come near him again, you hear me? I wasn't fucking kidding.”

There was a pause, a breath, and then Daichi spoke again.

“He's fucking crying, Noya.” Daichi's voice trembled with anger. “He's fucking crying. I hope you feel good about yourself.”

Noya closed his eyes as the call ended.

Well. He'd deserved every second of that.

The next recording was also from Daichi, sent a few minutes after the first.

“Pick up the phone, you bastard. Stop fucking hiding from this. Did you even fucking apologize to him? Do you even feel bad?

“I thought you'd changed, Noya, I really did. I believed in you. I trusted you. But this – you can't come back from this.

“What the _fuck_ is wrong with you?”

Noya's chest hurt. A few seconds of silence followed, and then the call ended.

The third call was the last one from Daichi. Placed fifteen minutes after the second.

Daichi sounded considerably calmer in this message. Or maybe less calm, more exhausted and defeated. Either way, there was much less of an edge to his voice now.

“Noya,” he sighed. “I… I just don't know, man. I shouldn't have… said what I said just now. It was wrong of me. I'm sorry. I blew up.

“That just wasn't like you. We all know that.

“I'm not denying you fucked up, but… I'm sorry for what I said. You need to get your shit together. I won't… kill you, or anything. If you come back here. Just make sure you have yourself under control before you try it, okay?

“Just… what the fuck is going on with you, Noya?” Daichi sounded so, so tired. “What went so wrong that you… that you did _that_?

“I'm calling your sister now. Maybe she can talk some sense into you.”

Daichi hung up. Noya braced himself to hear Asahi's voice next, but he apparently hadn't left any messages, because the next name that the mechanical voice read off was Saeko's. Noya didn't blame him. What would he even have to say, after all this? Asahi wasn't one to yell, or even to get angry.

He'd probably taken that hit and immediately internalized it, hadn't he?

The lump in his throat was almost suffocating even before Saeko's first message started playing. It only got worse as it went on.

“Yuu…”

God, she sounded halfway to tears already, just in that first word. Noya braced himself for the worst as best as he possibly could.

“Yuu… your friend Daichi just called me. He said you came by there a few minutes ago, and then ran off? He said… he said you… you _hit…_ ”

She stopped and took a deep breath. “Why… why would you… why would you _do_ that, Yuu? I… I can't, I…”

Noya felt sick to his stomach.

Saeko choked a little and then went on.

“Call me back, Yuu. I'm freaking out.”

The call ended and the next one began.

“Yuu, I'm leaving the hospital and going home. If you're not there when I get there…

“Just… come home. Please. Please be home.”

A click, and the next one played.

Saeko was actually sobbing now. Noya's heart ached.

“Yuu… where the fuck are you?” she wavered. “Where the fuck did you go? Call me, dammit! I don't even know if you're okay! Pick up your fucking phone!”

She broke off, and a few stunted sobs filled Noya's ears.

When she spoke again, she sounded so scared and tired that Noya couldn't stand it.

“Where are you, buddy?” she croaked. “I _need_ you right now… Where did you go?”

She hung up. Noya found himself leaning heavily against the counter. He could barely breathe. He felt lightheaded.

Saeko hadn't said anything about Ryu. This only made him feel worse.

The last message had been sent at one-thirty in the morning. It was a lot quieter than any of the previous ones. Noya held his breath.

“Yuu, I'm going to sleep,” she said. “Hopefully, I mean… Yuu, I…

“The hospital called a little while ago. Ryu's stable. He woke up a little bit ago, and he's responsive. He's sleeping now. They'll keep him for another day or two, and then he can come home.

“His seizures are really back now. We're going to have to be on watch twenty-four-seven from now on. The doctors are going to see about getting him new meds. But we're gonna need to keep an eye on him all the time, still, until he levels out again.

“Yuu… You're okay, wherever you are, right?”

She was going to cry again. He could feel it.

Saeko sniffled.

“You're okay, right?

“Please be okay…

“Your phone is probably dead, right? That's all, right? I… I can't…

“Why did you run?

“…If I haven't heard from you by nine tomorrow morning, Yuu, I'm calling the police. I'm not kidding.”

Noya whipped his head up to look at the microwave clock. It was eight forty-five.

He took the phone away from his ear and hit the callback button as fast as he could.

Saeko only let the phone go for half a ring before she picked up.

“ _Yuu,_ ” she sobbed into the phone – sounding more angry than anything else. “Yuu Nishinoya, where the fuck are you? What the fuck are you doing?”

Noya closed his eyes and forced a smile.

“I'm okay, Saeko,” he breathed. “Don't… don't call the police, all right? I'm okay.”

“I was literally just about to, oh my god,” she wavered. “Where are you?”

“I'm staying with a friend from high school,” Noya said. “You remember Kiyoko?”

“Kind of, yeah. Yuu… Why did you run? Why the fuck didn't you call me? Do you have any idea what I went through last night?”

“…I'm sorry,” he said. “I… wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. That was really shitty of me.”

“I just – I can't believe this shit, Yuu. Come home. Right now. Do you need a ride? I can come get you.”

“Kiyoko's driving me home. I'll be home in… an hour, tops.”

“I can't decide if I want to hug you or slap you silly.”

“Definitely the second one,” Noya said humorlessly.

“Don't worry, that's definitely going to happen,” she said.

Both of them were quiet for a moment. Saeko took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“You heard my messages?” she asked.

“Yeah. All of them.”

“So you know Ryu's okay, right? I think I said that…”

“You did. Yeah.”

“Okay. I slept pretty badly last night. I don't really remember what I told you. I woke up about fifteen times last night. I don't actually know if I technically slept at all, to be honest.”

“I'm sorry,” Noya said again.

“Come home and say that to my face,” she grumbled.

“I will. Don't worry,” Noya said. “I'm coming home now.”

“Okay. Okay.”

“So, bye, then?”

“Yuu?”

“Hmm?”

She wavered a little as she spoke.

“I love you, okay, buddy?” she said.

“I love you too,” Noya murmured back. He stood up and pushed his hair back from his face. “I'll be home soon.”

“You better be. I'm not moving until you get here.”

“Okay. Can I hang up?”

“I guess. Yeah. Okay.”

“Bye, Saeko.”

“Bye.”

Noya ended the call and hit the home button on his phone. It brought him to his main screen, and once more showed him his texting app, and all those texts from Asahi.

He took a deep breath to brace himself before opening them.

 

>> What's going on?

>> Are you okay?

>> Please tell me you're okay…

 

Eight of them all together. Each of them basically the same. Not a single one of them accusing Noya of anything.

 

>> If I did anything wrong, I'm sorry…

 

Noya stared at that one longest, a crushing feeling beginning in his chest. He looked them all over, eyes wide with disbelief, the sick feeling back and stronger in his stomach.

Forgiving to a fault. Even after what Noya had done, all Asahi was doing was _worrying_ about him.

Noya couldn't stand it. He rubbed at his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

This wasn't going to stop, was it? Not unless he did something about it…

He stayed like that a moment, frowning, thinking. It didn't take long. It wasn't a hard decision.

He put his phone away and walked around the corner into the room Kiyoko had entered. He knocked on the door frame and she looked up from the book she'd been reading.

“Ready to go?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Noya replied.

“Okay. I'll grab my bag and we'll head out.”

\- - -

Noya stared out the passenger-side window of Kiyoko's car, watching the scenery go by. There weren't many people out this morning – it was much colder than it had been in the past week, so most people had decided to take the bus or drive to where they needed to be. The few that braved the mid-January cold did so bundled up in jackets pulled past their chins, and they walked quickly.

Noya watched them do this, watched them walk along without a hitch in their steps. Their legs probably didn't hurt them at all.

He shook his head. He wasn't usually bitter about his leg. He didn't like to waste time on that.

But _fuck_ he was in a lot of pain just then.

“Okay,” Kiyoko said quietly, once they began nearing the college. “Where am I going?”

“Not far,” Noya replied. He jerked his chin forward a little. “Go straight past the college, and then a right. I'll tell you which house.”

“Okay.”

Noya closed his eyes until they stopped at the intersection. He looked out the window at the campus courtyard – at that little garden Asahi helped maintain when it was warmer out. Most of its plants were dead now, or at least buried under melting slush.

They'd told each other how they felt in that courtyard. Not far from that garden. And there was that big tree they'd once – somehow – spent an entire day under. He still had the pictures on his phone. Of course he did. He suddenly couldn't remember whether or not he'd ever sent them to Asahi. He knew he'd meant to, but couldn't for the life of him remember if he'd actually done it.

Oh well.

The light turned green again, and Kiyoko let the car roll forward. Noya closed his eyes again and tried to clear his head.

“Right here?” she asked.

Noya opened one eye for a moment, and then closed it again. “Yeah,” he said. “Three houses down.”

He sat up as they turned the corner, and watched as they got closer and closer to Asahi's house.

“Here?” She pulled to a stop in front of the empty driveway.

“Yeah,” Noya said quietly. “This is the place.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flails my arms madly well i can't wait for the speculation on that one
> 
> Okay tonight I sketched out the outline for the endgame here - and the final chapter will be anywhere from number 31 to number 33. I'll get this figured out more as we get closer. Hopefully I'll be able to write further in advance. I'm on break from school right now and the holidays are over, so I should have more time to write now. Though apparently my work ethic goes out the window when I'm at home because I actually finished drafting this chapter today whoops
> 
> So yeah. Here goes the final downhill slide, my friends.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading.


	26. What If

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this hurt me

Noya knocked on the door and stood back to wait. The second he heard footsteps approaching from within the house, he turned around and gave Kiyoko a small wave. He hoped his expression was as calm as he'd meant it to be. His hands were shaking again. He put them in his pockets.

He didn't have to wait long for Asahi to open the door, but standing there, with his leg on fire and a lead weight in his chest, it felt like years.

He closed his eyes.

He heard Kiyoko pull away from the curb. Asahi was right on the other side of the door – mere feet away from Noya.

He couldn't get away now. He'd have to go through with it.

The doorknob turned, and Noya looked down at his shoes.

He didn't want to say any of the things that were on his mind.

He didn't want to talk about it.

He didn't want to do this.

But the door swung open, and Noya had to.

\- - -

Asahi's heart skipped a beat when he saw Noya standing there.

“Yuu,” he breathed, his eyes wide. “What – are you okay?”

Noya was staring at the ground, his head bowed so that Asahi couldn't see his face at all.

Asahi stood there, waiting for him to reply, or to move. He wanted to hug him and demand to know what was going on. He wanted answers and he wanted to see Yuu smiling again.

But his demeanor right now… it honestly scared Asahi. He'd never seen Noya like this. It held Asahi back and made him feel anxious and wary.

His heart started to beat faster.

“…Yuu?” he said again, more quietly. “Are you okay?”

At this, Noya laughed, once, without any humor at all.

“Am I okay,” he repeated. “Asahi. Come on. I'm fine. I should be asking if _you're_ okay.”

“I'm fine. Look at me, Yuu, I'm fine,” Asahi said back. “Where were you? I was scared out of my mind.”

“I spent the night at a friend's place. I was fine.”

“None of us knew where you were. Why didn't you answer your phone?”

“It was dead. Forgot to charge it.”

Asahi pressed his lips together and frowned at the top of Noya's head. He still wouldn't look up at Asahi, or even away from the ground in front of him. What was going on?

“Finally charged it this morning, though,” Noya wen on, pulling his phone out of his pocket and scrolling through it. “I uh. I got your texts.”

“Sorry there's so many,” Asahi said. “I was just really worried.”

Noya pushed his bangs back from his eyes and sighed, shaking his head.

“What?” Asahi asked.

“You're too good to me,” Noya murmured.

“I don't think I am.”

“Asahi.”

Noya finally looked up at him. Asahi noticed how very, _very_ tired he looked, and just how much he was favoring his left leg.

It made Asahi's chest hurt.

“Hold me accountable for the shit I put you through, okay?” Noya said. “That's all I'm asking.”

“Yuu – what are you saying? You obviously had a lot on your mind last night. I shouldn't have –”

“You're doing it again. Right there. You're doing it again.”

There was a sharpness to his voice. Asahi blinked at him, mouth slightly open. A cold feeling washed over him.

Noya covered his face with both hands and took a deep breath.

“Look,” he said, more calmly, after a little while. “I'm… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I… didn't mean to make you feel bad.

“I just came here because there's some stuff I… should have told you about. A while ago. And I want to finally come clean about it. Is that okay? Do you have time to listen right now?”

“Of course,” Asahi replied, standing aside and holding the door open. “Come in. Sit down.”

Noya didn't move.

“Uh… actually,” he said, after a second, “I was wondering if we could go for a walk.”

Asahi eyed Noya's bad leg. He could see it shaking from here.

“But… your leg –” Asahi began, but Noya cut him off again.

“My leg's fine,” Noya said. “Really. I promise.”

Asahi hesitated again, but Noya didn't look like he was going to change his mind. His eyes were locked on to Asahi's now. But he just looked so… _tired._

“Okay,” Asahi finally said. “We can go for a walk. Just let me grab my coat and we can head out. You're sure you don't want anything?”

“I'm fine. Let's go.”

Asahi stepped over to the coat rack and took his jacket from its hook. He heard Noya move around outside on the porch, heard his uncomfortable, uneven gait against the boards.

He couldn't help the feeling of foreboding that was building up in the back of his head. His heart was speeding up, too, no matter how hard he tried to calm down. He kept thinking of what could possibly have gone wrong, what Yuu could possibly have kept from him all this time, what could have possibly happened in the last two days to make him lash out the way he had.

Asahi found himself wondering if he could have caused any of it.

He didn't _think_ so… Yuu hadn't been around very much these last few days… but, like he'd said, he had been wanting to talk about things he'd been keeping down for a while…

…so it could still be his fault, couldn't it?

Asahi's palms started to sweat as he pulled his jacket on and walked back to the door.

Noya looked up at him and gave him a quick, halfhearted smile before looking away again.

“So, uh,” Asahi croaked, and then cleared his throat. “Where to?”

Noya shrugged. “That way?” he gestured off down the block, in the direction of the college.

“Okay.”

They descended the steps and started walking.

It was biting cold out. Asahi almost immediately began wishing he'd brought a hat and scarf; he tip of his nose was already freezing, as were his ears. He was glad his jacket had pockets, or his hands would be freezing now.

Even with the pockets, though, his hands felt a little colder than they usually did when he walked in the cold like this.

Noya's hands were stuffed in his own pockets. He kept his face turned away from Asahi, looking straight ahead or at the ground just ahead of him. Asahi kept glancing over at him, wanting to say something, but with no idea what to say.

“It's really cold out,” Asahi commented after they'd been walking in silence for a while longer. His breath steamed up in the air. He ducked his chin down into the collar of his coat.

Noya didn't reply. Asahi glanced at him carefully, and bit his lip. Then he also lowered his eyes to the ground.

He noticed Noya's limp getting worse as they went on, and desperately wanted to see if there was anything he could do to help, but he knew Noya would just shrug him off – and at this point, he might not even acknowledge him.

It felt very strange to realize that.

Asahi tried to focus on something else.

The sky was a flat, solid gray – the bright almost-white of impending snow. There had been a little snow the previous night, and a lot of wind. Asahi had heard it howling through the trees all night, and had hoped with all he had that Yuu was somewhere warm.

He closed his eyes.

That hadn't helped.

They stopped walking at a street corner, waiting for the light to change. Noya leaned against the pole and lifted his right foot off the ground.

Asahi wanted to offer to help him stand and walk. He at least wanted to take his hand – but Noya wasn't offering, so Asahi didn't think he should ask.

He cleared his throat.

“So,” he said, trying to sound calmer than he felt. He didn't think it was convincing. “Where are we going?”

Noya shrugged. “I don't know. The school, I guess,” he said. “I wasn't thinking, really. I just kind of walked this way. Is that all right?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“Unless you want to go somewhere else.”

“No – no, the college is fine.”

“Okay. I'll uh. I'll start talking once we get there, I guess. I just need a little more time to uh. To think.”

“Take as much time as you need.”

“…Yeah. Thanks.”

Silence again. The most uncomfortable silence the pair of them had ever had.

The light changed and Noya pushed off from the light pole. Asahi waited for him to reach the curb before stepping off himself.

The college was in sight before too long. Asahi's feeling of apprehension rose suddenly, and his heart started racing again.

Whatever it was that Yuu had been keeping from him all this time… He was about to hear it all.

And from the way Noya was acting about it, it wasn't going to be good.

Noya led him into the courtyard, across it, and over to a bench on that far side. It was quiet here, with their backs to a forest and no sidewalks nearby. They would be able to hear each other well, and there would be nobody to overhear them.

Asahi didn't come to this part of the campus very often. He could see the gym, mostly hidden by the science building, but apart from that, nothing too familiar.

It didn't help his comfort level.

Noya sank down onto the bench and waited for Asahi to sit down as well. Then he rested his elbow on his knee and his forehead on his fist, and for a while, held completely still.

Asahi watched him out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to prompt him to start talking, but knew that he really shouldn't.

It was five full minutes before Noya started talking.

He took a deep breath and sat up, facing straight ahead.

“Okay,” he breathed, so quietly it scared Asahi a little. “Okay. Yeah. I think I'm ready.”

\- - -

Noya was not ready. He could never in a million years have been ready. His heart was ramming against his ribs so fast it had to be about to give out. His palms were sweaty and his fingers shivered. He laced his fingers together and pressed his hands together as hard as he could to keep them still.

There was a strange sense of a disconnect just now – now that he was finally about to talk about those things he'd never, ever talked about before – and hadn't ever planned to. Here he was. He was going to do it. He was going to say it. He was going to admit it all, finally.

He was terrified.

He didn't want to do this…

“Okay,” he repeated, hoping his voice wasn't wavering as much as he thought it was. “Asahi, I… I want to preface this by saying… I'm not telling you this to try and… justify the way I've acted, all right?”

He couldn't bring himself to look at Asahi.

“Of course,” Asahi replied.

“Okay. Just so that's clear. Um…” he faltered for a second, and pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “God… where do I even start?”

He rubbed his face with his palms for a moment, furrowing his brow hard. He could feel Asahi patiently waiting for him, his calm presence just a few inches away from him on that bench.

He could just lean into him. He could lean over, lean on his shoulder, confess everything with his face hidden away in the crook of Asahi's neck. And Asahi would forgive him.

Which was the opposite of what he came here for.

He fought to bring his mind back to the task at hand.

One more deep breath. He uncovered his face and stared at the ground in front of him.

And then – finally, _finally_ – he began to talk.

And the words tasted like poison.

“I guess… this really all starts about four years ago,” Noya said, staring fixedly at a rock a few inches from his right foot. He could feel Asahi staring at him. He would not allow himself to look over.

“I was, uh,” Noya said, and then stopped dead once more. He took a deep breath, licked his lips, and began again.

“I'd just turned sixteen,” he said. “It was on my birthday, actually – I went and got my license. I was really, really excited about it. I made Saeko let me drive us back from the DMV, and I took the longest way home I knew about. I loved driving. The only thing that stopped me from driving around for hours that day was Saeko complaining I was going to use up the gas for the whole week. I probably would have, too.”

He laughed humorlessly. Stalling more than anything. Was there even a point trying to mock calmness now? Could he even stop, was more like it.

“So I got us home, and Saeko had to leave pretty soon after that. She was going to school at the community college at the time, and it was a bit of a ways from the house – you know. But she liked to walk it. She did that day, and left me alone with the car. And Ryu.”

He paused for another moment or two. Steeling himself. Teetering on the edge of calling this whole thing off. Fighting the urge to just sit up and let Asahi hold him.

He couldn't. He had to do this.

Noya hid his eyes.

“I noticed Saeko hadn't taken the car when she left, and the keys were still hung up by the door. So I grabbed them. And I ran up to Ryu's room. And I told him…

“…I told him to come with me.”

Noya's heart was hammering against his ribcage. He was shaking like crazy. His leg hurt so bad he almost couldn't keep talking. But he did.

“We got in the car,” he went on – probably weaker than he'd hoped, but he couldn't tell. “I wasn't supposed to have him in the car with me, or anyone else, and not in the front seat at all. But I didn't think about it.

“I drove us out to those forest roads, way out there, where there's all sorts of crazy turns and it's fun to just go really, _really_ fast. It's like a roller coaster if you get going fast enough. The leaves were all crazy colors, falling off the trees – we had the radio going about as loud as it could, and we were singing even louder.

“I'd been up there before. I knew the area. I knew how much I had to slow down to make those curves.

“I was stupid that day, I guess, because I didn't slow down. Not even a little.”

He couldn't breathe anymore, but he took a deep breath anyway. His hands were sweating just like they had been that day, moments before it had happened.

“…I was going… way too fast.

“And I didn't turn fast enough. Or I turned too hard.

“I hit the guardrail.

“The car flipped over it. We rolled twice before Ryu's side of the car wrapped around a tree and we stopped. Stopped dead. It's ah. It's crazy how fast a car can stop like that.

“I passed out after we hit. When I woke up, Ryu was…

“…He was barely alive. He barely made it out of there.

“They said later that it was a miracle he survived at all. Let alone that he was talking in days and walking within months.”

He stopped for a minute, to get a hold of himself again. He couldn't hear Asahi at all. He wouldn't look over at him. He wouldn't.

He wasn't done.

“I hit my head and broke my arm and my leg. Ryu needed a _miracle_ to even get out of there alive. He's in easily ten times the pain I'm in, every second of every day.

“Saeko had to drop out of school to take care of us. Ryu started having seizures after the wreck. We both almost dropped out of high school, and we had to quit volleyball. Of course we did. Ryu couldn't even walk for almost a year, I messed him up so bad.”

Noya bowed his head again and screwed his eyes shut. He clasped his hands together as tight as they would go.

He heard Asahi shift in his seat, heard him take a breath – heard the first sound at the beginning of his name.

He immediately began speaking again. He spat out this last part, this last, _awful_ part, as fast as he could, not leaving any opportunity for Asahi to jump in.

“And I took – everything I was feeling, I took it out on other people. I drank a lot and I slept around, just to get my mind off things – just to feel something else. I used people – _god_ , so many of them – just so I wouldn't have to focus on the shit I'd done. I didn't let a single one of them down easy, either. As soon as the sex stopped being fun, I was out of there. Usually with just a text saying it was over. Sometimes not even that much. I hurt them and I didn't even care. I wasn't attached to them at all. They were… they were just a means to an end for me. There wasn't anything else to it.

“I got out of high school and I leveled out and stopped drinking and didn't get into anymore relationships, and after a while – after a while, I met you, Asahi. I met you, and I thought I was ready to get back into it again. But then – god, within a month I was already fucking up with you. Just like I did with everyone else. Putting my own feelings before yours. And then I just never fucking stopped.”

Asahi didn't even sound like he was breathing anymore. Noya figured it was safe to pause for a moment.

He took another deep, shaking breath, and pressed on.

“And then… Yesterday… Yesterday I really realized that I hadn't changed at all,” he said. “And… those texts from you…

“Asahi, I need you to know that you didn't do anything to deserve any of the shit I gave you. You never did a damn thing wrong. None of this was your fault. You… you were perfect. You were always, _always_ perfect.

“And you deserve so much better.”

Asahi gasped quietly. Noya's heart sank. His chest began to hurt.

“Yuu –” was all he managed before Noya started again.

“I'm sorry I never told you any of this.” Noya's voice was little more than a whisper. “I should have been honest with you. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't have hurt you like that.

“I'm… the point is…

“Asahi…

“…I don't want to hurt you anymore. I always end up hurting everyone I get involved with.

“I don't trust myself not to snap like that again.

“If I stay with you like this… you'll get hurt again. And I don't want that to happen. Never again.

“…I can't do this anymore, Asahi.

“…I'm sorry.”

Silence and stillness from beside him. Noya couldn't bring himself to look.

Asahi's voice ripped Noya's heart raggedly in half.

“No… No, Yuu, _no…_ ”

“I'm sorry, Asahi,” Noya breathed, his eyes stinging, a lump beginning in his throat. “I really am.

“I just don't want… I don't want to hurt you anymore.”

And with that, Noya stood up from the bench.

\- - -

Asahi watched him walk away. His mouth was half-open and his eyes were brimming with tears.

He couldn't process all he'd just heard. None of it seemed real.

Noya was walking away from him. His head was bowed, his shoulders were hunched, his hands were hidden away in his pockets. He was limping, more than ever.

Yuu. _His Yuu._

Walking away – not looking back. Leaving him. Actually _leaving_ him.

He wanted to follow him. He wanted to run after him and grab him and pull him into his arms and hold him and tell him he loved him no matter what. Hold him and keep him warm and carry him so he wouldn't have to be in so much pain.

But he couldn't move.

He could hardly breathe.

He could only sit there and watch as Noya walked farther and farther away from him.

Asahi wanted to fix this. He wished there was something – _anything, anything,_ he'd do _anything_ – to fix it.

But from where he sat, out there on that bench in the freezing cold, with tears now pouring down his cheeks, watching Noya walk away from him... 

There just wasn't anything he could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> flops around a lot
> 
> I'm uh
> 
>  
> 
> I got nothing to say here I'm just really upset tbh


	27. Breathe Me

Noya walked home very slowly. His feet felt like they were made of lead.

His eyes kept stinging, but he wouldn't allow himself to cry. He didn't deserve to cry over this. It was his fault. All of this was his fault. _You caused this. You don't get to cry over it._ Any hole he found himself stuck in at this point – he'd dug it for himself.

It was better this way. Better that he left him, better that he knew it all now – so he knew why this had to happen, so maybe one day – _maybe_ – he would fully understand.

Noya was shivering. He'd never told anybody all that… or even any of it, actually. Not even Saeko or Ryu. Of course not.

He was glad now that he hadn't. Far from helping in any way, talking about it, putting it all out where he could see it like that, all at once – it had only made him feel sick to his stomach. He couldn't stop his hands from shaking.

He'd never tried to resist the idea, but that nausea ensured there wasn't a doubt in his mind that all of this was his fault.

He felt shaken. He'd never planned on talking about any of those things. Not with anybody. Ever.

His head hurt…

God, he'd hated walking away from Asahi like that. If Asahi had said anything, anything at all, as Noya was leaving, he would have really started to cry, and he wouldn't have been able to do anything about it.

He was barely holding it together, even so.

He was halfway down the block from his house when he saw the door burst open.

“YUU!” Saeko's voice screamed at him. She jumped the porch steps and started sprinting towards him as soon as she landed on the sidewalk.

Noya stopped walking and braced himself for impact as best he could as she got closer.

She slammed into him so hard the two of them stumbled back a few steps. He gritted his teeth as he put weight on his bad leg.

She hugged him so tight he coughed. He hugged her back and she buried her face in his shoulder.

She stayed there like that – not moving, not talking – for almost a minute. Noya patted her back cautiously.

She pushed roughly away from him and glared up at him, tears glistening in her eyes.

“Where the _fuck_ were you, you idiot?” she snarled. “Do you _know_ how scared I was? Do you have _any_ idea what I went through last night?”

“…No,” he said quietly. “I'm… I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry.”

“Where's this friend who was driving you home?” she demanded, stepping back and looking around at the street.

“I uh. I had her drop me at Asahi's.”

Saeko's eyebrows tilted upward. She knew. Probably. Daichi had sounded positively irate on the phone last night. It was entirely possible that he'd told her what Noya had done.

He even hoped he had.

“I had to talk to him,” Noya went on, looking at his shoes, and then back up at her. “You know.”

She nodded and let go of him. She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath.

“Are you okay?” she croaked. “All in one piece?”

“Yeah. I'm fine.”

“Okay. Okay. Come on. Let's get inside. I left the door open.”

They walked side-by-side back to the house. Noya kept glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. She looked so, _so_ tired. Even more tired than Noya felt. She didn't look like she'd gotten any sleep at all the previous night.

She probably hadn't.

Noya's throat constricted.

Saeko didn't say another word until they were in the house with the door shut. Noya lingered a little ways behind her, waiting for whatever she was going to throw at him.

She turned on her heel and looked him in the eye – but far from the angry expression he'd been expecting, she looked to be right on the verge of bursting into tears.

Noya's heart twinged painfully.

“Yuu,” she wavered. “What the hell is going on with you right now? What the hell happened to you last night?”

Noya shrugged and looked down, away from her piercing gaze.

“I was… scared, I guess,” he muttered. “And angry. That all I could do was wait.”

Saeko didn't say anything. He looked back up at her and saw that she was hiding her face away in her hands.

He pressed his lips together and walked towards her. He gently took her into his arms and held her close.

She hid her face in his shoulder.

“I'm sorry I ran off,” he said.

She nodded.

“I… was only thinking of myself. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put you through that. It was awful of me.”

“You're here now,” she said. “I'm just going to focus on that for now.”

Noya sighed deeply. He kissed the top of Saeko's head and closed his eyes.

“Ryu's okay?” he finally murmured.

“Okay enough that we can take him home tomorrow,” she said. “He's awake and responding and everything. He's not out of the woods yet, but… he never really has been, you know?”

“He hasn't had any seizures recently, has he?” Noya asked.

“Not a big one like that. Not for a long time. He's been having little ones all the time. Sometimes I catch him just staring at a wall for a few minutes and I can't get his attention. He'd get dizzy and stuff. But – no. Nothing like what happened yesterday. Not for years.”

“Are you going to be able to work after this?”

“Probably not. I need to make sure to be around him all the time now. Your job pays better than mine anyway. And if you can get that job at the news station figured out, then even better.”

“If I'm not fired by now,” Noya muttered. “I missed a basketball game last night. Didn't even call in.”

“Ennoshita will understand,” she said, and pulled away from him. “Family emergency.”

Noya nodded.

“Anyway.” Saeko took a step back from him, wiping her eyes and sniffling. “He can come home, but he has to stay in bed. And he has to go back to the hospital in a few days for a scan. Just to make sure there's nothing… huge going on, you know? They think it might have something to do with when he hit his head a while ago.”

“Okay,” Noya said quietly.

“We're all gonna be okay, buddy,” she said. “I promise.”

She forced a smile. Noya did his best to do the same. He hoped he looked even remotely happy.

“Let's both just take it easy for today, okay?” she said. “We're both… crazy tired. Unless there's anything you want to talk about?”

He looked down at her. She was looking him right in the eye.

Noya couldn't hold her gaze.

“Nah,” he said. “I'm okay. Just uh. A bit stressed out. You know.”

She didn't say anything. She sighed.

He braced himself.

“…Okay,” she finally said. “Okay. But – Yuu?”

“Huh.”

“You know you can talk to me.”

“Yeah. Of course,” he said.

She bit her lips together and crossed her arms. He managed to maintain eye contact long enough that she closed her eyes and gave up.

“Anything you want to talk about. Any time. I want you to know I'm always here for you.”

“Yeah,” Noya said. “I know. Don't worry about it.”

Saeko nodded. “Okay,” she breathed. “All right.”

A few moments of silence followed. Noya ducked his head for a second.

“Well,” he said. “I guess… I'll just go up to my room, then?”

“Yeah. Get some rest. You look really worn out.”

“You too. You said you didn't sleep well last night.”

“I didn't. Yeah. I could sleep for a week.”

“Okay. See you later, then.”

He walked past her, toward the hallway. He was almost to the stairs when she called after him again.

“Yuu?” she asked.

He paused at the foot of the steps. “Yeah?”

“How's your supply of meds?” she asked. “You're walking like your leg is bothering you.”

“Oh. Uh. I”m out, actually,” he admitted with a laugh. “I uh. I ran out a few days ago.”

“What? And you've just been walking around like nothing's wrong? Doesn't that _hurt_?”

“Well… Yeah, I guess,” he shrugged. “It's no big deal. Really.”

“You couldn't even _walk_ yesterday morning!” she covered her face with her hands and shook her head. “Yuu… goddammit, what are you _thinking?_ ”

“I was thinking I could live without it until I got a chance to go to the pharmacy,” he replied. “I'm okay. Don't worry about it, Saeko. Really.”

“Call the pharmacy right now. I'll pick up your meds on the way back from work tonight.”

“Okay,” Noya said. “I'll do that.”

Saeko nodded in approval and Noya turned around and made his way upstairs.

He collapsed onto his bed as soon as possible and closed his eyes.

He felt like shit. He _was_ shit.

He rolled over onto his stomach and sighed deeply. He really was exhausted.

Noya felt like he had been away from home for a very long time.

\- - -

It took Asahi a while to stop crying. Every time he thought he'd gotten a hold of himself, he'd start up again, seemingly stronger than before.

He couldn't process all of what had just happened. It had been _so much_ , all at once. Noya had been keeping all of that down, all this time – he'd… left Asahi – just walked away from him – without ever once looking him in the eye…

Asahi didn't know what to think. His head was spinning too badly for him to make sense of anything.

He tried so hard to think of something – _anything_ – else, but he couldn't. He couldn't get around the pain in his chest or the cloud in his head.

Eventually, he managed to stop his tears. He knew it wouldn't last long. Maybe long enough to get home and hide away in his room. Maybe not. At least anyone who saw him might think that the redness in his face was caused by the cold. He didn't figure anybody would stop him to ask if something was wrong, at least.

He turned his head upward and stared up at the sky, his brow furrowed.

He didn't know where to go from here.

He hated the idea of not being with Yuu. He hated it and it scared him. Noya was the first one who really… got him. Who really understood him, and respected him. His only reaction, when Asahi had told him he was asexual, had been to apologize and ask about his boundaries. None of what his previous boyfriends had told him.

Noya – _had?_ It hurt to think – loved Asahi.

He'd really loved him. Understood him. Cared about how he felt. And Asahi had loved him right back, every bit as much.

Asahi had never had anybody like Noya before.

And now he was gone.

It hadn't been his longest relationship. Not even close. It hadn't even lasted a full three months, he realized now.

But there had never been and could never be a better one.

He hadn't given much thought to it, but he'd entertained the idea of him and Noya… _lasting._ Of Noya being the person he stayed with.

He hadn't… seriously considered it. Not at all. It was too soon to think about something like that. Too early.

Just the fact that… it definitively _wasn't_ going to happen now – it hurt.

If nothing else, Noya was decisive. Once he made up his mind, there was no changing it, no talking him into or out of things.

Asahi could love Noya all he wanted, but he couldn't make Noya forgive himself. He wanted to help – he so badly wanted to help – but there wasn't a damn thing he could do now.

A lump grew in his throat.

He had to get home. Maybe the walk would clear his head, calm him down…

He finally stood up, stuck his hands in his pockets, and started towards home.

The same distance felt twice as long this time. Asahi didn't have the energy to move quickly just then. It wasn't even ten in the morning and Asahi felt like doing nothing more than going back to sleep.

At least he'd have the house to himself for a few hours. Daichi and Suga would be out until after lunchtime.

He guessed he'd have to face them at some point today. And they would notice something was wrong. And they would ask about it. And he'd have to say.

And Daichi would get mad again. Asahi's stomach twisted up in knots as he thought about it.

Maybe he just wouldn't go downstairs later…

Asahi made it home eventually, and had to try a few times before he managed to get the key in the lock. His hands were shaking so badly he almost dropped it.

He walked inside, shut the door behind him, and leaned against it, closing his eyes, taking a second to catch his breath.

His eyes started to sting again.

Asahi pushed off from the door, hung up his jacket, and climbed the stairs to his room. He sank down onto the edge of his bed, and, after a little while, managed to fall asleep.

\- - -

When Asahi woke up, it was because someone was knocking at his door.

“Asahi?” Suga's voice called out. “You in there?”

Asahi sat up quickly and rubbed his eyes with his fists. He hoped he didn't still look like he'd been crying.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Sup?”

“Mind if I come in?”

“Go ahead.”

The door opened and Suga poked his head into the room. He looked like he was in a good mood.

“Hey,” he said. “Are you just waking up? Napping already?”

“Uh. I napped,” Asahi replied. He hoped he could use sleepiness as an excuse for his lack of enthusiasm.

“Saeko just called Daichi and said that Noya's back home. Did you hear from him at all?”

Asahi's heart skipped a beat or two. He clamped his mouth shut and clenched his jaw.

“Y-yeah,” he managed. “I… I talked to him. Yeah.”

Any trace of a smile on Suga's face faded off after a second or two of silence.

“…Everything okay?” he asked. “He apologized, right? Explained himself?”

Asahi nodded once, and then looked at the floor. He wished Suga would just leave it at that, but he knew he wouldn't. He wouldn't be able to keep from crying much longer if Suga kept asking questions. He was always fine until someone asked –

“Asahi? Are you okay?”

Suga's voice was quiet, but there was a strong edge of worry to it.

Asahi hid his face in one hand. He could feel the tears coming back, hot behind his eyelids.

Suga walked into the room and shut the door behind him. “Asahi?” he asked, more sharply. “What's going on?”

“Nothing,” Asahi wavered. “I'm… okay.”

Suga's footsteps approached him quickly. Asahi felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Talk to me, Asahi,” Suga demanded, when Asahi turned his head away. “Are – are you _crying_? What's going on?”

“Nothing – it's _nothing_ , I…”

“What did he do?” Suga's voice had all the fire of Daichi's when he was angry – barely, forcibly contained. He grabbed Asahi's wrist with his other hand, not pulling – just gripping it tightly. “Did he hurt you? I swear, Asahi, if he hurt you again –”

Asahi took a deep, shuddering breath. He held it for a few seconds, eyes closed, and exhaled slowly.

Suga's grip on his shoulder and wrist didn't loosen at all while he collected himself. Asahi could feel him staring.

Asahi forced the words out.

“…We broke up,” he breathed. “We… he…”

“Oh… _Asahi_ –”

Suga sat down on the bed beside him and threw his arms around his shoulders. Asahi tried to stop his tears, but it wasn't happening. Not now. Not now that he'd put what had happened into words.

_We broke up._

“ _Asahi_ ,” Suga sounded _pained_ , he was so concerned. He hugged Asahi as tightly as he could. “Talk to me. What happened?”

Asahi could only shake his head in reply.

“…Okay. Not now. Okay.”

Suga squeezed him again and then let go. Asahi let his shoulders relax a little.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked a few moments later. “Anything at all? Need anything?”

“…Can you… can you just give me some time?” Asahi wavered. “Let me… think for a while. A lot just happened… you know?”

“You want me to leave you alone for a while?”

“…Y-yeah. Yeah.”

He wanted to be alone. The knot in the pit of his stomach was growing. He wouldn't be able to form any real thoughts right now. Suga meant so well, and Asahi really did appreciate his company, but right now… it just wasn't what he needed. Maybe later, but not now. Not now.

Suga sat beside him in silence for another moment or two, then hugged Asahi one more time.

“Text me if you need me,” he murmured.

“Okay. Can you, um… can you not tell Daichi just yet?”

“I won't. Don't worry.”

Suga pulled away from him. His hand returned to Asahi's shoulder.

“I'm here for you,” he said. “Don't be afraid to ask me for help.”

Asahi closed his eyes and nodded.

“…I don't feel right leaving you alone like this. Are you sure there's nothing I can do?”

Asahi nodded jerkily. “I just… need a while to myself.”

“Okay. Okay. If you're sure.”

Asahi covered his face with both hands and waited for Suga to leave.

After what felt like an age, Asahi felt Suga's weight leave the bed beside him. He walked across the room and lingered at the door.

For a moment, Asahi was afraid he would insist on staying.

But Suga had seen this before. He knew what Asahi needed at times like this. A few hours of quiet, and then the talking would come later, or the next day.

Of course he was worried this time, though, more than any other before it.

This time was so much bigger than any other.

Asahi's chest ached.

Finally, finally, Suga opened the door.

“I'm right downstairs,” he said. “Text me.”

He stepped out into the hall and closed the door behind him.

Asahi flopped back onto his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling.

He didn't even feel like he had the energy to cry right now. He felt… he couldn't tell if he was numb or just completely shell-shocked. Whenever he tried to think about all that Yuu had told him…

He just couldn't process it. It was all muddled. None of it made any sense.

The discomfort in his stomach worsened. He frowned hard and pressed his palms to his eyes.

His heart hurt whenever he thought about Yuu walking away from him – slowly, all hunched over, head down.

He'd looked so small. Asahi wished he could go back – push himself harder – do _something_ differently. He wanted to chase after him, wanted to hold him and tell him he loved him _no matter what_ because he'd never said it before… and it was too late now. It was too late for Asahi to do anything to make him stay. Anything he could have done didn't matter, because he hadn't done it and now he never could.

_You were always perfect,_ Yuu had said. _And you deserve so much better._

His face crumpled. Tears sprang into his eyes again.

He couldn't handle all this. It was too much right now. There was so much he needed to process, but he just… couldn't, right then.

He just wanted to sleep. At least then, he wouldn't have to think about it for a little while. Maybe he'd actually be able to think after some sleep…

Asahi rolled over and closed his eyes, trying his hardest to get his brain to shut up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm fuckin exhausted tbh I stayed up till 3 am writing last night and then i got up at like 8 and now it is midnight so I'm just gonna go the fuck to sleep as well actually
> 
> I hope you guys are enjoying this. Hanging in there at least, haha. 
> 
> Thanks for all your feedback. I really appreciate it. Even (especially?) the ones that are basically some variation of a long strung-out 'NOOOOOOOOOO'. yall are precious
> 
> See you next week!


	28. Skeletons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no end note ths time i'm fucking exhausted tbh this is only shorter than 23 by like 50 words and i drafted half of it today and typed it all up in the las four hours good night sir

Noya woke up the next morning feeling markedly more like shit than he had the night before.

He hadn't realized that could be possible.

He stared at the ceiling for a while, adjusting to the level of pain in his leg. A hell of a lot today. He shouldn't be surprised.

Noya rolled over to look at the time and saw that there was an orange plastic bottle on his end table. Saeko must have put it there.

He snatched it up, popped the lid off, and tossed back two of the painkillers as fast as he could. They didn't go down. He gagged and fumbled for the water glass sitting beside the clock. He coughed once he got the pills down, and then laid back down flat on his bed.

His head hurt.

He regretted… all of it.

Opening up like that. He shouldn't have done it. It had sounded like a sob story – like he'd been trying to pick up sympathy from Asahi before breaking up with him.

Noya wrapped his arms around his head and squeezed.

_Feel bad for me before I dump you. Yeah. Great work. Manipulative as fuck, Noya. Way to go._

He should have just said 'I don't want to do this anymore. It's not you, it's me'.

Asahi would never have believed it. A fucking throwaway line like that… No, Asahi had deserved a reason.

As if what had happened two days ago wasn't enough, Noya had a long track record of reasons he probably shouldn't get close to people.

All he did was use them. Be it sexual satisfaction, emotional stability, even a fucking place to live – Noya had done it all.

It had hurt like hell, realizing he'd hurt Asahi too. That he'd used him as well. Just like everybody else.

Asahi too.

Fuck. He thought he'd changed.

That sounded stupid now, he realized, frowning bitterly. How the fuck was he supposed to become a better person when all he'd done was stew in the shit he'd done already? How was he supposed to spontaneously improve without working on it in the slightest?

Even if he tried, at this point it looked like the was just too far gone.

_Piece of shit._

He rolled over, kicked his covers off, and sat up. He could hear Saeko clattering around downstairs in the kitchen, and realized he could smell something cooking.

His mouth watered. He hadn't eaten much in the last couple of days. He was starving.

He stood up and limped his way out into the hall. He tried not to think about the fact that Ryu was sleeping in a hospital bed and not in the room across from his own.

At least he was sleeping.

Saeko looked up from the stove when Noya walked in. She smiled, but _god_ she looked tired.

“Breakfast, huh?” he half-smiled. “You haven't made me breakfast in years.”

She shrugged. “It's been a rough couple of days,” she said. “It's ten and you weren't awake. I figured I could at least make you food. You know.”

“Thanks,” Noya said.

Pancakes. Bacon. Eggs. Saeko must have picked half of this up last night. She'd clearly planned this.

She wanted to talk.

She… knew what he'd done to Asahi, didn't she?

Noya filled a plate with food and poured himself a glass of orange juice. Saeko did the same, and they sat down across from each other at the kitchen table.

They ate in silence for a little while. Saeko got up to start the coffee maker, and then sat back down with two mugs full once it was done. She set one beside Noya's plate and sipped at the other one slowly.

“So,” she began, after a little while. “We can go and get Ryu tonight. I'm gonna need you to be there so you can help me get him settled in and everything.”

“That's cool,” he said. “I don't have any plans.”

He sliced off a bit of his pancake with his fork, dipped it in the syrup, and shoved it into his mouth.

Saeko was quiet for another moment, and when she spoke again, her voice was very serious.

“So… Yesterday, you said you had to. Um.”

Noya's heart sank. Here it was.

“You had to talk something over with Asahi? When you were on your way home.”

“Oh. Yeah,” Noya replied roughly, eyes glued to his plate. “Yeah.”

“Would that thing have anything to do with what your friend Daichi told me about over the phone?”

Noya swallowed hard.

“He did tell you, then,” he said.

“…Briefly,” she replied. “He, uh, mentioned that it happened.”

Noya nodded. “Yeah. It did.”

“So… what happened with him yesterday?”

He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath.

“We talked it over,” he said. “I told him what was going on, with Ryu and everything – not – not that that made it okay, or anything, but just – you know –”

“Yeah. Yeah,” she nodded. “So… did you… is everything okay with you two? Are you guys all right?”

Noya nodded and forced down a bite of eggs.

“Yeah,” he said, mouth full, eyes on Saeko. “Yeah. It's all good. I apologized like crazy. And – _fuck_ , I'm never going to let it happen again.”

“Good,” Saeko said. “You better not.”

“Once was too many.”

Noya could hardly breathe. He took a long swig of coffee to cover his sudden silence.

“Are you doing okay, bud?” Saeko asked him quietly.

“Yeah,” he said quickly. “I mean, I… feel pretty shitty, and I'm tired as fuck, but… I'll live, you know?”

Saeko nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Well. Not the part about feeling shitty. But. You know. Glad you're back with us. Glad you're not. You know. Dead.”

Noya laughed humorlessly. “I am glad you're glad I'm not dead,” he murmured. “It's the least I can do.”

“You had me really worried,” she said. “You know that, right?”

“I'm sorry.”

“I know you are,” she said quietly. She reached over and flicked his forehead. “You big dummy.”

Noya closed his eyes and smiled. It made his cheeks hurt.

\- - -

Noya got to work early that day. He'd called Ennoshita the previous night to explain that Ryu had been hospitalized the day before, and Ennoshita had accepted his explanation and told him not to worry about it, but Noya still thought it best to show up a little early. Just in case.

It wasn't like he had anywhere else to be, anyway.

He walked into the building with his head down, trying to look uninviting to anyone who might try to flag him down. Any other time, he would force a smile and humor them. Today he was just way too worn down. He wanted to put his head down on his desk and nap all day.

But he had to pick up the slack from yesterday. He had two columns to write now – and when he got to the sports office, he saw that Narita's desk was unoccupied.

Ennoshita looked up at him when he entered and gave him a nod.

“Hey,” Noya said, walking past him. “Narita's sick?”

“Yeah,” Ennoshita replied. “Nobody covered the game last night. It's fine, but, eh, you know. Not ideal.”

“Sorry,” Noya muttered.

“I get it. Don't worry.”

Noya sat down in front of his computer and turned it on. He stared blankly at the startup screen, resting his hand on his fist.

“So, uh… Kinoshita told me you had to reschedule that interview,” Ennoshita said after a while.

“Yeah,” Noya said. “I, uh. My leg acted up. Really bad. I… couldn't really even walk.”

“Aah. Probably best that you didn't do it that day, then.”

“Yeah.”

Noya let that word hang there, making no effort to resolve the silence he'd caused. Ennoshita seemed worried. Usually, Noya was a giant, irritating asshole who never shut his goddamn mouth. The contrast had to be unnerving.

Noya didn't give a fuck. He didn't want to be here and he did not have the energy to pretend he did.

His computer finally started up and he pulled out the binder of articles waiting to be edited. He flipped through them without really looking at them.

Both of them were quiet again for a little while. Noya could feel a tension in this quiet, though, and he just knew Ennoshita wanted to say something.

Finally, he did.

Ennoshita turned around in his chair and looked back at Noya. Noya felt him staring, but didn't acknowledge him.

“…Hey, Noya,” Ennoshita finally said.

“Yeah?” Noya didn't look up from the binder.

“Are you doing okay?”

“Yeah. I'm good.”

“No – I'm asking as your friend, Noya. Are you doing okay?”

Noya gritted his teeth. “I said. I'm fine.”

“…If you say so,” Ennoshita sighed and turned back to his desk. “But, uh, just so you know… You can take today off if you need it.”

“I can't,” Noya said shortly. “I need the money.”

“How's this – if you cover Narita's game on Saturday, I'll give you the day off today. Paid.”

“I can't leave you with all these articles to do by yourself,” Noya said. “Besides, I don't really have anything else to do right now.”

“Okay. If you're sure.”

“I'll, uh, still take that game, though,” Noya added. “When is it? Saturday, you said?”

“Yeah,” Ennoshita said. “Thanks. It's volleyball – that's all right, isn't it? Just a practice match, but it's good to get the pre-season stuff too.”

Noya's stomach dropped. He clenched his jaw.

“You're dating Azumane still, right? Make sure you get some pictures of literally anybody who isn't him, all right?”

Noya's throat constricted.

“Noya?”  
“Yeah,” Noya grunted, clicking the binder open and ripping out a few pages. “Yeah. It's fine.”

\- - -

Asahi stared at his phone screen, reading the text he'd just written over and over. He'd already erased the whole thing three or four times, trying to make sure he'd said everything he meant. This time, he was pretty sure.

 

> Yuu – I really want to talk to you about all this. I understand you feel bad for what happened the other day, but please… I don't want you to have to do this alone. Even if I can't do anything, if I can just be someone for you to talk to, please let me know.

I know you said this wasn't my fault – but if it was something I did, I'll leave you alone. I promise. Just tell me.

 

He eyed the last part for a long time. Then he quickly highlighted it and deleted it. He frowned decisively.

Why would Noya lie about something like that? He'd said it wasn't Asahi's fault. Asahi told himself that over and over as he read the text over one last time.

It seemed too short for all he wanted to convey. _I love you. I love you so much and I'm worried about you. I want to help you. I want you to let me be there for you. I want you to be near me so I don't have to worry so much about what you're thinking right now. I need to know you're okay._

_I need to know you're safe._

But he couldn't say any of that. He didn't want to risk making Yuu feel worse than he already did.

Asahi closed his eyes and hit the send button before he could overthink it anymore.

He tossed his phone down onto the bed beside him. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself, and then stood up to go downstairs.

He'd managed to avoid Daichi and Suga for all of yesterday, but that was probably mostly due to Suga telling Daichi to leave him alone. Daichi had probably put the pieces together by now, though.

Asahi felt ready. He'd had some time to calm down and think it over himself. Now he could ask for advice.

Daichi was sitting at the kitchen table when Asahi got there. He looked up and immediately locked eyes with Asahi.

Asahi didn't look away.

Daichi frowned.

“Are you okay?” Daichi asked gruffly.

Asahi nodded.

“Suga didn't tell me. I figured it out.”

“I see,” Asahi said.

“You want to talk?” Daichi asked.

“Yeah. Just let me get something to eat first.”

Asahi could feel Daichi's eyes boring into the back of his head as he moved around the kitchen, making toast and boiling some water for tea.

His hands were sweating now. Talking about this with Daichi was bound to be nerve-wracking.

Asahi sat down across the table from Daichi and bit into his toast. He avoided looking in Daichi's direction for a few minutes, until he'd gotten through his first piece of toast.

When he finally looked up, Daichi's arms were crossed over his chest. He looked stern – but more worried than anything else.

“Are you okay?” Daichi asked again.

Asahi frowned and fidgeted in his chair. He took a second to reply.

“…I think so?” he said.

“Huh.”

“I'm… worried about him, really,” Asahi said, looking up at Daichi. “The way he acted… and the stuff he said yesterday, I… I just don't think this had anything to do with me.”

“What did he say?” Daichi's expression didn't change.

Asahi pressed his lips together and took a deep breath.

“…He talked about… how he and Ryu got hurt,” he said, waiting for Daichi's reaction. “He talked about what happened when he was in high school. All of it.”

Daichi closed his eyes.

“And… it was like… he was trying to show me he was an awful person. That I… should hate him for what happened the other night.”

“He didn't blame you for it.”

“No. Of course not.”

“He actually made a point of telling me that none of this was my fault. He said I didn't do anything wrong at all.”

“Good,” Daichi muttered. He settled back in his seat and pinched the bridge of his nose.

Asahi watched him for a moment, and then went on.

“You were around him in high school,” he said. “Weren't you?”

“Yeah. A year ahead. The accident happened right at the beginning of my junior year,” Daichi said. “Took Noya and Tanaka off the court – of course. Didn't stop Noya coming to practice, though, once he could go back to school. Took a lot to keep him on the bench most of the time. He kept wanting to jump on in.

“He was pretty messed up after it happened. We weren't really… close, but I tried to look after him, you know? He didn't like it, though. He wouldn't let me in. He wouldn't let anybody in. Not even his family, as far as I know. He got in fights a lot. Got suspended for a little while at one point.

“I guess I'm not that surprised that he never learned to deal with all of that. And Tanaka's injury is acting up again… I guess it's all coming back to him now.”

Daichi looked at Asahi and raised his eyebrows.

“What do you think I should do?” Asahi asked.

“What do you want to do?” Daichi replied.

“I want to talk to him about it,” Asahi said. “I want to help him. He's blaming himself for all of it, and… I want him to know it's not his fault, what happened with him and Ryu.

“As for all the other stuff that happened… I'm not trying to say it was okay, or anything, but…”

Asahi paused, trying to find the right words. Daichi waited patiently.

Asahi spread his hands out, looking Daichi in the eye, hoping he would understand.

“He's clearly not like that anymore,” he said. “He's better than that.”

Daichi nodded. “From the way he always treated you, I'd agree,” he said. “He cared about you right from the start. I worried about it at first, but – you're right. He shaped up. He really did.”

Asahi felt relieved.

“So, you're going to talk to him?” Daichi asked.

“If he'll pick up his phone, yeah,” Asahi said. “I texted him a little bit ago, but… he hasn't said anything back yet.”

“If anyone can talk some sense into that kid, it'll be you, Asahi,” Daichi said. “I really hope he listens.”

“Me too,” Asahi said quietly. “I don't want him to feel bad like that.”

Daichi nodded.

“Best of luck, Asahi.”

\- - -

Noya noticed Asahi's text a while after he'd received it – a little bit after he'd gotten to work – but he couldn't bring himself to open it. It taunted him throughout the day, the notification light on his phone blinking gently.

He didn't let himself open it until he was on the bus on the way home.

It was one text. He was prepared for several. He'd expected several, to be honest.

But no. Just one. Just one text, saying that Asahi was worried about him and wanted to help.

Noya closed his eyes and leaned his head against the bus window.

Even after all that, Asahi didn't hate him.

_Fuck._

He was too fucking understanding.

Noya found himself wishing that Asahi would just… _hate_ him. That would be all he deserved, all that made sense. But Asahi didn't have a mean bone in his body. Asahi didn't hate people. Noya didn't know if he was even emotionally capable of hating somebody.

Noya had never deserved anything as good as Asahi.

He scrolled back a little ways into their text conversations. Three days ago, they'd been exchanging 'I love you's shortly before 'good night's.

Three days.

Noya sighed deeply.

He looked at the top-right corner of his phone screen – at the little trashcan icon.

He should get rid of the texts. Delete them, delete the pictures – hell, even Asahi's number. He shouldn't keep any of it. He couldn't go back to any of it now. There wasn't any point in keeping it. Asahi shouldn't ever have to hear from him again.

Noya turned his phone off and stuffed it back in his pocket.

Like he didn't have the number memorized, anyway.

He could do all of that later.

The bus arrived at his stop before too long, and he walked off slowly. He really was tired as all hell.

He knew he should be happy that Ryu was coming home tonight, but for some reason a weird cold feeling swept through him whenever he thought about it.

He regretted telling Asahi everything. Asahi deserved that explanation, of course he did – but Noya felt sick to his stomach now. He'd been able to ignore all of what he'd done, to some degree, for all of this time, but now – now he'd dragged all of that shit back up to the surface, and there wasn't any way around it.

Served him right. He was a shitty human being. He deserved to feel like shit for it.

He walked home fairly slowly. The painkillers he'd taken this morning were burning off by now, and the pain in his leg was starting to come back full-force. The cold didn't help at all, either.

Saeko was seated at the kitchen table when he entered this house. Her head was resting on its surface, and her arms were hiding her face. She didn't move when he closed the door.

“Saeko?” he called out gently. “Are you asleep?”

She didn't budge. He walked over to her and shook her shoulder.

“Saeko,” he repeated.

She jumped a little and raised her head.

“Yuu?” she mumbled, sitting up. “You're home?”

“Clearly.”

“Shut up,” she said, yawning and stretching. “Time is it?”

“Six,” Noya replied.

“Aaah, we can go and get Ryu now,” she smiled. “You ready to go, or do you need a minute?”

“Just let me drop my stuff off and get changed,” he replied. “Then we can go. Tired?”

“A little,” she shrugged, and left it at that.

Noya made his way upstairs and into his room. He tossed his bag down onto his bed and undid his tie with one hand. The shirt came off next, and was unceremoniously tossed to the ground. He opened up his closet and tugged out a T-shirt from the pile on the floor.

Another shirt got dragged out along with it. A shirt that was way too big for Noya.

He picked it up and stared at it for a while.

It was one of Asahi's. He recognized it. He must have left it here one of the times he'd stayed the night.

Noya tossed it back into the closet – a little farther back, this time.

It probably still smelled like him.

Noya got dressed and went back downstairs. Saeko was waiting for him by the front door, and she smiled at him when he joined her.

“Ready to head out?” she asked.

He nodded. He didn't feel ready to talk just then.

\- - -

Ryu was sitting up in his hospital bed when they got to his room, but he didn't look great.

He smiled at the two of them and waved a little. His eyes drooped. He looked half-dead. None of his usual energy was present. Not a trace.

A lump started in Noya's throat.

“How you feeling, bud?” Saeko asked gently.

“Any pain?” Noya added.

“I'm okay,” Ryu said. His voice was little more than a croak. “Pain's not too bad.”

“Ready to head home?” Saeko asked.

“Hell yes,” Ryu replied. “Get me out of here.”

He swung his legs out of the cot and Saeko tossed a change of clothes at him.

“I'll wait outside,” she said. “Call me when you're ready to go.”

Noya watched Ryu slowly and clumsily remove the hospital gown and pull on the clothes. He needed a little help with his shirt, and Noya obliged him quickly.

“There,” Noya said quietly, taking a step back. “Saeko. We're ready to head out.”

Ryu stood up and wobbled for a few moments. Noya moved to steady him, but Ryu waved him off. He walked out of his room slowly, but unassisted.

Noya twisted his mouth and followed him into the hallway.

Saeko hugged her brother tightly. He hugged her back.

“You scared me, you big dummy,” she murmured.

“Sorry,” he laughed. “I didn't mean to.”

“I know,” she said, stepping back. He looked at the two of them and smiled widely. “Let's head home, huh? We're all tired. Let's call it a day once we get there.”

“That sounds great,” Ryu said. “I wouldn't say no to some food first, though. Sick of hospital food.”

“You were here for like two days. You were unconscious for most of it.”

“I had plenty of time to get tired of it. Have you ever eaten hospital food, Saeko?”

“I'll make you food when we get home,” Saeko said. “Quit whining.”

“Thank you very much.”

Noya walked behind them on the way to the car. He was very, very aware of how slowly Ryu was moving right then – aware of the deliberate way Saeko had to walk in order to keep pace with him.

Noya's chest hurt.

Ryu looked back at him and smiled. Noya forced a smile back. It must have looked convincing, because Ryu turned away from him again without comment.

Noya clenched his fists and jaw. He kept his eyes on Ryu the whole way to the car, noting every faltering step, every slowed movement, every indication that Ryu was in far more pain than he let on – and there were many.

Everything that wouldn't have been there four years ago – Noya took careful notice of all of it.

He kept this up during the ride home, as well. He helped Ryu into the backseat – his movements were stiff – and kept an eye on him through the mirror as they drove.

Ryu stopped smiling so much once they were on the road. Once the focus was off of him, a frown came back onto his face. It was a frown Noya knew, and one he'd worn many times himself.

 _The pain's not too bad._ Bullshit.

Noya barely looked away from him all the way home. None of them talked much Saeko had been right about how tired they all were.

They arrived at home and Noya was the first one out of the car. It had barely stopped moving when he opened his door, got out, and walked to the back to help Ryu.

Ryu blinked at him in surprise, but didn't say anything. He stood up – leaning on Noya heavily – and made his way out of the car.

He needed both of them to help with the porch stairs. He winced every time he took a step up..

Noya thought about the ten steps up to the second floor of their house. Ryu was having enough trouble with these three.

“There we go,” Saeko breathed, once they'd reached the porch. “Do you want to just crash on the couch tonight, or can you make it upstairs?”

“I can make it upstairs,” Ryu replied.

“You sure? It seems like that was hard for you.”

“I can do it,” Ryu replied, much more steadily this time. “Just let me lean on you guys. I'll be fine.”

Noya looked up at him, and then away.

Ryu was shaking during the walk to the stairs. Noya held him tighter once they started up the steps, afraid he might lose his footing. Ryu had a death grip on his shoulder. He had to put a lot of effort into moving his legs up high enough to reach each step. It was a visible, tangible struggle. Noya could feel him straining to do it.

Ryu started crying when they reached the sixth step. It was subtle – even Noya didn't notice it at first. But then he felt a tremor in Ryu's chest, and looked up to find tears trailing down his cheek.

“Ryu,” he said suddenly. “Ryu, buddy –”

Ryu shook his head, lips pressed tight together. “I'm okay,” he grunted, but his voice wavered, giving him away. “I'm okay. I can handle it.”

“Ryu –” Saeko said, but she stopped. There was a pause, and then she continued. “…We're almost there. You're almost there. Come on.”

Noya's chest ached. He could hardly breathe.

They got to the top stair after what felt like a year. Ryu let out a huge breath as they stepped onto flat ground. His chest heaved as he sucked down as much air as he could.

Noya felt like throwing up.

They got Ryu into his room and he collapsed onto his bed, hands shaking like he'd just come in from a blizzard. Saeko got him settled into bed, talking to him gently, asking if he was okay.

Noya hovered near the doorway, hands cold, suddenly feeling very much like an outsider.

“Are you okay, Ryu?” Saeko asked.

“Y-yeah,” Ryu managed, running one hand over his face, revealing a weak smile. “Yeah, I'm… just frustrated, I guess. Can't even climb stairs without help, now, I guess.”

He laughed – humorlessly, shakily – to himself, and smiled again.

Saeko kissed his forehead. “Get some sleep,” she said. “You'll feel better in the –”

“ _I'm sorry,_ ” Noya heard himself burst out.

They both looked up at him, surprised.

His entire body felt cold. His heart was hammering against his ribs.

“What are you talking about?” Saeko asked, bewildered.

“This – all of this –”

He didn't mean to say it. Any of it. He'd never meant to talk to anybody about it.

But here it was, pouring out of him – and as hard as he tried, he couldn't stop it.

“This is my fault,” he wavered, eyes stinging with tears. “It's my fault this happened. I'm… I…”

“What are you –”

“Buddy –”

Noya covered his face with his hands – shook his head – burst out, his voice turning to a shout halfway through –

“ _Can't you two see you'd be better off without me?!_ ”

The room fell deathly silent. Saeko looked shocked. Ryu looked devastated.

He couldn't look at them. He couldn't be here another second. He shouldn't have said it.

He had to get out of here.

He turned around at the exact moment Saeko moved toward him.

“Yuu –” she called, but he only sped up. He beat her to the stairs, raced down them, and was almost to the door when she caught him by the arm.

“Let go of me,” he growled, trying to shake her off.

She wrapped his arm in both of hers. “I'm not letting you leave,” she shot back. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing,” he said. “I'm fine. Let go.”

“I'm not letting go,” she said. “Yuu – you are acting like you might do something very, _very_ stupid. I am _not_ letting you out of here.”

Noya couldn't reply. Tears were choking him. He felt fear seize him suddenly. He couldn't cry. Not here. Not in front of her.

“What were you even saying? This isn't your fault. None of this is your fault. What did you… what did you even mean?”

“I was…” he choked. “…I was driving. I was the one who was driving, I…”

“Wh… _what_?” her hold on his arm tightened.

He closed his eyes.

“Are you talking about – oh, my god, do you mean the accident?”

Noya nodded once.

“Oh… _oh my god, Yuu, no –_ oh my god – Look at me, Yuu. _Look at me._ ”

Noya's eyes were brimming with tears. He couldn't bring himself to turn around.

She paused for a second, and then went on. He could hear tears in her voice plainly now.

She hugged his arm tighter.

“What happened back then,” she wavered, “none of it was your fault. None of it. What happened to the two of you… it was an _accident_ , okay? I've never blamed you. Not once. Not for a second. I… Yuu… have you been thinking this all this time? Have you been holding that back all this time?”

“I _ruined your lives,_ ” Noya spat. “If it weren't for me, you guys –”

She shook his arm. “No. _NO._ Do _not_ say we'd be better off without you. Do _not say that to me._ ”

He bowed his head.

“Yuu,” she croaked. “Yuu. Nishinoya.”

He closed his eyes.

“Do you remember what I said to you the day I came to get you from the hospital?” she demanded. “I sat you down on that couch with me and I hugged you for an hour. And do you remember what I said to you? A thousand fucking times – do you remember what I said?”

He nodded.

“What did I say, Yuu?”

He had to take a few moments to get his breathing under control before he could reply.

“You said you loved me,” he wavered.

“I did. And I do. Do you hear me? You're my little brother. You're my _brother_.”

Noya couldn't breathe.

“It was an _accident_ ,” she said again. “It was. It was a fucking accident.”

She started crying into his shoulder. His heart lurched in his chest. He should comfort her. He should turn around and hold her in his arms and tell her he was sorry until his voice went hoarse.

He should just leave. He shouldn't have come here in the first place, all those years ago. He should have never come to live with these two. He'd only hurt them before and that was all he was ever going to do.

He shouldn't have even been born.

“Yuu.”

Noya's heart stopped completely. The voice was little more than a croak.

“Ryu –” Saeko let go of his arm. “Ryu – go back to bed –”

Noya didn't turn around. His eyes were still fixed on the door. He should leave. He should take this chance and run out the door and –

Ryu's hand was on his shoulder – taking hold of it, turning him around.

Before Noya could even begin to struggle away, he found himself pressed tightly against Ryu's body.

Ryu hugged him so tight he couldn't move. Ryu's breathing was ragged. It sounded like it hurt.

But he spoke despite that.

“Yuu,” he rasped. “It wasn't… your fault, buddy.

“It wasn't.”

For a moment, Noya was frozen. His hands dangled at his sides, completely still.

Then, all at once, the tears started.

Noya wrapped his arms around Ryu and held him so tight it hurt. He hid his face in his shoulder and fought as hard as he could to keep from crying out loud, his chest heaving with each strangled breath.

“I'm sorry,” he whimpered. “Ryu, I…”

“It's not your fault.”

“I'm so sorry…”

Noya broke down. He started sobbing into Ryu's shoulder – full-on, loud _sobbing_ , gripping onto Ryu's shirt so tightly his fingernails put dents in his palms, even through the fabric.

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve this. _He didn't deserve this…_

Ryu hugged him still tighter as his sobs grew even stronger.

“I love you, buddy,” Ryu said quietly. He was crying too. There was a catch in his voice that made Noya sick at himself.

Ryu rocked him back and forth a little. Noya's eyebrows drew upward and his eyes closed tight.

“I love you,” Ryu repeated. “It wasn't your fault.”

Noya couldn't calm down enough to say a single word.


	29. Lost

Noya didn't know how long he held on to Ryu like that. Even after he'd managed to calm down, when his sobs had subsided to occasional, choking gasps, he still clung to him, face hidden away in his shoulder. He could have been there for a year.

Finally, finally, he broke away. He kept his head down.

Ryu patted his shoulder and left his hand resting there. He took a breath and was about to say something when Saeko suddenly moved forward and pulled both of them into her arms.

Noya almost started crying again.

“You good?” she asked, voice quivering, holding them tight. “Everyone good?”

Ryu grunted a “yeah” and Noya nodded once.

“We're gonna be okay,” she breathed. “We've always been okay. We're gonna stick together and we're gonna be okay.”

She squeezed them one more time and then pulled back, holding them both at arm's length. She frowned hard, fighting to control her expression. She looked back and forth between them for a few seconds, and then spoke again.

“You,” she said, shaking Ryu's shoulder. “Couch. You're too tired to do the stairs again tonight.”

Ryu nodded. Then he turned to Noya, mouth half-open, eyes searching over his face.

Noya couldn't hold his gaze. There weren't words, he knew.

Ryu settled for hugging him again.

“I'm here,” he said quietly. “If you need me. I'm here. You know that.”

“Yeah,” Noya managed. “Y-yeah, I… I know.”

Once last pat on the shoulder and Ryu let go. He turned and shuffled his way into the living room.

Saeko moved to follow him. As she passed Noya, she looked up at him.

“Wait down for a bit and let me talk to you?” she said quietly.

He nodded.

She turned into the living room and Noya walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

He could hear the two of them talking quietly to each other in the other room. He had no idea what they were saying.

He put his head down and wrapped his arms around it. He felt heavy. His eyes burned whenever he blinked.

At least he was too tired to cry now. He would be able to take whatever it was that Saeko had to say.

Then again… he'd never upset her this much before. It would be hard to face up to.

_God_ , he wished they would blame him. It wouldn't make him feel better, exactly, but it would rationalize it somehow. He would _understand_ if they blamed him, if they hated him – it would just make sense.

Ryu had almost _died._ It had taken a _miracle_ to save him from what Noya had done. Saeko had had to give up on college, on everything she'd been doing to make a better life for all three of them.

Who wouldn't hate him? Why didn't they?

Saeko entered the kitchen quietly and slid into the chair across from him. Noya didn't look up. He waited for her to say something.

He was waiting for almost a full minute.

“Yuu,” she finally said, her voice rough. “I… I don't even know what to say.”

Noya didn't move.

“How long have you… felt like this?” she asked.

Noya shrugged. “Four years,” he said. “This whole time.”

“Why didn't you say anything.”

“I didn't want to talk about it. I don't know,” he mumbled.

She went quiet again. He raised his head to look at her and found that she was leaned back in her chair, eyes closed, pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers. She was frowning. She looked about ready to start crying again.

Noya put his head back down.

Saeko spoke again after a little while.

“Is there anything,” she said. “Anything at all – anything I can do to help? To make you feel better?”

“Not really,” he said.

“You know we don't hold you responsible for any of what happened. You know we never have.”

“I guess.”

“You… know it wasn't your fault,” she said, her voice thin. “Don't you?”

At this, Noya sat up and leaned back in his seat. He turned his head up, looking determinedly at the ceiling.

“I don't know that, Saeko,” he said. “Why would I know that?”

“Because you know you didn't mean for it to happen,” she said.

“It doesn't matter whether or not I meant to do it, Saeko,” Noya said firmly. “It wouldn't have happened if it weren't for me.”

“Yuu –”

“If I hadn't gone driving with Ryu that day, none of this would have ever happened, Noya interrupted. “Accident or not, Ryu wouldn't have gotten hurt, he wouldn't be in so much pain all the time, he wouldn't have seizures – you would be done with school by now, we wouldn't have all these hospital bills to pay, you'd both have the futures you wanted –”

“ _Yuu._ ”

“– You would bot be so much better off without me,” he said, finally looking at her, begging her to understand. “If I'd never come to live with you, things wouldn't be like this.”

Her eyes were wide, and full of tears again.

He waited for her to speak.

“I want you to talk to somebody,” she said, finally, wavering. “I want you to get help.”

“What are they going to do besides tell me not to blame myself?”

“ _It wasn't your fault._ ”

“We can't afford it, anyway. You know we can't. We're barely covering all the bills.”

“We can make it work.”

“We can't just _get_ that kind of money. Especially since you're not working right now.”

“Look – Yuu, if therapy would help you even a little, Ryu and I would cut out every bit of extra spending to get you there. _We would make it work._ ”

“Saeko, I'm not letting you guys give up anything more for me.”

“It's not giving stuff up!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms out wide. “It's helping you! You're our brother. We're your family. We take care of each other.”

“I don't think it would help. Therapy, I mean. We tried that, remember? It didn't help.”

She stared at him for a long moment, trying to find a way to protest, to convince him.

He stared back, giving her nothing.

She broke eye contact first, ducking her head and running a hand through her hair.

“If you really don't think it will help, then okay,” she said. “But if money is the problem – fuck it, okay? It won't be a problem.”

“Okay,” he replied.

She rested her elbows on the table, face still lowered.

“I just… I can't get my head around this,” she said. “You… really think you've been this much trouble for us, huh?”

“Yeah,” he said, quietly.

“I took you in because I cared about you. No matter what. _No matter what,_ Yuu. And that still stands. It has this whole time.”

Noya sighed. “I know,” he breathed. “I… I just…”

He shrugged and spread his arms out for a moment, then let them drop down to his sides.

“I don't understand why you don't blame me,” he said. “It was my fault.”

“I hate that you think that. I hate that there's nothing I can do to make you see it wasn't.”

Noya said nothing – and for a while, neither did Saeko. They were at a stalemate now. They had nothing more to say that the other couldn't refute.

“I'm going to make Ryu some soup,” she said finally, closing her eyes. “Do you want any?”

“No, thanks,” he replied. “I'll be okay till tomorrow.”

She nodded and stood up. “Go get some sleep,” she said. “Please talk to me if there's anything at all I can do to help. Please.”

“Okay.” Noya knew there wasn't – and that he wouldn't ask even if there was. He got up from the table too, and left the kitchen as Saeko started putting the soup together.

He glanced into the living room as he walked by. Ryu was sitting up, facing the door. He looked up at Noya, and before he could pass, he called out.

“Hey, Yuu?” he croaked.

“Yeah?” Noya paused. Ryu wanted to talk too. Of course he did.

“C'mere a sec?”

Noya pressed his lips together and walked slowly into the living room.

Ryu gestured for him to sit down. Noya did so, perching on the edge of the cushion closest to the door.

“Sorry,” Ryu said quietly. “I know you're tired. I'll let you go in a bit. I just… I wanna talk. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay. Don't be sorry,” Noya said. “I uh. I kinda gave you a lot to worry about just now, huh.”

“No shit you did,” Ryu said, shaking his head. “Fuck, Yuu, I…”

He covered his face with one hand, and then silently looked at Noya through his fingers for a moment.

Noya stared back.

“Yuu… it wasn't your fault. No – hey – listen to me,” he added as Noya shook his head and started to turn away. “Listen to me – it was _not_ your fault, okay?”

Ryu paused for breath. Noya's chest ached.

“…I don't want you to blame yourself for this, Yuu,” he said. “Especially not after this long. It's messing you up, bud.

“I don't want you to feel like this, I…”

He shook his head. “It was an _accident_ ,” he said quietly. “How do you not see it was an accident?”

“Accident or not, I was driving, I drove the car off the road, I got you hurt.”

“I didn't have to get in the car, Yuu.”

“I told you to come with me. I shouldn't have taken the car.”

Ryu groaned and fell back on the couch, drawing his hand over his face again. “ _Fuck_ , Yuu, how the _fuck_ do I get you to see that it wasn't your fault?”

Noya ignored the question. “Why don't you blame me?” he demanded. He was staring straight ahead of him, at the wall across the room. He couldn't even look in Ryu's direction. He couldn't handle seeing anything even remotely close to that devastated look from earlier.

“I don't even think of it as something that anyone caused. To me it's just a bad thing that happened a long time ago. And I've learned to live with it. It's the same for Saeko, I know it is. Neither of us have ever blamed you. Not for a second. It's fucking crazy to me that you think this was your fault. Oh my _god_ , Yuu…”

Noya closed his eyes.

Ryu was quiet. Noya listened to his breathing. It was ragged and a little bit too fast – a little bit too shallow.

He should just let him get some sleep.

“I should go,” Noya said, standing up. “You're tired and I'm stressing you out. Sleep.”

He started toward the door. Ryu called out to him just before he reached the hall.

“Yuu?” he croaked.

Noya paused, turning his head to look over his shoulder. “Yeah?”

A pause. Ryu had a lot he wanted to say, but none of it would stick, and he clearly knew it.

Noya waited.

“We love you,” Ryu said. “You know that.”

“Yeah,” Noya replied. “Yeah. I do.”

“Just remember that, okay? We love you no matter what.”

“Right. Yeah.”

Noya's eyes stung. He blinked hard.

“…Night, Ryu,” he rasped.

“Nigh, buddy.”

Noya left the room and hurried upstairs before Saeko could catch him again. He felt sick to his stomach.

He lay down on his bed and closed his eyes, frowning hard.

They didn't blame him. Of course they didn't. They wouldn't. Not in a million years they wouldn't. And maybe, maybe, somewhere in the back of Noya's head, he didn't think it was his fault.

Or maybe that was just him not wanting to think it was.

He couldn't shake the nauseous, awful _guilt_.

He rolled onto his back ans stared at the ceiling. It wasn't late, but he was really, really tired.

It didn't feel like the kind of tired that would go away with a night's sleep.

He looked down the bedroom wall and stopped when he got to the dresser.

There, in a place of honor, front and center, was the film camera Asahi had given him for Christmas. Noya hadn't gotten that first roll developed yet. Pictures of Asahi, every frame. Outside in the cold, his cheeks and nose all red – inside, warm, smiling and laughing with his hair let down and his eyes scrunched up… Asahi, Asahi, _Asahi_ , safe and rolled up in a film canister.

He wondered if he should pull it all out. Pull it out, burn the pictures away, shred the film to pieces.

No, he couldn't do that. Those frames were fucking priceless.

But he couldn't develop them, either. He didn't deserve to look back on all of that. Asahi happy and apparently completely unaware of what a piece of shit Noya was – Noya knowing all along, always with that feeling that he would fuck up somehow. Knowing Noya, he would have to. I twas inevitable.

And now it had happened, the time had come and gone, and again – nothing new at all – he'd ruined everything.

Noya lay back on his bed and stared blankly at the ceiling again.

He hurt all over.

\- - -

Asahi woke up at five in the morning and immediately rolled over and searched frantically in the dark for his phone, heart hammering against his ribs.

He pushed the power button and the light flashed on. Four-fifty AM, full battery, nothing else.

No text alerts. No calls.

Asahi unlocked the phone anyway, frantically opening the texting app and scrolling through. Nothing, nothing, nothing.

He let the phone drop and covered his face with his hands. He felt like crying.

After a few moments of breathing to clear his head, Asahi sat up.

It was dark out. It would be for a while. Practice would start in about three hours, and then he had his first day of classes to go to. He wasn't sure it was worth trying to go back to sleep. He probably wouldn't be able to, anyway.

He sat up, pushed his hair back from his face, and stared at the wall.

He wondered if he should try to catch Yuu in person. His house wasn't far… and if he wasn't picking up the phone…

…no, he probably shouldn't. He wanted to. He needed to know that Yuu was okay, but… he shouldn't do that.

He was probably just fine, right? He was with Ryu and Saeko. They would look after him. They would make sure he was safe…

Did they know about all he'd told Asahi? Probably. They'd been with him all through it. If he needed help, he would go to them. They'd probably be more help than Asahi, anyway. Asahi never knew what to say, not at the best of times.

In any case, it really just didn't seem like Yuu wanted Asahi around. Whatever the reason, Asahi didn't want to cause him any more distress than he was clearly already feeling, but…

Asahi twisted his mouth.

He wanted to be a part of Yuu's life. It had been all of two days since Yuu had… left him, but it already felt like too long. Far, far too long.

Hold him, kiss him, shake some sense into him, even yell at him – Asahi couldn't decide what he wanted to do most. Whatever would get it through his head that he'd been lying to himself all this time – Asahi wanted to do it.

He should have done it already, the other day at the park. He'd had so much time to stop him. Asahi knew he couldn't get rid of four years of guilt and self-hatred in a matter of minutes, but… he could have at least said _something._ He may not even have been able to stop Yuu from leaving, but…

He could have at least tried. It kept coming back to that thought. _I could have tried. I could have tried harder. I could have done something._

Asahi dragged himself out of bed, sighed deeply, and walked over to his closet.

He'd go for a quick run before the day got started. That might take his mind off things for a little while… or at least, it might clear his head so he could think of what to do next.

Was there even anything to be done? It scared him to think about.

Could his time with Yuu really just… be over? Just like that? Already?

It sounded so _wrong._

He shook his head a few times to ground himself again. Not now. Later. Think about it later if you have to think about it. Not now.

He put on a hoodie and sweatpants and tied his hair back in a bun. He stuck his phone in his pocket and walked downstairs.

Daichi and Suga were, of course, still asleep. Asahi moved quietly through the kitchen, making himself something to eat.

As busy as he tried to make himself, he couldn't help thinking about Yuu the whole time.

_He's okay,_ he tried to tell himself as he took the toast from the toaster. _He's fine_ , he thought as he quickly ate and started for the door. _He'll be okay, with or without your help._

_Please let him be okay…_

Asahi walked down the porch steps and turned left – the opposite of the way to Noya's house. He knew he would 'accidentally' end up going there if he gave himself the chance. It was too early, anyway… Yuu probably only went to sleep a few hours ago.

He walked to the corner and glanced to the sides before stepping off the curb. He started jogging once he got across the street.

Asahi tried to narrow his focus down to his footsteps, his breathing, and his heartbeat.

But he couldn't. Of course he couldn't.

He kept fooling himself that Yuu might suddenly appear around every corner. He thought he might look over his shoulder and find him there, scrambling to catch up, complaining that he was going too fast, asking where the fuck the fire was.

Asahi closed his eyes. He really couldn't shake it, could he? Not this soon. Probably not for months. Even back in high school, it had taken him weeks to get over his relationships.

This one… well, there was no telling how long he'd be hung up on Yuu. And honestly, with the way they'd left things, if they didn't get any more closure, it could be years.

Asahi tired out faster than usual. He made it to the college, but he felt very out of breath. He leaned over and rested his hands on his knees for a little while, and then walked over to a nearby bench and sat down.

Behind him was the school garden, and beyond it the tree he and Yuu had once spent a day beneath. He kept his back to it. He felt like he might start crying if he looked back on that right now.

What was he even supposed to do now? What he'd been doing all that time before Yuu came into his life, he guessed. But, god – could he even go back to that now? It wouldn't be easy, and he didn't want to. He didn't want to admit to himself that it was over, that he had to put it behind him.

He covered his face.

He missed Yuu. _God_ , he missed him. He'd never before missed someone so badly that it _hurt_ , but here he was now – with a physical _ache_ in his chest and tears lying in wait at the corners of his eyes.

Asahi took a few more deep breaths, trying desperately to calm down.

He wanted to call Yuu and have him actually pick up. He wanted to hear his voice, hear his laugh, that laugh that always made Asahi smile, because it just sounded so light and carefree.

Anything, at this point – _anything._

Asahi sighed again and raised his head, watching the cars of the early-morning commuters roll lazily by.

This was just how things were going to be for a while, then.

He closed his eyes.

This was going to be hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah no you're not crazy this was a week late. I noticed a pretty disproportionate jump in the number of hits this week and can only imagine that some of you were here checking for the new chapter haha... Well, basically - I started a new semester of college, my workload overtook me quickly, I felt a serious drop in motivation, mood wasn't the best, mindset wasn't the best - chapter didn't happen. But it's here now, and 30 is well underway and should be right on schedule for next week. ;D
> 
> Anyway, for future reference, updates regarding changes in posting time are on my blog! Check out i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/tagged/totw-updates if you think something's amiss. Also check out the art while you're there! /tagged/totw-art - there's quite a few in there now and it makes me very happy. Drop the artists a line if you like what you see. :D
> 
> ALSO - if you look carefully at the summary page for this fic, you'll see that I've now decided on a final number of chapters.
> 
> 32\. 
> 
> This was 29. There are 3 left.
> 
> Good luck.


	30. Let Me Go

Ryuu healed up quickly. Within a few days of leaving the hospital, he was up and around almost like his last episode hadn't even happened.

But it had, and Noya couldn't take his mind off it.

He avoided Ryuu and Saeko where possible, but they didn't bring up Noya's outburst when they were around him – they knew better. They did treat him a little differently from normal, though; they seemed to talk more quietly to him than usual. Their eyes lingered on his for longer when he spoke to them. He'd catch them staring at him, wearing expressions of concern that turned into forced smiles when he caught their eyes.

It felt like pity. He knew it wasn't – those two would never look down on him like that – they were just worried, and rightfully so, but…

Well. There was a reason Noya hadn't ever told him any of what he'd been thinking. Pity, worry, fear – he'd only ever wanted everything to be okay.

He realized he hadn't told them about what had happened with Asahi. He'd blatantly lied about it to Saeko, but he hadn't even touched on the subject with Ryu. He could probably get away with it for a while longer, but… he was bound to notice, sooner or later, that Noya was spending way too much time hidden away in his room, and that his phone was completely dormant, especially during meals. Normally, Saeko teasingly chastising him about texting at the table was a near-daily occurrence. They would notice eventually and he would have to say it.

He would have to say the words 'we broke up'. His stomach hurt just thinking about it.

He would spend more time out of the house, but Saeko always got worried when he was away for too long. He wouldn't really be surprised if she went into his room and took the painkillers off his end table, forcing him to ask her for one when he needed it, making him take it in front of her, like she'd done four years ago.

God, the way she'd clung on to him the night he'd spilled everything.

She must really be scared.

He didn't blame her at all.

Saturday and the volleyball game drew nearer. Noya went in to work every day hoping against hope that Narita would be back at his desk, but it just didn't happen. He hadn't been kidding when he'd said he had a nasty case of the flu.

He packed up slowly on Saturday evening. He'd been moving slowly all day. All week, even. He hadn't been sleeping well at all.

He hadn't seen Asahi, or spoken to him, in nearly a week. The texts hadn't stopped coming. Noya couldn't bring himself to even open them. But he couldn't delete them, either.

He guessed he would have to, someday. Eventually – even thinking about an 'eventually' without Asahi felt wrong – he would have to face up to all these little reminders, and he would have to get rid of them.

Breaking his phone entirely would be easier than deleting anything. He didn't know what he would do about the physical reminders. Shove them to the back of his closet, probably, just like that T-shirt.

“Noya,” Ennoshita called, bringing him back to reality.

“Hm?”

“Have a good weekend,” he said lightly, shouldering his bag.

“Oh. Yeah. You too,” Noya said, with a tight smile. “See you Monday. I'll have the article done by then.”

“Get some sleep,” Ennoshita said. “I can't have this whole department getting sick on me.”

“I'll be careful.”

Noya waited until Ennoshita was out of the the room. Then he sank back down in his seat and ran his hands through his hair. He leaned his head back and let his arms fall back to his sides.

He didn't want to go to the game. Not at all. He needed to, he knew. They needed the money. He didn't even have enough money right now to replace the lens on his digital camera. He'd had to borrow Ennoshita's for the night. They hadn't been this close to zero in years.

Tonight was just going to have to be another case of Noya getting the fuck over himself.

He suddenly became strongly aware of the pain in his leg. He rubbed it a few times, and then slapped it.

_Suck it up._

_Suck it up and do what's best for everyone._

He stood up, cautiously putting weight on his bad leg, pulled on his coat, picked up his bag, and started the long, long walk to the college.

It was cold out. His leg was really going to start bothering him soon. He'd be limping before he got halfway there.

Noya ducked into his coat as he passed people walking the other direction. He wind made his eyes water.

It started to snow a little as he went along. Hard, tiny flakes stung his face. He grumbled a little to himself.

He was right about the cold being a problem. He had to stop for a few moments, about halfway there. He leaned against a bus shelter and looked up at the sky.

It was dark out already. The lights of the city turned the overcast sky a muddy orange color. It was still early for stars, but he probably wouldn't be able to see them anyway.

A flake of snow landed in his eye. He blinked it away and bowed his head again.

Just one game. Get in there, take a few pictures, get a comment – _Daichi might murder me. Maybe I should talk to Maeda instead –_ get out of there, hand the article off to Ennoshita, job done.

If Noya's interview with Kinoshita went well, he'd never have to set foot in that gym again.

Noya took a deep breath and blew out a long cloud of steam. He watched it fade off and then stood up again. His right leg ached like crazy.

He turned and started toward the college again.

\- - -

“How you feeling, Asahi?”

Asahi started a little and looked down at Daichi, who was frowning at him, concern in his eyes.

“I'm okay,” Asahi shrugged. “I'm… yeah. I'm okay.”

Daichi nodded. His eyes lingered on Asahi's for a little while, as though he were trying to catch him lying. He clapped Asahi on the shoulder and nodded again.

“Good man,” he said, and then moved on to the other players.

It was a pre-season game, but still the locker room seemed full of energy. They were playing their rival team, after all. Hinata in particular seemed extremely excited, though that wasn't anything new. He bounced around the locker room, talking to everybody, smiling widely, pepping everybody up. Daichi sometimes said that they didn't need the audience to cheer them on as long as they had Hinata's one-man pep rally before the game.

Hinata got to Asahi just as he was tying his hair up. His eyes were wide. Asahi never knew what to do when Hinata looked at him like that.

“You look so cool with your hair up like that, Azumane,” he said.

“Thank you,” Asahi smiled.

“Do you think we'll win tonight?” Hinata leaned against the lockers and tilted his head to the side.

“We might,” Asahi replied.

Hinata beamed. “If we all do our best, I really think we can,” he said. “Remember that one time you scored like twenty points in one match? That was great.”

Asahi laughed. “I do remember that,” he said. “Thank you.”

“Try your best to do it again, okay? Kenma bet me we wouldn't win today and I want to prove him wrong.”

“I'll do my best,” Asahi replied.

Hinata grinned and hopped off the bench to go talk to somebody else.

Asahi sighed deeply and sat down to pull on his kneepads.

He hadn't been getting enough sleep lately. He kept waking up in the middle of the night and checking his phone. He would dream that Yuu would sent him a text back, and when he woke up he would feel like it had actually happened.

But it never did. His last texts to Yuu were nearly a week old, and though they'd been read, there hadn't been any reply.

He guessed he should get used to that.

He shook his head a few times and closed his eyes. He shouldn't think about that right now. He should focus on the game. It would get his mind off things. He would get out there, move around, get his blood going… His teammates would be out there with him, the crowd would be cheering them on, and Narita would be back in the press section.

It would be just the same as before.

His chest hurt a little.

Daichi moved to the center of the room.

“Okay, everyone,” he called out. “Huddle up.”

Asahi slowly got up from the bench and joined his teammates in the circle.

“So,” Daichi began. “Prelim game. Nothing to stress over. But that's no reason not to go out there and do the best you can. We all know the other guys will – no question about it. They're gonna give their all, we gotta give our all.”

“Just nobody go breaking themselves before the season even starts,” Maeda intoned. “We need all of you if we want to do our best this year.”

“We'll have some new people joining us in September, but they won't replace any of you,” Daichi said. He slapped one hand onto Maeda's shoulder and put the other one in the middle.

“Everyone do your best out there,” he said, as everyone piled their hands on top of his. “Okay. Three, two, one!”

The locker room was filled with the sound of all twelve of them yelling “FIGHT!” Asahi gave it about half his usual energy.

The huddle broke up and the team started for the door. Daichi hung back and waited for Asahi. He was frowning slightly.

Asahi twisted his mouth.

“You can take it easy today,” Daichi said in a low voice. “I know you're really tired.”

“I'm going to do my best today,” Asahi said. “Just like the rest of you.”

Daichi looked at him steadily, silently, asking _are you sure?_

Asahi lowered his eyes.

“It'll get my mind off everything,” he said, quietly. “I really want to try hard today. I'll be fine.”

“Okay. Great,” Daichi said. “Take care of yourself, buddy.”

One more nod from Asahi and the two of them followed the rest of the team out onto the court.

The crowd was small, but spirited. The cheering as they walked on was loud. Asahi closed his eyes and just listened to it for a while.

_Just like before._

He reached up and checked that his hair was tied up well enough, and then took a deep breath to compose himself.

He opened his eyes as the whistle blew, and moved to join his team in the starting lineup.

He looked over to the crowd as he waited for the game to start. Suga had said he'd be near the front, so Asahi searched there first. He didn't find him right away. He started at the far end of the front row and looked along it carefully.

Asahi got to the press section before he saw a familiar face – and when he did, his heart stopped and sank.

Noya was standing up, looking stonily at the opposing team. Asahi looked away from him sharply, heart suddenly hammering in his chest.

And then, before he knew why, a feeling of anticipation grew in the back of his mind.

This was what he'd been hoping for, he reminded himself.

He took a moment to steady himself, and then carefully looked over at Yuu again.

He just needed to know how he was doing.

Yuu looked very, very tired. There were dark circles under his eyes, he frowned a little, and his hair was a mess. He was pale. He leaned heavily on his good leg.

Asahi couldn't stand to look for more than a few seconds. He felt like Noya would catch him staring if he looked too long.

He stared at the floor a few feet in front of him, heart racing, hands cold.

He'd wanted to know how Yuu was doing .Now he had a general idea, and…

He felt even worse than before. Yuu wasn't doing well. Not at all. Asahi had never seen him look worse.

He spent a few moments despairing, but then he realized it.

_He's right there. He's right there._

_You can talk to him._

Asahi's eyes darted to Yuu again. If he moved quickly after the game, he might be able to catch Yuu before he left…

He'd have to try. Even if it wouldn't be his only shot at talking some sense into him, he had a feeling that another would not present itself anytime soon.

His hands started shaking. He clenched them into fists and set his jaw.

_If anyone can talk some sense into that kid, it's you._

For the first time he could remember, Asahi just wanted to get a game over with.

\- - -

For Noya, the game crawled. The first set alone felt like a full match. He tried to keep his focus as much on the other team as possible, but Asahi just kept scoring. Lightning-fast, somebody would set the ball, and then Asahi would leap up to meet it, so focused and in control, and spike it down as hard as he could. And Noya would snap a picture right as his hand made contact with the ball.

He had a thousand pictures like that. He knew the timing perfectly. He could reuse one of them and nobody – not even the extremely discerning Ennoshita – would know the difference. Recycle a few pictures, spare himself the trouble.

But they were a habit, those pictures. He almost didn't mean to take them anymore. Track the ball up to Asahi's hand, catch him at that very peak, just before he started to fall back to earth.

Noya knew exactly where that point was, each and every time.

It made his stomach hurt now.

Asahi's team won the first set without too much trouble. Noya hoped they would take the second as well, so he could just get this over with and get out of here. But the opposing team won the second set, after several ties. Noya was on the edge of his seat, ready to get up and make a beeline for Maeda as soon as the whistle blew, but then he sat back and groaned in irritation as the other team pulled two points ahead, and he was forced into the third set.

He noticed Suga sitting a few seats to his left. He was watching the game intently.

Noya wondered how much Asahi had told Suga and Daichi. He wondered how much they knew. Well, Daichi – Daichi knew all of it. He'd watched it all right from the start. He wondered how much Asahi had connected things for him.

He wondered how Asahi was doing.

Pretty okay, if the way he was playing was any guide. That made Noya feel a little better. He'd hurt him by leaving; that wasn't something he could deny. But Asahi was strong. He could and would bounce back from Noya, and he apparently was already beginning to do so.

_He's better off without you._

The thought didn't even hurt anymore. He'd been thinking it so often lately – and now, seeing Asahi playing just as incredibly as ever, it was only further cemented in his mind.

_You hurt him. But it was the last time._

The third set crawled by with another lengthy battle to get two points ahead. The score was creeping up into the thirties by the time Asahi finally smashed the last point into the opponent's side of the court.

The crowd cheered and Noya stood up abruptly and made his way to the edge of the court.

He waited for the teams to shake hands, for the huddle to form and then break apart, and then he moved in.

As expected, Daichi looked at him sternly as he approached, and then looked pointedly at Maeda. Noya nodded and turned towards the vice captain. Dacihi had said he wouldn't kill Noya, but that certainly didn't mean he was ready to talk to him again just yet.

He couldn't help but notice how quickly Asahi left the court. He nearly ran to the locker room. By the time Noya had reached Maeda and started talking, Asahi was out of sight.

Noya's chest hurt a little.

He needed to get out of here. Now.

He half-listened to Maeda's discussion of their prospects for the coming year, scribbled a few notes down in handwriting even he wouldn't be able to decipher later, and then gave a bland smile, thanked Maeda for his time, and turned to leave the gym.

\- - -

Asahi left the court as soon as he could, hurrying into the locker room.

He didn't have time to change out of his uniform. He pulled on a pair of sweatpants – getting his feet stuck a few times, because he hadn't bothered to take his shoes off first – and then a hoodie.

He had to catch Yuu on his own if he wanted to get him to talk. He probably wouldn't waste time getting out of here. Asahi couldn't even believe he'd shown up here in the first place.

His heart was racing. He didn't have much time.

He was standing up from the bench when the rest of the team started filing into the room. He made his way past them, nodding distractedly in response to their praises of his effort that night, and stepped back into the gym.

Daichi was the last one off, as usual. He looked up at Asahi, and then looked him over quickly.

“Did you see –” Asahi began breathlessly, but Daichi cut him off.

“He went out the back door,” he said. “Into the alley. If you hurry, you can catch up to him.”

“Thank you,” Asahi said.

He started forward again, but Daichi reached out to stop him for a moment.

Daichi's mouth was a hard line.

“Good luck,” he said, and then put his arm back down. “Suga and I will wait in the car for you.”

Asahi pressed his lips together and nodded once. They held eye contact for another moment, and then Asahi moved past him, running for the door.

When Asahi stumbled out the door into the cold, Noya was about ten feet ahead of him, halfway to the end of the alley.

Asahi's heart leapt into his throat.

“Yuu!” he called out, his desperation clear even from that single syllable.

Noya froze midstep. His shoulders went stiff.

For almost half a minute, the only sound was Asahi's breathing. Neither of them moved at all.

Noya dragged his right leg forward so it was level with his left. He squared his shoulders and held his head up.

“Asahi,” he said flatly.

He didn't go on. He didn't want to be here. If Asahi didn't say something soon, he would just leave.

He bit his lip.

“Yuu,” he said. “I… don't like where we left things. Last week.”

Noya bowed his head and shook it, letting out an exasperated breath. “Asahi, I have to get home,” he said. “I don't have time to –”

“Just give me five minutes,” Asahi interrupted. “Please. I just want to tell you a few things, okay? Five minutes and then you can leave – and then we don't ever have to do this again.”

Noya didn't move, almost for too long.

Finally, he sighed deeply, shaking his head again. He straightened up and put his hands in his jacket pockets.

He relaxed a little, but didn't turn to face Asahi.

“Okay,” he said quietly. “Five minutes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohoho ~~
> 
> So yeah, there's two count 'em two chapters remaining of this story. Holy shit it's so close to being over I cannot handle it I seriously cannot.
> 
> I just want to take a minute to thank you guys for the incredible support that's been pouring in lately. Like... I keep track of my stats each week, and I think we set a record for number of hits pulled in over the course of a week. When I posted chapter 29, this fic had 7456 hits. Now it has 7958. There were also 669 Kudos... and now there are 705. Like that's fucking crazy. Thank you all so so so much!
> 
> Comment/Kudo/bookmark/subscribe/tell your friends/ what have you
> 
> My tumblr is i-homeostasis if you're still missing out on that lovely shitshow. Also a great place to scream at me if that's your thing
> 
> See you all next week! ♥


	31. I Am Human

For what felt like a very long time, neither of them moved at all.

Asahi panted a little, having never gotten a chance to catch his breath after the game. He had so much he wanted to say that he found himself incapable of speaking at all. He kept his eyes glued to Noya's back, searching for where he could possibly start.

Noya coughed.

“What did you want to say?” he asked, his voice low.

Asahi hadn't thought this through. He hadn't had time.

“I…” he tried. “I just wanted to… are you okay?”

It was weak and he knew it.

Noya let out a humorless laugh and shrugged.

“I'm all right,” he said flatly.

Asahi expected him to elaborate, at least a little – but he didn't. Instead, he changed the subject.

“You played really well tonight,” he said. “As always. Good job.”

Asahi pressed his lips together.

“You're not all right,” he said. “You're not.”

“Yeah, I am. What makes you say that?”

“You look like you haven't slept all week,” Asahi said. “I saw you at the game. You looked exhausted.”

“Thanks.”

“And – with all that stuff you told me, all of that going on in your head all the time, how could you be okay?”

Noya's shoulders stiffened again. He took a breath in quickly, like he was about to snap back at him – but at the last second he stopped himself.

“I told you. I'm fine,” he finally said, with artificial calm. “I've learned to deal with all that stuff. Okay? Don't worry about me.”

“I'm going to worry about you, damn it,” Asahi said. “All I do is worry, remember? And you gave me a lot to be worried about.”

“I made you cry, Asahi. I made you feel like shit. I _left you._ Remember?” Noya's voice shook. He bowed his head for a moment, and then raised it again. “You shouldn't worry about someone who hurt you the way I did.”

“Why do you want me to hate you?”

“Asahi. I need to get going. Saeko's gonna wonder where I am.”

“You gave me five minutes. That's not up yet.”

Noya stopped talking for a second. He reached up and ran a hand over his face.

“Asahi,” he breathed – and he sounded so, _so_ tired – “You deserve so much better than me. Okay? I'm not good enough for you. I'm just not.”

“Like hell you're not. You're better for me than anyone's ever been, okay? You haven't hurt me nearly as much as you think, Yuu. I'm right here telling you that. I'm _okay._ ”

“I _hit you_ ,” Noya growled. “Don't make excuses for me. I got mad and I hit you and you should not forgive me for that.”

“I don't think that was okay. I'm not trying to excuse it. It was wrong of you. But you obviously know that. You realize it was wrong. And you'd never do it again.”

“A month ago I wouldn't have ever thought I'd do it in the first place, Asahi.”

“You've got some stuff you need to work through. I know that,” Asahi said carefully. “My point is… You don't need to shut me out. You _shouldn't_ shut me out. I want to help you. I want to be there for you while you're working through everything.”

“Asahi –”

“I understand if you don't want what we had. If you don't want that, I won't bring it up again. I get why it would be way too much, with everything else you're thinking about right now.”

It hurt to say it – to even think about it. Asahi felt tears welling up as he took a deep breath and pressed on.

“I just really care about you,” he said. “I want to know how you're doing. I want you to know I'm here for you. No matter what.”

Noya said nothing.

“I know you don't want me out of your life, Yuu,” Asahi said. “You said it yourself.”

“I just don't… I'm not…” Noya started and stopped a few times, and then shook his head.

“You can find someone better in a heartbeat,” Noya said, finally. “And I want you to do that.”

“Even if I could, I wouldn't want to.”

“Asahi.”

“You accepted me where nobody else did, okay? Do you know how long my other relationships lasted after I said I was asexual? Not long, Yuu. Do you know how many of them wanted to stay? None. _None_ of them, Yuu.”

Noya didn't say anything. He kept his back to Asahi and held unnaturally still.

Asahi pressed his lips together and shook his head. “This isn't about me, though,” he said. “I want to talk about you.”

“What's there to talk about?” Noya shrugged. “I hurt you. I hurt everyone I care about. And I'm apparently just going to keep doing that as long as I live.”

“You know that's not true.”

“Do I, Asahi? Because I _have_ hurt literally every person I have ever cared about. All the way back to my parents. I ruined Ryu's and Saeko's lives. _I almost killed my best friend, Asahi. He has almost died three times because of me._ How the _fuck_ can you say I'm not a terrible person after _that_?”

“That was an accident!” Asahi shot back. “You know it was an accident.”

“It was an accident I caused. He'd be in perfect shape if it weren't me. He wouldn't be in any pain at all.”

Noya shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair again. “I just don't see a way around it, Asahi,” he said. “I just _can't_.”

“You've made mistakes,” Asahi said. “I'll give you that. Those mistakes don't make you a bad person, Yuu. You learn from mistakes.”

“I haven't learned a goddamn thing!” Noya burst out suddenly, startling Asahi. “I haven't learned a thing! Even after all that shit I've done, I just keep fucking up. I thought I was okay when I met you. I really thought I was better, but I hadn't improved a fucking bit. I still hurt you, just like everyone else. I fucked up so many times with you, I…”

“You didn't,” Asahi insisted. “You've been good for me. You've been so good.”

“I don't deserve you, okay?” Noya's voice was quieter now, but not by much. “I really don't.”

“Stop talking about what you think you deserve, Yuu,” Asahi shot at him. “Would you think about what you _want_ for a change?”

Noya shifted his weight to his good leg. He shook his head a little, and made a quiet, exasperated noise.

Asahi wasn't getting through to him. He could tell.

He had to try, though. He had to say _something_.

“Yuu, I'm… really worried about you,” he said. “Okay? I… I don't want you to think that stuff about yourself. If you want me to leave, I will, but please tell me you'll get some help. Or you'll at least talk to somebody about all of this. I don't want you keeping all of that locked up in your head anymore. _Please_ , Yuu. It doesn't have to be me that you talk to. Just please, _please_ talk to somebody.

“I don't want you to feel like this anymore. I can't stand that you're hurting so much, I just can't.”

Asahi's heart was racing by the time he finished speaking. He hadn't meant to, but he realized he'd raised his voice as he'd spoken. Now that he'd stopped, a deafening silence filled their alley.

Asahi had expected Noya to shout back. But when he did speak – after a long, long pause – it was in a voice so small it scared him.

“I don't…” Noya said. “I don't… want that.”

“What?”

“You said to think about what I want for once,” Noya said. He turned his head upwards a little. “And I don't want that.”

“What?” Asahi asked. “What don't you want?”

Noya took a deep breath and let it out in a cloud of steam. Asahi heard the air catch in his chest as he inhaled again.

“I don't want you to leave,” he said, and he sounded exhausted.

“Well, then I won't.”

“The thing is… you make it sound so easy – just thinking about what I want. But I can't,” Noya said, scuffing his shoe against the asphalt. “I can't just… _want_ things. Not like I could before all this. I can't stop thinking about it in terms of whether or not I deserve it. I can't stop thinking about what I did. All this shit I've done to hurt other people. Whether I meant to or not. And what I do and don't deserve because of all of it.”

Noya paused and shuffled his feet a little more. Asahi waited. He could barely breathe.

Noya's next breath positively shuddered within him.

“And I don't feel like I deserve to be with you,” he said, his voice wavering.

His expression flattened out as he went on.

“I don't even feel like I deserve to be alive anymore.”

Asahi's heart stopped completely.

He moved without thinking. He rushed forward, turned Yuu around, and pulled him into his arms, holding him so tightly it had to be hurting them both.

The only word Asahi could find was _no_ and he used it. He breathed it into Yuu's hair, over and over and over, the tears that had been threatening to show themselves for the last couple of hours finally coming forth.

He focused on Yuu's body against his, took in everything he felt, wanted to somehow protect him from everything that could hurt him, desperately clinging on and insisting that _no, no, no,_ Yuu – _Yuu, of all people, Yuu_ – _his Yuu_ couldn't feel this way, couldn't have those thoughts in his head. He just _couldn't_.

Yuu was quaking in Asahi's arms. Asahi could feel his stunted, gasping breaths. He felt his little fists gripping handfuls of his shirt.

He felt so _tiny_ in Asahi's arms. He felt so breakable in that moment that Asahi almost started to sob.

He forced himself not to.

He still had more to say.

\- - -

Asahi was warm. Noya shivered against him.

He should pull away.

He should pull away and turn his back and leave.

He shouldn't let himself have this. It was too much.

He was just going to make everything worse. Again and again and again.

Tears prickled in his eyes. Cold fear welled up in him and he gritted his teeth. He couldn't cry. Asahi would never let him leave if he cried. He had to get out of here. He had to get out of here –

“You deserve to live, Yuu,” Asahi said in his ear. His voice was shaking, right on the edge of crying. “I can't believe I have to say this, Yuu, I…”

Asahi's arms tightened around him. His fingers ran through Noya's hair. Noya's chest hurt so bad he could hardly breathe. He clenched his jaw and gripped Asahi's shirt even tighter in his fists.

But he didn't let himself hug him back.

Asahi wasn't done.

“You deserve to be alive. You deserve to be with the people who love you. _You deserve to be loved, Yuu,_ and I can't stand that you don't know that.”

He should run. He should pull away and run. Asahi didn't know what he was talking about. He was wrong. _He was wrong_.

“No,” he choked out. “No, I… _I…_ ”

_You're wrong. You're wrong. I don't. I don't. I don't…_

Asahi kept stroking his hair, kept murmuring to him, but Noya didn't hear a word of it over the sound of his heart pounding in his ears.

He wouldn't be able to hold back from crying much longer. He had to get out of here.

He didn't move. Even if he'd wanted to, he didn't think he could.

Asahi gently kissed the top of his head. The next thing he said, Noya heard with perfect clarity.

“I'm here for you, okay?

“I love you. You know I love you.”

Noya bit his lips together hard, and screwed his eyes shut.

In spite of himself, he let out a tiny sob.

“Yuu – _Yuu –_ ”

Noya buried his face in Asahi's chest, fighting as hard as he could to _stop_ , but he couldn't hold it back anymore.

He wrapped his arms around Asahi as tightly as he could.

And he broke down. He leaned heavily against Asahi, crying so hard he could barely stop to breathe.

“Yuu…”

More soft kisses pressed into his hair. Strong and warm hands holding him close. Gently rocking side to side. Quiet words of _love_ in his ear, words that made his heart _hurt_.

_Get out of here. Don't do this. Don't do this to him. Don't make it harder._

Noya pressed himself even closer, shaking with tears. So much quieter than the other day, when he'd told Ryu and Saeko.Weak, pathetic _whimpers_ were all that escaped him now, and he hid them away against Asahi, who listened and waited and told him he loved him over and over and over.

_You don't deserve this._

_Make this quick. You need to get out of here._

Noya didn't want to let go.

_You don't deserve him and he sure as hell doesn't deserve you._

_None of them do._

Noya felt sick to his stomach. He choked on another sob, forced the rest of them back as best he could, and let his arms fall to his sides.

Asahi let go. He put his hands on Noya's shoulders and tried to get him to look him in the eye. Noya looked at the ground.

Asahi rubbed under Noya's eyes with his thumbs, brushing the tears away. Noya finally looked up at him, and found that he'd been crying as well.

He looked so scared. Noya had scared him.

“I'm sorry,” he wavered, closing his eyes. “I'm s-sorry…”

“Sorry for what?” Asahi asked.

“Everything, I… I don't know, I… I didn't want to make you cry, I…”

“Shh,” Asahi said, and kissed his forehead. “Hey… hey, no, don't apologize for that.”

Noya held his breath to try and stop more tears from coming. Asahi's hands were braced on his shoulders, supporting him while he did so.

“Hey… let's go sit down, okay?” Asahi asked gently. “You're favoring your leg pretty hard. Come on…”

Noya didn't protest. He let Asahi lead him to a bench and sat down beside him.

Their five minutes had to be up by now.

Noya made no move to leave.

Asahi cautiously moved his hand close to Noya's. Noya closed the gap, lacing their fingers together, leaning against his shoulder.

It was starting to snow again. The two of them watched it falling for a little while in silence. Asahi rubbed Noya's knuckles with his thumb. Noya knew he was waiting for him to keep talking. It took him a few minutes to get himself back to the point where he could, but he managed it.

“I just don't think I'm good enough for you,” he said. “And… I guess I know that's not true, somewhere in here, but… I just can't make myself believe it.”

Asahi didn't say anything.

“I just… I feel so shitty, about myself, about… everything, and…” Noya took a deep breath. “I know you deserve better than someone like me. Someone who can't even love himself.”

“If there's better than you, I don't want it.”

“Asahi.”

“I mean it, Yuu.”

Noya looked up at him and found him frowning, ready to meet his eyes.

Noya thought about saying something in protest, but it didn't look like it would make any difference.

He sat back and closed his eyes.

“It's going to take me a long time,” he said quietly. “A long time to work through all this… this shit, inside my head.”

“I know.”

“And you… want to stay with me? Even through all that?”

“Of course. If you want me there.”

Asahi sounded so sure. So confident that he would want to stay. Noya just couldn't believe, not for a second, that Asahi could ever have enough patience and love – even as patient and loving as Asahi was – to stay with him for the doubtless _years_ it would take for him to reach even a semblance of normal.

“The _second_ someone better comes along –” Noya began, looking up at him.

“Nobody will.”

“Asahi. Please.”

“Yuu, I know what I'm talking about. Okay?”

They stared at each other for a moment. Noya took in every inch of his face. Warm, determined brown eyes. Thick eyebrows forrowed slightly. His hair fallen halfway out of its usual bun.

Noya's heart fluttered a little. For a split second, he felt a spark of incredulity – did he… actually deserve this? Could he actually be worthy of Asahi, in any way at all?

But – no. The feeling passed quickly. He couldn't. He couldn't even hope to be.

Asahi kept his eyes steadily on Noya's.

“So you'll get some help?” he asked. “You'll talk to someone.”

Noya glanced away.

“I can't,” he said. “We can't afford it.”

“I'll help you pay.”

“I can't ask you to do that.”

“You're not. I'm giving it to you.”

“Asahi…”

Asahi turned to face him, took both of his hands, looked him in the eyes, and said, “Yuu. You're worth it. You are.”

Noya couldn't hold his gaze.

“You'll talk to someone,” Asahi repeated, releasing his hands. “And if you need me, I'm right here. Don't hide.”

Noya nodded jerkily. The tears were all gone by now, and in their place was a deep, heavy feeling of tiredness. He felt like he'd been up for two straight days.

He wanted to go back to when he and Asahi would lie in bed for hours and hours, just enjoying each other's warmth, talking and laughing until they both passed out.

Noya's heart ached for those days. He wanted them back. He wanted to think he could ever deserve to have them back.

Asahi believed in him. He really did.

“You'll stay with me?” Noya asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“Thank you.”

Further quiet. The snow was picking up now. Noya glanced at his watch. It was almost eight. Saeko really would be worrying soon.

Asahi noticed him checking the time. “You walked here, didn't you,” he asked.

“Yeah.”

“Let me walk you to the bus?”

“Thank you.”

Asahi took his phone out to text Daichi and Suga to leave without him, and then stood up. He put out a hand to help Noya up, and held it while he steadied himself. Then he let go.

Noya stuffed his hands back in his pockets, trying not to think of how cold they were.

They walked close enough together that their arms kept bumping into each other. They didn't talk at all, all the way to the bus stop, but that was okay with Noya. Just being near Asahi was enough for him right now. He didn't need words. He just needed to look up every now and then, and see Asahi walking beside him in the snow, his nose and his cheeks and his ears going red with cold – and to know that he was walking beside someone who cared about him, who loved him.

Someday, would he… would he feel like he deserved that?

Could he ever?

They reached the bus shelter and stood side-by-side beneath it in silence. Noya kept looking up at Asahi out of the corner of his eye. He didn't ever catch Asahi looking at him; he was always looking straight ahead, at the cars going by.

God, he was beautiful.

Within fifteen minutes, a bus was in sight. Noya leaned forward to get a good look at it, and nodded.

“There's my ride,” he muttered, taking a step out from beneath the shelter.

He stopped when he felt a tug on his sleeve. He looked down to see Asahi's hand there, and then up to look at his face.

Asahi's lips were pressed together.

“Yuu?” he asked.

“Yeah?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Noya smiled a little. He nodded.

He reached up and wrapped his arms around Asahi's neck as he leaned down, and pulled him in close. Asahi's hands rested on Noya's waist, gently holding him there.

The kiss was warm. Asahi's lips were much softer than Noya's, but he didn't seem to mind that they were a little chapped. They turned their heads to the side and both of them leaned into it a little, opening their mouths slightly, pulling apart for a moment, moving back together.

Noya's heart swelled. He smiled into the kiss during its last moments, and felt Asahi do the same.

They broke apart just before the bus arrived, and just held each other close for a minute.

Asahi rested his palm against Noya's cheek.

“You can do this,” he said quietly. “I know you can. You're so strong.”

“As long as I've got you.”

“I'm not going anywhere.”

The bus stopped at the curb and Noya had to pull away from him. He looked back before he got on, and gave Asahi a brave attempt at one of his old smiles.

“Call me when you want to meet up?” Asahi asked.

“Yeah,” Noya replied. “Yeah, definitely.”

With that, Noya climbed on board. He paid the driver and walked back to an empty seat. He looked out the window once he got there, and saw Asahi looking up at him.

He waved at him, and Noya waved back. They exchanged a small smile.

The bus lurched suddenly and started to move. Noya sat back in his seat and closed his eyes.

He didn't feel okay. Not all the way. There was still so much of that sick feeling in his stomach, and in the back of his mind, that he couldn't even begin to feel 'okay'.

But what had just happened gave him the crazy idea that maybe – _maybe_ – it could be. Someday. If he worked hard enough.

Maybe.

He opened his eyes and took his phone out of his pocket. He unlocked it, scrolled over the cracked screen until he got to the photo gallery app, and opened it up.

He flipped through the pictures until he got to October. The first of the pictures of the two of them, taken in orange autumn light. He stared at his own smile just as long as he stared at Asahi's. His chest hurt a little.

He'd complicated everything so much. He could remember quite clearly how easy it had been to smile in those days, but couldn't for a second imagine how he could ever get back to that.

He wanted to make Asahi smile like that again.

He would, he thought to himself. And then, more firmly – _I will_.

_I will make him smile. Just like that._

_Just like that, again and again and again._

Noya nodded to himself, put his phone away, and waited for the bus to take him home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that went pretty ok huh :D
> 
> Just one more chapter left to go, guys. And I guess it's okay at this point to tell you that it's more of an epilogue than anything. To be completely honest, I don't even really know exactly where it's going to end just yet. I had an end scene in mind when I set out, but I don't know if it still fits or not. We'll see.
> 
> Anyway. 
> 
> Last chapter next week. Hopefully it won't be late. This one almost was. I didn't have the draft finished by the time I got back to my room tonight. One of the printers in the library where I work kept jamming, so I didn't get as much time as I'd have liked to work on the chapter, but on the plus side I am now intimately familiar with the printers and all of the apparently hundreds of ways in which they can jam themselves. God damn. I have toner all over my fingers
> 
> Anyway. I got back to my room at about 8 and chilled for a bit and then went and took a shower and by the time I got back my roommate had her light out and was in bed, so I couldn't keep my light on to handwrite. Had to type like half this stuff without a draft to work from. Awful. But I think it turned out ok. Hopefully anyway. It's one am. I'm almost completely incoherent at this point.
> 
> Drop me a line at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com, leave me a comment, drop a Kudo, do what you do. Thank you so much for all of your guys' support all this time - it really means so much to me. I'll say more on the matter tomorrow after I've had some sleep lmao I'm gonna dieee


	32. We'll Have It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and so it ends.
> 
> Also this is fucking 7.6K words so it will take you longer to read than normal lmao

It took a long time.

Asahi didn't see much of Yuu towards the beginning. He worried about this at first – what if all that had been for nothing? What if Yuu was shutting himself away again? – but within a few days of their meeting, the texts started again. Infrequent and impersonal at first, but at least it was something. Yuu still needed space, and Asahi was beyond willing to let him have it.

And, eventually – a few weeks afterward – there was a call.

Asahi was in his room that evening, starting on some homework, when his phone buzzed. He jumped a little – the noise always started him – and looked to see who it was.

His heart leapt and he almost knocked his tea mug over in his haste to answer the call.

“Yuu,” he said breathlessly. “How are you doing?”

A quiet laugh came through the phone.

“I'm okay,” Yuu said. “I'm okay. How are you?”

“I'm just fine. It's good to hear from you.”

“Yeah. Uh, sorry it took so long.”

“No – don't be. It's okay. I understand.”

Yuu was quiet for a moment. Asahi waited. He had something he wanted to say, and Asahi felt like if he rushed him, he wouldn't say it.

A deep sigh in Asahi's ear.

“So, I, uh. I've started therapy,” he said, after a pause.

“Good! I'm glad to hear it. Well – I mean – if it's helping?”

“It is. I think. It's uh. It's a little hard to tell, I guess. Everything's kinda… weird for me, right now, I guess.”

Asahi pressed his lips together. “How so?”

“Everything's just kind of… muddled, I guess? I don't know. I'm really tired lately. Can't sleep most of the time, though. I don't even really know how I'm feeling.”

“Oh.” Asahi wished he had something else to say, something better. He wanted to tell Yuu to come over. He wanted to hold him – to somehow make all of his confusion away.

“Anyway,” Yuu went on. “I'm uh. Calling because I need to ask you a favor. Sorry.”

“No, it's fine – what is it?”

Yuu shuffled with the phone for a second, and then said, “You have a car, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Daichi or Suga using it right now?”

“Nope.”

“See, um… Saeko and Ryu are at the clinic. Nothing new – nothing to worry about, just routine – but… they took the car. And I have an appointment today, and…”

“I can drive you. Don't worry.”

“I'd take the bus, but… My leg is really acting up today. I don't really want to have to walk to the stop.”

“It's okay,” Asahi said, closing his textbook. “When do you need to leave?”

“In about an hour. Sorry.”

“It's no trouble, Yuu,” Asahi insisted. “Really. Don't worry.”

Yuu was quiet. Asahi waited.

“So,” he finally breathed. He sounded so weary that Asahi's heart ached. “See you in an hour?”

“Yeah. Will you need me to give you a ride back, too?”

“Well, uh.” Yuu paused. “No. But.”

Quiet again. After a few minutes, Asahi decided to prompt him.

“But what?” he said.

“I uh. I'd like you to,” Yuu finished. “I don't really want to have to talk with Saeko and Ryu right away afterwards. I'm always really tired after these appointments, and… You're not tiring to be with.”

“Okay. Yeah. Don't worry about it. I can drive you back. It's no trouble.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

They both fell silent. Asahi had a thousand things he wanted to say, but he held them all back.

Yuu sighed again.

“So,” he said. “An hour.”

“Yep. I'll be there.”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

“Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

“Okay. Uh… see you. Bye.”

“Goodbye, Yuu.”

Yuu hung up first. Asahi took his phone away from his ear and stared at Yuu's contact photo for the few seconds it remained onscreen.

He'd taken it himself, back in October, and had insisted that Asahi make it his contact photo. His eyes were crossed and his tongue was sticking out.

It was completely at odds with the voice he'd just heard.

 _God_ , he hoped therapy would help.

The call closed and Asahi set his phone down. He pulled his textbook over, opened it, and stared blankly at the page for a while.

His hands were cold and his heart was racing a little. He tried to calm down – he shouldn't feel nervous about seeing Yuu. He shouldn't even really feel excited – it's not like they would talk very much today.

But he hadn't seen or really heard from him in weeks. He had no idea how he was doing. He'd sounded so _tired_ on the phone… Asahi should have asked more about how he was feeling. Not that Yuu would have answered him truthfully, but…

He'd do it when he saw him.

Hopefully he'd get an answer.

\- - -

Asahi showed up about fifteen minutes early. Noya had expected this. He was always so nervous about being late.

“Hey,” Noya breathed as he opened the front door.

“Hey!” Asahi sounded much better than Noya felt. He gave him a small, cautious smile.

Noya struggled to mirror his expression.

“You wanna come in for a second?” Noya asked, standing aside.

“Okay. Thanks.”

Asahi stepped into the room and Noya closed the door behind him. They stood there in silence for a few moments.

“How have you been?” Asahi asked.

Noya sighed deeply and shrugged.

“I'm okay,” he said. “I know I say that a lot, but I'm okay.”

“What have you been up to?”

“Surviving. You know.”

“Is Ryu doing okay?”

“Yeah. He's doing great, actually. He's on new meds and he's feeling way better. And he, uh. His head's all good, and everything. He's not passing out all over the place anymore.”

“Good, good.”

Quiet again.

“You look tired,” Asahi said. He reached over and ran a thumb below Noya's right eye. “Having trouble sleeping?”

Noya closed his eyes. The concern in Asahi's expression made his stomach hurt.

“Yeah,” he admitted. “It's pretty bad, actually.”

Asahi made a quiet, sympathetic noise.

“I'll be okay, though,” Noya said, looking up at him again, and putting on a smile. He put his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels a few times. “I'm okay.”

Asahi nodded slowly. He looked down at the floor, and then back up at Noya.

“Just hadn't heard from you in a while,” he said, smiling sadly. “I missed you.”

“Sorry,” Noya said.

“No, it's okay. You needed time away. I understand. And if you still want more of that after today, it's okay. Don't worry.”

“Nah. I'm not gonna be this much of a stranger anymore,” he said. “I've… really missed you too.”

“Okay. Just take your time.”

“My, uh… my therapist told me I shouldn't shut you out. So.”

“I would have to agree with them there.”

Noya laughed humorlessly and looked up at Asahi once again.

Asahi was watching him carefully. He was worried. He'd gotten that look a lot from Saeko and Ryu a lot lately. He didn't like it very much. It felt like pity.

_They're looking at you like that because they care about you._

_Asahi cares about you._

_He's worried about you._

Noya tried his best to make his smile look genuine. He held his arms out and moved towards him.

Asahi moved too, and held him close.

“Sorry I've been weird lately,” Noya said.

Asahi squeezed him.

“No need to be sorry,” he said. “I get it, okay? Really.”

Asahi kissed the top of his head. He rubbed Noya's shoulder with his thumb.

Noya closed his eyes. He didn't want to move.

Asahi released him a few seconds later, and took a step back.

“Ready to head out?” he asked gently.

“Yeah,” Noya replied. “Yeah. Let's go.”

\- - -

The drive to the therapist's office was quiet. Asahi kept glancing at Yuu, finding him staring out the window, facing away from Asahi. Asahi wanted to say something, but couldn't think of anything. He resigned himself to silently looking over at him every now and then, gradually getting more and more worried. Noya said nothing except to give him directions.

They arrived at the office building – a tall, uninviting pillar of brick and concrete – about fifteen minutes before Yuu's appointment was scheduled to begin. When Asahi pulled up to the curb and stopped, Yuu unbuckled his seatbelt immediately, but paused before opening the door.

Asahi pressed his lips together and looked over at him.

Yuu took a long breath and let it out as slowly as he could.

“You okay?” Asahi asked gently.

Yuu nodded and looked back at him. He gave a small smile.

“I'm okay,” Yuu assured him. “Just trying to. Mentally prepare. I guess.”

Asahi reached over and covered Yuu's hand with his own. Yuu took it and squeezed his fingers thankfully.

“I'll be okay,” he repeated. “This has been really helpful so far. It just… really takes it out of me, is all.”

“Okay. You took your meds today?”

“Right after I woke up. Yeah.”

“All right,” Asahi nodded. “Good.”

He rubbed Yuu's knuckles with his thumb a few times. Then he let go.

“Good luck,” he said. “I hope things go well for you today.”

“Thanks. I hope so too. Hey, uh… Asahi?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I, uh… can I kiss you?”

Asahi's heart skipped.

He nodded, and leaned over the center console. Yuu leaned too, and Asahi cupped his cheek with his hand.

It wasn't a long kiss. Asahi wished it could have lasted longer. They pressed their lips together for only a few moments before they pulled apart.

Yuu stayed close, though. He kept his eyes closed after the kiss was over.

Asahi ran a thumb over his cheek.

“I'll pick you up right here when your appointment's over,” he murmured. “Let me know if you get done early – I won't be far.”

“Okay,” Yuu said. “Yeah. Thank you.”

Another moment of silence. Yuu opened his eyes again, but kept them downcast.

Asahi wanted to ask if he was okay again – as if that would somehow change the answer he knew he would get.

He kissed Yuu's forehead and then settled back into his seat. Yuu reached for the door handle, pulled it, and popped the door open.

He didn't get out right away, though. He lingered there for a few seconds, staring blankly ahead. Asahi watched him carefully.

Yuu opened and closed his mouth a few times, as though about to say something, but he didn't.

He finally pushed the door open and stepped out of the car.

“Thanks again, Asahi,” he said quietly.

“Yep. No problem.”

“See you in an hour.”

Yuu shut the door behind him and turned to walk toward the office building. Asahi watched him go, taking careful note of the limp in his step. His chest twinged.

He watched Yuu until he was inside the building and out of sight. Then he stared at the steering wheel for a moment, frowning slightly.

He should probably go somewhere while he was waiting. Get an early dinner. Go to the library, get some more homework done.

His hand moved up to his neck. He took hold of the thin leather of the necklace Yuu had given him on his birthday. Only a little over a month ago.

He pulled the crystal out from under his shirt and held it between his thumb and forefinger. It was warm from being against his skin.

He hadn't worn it much since he'd gotten it. He'd hadn't ever been one to wear jewelry of any kind, so he'd keep forgetting it. And then there had been… everything that had happened.

He'd remembered it this morning and put it on, but for some reason he'd been too shy to actually display it.

He let it sit on top of his shirt now.

He turned the key and started the car. He took a deep breath and sighed.

He pulled the car away from the curb and out into traffic.

\- - -

About an hour later, Noya walked out of the building. He limped over to a bench and sat down slowly. He leaned forward and pinched the bridge of his nose.

His leg hurt a lot. He was almost too tired to care.

There were about ten minutes left before Asahi was due to show up, but Noya didn't text him to tell him to hurry. He had a headache after all that and he was in no rush to have another person asking how he was feeling.

They'd talked about some pretty heavy shit at his appointment today. He just wanted to sleep now. Maybe he should call Asahi and tell him not to pick him up. Maybe he should just take the bus home, or walk.

No… he wanted to be with Asahi. To just be near him. If Noya didn't want to talk, Asahi wouldn't press him.

Besides, he probably wouldn't pick up the phone. He didn't while he was driving.

He'd wait, then.

He didn't have to wait long. Asahi's car pulled up to the curb in front of his bench just a few minutes after he sat down.

Noya could vaguely see Asahi's face through the car window. He looked worried.

Noya hauled himself up and limped over to the car. He opened the passenger door and sank down onto the seat. He sighed and closed the door behind him.

Asahi was quiet for a moment, but he didn't immediately start the car back up. Noya braced himself.

“You okay, Yuu?” Asahi asked quietly.

Noya shook his head.

“…You wanna talk?”

Another shake.

“Tired?”

Nod.

“Okay. I'll get you home, then.”

Asahi put the car in gear, craned his neck to check for traffic, and then pulled away from the curb.

Noya wouldn't even look in his direction for a long time. He gazed out the window, not taking in a thing.

He didn't want to go home. Saeko and Ryu probably wouldn't even be home yet, but just the idea of going back right now made his stomach twist a bit. He'd already laid himself open to those two recently, and today he'd told all that – and more – to someone else. They'd dug into something today that he'd never, ever talked about with anyone, and now never, ever wanted to acknowledge again. He felt vulnerable and exposed, like anybody who looked into his eyes would be able to tell just what was wrong with him.

He felt sick.

Noya pulled his knees up to his chest and held them there. He closed his eyes.

“Asahi?” he croaked after a few minutes.

“Yeah?”

“Can we just… drive around for a little while?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.”

Asahi flicked the turn signal and took a right.

“Anywhere in particular you want to go?” he asked.

“Somewhere quiet,” Noya replied.

“Okay.”

Noya settled back in his seat and tried not to think of anything at all.

\- - -

Noya didn't know how long they drove. He kept his eyes closed the whole time, and didn't say a word.

He was actually on the edge of falling asleep when Asahi pulled the car to the side of the rode and stopped it. Noya sat up and looked around, blinking a few times in the sunlight.

“This is pretty quiet,” Asahi murmured.

They were parked at the top of a hill, overlooking a valley. Somewhere, at one end or the other of it, was the city where they lived – no doubt bustling with rush-hour traffic – but out here, it was barely audible. Noya could hear the wind whispering through the trees, even with the door closed.

It wouldn't have been too far from this spot that Noya had once driven a car off the road.

“Yeah,” he replied. “This is quiet enough.”

He pushed the door open and got out, slowly lowering his right foot onto the ground. He heard Asahi get out on the other side.

Noya straightened up and walked over to the guardrail, pausing a few feet away. Asahi did the same. He stood only a few feet away from Noya, almost close enough for him to feel his warmth. If Noya just moved a little closer…

He clenched his jaw and stuck his hands in his jacket pockets.

They stood there in silence for a minute or two. Noya felt Asahi glance at him every now and then. He was waiting.

Noya took a few more deep breaths, to steady himself, and then bowed his head.

“I want this to work, Asahi,” he said quietly.

“I do, too.”

“I want this to work, but…” Noya choked. “But… I'm scared, Asahi, I'm so fucking scared.”

Tears sprang into his eyes and he blinked them away. He shouldn't bring this up. Not again. Not for the second time today, when he hadn't even touched on it in six years. He was exhausted, and his head heart, and his stomach was in knots.

But he wanted Asahi to know.

Asahi's fingers brushed the back of Noya's left hand, gently offering. Noya took his hand gratefully, and focused on the warmth of him.

“What are you scared of?” Asahi's voice was gentle. He rubbed Noya's thumb with his own. “What's wrong?”

Noya's heart was racing. He closed his eyes and tried to slow it down.

“Your hands are freezing,” Asahi said. “Yuu? Are you okay?”

One more deep, shuddering breath. He held it for a while, and let it out slowly. He opened his eyes, raised his head, and stared out over the valley.

“When I was a kid,” he croaked. “My… my father, he…”

He paused. Asahi squeezed his hand again. Noya squeezed back, and pressed on.

“He'd get angry,” he said. “Or he'd get drunk. Or both. And if I got in the way…”

He clamped his jaw closed.

“ _Yuu..._ ”

“I'm scared I'll end up like him,” he wavered. “And I've already started to. You've already gotten hurt because I lost my temper.”

“Yuu.”

Asahi stepped in front of him, and turned his chin up so they were looking at each other. Noya's eyes were full of tears now, so much so that he could barely see, and his whole body was shaking.

Asahi looked at him steadily, serious and frowning. He put his hands on either side of Noya's head.

“Yuu,” he said firmly. “You are _nothing_ like your father.”

“Not yet, anyway.”

“No. Listen. You're not going to end up like that. You've done some things that weren't okay – I'll give you that. But you're _working on it._ You're _improving._ You _are._ Just the fact that you're opening up about all of this means that you are.”

Noya closed his eyes and held his breath. The tears must have slipped out; Asahi brushed at Noya's cheeks with his thumbs.

After a few seconds, Noya felt ready to talk again.

“This isn't what you fell in love with,” he managed. “I'm sorry.”

“I fell in love with _you_ , okay? I love you no matter what.”

“I feel like… like I tricked you,” Noya said. “I've been pretending everything's okay for such a long time that I don't even know how not to anymore. I don't know how much of how I act is even real.”

“You didn't trick me. You're not pretending anymore. You're opening up and letting people help you and I'm proud of you for that. I'm _so_ proud of you.”

Noya managed to stay upright for a moment – wobbling on painful legs – but then he let himself lean.

He fell against Asahi, who quickly moved to hold him close.

Asahi pressed Noya's head to his chest and ran his fingers through his hair.

Noya let himself enjoy this for a little while, and then pulled away, looking up at Asahi.

The setting sun was lighting up his eyes and bringing out the bits of red in his hair. He was so beautiful and he was looking at Noya so _lovingly…_

It just didn't make any sense.

Asahi cupped Noya's chin in his hand.

“You can do it,” he said, decisively. “I believe in you. I'll be here for you if you need me.”

Noya made himself smile a little. It was all he could manage.

Asahi kissed his forehead. He pulled away, and glanced from Noya's lips up to his eyes.

Noya had to stand on tiptoe to kiss him.

The kiss lasted for a few seconds. Safe and warm and comforting. Noya didn't want to stop.

They pulled apart. Noya lowered himself back down and rested his head on Asahi's chest.

Another few moments of quiet. The wind blew a little harder, making Noya shiver. Asahi rubbed his arms to warm him up.

Noya closed his eyes.

“Take me home?” he murmured.

“Yeah. Let's go.”

They let go and got back in the car. Asahi waited until Noya had buckled his seatbelt before he started the car.

Noya watched him as he looked around and pulled back onto the road. Asahi bit his lip and frowned a little while he did it.

Noya noticed he was wearing the necklace he'd given him for his birthday.

His chest hurt.

Neither of them talked for a long time. Noya found himself staring at Asahi the whole way, watching his every movement, taking them all in.

Before too long, though, Noya's exhaustion caught up with him, and he found himself nodding off.

\- - -

Asahi pulled into Yuu's driveway and looked over at the passenger seat. Yuu's head had flopped over to he side and his eyes were closed. He looked so relaxed for once that Asahi didn't want to wake him up.

It was like all the times – and there were many – that Asahi had woken up first when they'd spent the night together. Asahi would roll over – or, sometimes, he just had to open his eyes – and there was Yuu's sleeping face. Asahi would just lie there and watch him sleep sometimes, though he'd never admit it. It had fascinated him to see Yuu calm and still like that.

Now, though, it felt a little unnerving. Yuu didn't fall asleep this early, and never in the car.

Asahi reached over and put a hand on top of Yuu's head.

“Yuu,” he said gently. “You're home.”

Yuu frowned and shifted in his sleep, blinking, confused.

“Sup?” he mumbled.

“You're home,” Asahi repeated. “Do you need me to help you into the house or can you make it by yourself?”

“Gimme a sec to wake up and I can make it,” Noya replied groggily. He yawned and stretched and reached up to rub at his eyes.

He covered his face with his hands and sighed. Asahi watched him carefully

“That was the worst nap I've ever taken,” Yuu grumbled, taking his hands away and giving half a smile. “What year is it.”

Asahi laughed. “Still tired?”

“More tired.”

“That's not good.”

“Nah. Not the best.”

“Get inside and go to bed.”

“It's only six.”

“You're exhausted. You've had a rough day.”

“I'll wake up at four in the morning.”

“Well, maybe that'll get your sleep schedule in shape for once.”

“Nobody's sleep schedule should include four in the morning.”

“Then just take another nap.”

“I think I will. Yeah.”

Yuu sighed again and took his hands down. They were quiet once more. Yuu made no move to get out of the car.

“Sorry about all that,” he said.

“What? There's nothing to be sorry for.”

“I just feel like that was a lot to drop on you all at once. I just asked you for a ride home and you got all of that.”

“Yuu, look at me.”

Slowly, Yuu did. He looked anxious and tired. Asahi would make this quick, and let him get going.

“You're no trouble for me. If I can help you, I want to. Please don't hold back because you think you'll bother me.”

A single, jerky nod. “Okay,” he said. “Yeah. I'll. I'll try to remember that.”

“I want you to forgive yourself,” Asahi went on. “And I want you to love yourself. Those are both really important to me, Yuu. And if I can help you get there – if I can help, even a little – then I'll do it. No matter what.”

Yuu closed his eyes again. He nodded.

“Okay,” he said. “Okay.”

With that, Yuu opened the door and started to get out of the car.

“And – anytime, Yuu,” Asahi added. “Any time you want to talk, or just sit somewhere quiet again, please let me know.”

“I will,” Yuu said. “Thank you.”

Asahi smiled at him and got a small, tired attempt at a smile in return.

“I'll see you,” Asahi said.

“Yeah,” Yuu replied. “Probably tomorrow, actually.”

“Okay. Call me and I'll come get you.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

Yuu closed the car door and turned to walk towards his house. Asahi watched him go. He was limping significantly by now, and his shoulders were slumped. He kept his head down as he approached the house, but raised it once he reached the door. Asahi could barely see his face from this angle, but he could see enough to tell that his expression had smoothed out to neutral.

Asahi found himself frowning.

Yuu probably didn't even realize he was doing it.

Asahi waited until Yuu disappeared into the house before starting the car again.

\- - -

Ryu was sitting alone in the kitchen when Noya walked in. He looked up at him and smiled.

“Hey, buddy,” he said. He didn't seem too tired, Noya noted; that was good.

“Hey,” Noya replied, shrugging out of his jacket. “How you doing? How was your appointment?”

“Boring,” Ryu sighed, shrugging. “I'm still not dying, or anything, so. Nothing exciting going on. Lotta people saying words I don't understand. You know. The usual.”

“Haha. Well. That's okay, then.”

“Yeah. Boring is much better than dying.”

“Definitely.”

Noya turned around to hang up his jacket. There were a few seconds of quiet before Ryu spoke up again.

“You took a while getting home,” he said. “Did you walk? We could have come and got you.”

“No, I, uh. I got a ride from Asahi,” Noya said. “We took the long way.”

“Oh, yeah? I haven't heard you talk about Asahi in a while. How's he been?”

Noya realized he hadn't really asked.

“Uh. I… he's been fine.”

“That's not very interesting.”

“I don't know a lot of what he's been doing lately,” Noya admitted. “Haven't really… seen much of him.”

“He been busy?”

“Maybe. I don't know.”

Ryu paused. Noya didn't turn around.

“Are you two doing okay?” Ryu finally asked. His voice was light, like he thought the very idea was laughable – but he seemed genuinely curious, and a bit worried.

“Yeah,” Noya replied, nodding firmly. “We're okay. We're patching things up. We'll be okay.”

“Wait – patching things up? What?”

Noya gave a single laugh and turned to walk into the kitchen. He sat down across from Ryu and fixed his eyes on the counter top.

“I uh. Broke up with him, a while ago,” he said. “But he quickly showed me that that was among the biggest mistakes I have ever made in my entire life and now we're fixing things again.”

Ryu's eyes were bugging out of his head when Noya looked back at him. His mouth fell open and closed several times as he searched for words.

“When did this happen?” he finally demanded.

“The, uh, day after you had that seizure,” Noya replied.

Ryu continued to stare at him for a few moments, and then he sat back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I go into a coma for like fifteen minutes and the fucking universe ends,” he muttered.

Noya laughed. “Is me and Asahi breaking up the same as the universe ending?” he asked.

“If there's no hope for you and Asahi, there's no hope for any of us, to be completely honest.”

“Well, it's a good thing there is, then,” Noya said, shaking his head. “I wouldn't want the world ending on me.”

Ryu shook his head in disbelief. “Christ,” he muttered. “What the fuck made you think breaking up with _Asahi_ was a good idea?”

“I don't know.”

“I've never _seen_ you happier than you are with him,” Ryu said. “Like… God damn, Yuu, he's good for you.”

Noya lowered his eyes and smiled to himself.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “Yeah, he is.”

\- - -

Asahi's phone buzzed at five 'o clock the following evening. He picked it up quickly and looked at the screen.

A text from Yuu. He unlocked the phone quickly and opened it.

 

>> hey… im nearby, can I come over?

> Of course. Do you want me to come pick you up?

>> nah im like a block away

> Okay. See you soon!

>> yeah. Thanks

 

Asahi twisted his mouth and set the phone back down on his desk.

\- - -

Noya's leg wasn't bothering him too much by the time he arrived on Asahi's doorstep. It was a nice change from the previous day.

But he was still very, very tired.

He climbed the porch steps with relative ease and knocked on the door. He stood back and shoved his hands in his pockets.

Asahi answered the door in about fifteen seconds.

“Hey,” he said, smiling down at Noya. “How are you doing?”

Noya forced a smile in return. He shrugged. His hands were shaking in his pockets.

“I'm okay,” he said. “Tired again, but. I'm okay.”

“Tired?” Asahi frowned sympathetically. He held the door open for Noya to come in. “You wanna just go up to my room and chill out tonight?”

“Yeah. That's exactly what I had in mind. Thanks.”

Noya walked inside the house and Asahi closed the door behind him.

Asahi put his hand out. Noya took it and followed him down the hall.

“Asahi?”

Noya's heart almost stopped – it was Daichi's voice, coming from the kitchen.

“Who's here?” Daichi asked.

“Oh. Uh,” Asahi said.

They'd reached the kitchen by now. Noya looked through the doorway and saw Daichi and Suga seated together at the table.

Daichi's eyes immediately locked on to Noya's. Noya expected a frown – a look of warning, even, or for Daichi to demand to know what he was doing here.

But to Noya's surprise, Daichi just nodded.

Noya returned the gesture and quickly looked to Suga, who gave him a small smile. Noya smiled back, and then ducked his head.

He and Asahi moved past the door to the kitchen and up the stairs to the second floor.

“Your leg okay?” Asahi murmured as they went.

“Yeah. I'm fine.”

“Okay.”

They reached the top of the stairs. Asahi led the way to his room and opened the door.

“Make yourself comfortable,” he said.

Noya didn't let go of his hand.

He pulled Asahi over to the bed and sat down. Asahi did the same.

As soon as Asahi was sitting down, Noya turned and, facing him, climbed into his lap.

\- - -

Asahi put his arms around Yuu and held him close. Yuu nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

Asahi rubbed his back. “You _are_ tired,” he said.

Yuu nodded.

“You wanna talk?”

He shook his head.

“Okay. Just want to sit here a while?”

Nod.

“Okay. Stay as long as you need. I'm not in any hurry.”

Yuu held very still, arms draped over Asahi's shoulders. Asahi ran his hands up Noya's back, to his shoulders.

“You're so tense,” Asahi murmured.

“Am I?”

“Yeah.”

He pressed his hands to Yuu's upper back and started massaging his trapezius muscle. Yuu immediately went almost completely limp.

“Oh my god,” he sighed. “I guess I am.”

Asahi leaned back a bit and Yuu sat up. Asahi moved his hands up to Yuu's shoulders and rubbed the muscles between them and his neck.

Yuu's eyes were closed. He was frowning a little, but he said nothing.

Asahi felt Yuu's thin, narrow shoulders relax a little further with every movement of his hands. Yuu let his head loll to the side, making a tiny sound of contentment.

Asahi pulled him in close again and started kneading along his spine with his knuckles.

Yuu sighed again.

“You actually give a shit about me, huh?” he murmured.

Asahi laughed. “Are you just now noticing?”

“No, I… I just can't figure out why.”

Asahi hugged him tight and kissed his neck.

“I'll make sure you do,” he said.

Yuu wrapped his legs around Asahi's waist.

“I hope so,” he said. “Because the alternative is… pretty bad.”

Asahi kissed him again – over and over, from his shoulder up to his jaw. Yuu pulled back and looked at him, eyes half-closed.

Asahi brushed a lock of Yuu's hair out of his face.

“I love you, Yuu,” he said.

Yuu smiled.

“I love you too, Asahi.”

They kissed each other slowly, taking their time. It was so warm, so reassuring, so _loving_ , that Asahi's heart fluttered like it had during their very first. He moved his hands down and took hold of Yuu's hips, pulling him as close as he could.

Yuu murmured a little and turned his head. Asahi moved to accommodate him, reaching up to touch his face.

Yuu pulled away first. Asahi looked into his eyes, waiting.

Yuu closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Asahi's.

“We're gonna be okay, right?” Yuu breathed.

He sounded worried. He actually sounded like he wasn't sure of the answer.

Asahi hugged him so tight and fast that the air rushed out of his lungs with an _oof_.

“Yes,” Asahi said, kissing his neck again. “Yes, Yuu. I swear we are.”

Another deep sigh from Yuu. Asahi started rubbing his back again.

“Okay,” Yuu said. He hugged Asahi's neck and nestled close. “Okay.

“…Thank you.”

Asahi laughed quietly against him.

“No problem.”

\- - -

Weeks were passing before they knew it. They saw more and more of each other as Noya started to get more comfortable doing so. Every now and then, he would feel the need to isolate himself for a little while, and he'd stay away for a few days. Asahi would wait – worried, but patient – for him to come back, and he always did. Sometimes it was only in the form of texts or phone calls for a while, but Noya always came back.

After about a month, Noya started staying the night at Asahi's fairly regularly again. He would have Asahi drive him to and from his therapy sessions almost every week, as well. He was always very tired afterward, so usually when he came over it was just to have dinner and then go to sleep with Asahi.

Sometimes, Asahi discovered, Yuu had nightmares. Asahi would wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of Yuu crying quietly, or murmuring to himself – shaking like crazy, scared out of his mind and freezing cold.

Asahi would gently take him into his arms, kiss him and stroke his hair until he calmed down, and ask if he wanted to talk, if there was anything he could do to help.

At first, Yuu would clam up and shake his head in silence. As time went on, though, he would talk more.

He'd dream about Ryu and about the crash, and talk about how shitty he still felt, and how scared he was that he would never get better, would never be good enough.

And Asahi would hold him and gently touch him and kiss him and reassure him that everything would be okay.

Noya clung to that. He clung tight to everything Asahi told him, everything.

_“_ _I'm here.”_

_“I'm with you._

_“I love you.”_

_“It wasn't your fault.”_

_“You're going to be okay.”_

_“I'm so proud of you.”_

_“You're so strong.”_

_“I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you.”_

_“Breathe.”_

_“Go back to sleep. I'm staying right here.”_

He was so patient, so concerned. He rubbed warmth into Noya's shoulders and held him until he calmed down. As overwhelmed as he always was after the nightmares, he still appreciated Asahi's help.

Asahi found himself fascinated by how very tiny Noya was, curled up in his arms like that. His body felt so fragile, so breakable – especially on those nights when he woke up crying. He was like a bird, Asahi thought, brushing his thumb over tiny, slender hands.

He remembered how huge and gawky he'd felt the first few times he'd slept beside Noya. He almost couldn't imagine it now – they fit together like this so well.

They became each other's habits again. After two months, halfway into spring, Asahi and Noya were just about back to where they'd been in November. Still figuring things out, of course. But once again, they were seeing each other all the time.

Asahi would take Noya out to dinner. And _he_ would pay, for once. And Noya would protest, but he would eventually give in.

They would go for drives, and Asahi would turn on the radio, and they would both start singing – quietly at first, and then louder and louder with increasingly off-key voices and growing smiles. Noya would feel a real, thrilling happiness when they sang together like that. He would smile so hard he would almost start crying, because he was _here_ , with _Asahi_ , and they were both _happy_.

There were a surprising number of songs Noya didn't know, but Asahi did. This was just as okay with Noya as the loud, obnoxious songs they both knew – because then he got to listen to Asahi sing. Quiet and mellow and slow, as many of the songs were.

Noya would watch him raptly, looking at the lights passing over him, and at his hair, now spilling in thick waves a little past his shoulders, and at his lightly-stubbled jaw, moving with his wonderful, _beautiful_ voice.

And Noya's heart would swell with how unfathomably lucky he was.

\- - -

“You're still wearing that necklace I gave you.”

“I never take it off.”

\- - -

“Smile!”

“Yuu, come on – I look awful.”

“Impossible! You've never looked awful. Not once. Not a day in your life.”

“This is literally the worst I have ever looked since you met me.”

“Well, I happen to think you still look fantastic.”

_Click._

“Hey!”

“You smiled! I did what I had to!”

\- - -

Noya turned on his digital camera, held it up to his eye, and adjusted the focus.

The gym was noisy already, and more people were still filing in.

“God damn,” Ryu mumbled, seated in the chair beside him. “Why are people so loud?”

Saeko elbowed him. “You're one to talk,” she said. “Who was the one screaming at the top of his lungs last night when he lost at MarioKart again?”

“Okay, you know what, Asahi got a blue shell in fucking _third place_ and that is _bullshit_.”

Noya snorted and turned the camera on Ryu, who crossed his eyes and drew his lips up in a snarl.

Noya took the picture. “Gorgeous,” he said.

Ryu nodded. “Of course,” he said. “What did you expect?”

“Nothing less,” Noya said. He brought the picture up on the camera's display and showed it to him.

“Look at that sexy beast,” Ryu marveled. “How the fuck is _he_ single.”

The number of people coming in gradually dwindled after a few more minutes. It being April, the crowd wasn't big at all, but all things considered, there were quite a few people.

There was a lot of talent on both teams. Which was why Noya was here. Or, rather, why he was here and taking pictures. He came to a lot of Asahi's games now – just not for work that often anymore. His job at the magazine didn't call for it.

“Noya! Hey!”

Noya looked up to find Suga walking over to them, waving.

“Hey,” Noya called, smiling and waving back.

“You still planning on coming over tonight?” Suga asked. “Asahi's gonna be too tired to cook, so I figured I'd go with my specialty take-out pizza.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

“I knew you'd think so. Mind if I sit with you guys?”

“Go right on ahead.”

Suga moved to take a seat just as the locker room doors opened up. Daichi led the team out onto the court amid cheers and applause. Noya scanned the faces of the team members until he found him.

His amazing number three.

He stood up and quickly snapped a picture. Asahi looked over and caught sight of him. He laughed and waved, and Noya took another picture.

Noya sat back down. Ryu snickered at him.

“I wonder how your new boss will feel about suddenly getting ten thousand pictures of one guy from this team,” he said.

“He'll feel great about it. Maybe I should get some headshots. What do you think? Full color, full page magazine spread, Asahi's face?”

“Definitely descriptive of the abilities of this team.”

“Thank you for agreeing.”

The ref blew his whistle and the teams lined up, facing the crowd. Noya grabbed a few more pictures and then sat down again.

The game started soon after, and Asahi's team took an early lead. They started to struggle a bit as time went on, but that just meant that Asahi got the ball more, and Noya was glad of any excuse to take his picture. Up to the top of that arc – _snap_ , right as his hand hit the ball, pounding it into the ground.

The pace of the game picked up steadily. Back and forth, faster and faster, volleys getting shorter as both teams played harder and harder offense.

Asahi didn't seem tired at all. Sure, he was breathing a little hard, and he was red in the face, but his eyes were bright and focused, and his intensity was completely undiminished.

Noya was proud of him.

At the end of the second set, Asahi's team was up by one, at 26 – 27. Noya had to admit it – he was pumped. He was on the edge of his seat, hands almost shaking with anticipation, ready to capture that game-winning point.

The toss went to Asahi. Of course it did.

Noya readied his camera, following Asahi up to the point where he met the ball.

The shutter clicked and his hand connected.

Noya was on his feet before the ball hit the ground, and he was the first to start cheering.

Noya turned to Ryu, a huge grin on his face.

He took his camera off his neck and handed it to him.

“Hold this,” he said. “I gotta do something real quick.”

Ryu did what he was told, and Noya turned back to the court.

And he started running.

Asahi caught sight of him, through the crowd of his congratulatory teammates, when he was only a few feet away.

Noya put on an extra spurt of speed and leapt into the air.

Asahi coughed and stumbled back a few steps as Noya knocked the wind out of him. Noya wrapped his arms and legs around him, and Asahi hugged him back.

He was laughing.

Noya squeezed him and buried his face in his neck.

“Yuu,” Asahi said, his voice light with laughter, “It's just a practice game, you dummy.”

Noya pulled back and looked into his eyes, matching his exhilarated smile. Asahi's forehead was shiny with sweat, and he was pink in the face. His hair was falling out of the bun he'd put it in to play. Noya wanted to pull it the rest of the way out and bury his hands in it.

“I know,” he said. “I just…”

He collapsed back onto Asahi's shoulder. Asahi laughed and swung him around in a circle.

“Me too,” he said. “Me too.”

They were quiet for a little while. Asahi held Noya tight and rubbed his back. Noya sighed in contentment and pressed a kiss to the side of his neck.

“Uh,” Asahi laughed suddenly, shrugging his shoulder so Noya would look up. “I think Ryu's got your camera.”

Noya turned around to look at where he'd left Ryu, and found him standing up, aiming Noya's camera at the two of them. Saeko and Suga stood on either side of him, cackling to themselves. When Noya looked at him, he lowered the camera, opened his mouth, stuck his tongue out as far as it would go, and took a picture.

“What are we gonna do about that?” Asahi asked.

Noya looked back at him and found him smiling.

Noya gave him a huge, cheesy grin.

“Turn us so he gets our good side, would you, Asahi?”

Asahi obliged, turning ninety degrees so Ryu would see them in profile. Noya looked over at Ryu again, stuck his tongue out, and then looked back to Asahi.

Asahi was waiting for him, a small, easy smile on his lips.

Noya leaned closer to him.

“Hey,” he began. “Can I –”

Before he could finish asking, Asahi was kissing him.

Noya blinked, a little taken aback – then he closed his eyes, and smiled into the kiss.

His heart felt light and warm. He was safe here. This was where he was supposed to be.

There had been low points. There had been a lot. And there would be more to come – many, many more, no doubt. And Noya was scared for them – of course he was.

But right now, kissing Asahi, being held in his arms, his family so close by –

Noya felt like he was on top of the world.

And as long as he could find his way back here, to this moment, to this feeling…

…He knew he would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WElll christ guys where do I even begin.
> 
> First of all, thank you. Thank you all so much for reading and sticking with me and supporting me to the end of this story. It's been a long, long way - would you believe I've been posting chapters, at (mostly) one a week, since July of last year? Because I honestly can't. SO much has happened, both in this fic and my life, that I can honestly hardly believe it.
> 
> Basically.... well basically thank you a million times tbh. I would not have had half as much fun writing and posting this if I didn't know I was going to make people laugh and cry (and scream, in a few cases) with the stuff I wrote. I'm really, really glad this story resonated with people. I got a really strong response to Asahi being asexual, and also to Noya's story - both his mental struggles and his chronic physical pain. It means a lot to me to hear that I made this story and its characters REAL.
> 
> Woo. Man I have a lot I want to say but I'm not sure how to say it all right now because It's one thirty in the morning and I'm very tired. 
> 
> I'm gonna respond to every comment this chapter gets, by the way. I don't do that enough and the story's over now, so.
> 
> My tumblr is i-homeostasis if you want to talk to me there. I'm also going to be re-reblogging all of the art people have made for this story, so check that out if you want as well. Feel free to talk to me! I'm not scary. Or at least I think I'm not anyway.
> 
> God damn. I'm out of steam.
> 
> Anyway.
> 
> I'm gonna post other, smaller fics in the near future, most likely. I can't just stop here. I'm also going to put up a couple of TotW spinoffs/extra stories later - including how Daichi and Suga got together, and a few chapters of Noya's childhood. 
> 
> The next big fic I have (vaguely) planned is called Halo. It's very different from this. Like I don't know if it could be more different. It's Haikyuu still (of course), but post-apocalyptic, everyone has superpowers, there's monsters everywhere, and a lot of trans kids man trans kids everywhere. And, of course, there's Asanoya. Both of them are trans in Halo lmao just make everyone trans. I'm gonna try not to make Halo centric to any one ship, but because I'm extremely biased towards Asanoya we all know it's probably going to get a disproportionate amount of attention...
> 
> Anway. There's not much nailed down for Halo just yet, but with TotW done I'll probably get into planning it more soon. Details on my tumblr /tagged/halo-updates. Though there's literally just the title song in that tag rn I think.
> 
> SPEAKING OF WHICH you might have noticed that the chapter titles in this fic are all a little bit. Weird. This is because they are song titles. All of them. I'm unoriginal as fuck. So is the title of the fic itself. I'll be compiling the playlist and posting it on my Tumblr sometime in the next couple of weeks probably.
> 
> anyway. If I had more to say I forgot it.
> 
> I'll respond to all of your comments. It may take me a while, but it'll happen.
> 
> Thank you all so much. I hope you enjoyed coming this far with me.
> 
> One request from you all - if you did enjoy the story, would you mind reblogging this chapter's update post? It's a great way to share the story with other people who might enjoy it, and I really appreciate it. Link here: i-homeostasis.tumblr.com/post/140265785504/top-of-the-world-chapter-32-homeo
> 
> See you next time I post something, haha.
> 
> Bye. ♥


	33. old obsolete info chapter

**2/14/18**

**Hi everyone, 2018 Homeo here...!**

Given the new readers who have been coming through lately, I thought I should probably update y'all on what's going on with this AU - namely, not very much. Nothing, in fact.

I finished Fire Fire, and as of right now I think it is the only extra work I will add. I'm sad to say it, but I've kind of fallen out of the Haikyuu fandom. I'm not as excited about it anymore, and likewise I'm (brace yourself) not as into AsaNoya anymore. It will always be a happy part of my past! It and you were a big part of my life over the last few years, and nothing changes that. Even if you are just now coming out of your first read, your support means the world. :D

I feel okay about leaving the story where I did, because I don't feel I left anything unanswered. I feel the story did what it needed to do. I hope you agree. More would have been nice, but I think there is enough.

Sadly, this doesn't spell good news for any of the other Haikyuu fics I had planned either. Halo was always too big of an idea for me, realistically. Elements of it may resurface in my other (original) works, but I'd say the chances of me pulling a 180 and putting that universe together in a way that does it justice are close to zero. A King And His Knight, also unlikely. Haikyuu fic in general, unlikely (though if I ever, _ever_ did any HQ again, you can rest assured it would most likely be AsaNoya-centric).

Fic in general? uh, maybe. Hard to say. At this point, the things I'm most likely to write fic for are Final Fantasy XV and Fire Emblem. So... hang out if you like that stuff. Or don't, whatever floats your goat. I can't promise anything.

Anyway. I hope you all have a lovely time until I see you next. :> Thank you all for your support of this fic. I'm sorry I don't have more for you, but I hope you have a good time with what's there.

♥ Homeo

 

* * *

 

 

~~Hey dudes, it's been a while - I just wanted to drop in for a moment to let y'all know about some future plans I still have for this series. I mentioned in the final endnote that I had some fics planned for this same storyline, and I wanted to give you a quick update on those.~~

~~These are listed in the order they are to be read, and the order in which they will be posted.~~

~~**\- Fire, Fire** ~~

~~The prequel miniseries showing parts of Noya's childhood, with a lot of Ryu and Saeko. 100% takes place before the beginning of TotW, and features no AsaNoya whatsoever. It's a skippable part of the series, so if you don't want to read it for any reason, you don't have to; you can skip it without missing anything except emotional turmoil. Because if there's one thing you learned from TotW, it's that Noya didn't really have a positive happy childhood - and, as you'll see, the Tanakas didn't really either. I include it in the TotW series because I feel it gives extra background, but it's not necessary to read if you don't want to.~~

~~The first chapter of this is up! Check out my works page ~ I hope to have the second chapter up very, very soon. I have it drafted as of today (2/20/17) and only need time to type it for yall. After that, I hope to be able to write the next chapters without much delay. **There should be about 7 or 8 chapters in the completed work.**~~

~~**\- 500 Miles** ~~

~~Post-TotW road trip fic, where Asahi and Noya travel across the country (that country being America because I was not thinking when I wrote this shit) to meet his family (which, yes, he does have; he has a lovely mother, father, and twin younger siblings - whom I didn't mention in the first work because I apparently do not plan things). Fun roadtrip shenanigans and just a touch of Noya's continuing emotional struggles are in store here - and, of course, in customary TotW fashion, a built-in shitty roadtrip playlist, beginning - of course - with The Proclaimers' _500 Miles._~~

~~I hope to begin working on this as soon as Fire, Fire is complete, and to start posting it this summer - because that's when road trip stories happen. And because I gotta get the last fic out on time, or I'd like to. **There should be about 8 or 9 chapters in the completed work.**~~

~~**\- The Rules for Lovers (or, The July 14th fic)** ~~

~~The details on this one are a secret, for now, because describing it would spoil the entire thing lmao. You most likely don't know what the significance of that date is. I forgot it myself for a good while there. It's the anniversary of TotW.~~

~~I meant to post this fic (though I haven't even started writing it) on TotW's first anniversary, but now we're gonna shoot for the second. Hopefully I can make it. I probably won't have a job this summer, so that should give me some time. **The full work will probably only be 1 long chapter.**~~

~~...And that will do it for TotW. I'm gonna be sad to see this AU go. I started it when I was 18, and I'm 20 now. It's been a good chunk of time there, aha.~~

~~Thank you guys for reading! I would definitely not still be working on this series if it weren't for all of you. I hope some of you have the patience to wait for the rest of the series. If you don't, no worries; it's been a long time, and there's a lot of fic out there.~~

~~If you're interested, I've also started a few other, non-TotW fics. One is an IwaOi medieval AU, and the other is a multi-ship post-apocalyptic AU. Both of these are on my works page, under the same pseud as this fic. Neither are complete, or even close; they'll be worked out after I finish the TotW verse.~~

~~Thank you all again. Sorry to bother you with an email, but I figured if there's still some of you interested in reading more of this AU, this would be an easy way to let you all know.~~

~~You can still find me at i-homeostasis.tumblr.com if you want to say hi to me there ~~~

~~Bye! ♥~~


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